Festival (3)
The fading light seemed to gather all around me.
The warmth of it was so gentle it felt as though it could melt even winter’s cold, and with that drowsy comfort settling over my body, my eyelids grew heavy—until a sudden thought snapped them open.
“......”
When I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was the bright light spilling through the curtain.
It wasn’t the glow of mana stones I knew, nor the wavering radiance of fireworks and torches rising from the streets. This was unmistakably the brilliance of the sun.
Only then did my mind, still fogged with sleep, begin to wake little by little. Frowning at the unease creeping tighter around my chest, I lifted my head.
From outside the door came the bustle of voices, and beyond the window a brightness that was nothing like the world I remembered.
“...Ah.”
I had to admit it. I had fallen asleep while looking over paperwork.
Staring at the mountain of documents before me as if to remind me that this was no dream, I let out a sigh and closed my eyes for a moment.
Rustle.
“...This is...”
Seeing the blanket draped over my shoulders, I let out a small laugh.
It had probably been placed there by the bodyguard knight who had stayed beside me until I fell asleep.
My glasses, which I was certain I had been wearing, had also been set neatly on one corner of the desk. It seemed he had taken care of me in his own way.
September—the season when the leaves would lose their color and turn red. Perhaps he had done it because he worried I might catch a cold.
Still, wasn’t the weather quite warm for autumn?
I rose from my seat and walked to the window.
Beyond the parted curtains, through the clear glass, the street was already packed with people marching along, each carrying a flag of their own.
I watched that black river for a moment, then gave a quiet sigh and turned away.
In any case, there was no chance I’d be joining that procession. The stack of papers on my desk was practically cursing me, wasn’t it?
Ink and pulp had drawn their blades and come for me.
Just as I was about to begin this lonely war—this war against work, a battle in which I alone would be taking part—someone knocked on the door.
“Come in.”
There was only one person who could be entering my room at this hour.
“Ah, you’re awake?”
“Did you eat?”
“Yes, I woke up at dawn and ate first. Milady is getting ready for breakfast, so come down in a bit!”
“I see. And Evan?”
“Oh, he’s training. He should be back soon. He said he went out when it was still dark.”
“...When it was still dark.”
Had he stayed out all night? The thought of the blanket still resting on my shoulders made me unaccountably uneasy.
It was as though that warmth were seeping from my shoulder through my whole body, and I drew the blanket off with a light sweep, rubbing at my arm.
But once I removed it, what remained was a hollow chill so sharp it seemed to cut straight to the bone.
Even the world outside, which had looked so warm a moment ago, now seemed cold.
“Milady?”
Even at Ropena’s question, I only stared quietly out the window. A moment later, I heard the soft click of the door closing.
When silence returned, I closed my eyes. Focusing only on the sounds I could hear, I slowly sorted through the thoughts that had begun to tangle my mind.
Evan Fried. Before long, I realized I could say that the bodyguard knight and I had grown quite close.
More than enough to surprise the other maids, and even Sir Chris. He was the only one toward whom I had shown such open favor.
I couldn’t understand why I softened so much.
And yet whenever I looked at his face, it felt as though the ice in my heart were melting, until even my voice seemed to carry warmth.
His golden hair, like this autumn itself, swayed lightly, and the bright smile he wore like a boy his age was almost painterly.
When he laughed with mischief in his eyes, he seemed to hold every bit of the world’s innocence within that face, as though he belonged to an entirely different world from mine.
Come to think of it, hadn’t he become rather close with my maids after becoming my bodyguard knight?
I often found myself marveling at how quickly he could strike up a conversation with a maid he’d never even met before.
Was it because of that handsome face, or because of the brightness that seemed to follow him everywhere?
That gentleness, something no one of Iron Blood should ever have possessed, now seemed to be affecting even me.
I looked down for a moment at the blanket I had unknowingly clenched in my hand, then draped it over my shoulders again.
It was no different from longing. A lingering attachment to something I could never truly hold, something I would one day regret reaching for.
And yet I couldn’t let go of that sweetness. The thorns of the rose already in my grasp had long since sunk into my skin.
Though it had entered my life so easily, it clung to me like a hook, refusing to be pulled free.
Was I not the same with this blanket, unable even to put it down?
No matter how much I pushed him away—no matter how often I told him not to come closer—the one who kept drawing near in the end was always my bodyguard knight.
Whenever those green eyes, so full of deep feeling, began to waver, my own heart wavered with them, and in the end the hand that tried to push him back would simply fall away, powerless.
But I had to let go.
I had to. I had to abandon this foolish attachment.
It’s not because I was paying attention. It’s just... I didn’t want you to be uncomfortable.
All I felt was bitter resentment toward myself for being unable to let go of the warmth that had come to me.
Even though I could have let it go whenever I wanted, I kept accepting the bodyguard knight as he came one step closer at a time.
I knew it was only foolish longing. I knew that if I let myself grow too attached, I would eventually regret it.
And even knowing that, knowing it all too well—
It was still not easy to let that longing go.
“May I come in?”
“......”
At the voice from beyond the door, my thoughts scattered.
That low voice echoed through the quiet room, and after standing there dazed for a moment, my lips parted.
I didn’t want him to come in. If anything, I wished he had some other job to do instead of being my bodyguard knight.
This place did not suit him. It was cold, harsh, and offered no trace of gentleness at all. It was a place where the people had iron instead of blood in their veins.
Those who smiled so brightly now would one day draw their swords and come at me.
The knights I had thought loyal to me were, in the end, my father’s men.
What belonged to me was only this room, a handful of personal maids, and one bodyguard knight—and even that was more than I could properly protect.
I almost wished he wouldn’t open the door at all, that he would simply vanish far away and leave me here alone.
But contrary to what I wanted, the words that left my mouth were cruelly affirmative.
“...Come in.”
At the stinging sensation, as if the thorns had sunk even deeper, I could only manage a bitter smile.
#
“Did you stay up all night?”
The moment I stepped into the room, Irene’s first words made me smile sheepishly, and I nodded.
I had intended to go back to my room and sleep, but I just couldn’t seem to drift off. In the end, I’d gone out a little early to do the training my body had already grown used to.
When I nodded, Irene looked at me in silence for a moment before speaking again.
“It’s best to get enough sleep. I probably won’t be sleeping much during this festival anyway.”
“That’s my line. You should be getting enough sleep.”
She couldn’t properly control mana. Which meant that in the end, she couldn’t endure the fatigue building up in her body.
I could stay awake for days on mana alone, but her body was only that of a well-trained ordinary person.
If she kept pushing herself like this, she’d end up collapsing and falling asleep again, just like she had this time.
Perhaps because she found my tone so firm, Irene stared at me for a moment before looking away and sitting down at the desk.
Then her gaze landed on the blanket I had draped over her the day before. Maybe she still hadn’t fully woken up and hadn’t even realized it was there.
“By the way, are you cold?”
When I asked, pointing to the blanket, Irene looked at it and quickly pulled it off herself.
Watching her snatch it away in the blink of an eye, I gave a helpless laugh. Goodness, had she really not noticed until now?
“...So that was there.”
“You still seem half asleep. Have you eaten?”
“Have you eaten anything yourself? You look like you just got back in.”
Come to think of it, I hadn’t eaten anything today either. Maybe it was because my body no longer belonged to the realm of ordinary humans.
I no longer felt hunger the way I once had, so I tended to eat only when it was time to eat.
The only fortunate thing was that, because of my status, I could eat meals prepared by the cook here.
When I shook my head, Irene rose with half-lidded eyes and spoke.
“Then let’s eat together. We need to discuss what we’ll do after this festival ends anyway.”
“...Eat together?”
“That’s an order.”
An order, even though she knew full well that a bodyguard knight shouldn’t be sharing a meal with her—why was she saying it to me like this?
But it was an order all the same, so when I answered that I understood, Irene passed me by and continued speaking.
“I’m planning to finish all those documents today. I’m skipping dinner, so you’d better eat well.”
“That isn’t good for your health.”
“A stack of papers like that is worse for my mental health. I’d appreciate it if you could understand me a little.”
“...If that’s what you think.”
Why was she trying to get through her work so quickly?
I watched her sorting papers with the air of someone being chased by something, then a thought flashed through my mind and I let out a faint laugh.
Did she want to join the festival?
Come to think of it, I’d known from the way her eyes had sparkled the other time that she’d say she didn’t care much, but in the end she would still want to go.
Hmm.
It looked like I’d need to keep a close eye on Irene so she wouldn’t collapse.
Should I force her to rest if she tried to overdo it again like yesterday?
I knew she had to handle a great many things on her own, and I knew she was carrying a heavy burden.
Even so, that didn’t mean I would stand by and watch her work herself into a collapse again.
Being a bodyguard knight meant more than shielding her from outside threats. It meant keeping an eye on her condition, too.
Besides, the sight of it didn’t sit well with me either.
Her skin was already so pale it might have been made of white porcelain, and today it looked even paler, so I let out a sigh and spoke.
“...I’d really appreciate it if you took care of yourself a little.”
“I don’t have the time for that.”
Time, yes. That was always the problem. She never had the freedom to move as she pleased.
Maybe that was why she held such a faint expectation for this festival.
Clack.
I looked down at the plates set before me and narrowed my eyes.
Truth be told, I didn’t want Irene living like this. For all her maturity, she was only fifteen.
At that age, to be buried under documents and unable even to sleep properly before collapsing into exhaustion—how could that not bother me?
My own failure to sleep last night had been due in large part to Irene as well.
“...Are you listening?”
When I looked up at the tapping of a knife against a plate, Irene was frowning at me.
“No, I was thinking about something else.”
“How shameless. Weren’t we sharing a meal to talk about what happens after the festival?”
The festival. It would be nice if she could attend.
She could go on the last day, of course, but by then most of the events would already be over and there’d be little left to enjoy. At best, she’d watch the closing fireworks and that would be the end of it.
Today, though—today would be best. Today, with most of the festival still open to her, would be the perfect chance.
At the thought that suddenly came to me, I smiled a little and looked at Irene.
“How about going out today?”
“...Please make sense. Didn’t you see those documents just now?”
“For example, a patrol to check the security of the streets where the festival is being held.”
Thk.
The knife cutting her meat struck the plate with a sharp sound.
Her eyes, fixed on me as if asking whether I was serious, trembled slightly, and I gave a small snort of laughter before shrugging.