How to Break Her (2)

Sometimes, truth is crueler than lies.

Rebekah felt her ability was a curse for the first time. Because if she didn't have this ability, she could have dismissed the demon's words as mere nonsense.

But she couldn't.

[You know nothing, Saintess. Even if you think you do, it is but a speck of dust.]

[Do you know what happens when life endlessly repeats? You go mad. No matter how noble your will, you go mad in the end.]

[You wouldn't understand what this means even if you died and woke up a hundred times. Just as a mortal cannot comprehend eternity.]

She wished it were a lie.

But the longer the demon spoke, the more wretched reality became.

[A hundred years? A thousand? Five thousand? I assure you, I have lived longer than that.]

Time enough for the continent's rulers to change ten times over.

Time enough for dragons to race toward the end of their lifespans.

Time enough for a great mountain to wear down into a grain of sand.

Rebekah could not grasp what it meant to survive such a span with nothing but a human mind.

There was no way she could.

Just as only someone who has lost family can understand the pain of losing family, only one who has lived through eternity can understand the agony of one who has lived through eternity.

[If this body's owner could see this now... I wonder how she would feel?]

She knew the demon's intent in saying such things. Clearly, the creature was rattling her heart to free itself from the binding.

Since it could not erode Olivia's spirit within the Sanctuary.

So she swore an oath. She would not release ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠it, no matter what it said.

She thought it didn't matter if she was ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠hated. Even if she heard words sharpened with loathing, she resolved to accept them humbly.

Because only then could she protect Olivia from the demon.

But.

'...Can I call this protecting her?'

One thing was certain: this ordeal would wound Olivia indelibly.

Rebekah's fingertips trembled. Her legs gave out, and she crawled on her hands across the bare ground toward Olivia.

Rebekah broke the chains that held Olivia firmly bound, one by one.

"Ah, a-ah... ah..."

Each time she snapped a chain, Rebekah's crying grew louder.

Olivia's hands were soft. Her back, her face, her legs, her feet, her arms. Not a single wound anywhere.

So she had not known. She hadn't imagined the heart could be so deeply festering.

"Big Sis..."

Were you afraid I'd be hurt?

Were you afraid I wouldn't believe you?

She already knew the answer herself.

Because saying it out loud wouldn't change anything.

Because she had nothing she could do to help.

-Tuk.

When the last chain broke, Olivia's body crumbled.

Rebekah caught Olivia with her whole body. For an adult, Olivia was far too light.

"A-ah... ah."

Rebekah buried her face in Olivia's chest and sobbed.

She could have known.

She could have known if she had wanted to.

How hard it was to never lose your smile, to always be warm to others—others might not know, but she at least should have known.

She should have asked.

She should have asked her big sister if she was struggling.

She should have realized that if she herself was this pained, surely you were too.

It was sacrifice.

She had believed what you did was devotion, but it was sacrifice.

Devotion is giving body and heart, using all your strength to aid others. Yet no matter how gladly you undertake it, there are times when you inevitably wear down.

Yet it could be overcome.

Sometimes through self-satisfaction, sometimes through heartfelt thanks.

- Getting praised feels good, after all.

And sometimes, a single word ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠of praise can overcome it.

But sacrifice is different.

Devotion merely exhausts you. Sacrifice festers. It eats away at the deepest recesses of the heart.

That's because sacrifice is the last resort you choose when no one else can do it.

A wound that festers like that cannot be healed. It cannot be carved out.

Just as the scene from the day she lost her parents still remained a deep scar.

And she herself had been equally complicit in forming that scar.

'Ah, no...'

She could not wound Olivia any further.

Why had she done such a foolish thing? Why in the world had she conceived the horrific thought of keeping the demon bound until it was destroyed?

Rebekah fortified her entire body with divine power and hoisted Olivia up. Then she prayed to God. She pleaded that Olivia be delivered from her wretched fate.

In her arms, Olivia's ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠fingers twitched. Her eyelids fluttered.

She was trying to wake up.

No.

She couldn't see this.

"...Sleep a little longer, Big Sis. Sleep more. Don't wake up yet."

She turned her head so her reddened eyes wouldn't show, and hid the surging emotions behind clenched teeth.

Rebekah quickly laid Olivia on the bed in her room. She healed the skin that had been red and swollen from the chains.

And then Olivia awoke.

"This is...?"

"It's my room."

The door opened, and Rebekah entered. Her eyes were tinged red from the tears she had held only moments before.

"...Were you crying?"

Rebekah hesitated for a moment.

She agonized over how to answer without wounding Olivia.

"...Yes."

"What made you cry?"

Rebekah kept silent.

She couldn't lie. If her divine power reserves diminished, Olivia would notice instantly.

But she couldn't tell the truth either.

[Did you think a mortal could comprehend eternity?]

Because Olivia would despair just from learning that Rebekah had discovered the truth.

'I'm not supposed to know this, am I? Big Sis... you didn't want me to find out, did you?'

Rebekah rushed over and threw herself into Olivia's embrace. Rebekah took Olivia's hand and guided it toward her head.

"Just... something difficult happened."

"Something difficult?"

Instead of answering, Rebekah rubbed her head against Olivia's palm as if asking to be stroked.

Olivia wore a face full of questions. But she obediently stroked Rebekah's head.

Rebekah thought to herself.

She, too, was full of questions.

...But she couldn't ask them.

Because she could not comprehend Olivia's heart.

Not only could she not fathom living an eternity, she did not know how lonely it was to have your will wear down until you lived for purpose alone.

So she had to at least understand the latter before she could ask any questions.

As it happened, there was one person who fit the criteria.

Someone who lived beneath a crushing sense of responsibility, endlessly killing her own will to go on.

'...I should pay her a visit.'

*****

I thought I'd grown fairly accustomed to the Clues.

I even thought I'd accounted for every rule that imposed a horrible penalty.

[Currently unable to use the Clue.]

But I never expected this.

The reason was simple.

[Currently, 'Saintess Rebekah' and 'Wave Catcher Esti' are in the same location.]

Rule number one: you cannot make contact with two regressors simultaneously... was apparently the cause.

Of course, if it had only been that, I wouldn't have worn such a dumbfounded expression. I'd had my share of three-way confrontations with regressors while playing Lactea, after all.

'They actually became more frequent in the late game.'

Time was limited, and she had too many people to meet to insist on one-on-one encounters forever.

So I could accept that the very timeframe I'd chosen to use a Clue happened to be a 'three-way confrontation' timeframe.

And I could also accept that I couldn't use the Clue because of that three-way confrontation.

Better to not enter at all than to get slapped with a penalty and kicked out the instant you step into the Clue.

But...

'How did Rebekah and Esti end up meeting?'

That was exactly why Olivia had panicked.

Rebekah and Esti never met in the Genocide Run.

Strictly speaking, they had met once. But that was a story from long before Olivia ever encountered Rebekah.

The Saintess of the Holy Kingdom and the Wave Catcher of Ikail had met back when Olivia was squarely studying under Melina.

And that was their first and last meeting.

If I was unsure of anything else, I was certain of this.

Because the two of them can never be in the same place at the same time.

The port city of the fallen kingdom of Canis, Ikail.

And the Wave Catcher of that very Ikail was Esti.

And Esti 'never' leaves Ikail.

Therefore, for them to meet, Rebekah would have to go to Ikail personally.

But Rebekah's position was Saintess, and a Saintess could never leave the Holy Kingdom without the Pope's permission. It was still better than Esti's situation, but outside activity was equally difficult for her.

'...This is driving me crazy.'

Keeping up with variables in reality was already overwhelming, and now variables were cropping up inside the Clues too.

Considering it hadn't even been half a year since I fell into this world, the rate of divergence was astonishingly fast.

At this pace, the future would soon twist into a form I had 'never experienced'.

'...Should I just head to Ikail?'

If my memory was right, the owner of the next Clue would be Esti.

Her personality was completely headstrong, but if I ran outside Ikail she couldn't pursue me. And since she had zero contact with other regressors, the chance of information leaking...

That was the moment.

Rebekah, who had been lying on my lap, opened her mouth.

"...Big Sis."

"...!"

Her brown eyes were gazing at me intently.