A Disastrous Debut

On the screen, the woman in uniform tripped over the word and stalled out completely. For a long moment after that, she said nothing at all.

Dusick thumbed the remote and paused the recording.

Keru, who had been watching the playback, gave a twitch of his facial muscles — who knew a cat could even do that; fascinating, in more ways than one — and flicked a glance back at me.

What. What was that look for. Not that I had anything to say for myself.

I had not expected my tongue to fall apart at that exact moment. I had wanted my first appearance to land with flash and force, something people would remember. Too late. It was already a wreck.

Which ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠is why I could not meet Keru's stare. I whipped my head away.

He came fluttering up in front of me. Every time I turned, he followed — stubborn, relentless, planting himself in my line of sight no matter where I looked. His eyebrows jumped and jumped. If this were a comic, an anger vein would have been throbbing on his forehead.

After a long bout of that, Keru huffed out a sigh.

"Well. That was a magnificent screw-up. I'll give you that."

I had a defense, though.

They had barely given me time to practice, let alone memorize anything. Dusick had been carrying herself like some kind of mastermind, and then she had shown up with five lines and told me to ad-lib the rest.

Was that a joke? Honestly, if anyone could have salvaged a broadcast with a script like that, that would have been the impressive part.

So I did have a point. The thought sent a surge of courage through me, and I turned and glared straight back at Keru.

"Hey, why don't you get on camera? You wouldn't get a single word out."

"Yeah, fine, I'll give you that. But you stood there going on about bringing ruin to humanity — and then what the hell was that?"

On the screen, I had gone scarlet and was mumbling something unintelligible.

Alright. I had nothing for that one. The stumble had bleached my already empty head even whiter, and I had forgotten every last line of the script. Watching it back now, I could not even tell what I had been trying to say. The last line, though, came through crystal clear.

The instant that line dropped, Keru smacked the back of my head with a front paw.

"Who the hell offers tribute to someone who just promised them ruin, you crazy bastard!"

"I'm not a bastard, I'm a bitch now!"

"Fine, you crazy bitch!"

"Um, Mother, Keru. Sorry to interrupt while you're fighting, but…"

"What? What now!"

Dusick slipped in between us, carefully prying apart two faces that had been shoved together and snarling, one second from a brawl, and offered an awkward smile.

"It's the donations."

"What about the donations!"

"…They're pouring in like crazy."

"What?"

Keru and I both snapped our heads toward her at the same time. Donations? From that broadcast? Were people trying to throw their money down a drain?

"Did the Magical Girl Association send it?"

Keru eyed Dusick, unconvinced. Dusick shook her head and checked her phone again.

"No… they wired three hundred million won the second the broadcast ended. And after that it's been ten thousand, twenty thousand at a time, and it's already on pace to blow past a hundred million? It's still coming in…"

"Let me see."

I took the phone out of her hand. The screen was so small I could barely read it. How many inches was this thing. Four? Four-point-seven? I had to strain just to make the numbers out.

"Dusick, you're built like a tank. Why are you walking around with a screen this tiny? Get a bigger one."

"Well, that's because you've got old-person ey—"

"Excuse me? I am still in my mid-twenties!"

I kicked her once — in my head, of course — and squinted at the screen anyway. It was already tiny, and then Keru shoved his way in, and after that I could not see a thing. His fur brushed my cheek. It tickled.

"What is all this?"

"I… I don't know."

"Hey, Keru. What if the broadcast actually went well? Feels like we picked up a friendly image or something."

How else did you explain a reaction like this? Yes, Mogumogu-dan had hurt people — but that had been a long time ago, and the years spent getting flattened by magical girls and lying low had lasted much longer. Public resentment had had plenty of time to fade. The bereaved families were another matter, of course. Still. Looking at those messages, the friendly-image theory was the one that held up.

"And what's an evil organization boss supposed to do with a friendly image…"

Keru sighed again. This little shit, I swear.

"Hey. With our current strength we can't even beat the magical girls. We can't even go toe-to-toe. So if we build up a friendly image and win on PR, that's still a win."

That was it. A likable villain. Somehow, the concept clicked.

I pulled out my own phone — the one with the decent screen — and opened the news. Sure enough, the headlines were packed with pieces about Mogumogu-dan stirring back to life.

They had even put my photo on the entertainment pages.

Well. I had to admit it. I was pretty. If I were still a man, this would have been the kind of face I could not have pictured even in a dream. A smile from a face like that and I would have been done for. Sleep? Forget it that night.

Except that face was mine now.

Society pages, entertainment pages — my picture and the Mogumogu-dan articles had been plastered over both. And in the comments, a spectacle too ghastly to behold was already underway.

For the most part, the friendly comments outnumbered the rest.

The people Mogumogu-dan had actually hurt were furious at all the cheering, of course — but they were getting buried under a hail of downvotes in real time, sliding down the rankings as we watched.

Nothing wrong with that, as far as I was concerned.

Every time Dusick refreshed the screen, the donations stacked a little higher. Keru and I looked at ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠each other and nodded.

This was not just "not bad." This was genuinely great.

Furniture and clothes for my room I could cover with the money I had already put aside. But if I wanted to treat the rank and file to a company dinner, slip them a bonus or two — walking-around money like this was the more, the better. I had done my time as a corporate slave. What moved employees was not some garbage about thinking like an owner. It was money. Loyalty came out of a fat wallet.

Which reminded me. There was still one problem left unsolved.

"Keru. So what am I using for my alias?"

Keru had been beaming at the climbing numbers on Dusick's phone. He flicked a look at me. The look said, that's what you're worried about?, and it needled me more than I wanted to admit.

"You have to pick the alias yourself. Precure is a no."

This was a no, that was a no. Why were there so many things I was not allowed to do. I was actually getting pissed.

"Fine. I'll just go with Moche. Magical Girl ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠Moche."

Keru stared at me like I had grown a second head, and sighed.

"Moche? Not the original characters — you're just going to slap the English on it?"

"If you say it as 'Mother Body,' the nuance is a little off. So English. M-O-C-H-E."

"Moche, huh… That might actually work. The boss of Mogumogu-dan, Moche… Leader Moche. Boss Moche. The ring of it isn't bad."

"Isn't it Magical Girl Moche?"

"The magical girls are the other side."

"Evil Magical Girl, Moche."

"The title isn't the point. So you're going with ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠Moche as the alias."

"Yeah."

"Alright. Then that's what we'll do. We need to formalize the contract, but that has to be just the two of us, so head back to your room for now. I'll come find you tonight."

I nodded, easy enough. Alias settled, which meant it was time to make the contract. I understood. I was just about to head back to my room when—

CRASH!

A roar of metal split the air. The base's iron door buckled inward, tore free of its frame, and slammed to the floor.

All of us — myself included — jerked toward the entrance, startled, and then a girl's voice cut through the dust. Sharp. Irritable. Looking for a fight.

"Hey, Mogumogu! Heard you got yourselves a new boss!"

The second that voice hit the air, Keru shot behind me and hid there, his own voice coming out in a tremble.

"M-Magical Girl Precu—!"

Hey. You said that wasn't allowed!