Don't You Dare Test Me

There was a single bed in the master bedroom.

It was the king-size that Kabe and I slept in, but Kabe was spending the night with Dusick, which meant I would be sleeping alone.

Which left the problem of Sohee...

"Sohee, would you maybe take the cou—"

I was about to finish with the couch? when Sohee started shaking her head so hard it was a wonder it stayed on.

Right.

I couldn't sleep on a couch either. A night on that thing and my back would be screaming by morning.

"There's only the one bed. Want to share, then?"

It was a king-size anyway — honestly too wide for one person. Sharing it with Sohee gave me a flicker of hesitation, but surely the world couldn't possibly contain another complete lunatic on Frilly's level. Besides, I was used to falling asleep with Kabe tucked in beside me. Spending tonight entirely alone would have felt strange in its own right.

I had put Kabe down with Dusick on the assumption that Sohee could hold her liquor, only to learn she couldn't drink at all. It felt awkward knocking back beers by myself, so I had stopped after a single can — and that was how we had ended up here.

"All right. We'll sleep together."

"To share a bedchamber with Unni... this Sohee has not lived in vain..."

"Enough with the weird comments. I'm going to wash up. If you head out toward the living room, there's another shower. Go use that one. As for underwear, uh..."

Of course she wouldn't have any. I pulled a pair of panties from the drawer and tossed them back over my shoulder in her general direction.

"Change into these. The bra you can just wear another day. We'll buy you one tomorrow or something."

No answer came. I turned around to find Sohee holding the pale blue panties open in both hands, turning them this way and that, inspecting every inch.

"What are you doing?"

"Unni, what manner of thing is this?"

Ah.

Right. This was her first time seeing the world since the Joseon era.

"T-this is Unni's undergarment..."

Terrified that someone might snatch the scrap of fabric back, Sohee clutched what they called panties to her chest and bolted from the master bedroom as if her life depended on it.

The truth was, Mains like her had no particular need to bathe. Unless they happened to sweat an unusual amount, their bodies stayed clean on their own, and their clothes remained pristine as well.

And yet she had been told to wash anyway. Perhaps that meant...

"Unni..."

Sohee's pupils drifted, going soft and unfocused. Before she knew what she was doing, she had buried her nose in the panties.

"This is... Unni's scent..."

A floral fragrance flooded her nostrils. Petals drifted and danced through her mind, unfolding into a landscape of breathtaking beauty. Before she realized it, it felt as though she had lain down in a field of flowers — a soft, downy sensation wrapping gently around her entire body — and the strength drained from Sohee's legs of their own accord.

"Unni... Sohee wishes... to bury her nose here and perish..."

The ventilation was flawless. We were on the very top floor, and a shower ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠inevitably meant humidity, but stepping out I didn't feel the least bit damp.

I dried my hair, changed, and came back out to find Sohee already seated primly on the bed.

"You put on what I left out for you."

Before I had gone in to shower, I had pulled some of my own clothes and left them in front of the bathroom she was using. Sleeping in that hanbok just didn't seem right. I couldn't have cared less if it got wrinkled, but the rustling would have kept me up all night.

Sohee was in a light pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt, and even then — with a face like hers as the starting point — she looked stunning in anything.

"Unni, I thank you for your consideration."

She smiled like a flower bursting into bloom. I nodded back and glanced at the clock. Already eleven.

No messages, which meant Kabe had gone down without a fuss and was almost certainly fast asleep by now. I could turn in myself without worrying.

"Unni, is it not the case that you rest your head upon a pillow of excessive height?"

Sohee was frowning at my pillow as if it personally offended her. Fair enough — it was two ordinary cotton pillows stacked on top of each other, and at a glance it did look ridiculously tall.

For some reason, I simply could not sleep on a low pillow. It didn't have to fold my neck in half, but it needed a certain height or I would lie there staring at the ceiling until dawn. An old habit. I had been this way since I was ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠a child.

"It's just a habit. Lie down."

I was not in the mood for a lecture. Sensing one brewing, I pushed Sohee down by the shoulder and settled in beside her.

The mattress dipped, soft and yielding. It wasn't winter yet, so the comforter was only an autumn-weight one. I pulled it up over myself and tucked it around her too.

"Go to sleep. I'm tired."

It had been a long day. Who knew what tomorrow would bring — better to sleep while I could. I closed my eyes, and then — tap, tap — Sohee's fingers drummed against my shoulder.

"What? Can't sleep?"

"Unni, your arm, just for a moment..."

I let her tug my arm out. She promptly laid her head on it.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Unni, I cannot sleep upon a high pillow. Thus, for this night alone..."

"Tsk. If you lie on my wrist like that, I'm the one who won't be able to sleep."

I pulled her in and settled her head properly against my upper arm.

"Ah..."

"This way I can get comfortable too."

I drew her a little closer and rolled onto my side, wrapping my arms around her the way I did when I slept with Kabe. I patted her back in the same slow rhythm — just as I always did with Kabe.

"Go to sleep. Everything's new and strange right now, but we'll talk it through in the morning, in the light."

"Y-yes, yeheheh, U-Unni..."

The way her voice seemed to tremble was surely just my imagination. The scent of shampoo tickled the tip of my nose, and I sank under as if I were drunk on it.

Come to think of it, how had she even known how to take a shower...

I opened my eyes to morning. The building faced south, so even without direct sun the room had filled with a gentle warmth as the light came in.

A soft, even breathing reached me. I glanced down. Sohee was burrowed into my arms, sleeping like the dead. Even a Main, it seemed, could get tired.

"Up."

The sun had been up for a long time already. I patted her cheek until she stirred.

"Unni, you have awakened."

"Yeah. I just woke up myself."

I had spent the whole night as her pillow and my arm wasn't even numb. I swung my legs off the bed and stretched hard. Something in my lower back gave a deeply untrustworthy crack, but that was a familiar sound by now, so I didn't bother worrying about it.

Today was the day Keru was supposed to come back. I wondered when he would show, and what exactly he would be bringing with him.

"Mm. I'm back."

So much for manners.

Keru pushed open the master bedroom door and walked in with an enormous box slung across his back. Was that the magic rifle, or whatever he had called it?

"K-Keru...?"

"Sohee? You're Sohee! Dan Sohee, the Darkbloom of the Black Heavens!"

"Why is this creature here... no, before that! Unni! Why are you stroking that thing?!"

Why? My mascot had been away on a long trip. A little welcome-home affection was the least I ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠could do. Keru seemed to like it well enough — he was rumbling out that distinctive sound of his, half purr and half growl.

Was this thing a cat or a panther...

"More importantly — you two know each other?"

"Uh. Yeah. Yeah, we know each other. Sort of."

"Unni! I beg you, distance yourself from that filthy beast at once! I fear for the sanctity of your precious person!"

"You've got a mouth on you when it comes to my mascot."

I gave Sohee a light chop on the head. It made a small tak and couldn't possibly have hurt, but she clutched her skull and groaned anyway.

"Don't be such a baby. Keru, go get Dusick and Kabe."

"Mm. Understood. I'll do that."

God, I was tired.

Dusick had linked her arm through mine on the left. Sohee had a death grip on my right. Kabe was parked on my lap, working her way through a piece of candy. And in front of all of us, Keru was setting down the box.

"Could you two maybe let go?"

"I can't. Protecting Unni is the responsibility of her adjutant."

"Absolutely not. Protecting Unni is the duty of I, her little sister."

They seemed to be putting a peculiar amount of emphasis on those particular words. Either way, it was obvious neither of them had any intention of letting go. Faster to just give up.

"So. Is that the magic rifle you were talking about?"

"It is."

"Open it."

Keru set a front paw on the box and muttered an incantation. The box began to shudder violently. It rattled and shook for a long moment, a series of heavy clunks sounding from inside, and then a magic circle started to inscribe itself across the floor beneath it.

"Oho."

Was this... a rifle?

It felt a little short to call it one. The rifles I knew were long enough that you wrapped one hand around the trigger and used the other to brace the barrel against your shoulder. This one's barrel was strikingly short. Short enough, actually, that I could probably hold it and fire with one hand.

"One of the treasures of the Underworld. The magic rifle Bespredel."

"The magic rifle Bespredel, huh..."

"Mother. Transform, then pick it up with your left hand."

"You two, let go. You heard Keru. Kabe, go to Auntie Dusick for a bit."

"Ung!"

Only then did they release my arms. Dusick scooped Kabe up and settled her against her chest.

I pressed the earring. The now-familiar sensation cinched tight around my whole body. But something was... different. My left hand kept twitching, as if it were desperately searching for something — as if the hand itself were trying to find its other half.

"Bespredel, was it?"

I reached out and lifted Bespredel from where it lay nestled in the box, revealing itself in full. The moment my left hand closed around it, a sensation ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠of perfect, absolute calm settled over me, as though this had always been its place. Dark mana bloomed from my left hand and poured endlessly into Bespredel, and the rifle trembled faintly as it drank the power in, gulp after gulp. It felt as natural as if it had been part of a matching set with my uniform from the very beginning.

And then a voice of unknown origin spilled into my mind.

What was that?

"Hey, Keru. Did you just hear that?"

"Ah. That's the magic rifle Bespredel speaking to you."

Keru sat down where he was, utterly unbothered, and scratched the back of his head with a hind paw.

"Bespredel is one of those magical weapons that chooses its own master. An Ego Rifle — a weapon with a self. It thinks. It speaks."

An Ego Rifle, huh.

What was this thing even saying.

A lousy rifle, talking like that.

Smack.

I brought my hand down hard on the back of Keru's head.

"Ow! That hurts! What was that for, Mother?!"

"Take this thing back."

A trial?

A triiiial?

A lousy rifle thought it was going to test me?

"Put it back where you found it and bring me something ordinary. Talking about trials — the nerve. A damn rifle thinks it gets to test me? You wanna die?"

I shoved Bespredel back into the box like I was throwing it away.

"Take it back. I don't even need something like this. I only need a weapon I can use while I'm closing the distance — why would you bring me this? I appreciate the effort of fetching it, but put it back and just bring me a normal one."

Ego rifle or not, I don't tolerate insolence.