If I Remain in the Murim Forever
“A reply has come from my sister!”
Yu Gyeong arrived first thing in the morning, his face alight with excitement. Would Hyeok Gi-rin really be that pleased?
“She wants us to meet face to face and talk! Hahaha! It seems your advice did the trick!”
“Is that so. Congratulations.”
“Heh heh heh! It’s all thanks to you!”
Yet something about Hyeok Gi-rin’s reaction yesterday still nagged at me. She clearly harbored considerable resentment toward Yu Gyeong. I couldn’t pin down exactly what it was, but…
“Still, I think it’s a bit early to celebrate.”
“Hmm…?”
“Lord Dujak’s sincerity may have gotten through, but we can’t look at the situation too optimistically.”
Composure returned to Yu Gyeong’s expression.
“Very well. Tell me your thoughts. I’m listening.”
“She received a letter, so she may simply have felt obligated to send a reply. What do you make of that possibility?”
Yu Gyeong needed a dose of caution. From what I’d seen of Hyeok Gi-rin yesterday, she still had grievances, yet she had decided that facing each other was better than letting more time pass without a meeting.
How she had sorted her feelings while writing that letter was something even I couldn’t know. I could only guess that her heart remained complicated.
And if she met Yu Gyeong while still carrying that turmoil—only to find him this giddy—what then? If I were Hyeok Gi-rin, I’d be furious.
I needed to plant some prudence in him.
“Mm. It didn’t feel that way to me.”
“Is that so. Even then, your sister must still have residual feelings. After a quarrel that serious, a few lines of writing aren’t going to melt her heart so easily.”
“That’s… true enough.”
Yu Gyeong nodded.
“I understand. From her perspective she may have forgiven me only reluctantly. If I act too carelessly, her anger could flare up again. I’ll tread carefully for a while.”
“Exactly. Soften her anger just enough while you achieve your goal.”
“Understood.”
That should do it. At the very least, things wouldn’t get any worse.
Hyeok Gi-rin was willing to reconcile for now, and as long as Yu Gyeong stayed cautious, they could patch things up well enough.
“Ahem… It’s been several days since we last met at this hour.”
“So it has.”
Hyeok Gi-rin glanced once at the moon, then at Yu Gyeong. In her older brother’s careful, watchful manner she sensed not the slightest malice—only a pure desire to be forgiven by his younger sister.
“Yuya. This brother of yours is sorry. I admit I let my enthusiasm run ahead of me.”
“I know you acted out of care for me, Brother. It’s only that the direction and the methods were far too extreme.”
Feeling the sting of the rebuke, Yu Gyeong took a sip of tea.
“Heh heh. Scold me all you like, so long as I can see your face like this. These moments are precious, aren’t they?”
Hyeok Gi-rin nodded silently. Yu Gyeong barely managed to exhale a quiet sigh of relief. He had avoided being driven away; now he could ease her anger little by little.
“The moon is lovely.”
“It is. Even a crescent makes the night so bright.”
Hyeok Gi-rin’s heart was not fully unburdened. Yet she pressed no further. Or rather, she found she could not.
I’ve written countless letters, yet my heart still won’t settle.
The palace maids had changed the paper dozens of times while she fretted over every phrase, but in the end all she had managed were formal courtesies and a request to meet and talk first.
She still resented Yu Gyeong, yet even she could not name the resentment precisely.
She had hoped that seeing his face might reshape that inner discontent into something clearer, but the matter was not so simple.
Fine. Reconcile first. Time would sort out the rest of these worries.
Hyeok Gi-rin put on a smile and spoke.
“So. How was it?”
“How was what?”
“You said you witnessed Master Ho’s skill firsthand. The Eastern Depot arranged the affair, so it couldn’t have been an ordinary gambling den.”
“Ah… well…”
Yu Gyeong froze and stole a glance at her. Hyeok Gi-rin chuckled softly and teased him.
“Heh heh, I’m not scolding you. I’ve had plenty of chances to see Master Ho’s sleight of hand, but I’ve never once watched him sit at a real gambling table as a true gambler. It must have been spectacular. I’ve been dying to hear the story.”
Yu Gyeong blinked.
“It was impressive, yes… But you’ve never been to a gambling house with that Ho Cheon-an fellow? Didn’t you learn the techniques from him back then?”
“Haha. Master Ho is not the sort of man you imagine, Brother. He has never once suggested I visit a gambling den or try gambling myself. He only showed me the hand tricks as entertainment, like a performance, and I asked him to teach me the sleight of hand so I could show the children the same show.”
“Good. I’m relieved you’re staying away from gambling.”
Yu Gyeong let out a sigh of relief. Watching him, Hyeok Gi-rin felt the discontent in her chest stir again. The movement was so faint, however, that she simply ignored it.
“Ahem… Well. It’s an embarrassing story, but it really was astonishing. Have you heard of Cheonsangru? It’s counted among the finest pleasure houses in Luoyang, and the gambling hall on the second basement floor is said to be unmatched by any other den in the entire city…”
“Oh? And then?”
“And then…”
Yu Gyeong carefully recounted Ho Cheon-an’s exploits. Having to describe with his own mouth how he had tried to trap Ho Cheon-an was mortifying, yet he accepted it as part of his penance and continued with a reddened face.
Watching him, Hyeok Gi-rin felt her own heart ease somewhat. Seeing her brother unintentionally suffer his punishment simply made her want to laugh.
More than that, the tale of Ho Cheon-an’s gambling rampage on Cheonsangru’s second basement floor was fascinating in its own right.
A legend of the absolute sovereign of the gambling world, orchestrated by the Eastern Depot, single-handedly shattering the finest tables and the finest gamblers in Luoyang—what more needed to be said?
Yu Gyeong described the scene with gusto, and Hyeok Gi-rin listened with sparkling eyes.
“So Master Ho won three hundred nyang of gold in a single day?”
“That’s how it turned out. With a perfectly calm expression he piled the stakes together—eight hundred nyang of gold—into Sama Gyeong-hwi’s arms. Looking at those gold bars, it hardly felt real…”
Hyeok Gi-rin giggled at Yu Gyeong’s dazed expression. He could only offer a hollow laugh in return.
“I’ve thrown up both hands and both feet where that man is concerned. His character doesn’t seem bad either… I won’t say another word.”
Hyeok Gi-rin shot him a sidelong glance, lips pursed.
“Brother! Did you really have to say that? The mood was so pleasant just now.”
“Heh heh heh! Forgive me.”
Yu Gyeong noticed the faint flush on Hyeok Gi-rin’s cheeks and felt his own heart grow complicated, yet he too chose to let the matter pass without comment.
A slightly awkward breeze blew between them, but the atmosphere itself had grown warmer than before.
In that warmth Hyeok Gi-rin felt one of the tangled dissatisfactions in her heart coil itself into a single sentence, and she hesitated. Should she speak it now? Was it right to raise such a topic after they had finally managed to reconcile?
While she fretted, Yu Gyeong asked quietly,
“Something on your mind?”
“…Perhaps.”
“Then speak it freely. Am I not your older brother?”
At that, Hyeok Gi-rin hesitated a moment longer before answering.
“Brother.”
“Mm?”
“If I said I intended to live in the Murim for the rest of my life, what would you do?”
Yu Gyeong’s gaze grew heavy. Hyeok Gi-rin did not look away from those eyes as she asked again.
“If I said I would live out my days as Hyeok Gi-rin, Great Disciple of the Jeomchang Sect—what would you do?”
Yu Gyeong met her eyes in turn. Seeing the sincerity within them, he abandoned the polished falsehood he had been about to offer and decided to speak his true mind.
This was a moment for honest conversation, not surface reconciliation.
“Let’s set aside such empty hypotheticals for now.”
He regarded her with equal seriousness.
“Very well. What is it you truly wish to know? Don’t probe your brother’s reaction with assumptions like that. Tell me everything you want to say.”
Now it was Hyeok Gi-rin who found herself at a loss for words. The knot in her chest had not yet solidified enough to be defined so cleanly. Seeing her frustrated expression, Yu Gyeong nodded.
“All right. Let’s answer the first hypothetical. I would oppose it with every fiber of my being.”
“Why?”
“Because I believe returning to the Imperial Family—living as Princess Yuya—is the path that will bring you the greatest happiness.”
In that instant Hyeok Gi-rin saw not merely a doting older brother, but the Emperor himself.
Conviction.
A voice filled with mountain-like resolve, one that seemed to brook no rebuttal or criticism, made her swallow dryly.
“I have spent long years in the Murim. Does that mean you believe I was unhappy all that time?”
“No.”
“Then…”
“I cannot know everything about you, yet I received periodic reports. I know you lived well in the Jeomchang Sect. That you kept company with upright Taoist masters and kind-hearted juniors as fellow disciples.”
Frustration rose in Hyeok Gi-rin even as curiosity stirred. Why, then, did Yu Gyeong still oppose her living in the Murim? How could he be so certain?
“I do not believe you are unhappy now either. But do you think the future you will remain so?”
The future.
“At present you are merely one among the promising juniors. As the years pass you will become a pillar of the sect, and the problem of being a woman disguised as a man will grow ever more critical.”
Hyeok Gi-rin fell silent. Looking at her, Yu Gyeong felt a pang of pity. Yet the conversation had already begun; there was no turning back. It was a matter that had to be addressed someday, and that day happened to be today.
“I hear from the Eastern Depot that another master of the Profound Realm has recently emerged. Why they keep it secret I do not know… but what matters is the value and influence a Profound Realm expert commands. Once the Jeomchang Sect possesses two such masters, its rise to the center of the Murim will be only natural, will it not?”
“….Yes.”
“You know better than I how rough the Murim is, how harsh the world can be. The recent events in Sichuan prove it. If the Jeomchang Sect becomes the heart of the Murim, what becomes of you?”
Hyeok Gi-rin turned the question over in her mind. What becomes of me…?
“Would not the entire Murim rush to check the Jeomchang Sect? They would turn every stone searching for its flaws… and you, as its Great Disciple, would inevitably fall under their scrutiny. What do you think would happen if they learned you are a woman in disguise?”
Hyeok Gi-rin could say nothing. Yu Gyeong closed his eyes at the sight of her biting her lip.
“That is why I believe living in the Imperial Palace, not the Murim, will bring you the greatest happiness. The higher you climb in that world, the more tightly the facts of being a woman in disguise and a princess will seize your ankles.”
Yu Gyeong lifted his cup and drained it in rough gulps. The unrefined gesture, so unfitting for an emperor, spoke volumes about the turmoil in his heart.
“I am sorry, and sorry again. I know you chose the path of the Murim for my sake, yet I must speak so harshly. Forgive me.”
Hyeok Gi-rin gazed at the moon in silence.
Watching her, Yu Gyeong thought: Most people find even a single life burdensome. Yet Hyeok Gi-rin lived two. The life of Princess Yuya, and the life of the Murim warrior Hyeok Gi-rin.
Within her chest, as she walked the precarious balance between those two lives, must be piled the worries born of their dissonance.
And so Yu Gyeong simply watched over her in silence, giving her space to gather those worries.
“Brother… thank you for speaking so frankly.”
Yu Gyeong nodded without a word. Hyeok Gi-rin offered him a small smile.
“The moon is bright.”
“Yes. The moon is truly bright.”
The two of them continued talking until dawn.
Yet the shadows that lay across their faces never fully lifted.