Jjajangmyeon and a Honey Trap
Jjamppong, jjajangmyeon, and tangsuyuk.
And for Kabe, a kid-sized jjajangmyeon.
"Mom, what's this?"
"It's called jjajangmyeon."
Kabe was adorable, no argument there — but she'd climbed onto my lap the moment we sat down to eat and showed absolutely no intention of getting off.
I mixed up the kid-sized portion and pressed the bowl into her hands along with a fork. She'd clearly never eaten real food before; even holding a fork looked like a struggle. It was a little pitiful to watch.
With Kabe parked firmly on my lap, mixing my own noodles was next to impossible.
"Give me the bowl."
Eve took my jjajangmyeon and started working the sauce through it herself. Once it was evenly mixed, she handed it back.
"Oh."
"Don't oh me. You've got a kid in your lap. Of course you can't mix it."
She had a considerate streak. I was starting to see her in a new li—
"Hey — don't you pour the sauce over the tangsuyuk, Eve."
Too late. Eve dumped the entire sauce over the sweet-and-sour pork. Would you look at this person.
"What are you talking about? Tangsuyuk is meant to be eaten with the sauce poured on. Dipping is the heretical path."
"The crispy batter is part of the texture!"
Despite my repeated protests, Eve poured out the rest of the sauce anyway.
"Wow. You genuinely have no idea how to eat."
"Whoever's paying makes the law."
"...Fine. Thanks for the meal."
The one who pays makes the rules. I had to give her that.
"Mooom."
"Yeah?"
"This is yummy."
Kabe looked up at me with a bright little smile, black bean sauce smeared all over her mouth. Yeah, Kabe. You're cute. I'll give you that.
"Here."
"Thanks."
I took the wet wipe Eve quickly held out and cleaned around Kabe's mouth.
"Hand Kabe over."
Eve had already finished her jjamppong. She slurped down the last of the broth, set the bowl on the newspaper spread in front of her, and reached toward Kabe.
"Kabe, come to Dad. Let Mom eat in peace."
"Okay!"
Don't spill it on the way. I took Kabe's bowl, and she hopped up at once and settled onto Eve's lap. Then she accepted the bowl back from me and resumed her clumsy assault with the fork.
"Here. Hold the fork like this."
Eve overlapped her hand with Kabe's tiny fern-shoot fingers and guided her through the motion. Watching them, she really did look like a dad. Even if she looked like a mom. Even if she looked far too young to be anyone's mom.
Freed up at last, I could finally eat in peace.
"Moche, I'll wash Kabe in the other shower. You use this one. I'll leave a change of clothes here. What about underwear?"
"I'll borrow a pair of your panties. Oh — wait, is the bra size not going to work?"
I carefully avoided Eve's axe-sharp glare.
"You don't have to change a bra every day, so wear yours one more day, you idiot."
"Got it."
I didn't know the first thing about bathing a little girl. What did anyone expect from someone who'd only been a woman for a little over a month? Eve had been living as one far longer than I had. She'd do a better job of it.
For that matter, the fact that the shower and the bathroom were separate rooms was already a string of surprises. Usually they were the same space. But Eve's place had them split apart.
On top of that, the shower room came with a huge whirlpool tub — about the size of two of my office desks shoved together. I wondered what it would feel like to climb in. I almost tried it, then thought better of it.
Forget it. No point getting a taste for things I couldn't keep.
I picked up the bottles one by one — shampoo, conditioner, body wash, something labeled scalp treatment — and squinted at the instructions, wondering what all of this was even for. Soak your hair thoroughly first, apply to the scalp after washing and let it absorb fully...
I just set them back down, washed my hair with shampoo and conditioner, scrubbed my body with the wash, wrapped a towel around my head, and walked out.
"Mooom!"
Kabe came running and threw herself into my arms, already smelling strongly of body wash. She'd been bathed that fast?
"Did Dad wash you?"
"Yep!"
"She looks clean. Doesn't seem like not washing her would actually be a problem, but building a daily bathing habit is probably a good idea, right?"
"Yeah, well. Can't hurt."
There was nothing wrong with teaching a kid to stay clean.
I'd once seen an internet post asking whether showering too often was bad for your body and nearly had a stroke... That was an extreme take, though. Cleanliness started with habit, and that mattered.
Kabe was sitting on the sofa, nodding off. Eve watched her for a moment and let out a small laugh.
"I'll go put Kabe down."
Eve scooped Kabe up and shot me a look. Meaning she'd put her to bed. I nodded, and Eve carried her into the bedroom, coming back out not long after.
"Asleep?"
"Yeah. She must've been exhausted. She woke up for a second when I laid her down, then went right back out."
"Of course she was tired. She's a kid."
Eve walked toward the kitchen, then looked back at me.
"Beer?"
"Yeah."
"Snacks?"
"Got any jerky?"
"Jerky... yeah, actually."
Eve came back with a bag of jerky and two cans of beer and held one out to me. I cracked it open and took a swallow... Ahh. I'd missed this. Or had I? I'd probably had one pretty recently.
"Moche, you got anything tomorrow?"
"Don't think so."
I wasn't exactly the kind of person who ran on a schedule to begin with. Madam President.
"After we drop Kabe off, come to the Association with me."
"So you've finally decided to stage the Ten Attendants' Rebellion...!"
"What?"
You know, the one where they try to assassinate Grand General He Jin... Never mind. A joke that needs explaining is already a failed joke.
This girl used to be a Romance of the Three Kingdoms fan. She'd go on about the Oath of the Peach Garden and sworn brotherhood and all the rest. Had she forgotten? I'd tossed out the reference without thinking, but I'd figured she'd pick it up.
"I'm kidding. Anyway, why the Association?"
"Tomorrow happens to be the Magical Girl regular meeting. All the branch leaders will be there. I need to announce that Mogumogu-dan will be staying with us."
"Why do I need to go? You can just tell them."
"Well."
Crrrk. The beer can in Eve's hand crumpled, just a little.
"Because every last one of those branch leaders is a few screws short of a set. Standing you up there while I talk will make it land better."
Ah. I see how it is. So what you're saying is.
"...You want me to run a honey trap? Me?"
"Yeah."
"Are they lesbians too?"
"Not necessarily all of them. But the ones I've got a read on are. They've got girlfriends and everything."
"Not necessarily all of them" — what was that supposed to mean? That was just "all of them" with a disclaimer stapled on.
"They're like Frilly."
Oh, that landed. Instantly. A shiver ran straight down my spine.
"You'll guarantee my safety, right?"
"I swear it. On my Spear of Fanatic Light."
"How am I supposed to trust that chuunibyou spear of yours."
"Look... she might be a little like that, but the performance is rock solid, okay..."
If it was necessary, I'd go.
That was what it meant to be a boss.
You protected your pride for the sake of the organization. But when the organization needed you to swallow it, you swallowed your pride too.
Not just the Mains — Dusick, Keru, Kabe. If it was for these kids, pride was a small price.
And honestly, I didn't even need a reason that grand. They were all lesbians, apparently. Wasn't this exactly what a pretty face was for?
A weapon you've been given is wasted if you don't use it.
"Fine. I'll go. It's not like it's hard."
"Good."
"There's something I've been wondering."
"What?"
"Why do you stay transformed?"
"Why would you even ask that."
"You're a guy. If you dropped the transformation right now, you'd be a guy. Do you just like walking around as a woman?"
"And if I said I did?"
"I'd call you a pervert."
Pfft. A pervert. Eve took a sip of beer and let out a hollow laugh.
"At first, it was just..."
She picked up a piece of jerky and started chewing.
"They asked me not to drop the transformation."
"Who?"
"The government."
"Why?"
"I'm a magical girl. A beautiful girl, when you get down to it. This face goes out on broadcast. A girl who fights for the peace and safety of the nation — how good does that look? But if I dropped the transformation, I'd just be some ordinary guy. Wouldn't most people be disappointed?"
"Wow. That had to hurt."
So that was why she'd vanished in front of me without a word, back then.
"But at the time, I didn't even register it as a wound. It made sense, right? An ordinary guy transforming into a girl to defeat the enemy — versus a beautiful girl soaring bravely into the sky to defeat the enemy. The second one just looks better."
"So?"
"So I just stopped dropping the transformation. And then, after about ten years of that, I couldn't remember what I looked like as a guy. Or — not that I couldn't remember, exactly. Hold on."
Eve tipped the can to her mouth and shook out the last drops. I got up, pulled another beer from the fridge, and tossed it to her. And one more for myself.
"Anyway, as I was saying."
"You don't have to keep going if it's hard."
"It's not hard. Whatever. Anyway — I'd drop the transformation, look in the mirror, and think, who is this? Think about it. I lived as a guy for, what, fifteen? Sixteen years? And now I've lived as a girl for ten. If you leave out early childhood — the parts you barely remember anyway — it's almost even. The years I spent as a man and the years I spent as a woman. Of course my old face would start looking unfamiliar."
"Hmm..."
I drank my beer.
Would I end up like that too, eventually? Unable to remember what I'd looked like as a man. Looking at old photos and thinking, who is this person? Would I?
I wasn't sure I'd like that.
"So I just kept going around transformed. It's more familiar now. More comfortable. And the magic it takes to maintain? I've got more than I know what to do with. Even if I died transformed, the transformation would probably hold until the corpse rotted."
Eve laughed — a little too unladylike, a snickering cackle that didn't match the face.
Still cheerful about the dumbest things. That part of you hadn't changed.
"Yeah. I get it."
"So? Still think I'm a pervert?"
"Eh. You just seem like a person."
Not a magical girl. A person.
But I didn't say that out loud.
There was no need.
"Oh, Unni. You're back earlier than I expected?"
"Yeah, Dusick. Anything happen?"
"No, nothing much. Ah — Eve-unni, here's the card and the receipt."
Eve took the card and receipt from Dusick and ruffled her hair. Dusick's expression went all cat-like...
"M-Moche, I beg you, help!"
We'd only been gone a day, and Kabe had already latched onto Keru and was yanking out fistfuls of fur.
"Kabe, that hurts Keru, you know? Come on, let go now."
"Okay, Mom!"
She listened so well. Good girl. Such a good girl.
"We're heading over to the Magical Girl Association."
"Ah... come to think of it, if nothing's changed since I left..."
Dusick thought hard about something, then grabbed my sleeve with a deeply worried look.
"Unni, do you really have to go? Today's the Association regular meeting, isn't it?"
"That's right. We're going to make the official announcement and all that."
"Unni, I really wish you wouldn't. That place is nothing but a bunch of completely unhinged bi— I mean, completely unhinged girls."
I saw that, Dusick. You were about to say "unhinged bitches" and then checked Eve's face. I just smiled and patted her shoulder.
"It's fine. Who do you think I am?"
"If you're that worried, want to come with us, Dusick?"
"Am I allowed?"
"Why wouldn't you be? You're Moche's adjutant, aren't you? You've got every right to attend."
With Eve's breezy, no-problem-at-all permission, it was decided — a little abruptly — that Dusick and I would be attending this Magical Girl Association regular meeting together.