Optimized as Mother
"Youuuuu—!"
"I'm sorry! I said I was sorry!"
Keru shrieked and bolted, weaving this way and that to escape Mother, who came at him with the clear intent of ripping the hide right off his bones.
He had every right to feel wronged — he genuinely hadn't known. Who in the world would have guessed the corporate card had been frozen? Keru was neither human nor even human-shaped; he never had any occasion to swipe a card in his life, and so the fact that it had come to this had escaped him entirely.
The Mother who ordinarily carried herself with such cool, collected charisma — that piercing gaze that seemed to look down on everyone from a great height — had come storming back to base with her face flushed scarlet, whether from drink or from fury, wearing an expression that looked ready to burst into tears at any second. The instant she crossed the threshold she had launched herself at Keru as though she meant to pluck him bald.
"I really, really didn't know!"
"You— because of yoooooou—!!!"
Mother's wail shook the base to its foundations. Do you have any idea how humiliating that was?! In front of her own subordinates — the card's been declined, she'd had to say, and every last one of them had just stared at her. Do you have any idea how mortifying that was, you— you—!!! Her shouting rang on without end, showing no sign of ever running out of breath.
"Ma'am, a person of your standing… carrying on like this in the middle of the night, of course someone's going to file a complaint."
"I'm sorry. I had too much to drink…"
"We'll leave it here for tonight. But if we get another call, we can issue a fine. So please be careful."
"Yes, yes… I'm sorry…"
Only after she had apologized over and over — she was sorry, she was truly sorry, she would never do it again, she would never drink and raise a racket like this again — did the officers finally turn and go.
"Today was seriously… ah…"
Dusick, still in her transformed state, gave a silent wave of her hand, and the Mains scattered off to their respective rooms.
Mother trudged over and dropped into a chair beside the table in the hall. The moment she sat, Dusick dropped her transformation and held out a glass of water.
"Drink this at least, Unni."
"Thanks."
Mother let out a long, heavy sigh, drained the glass, and held the empty cup back out. Dusick set it down by the water cooler and took the seat across from her.
"Unni, the truth is, neither Keru nor I had any idea. Neither of us ever has a reason to use a card. Keru isn't human-shaped, and I — well, before I transform I'm too young, and after I transform only my appearance changes. My age stays the same. We really didn't know. I'm sorry, Unni."
"Ahem. Mother. I'm sorry too. I genuinely didn't know."
If they said they hadn't known, there wasn't much she could say to that. Mother knew perfectly well they hadn't done it to tease her or to give her a hard time.
"But it was humiliating. It was humiliating, all right? And I mean enormously humiliating."
She covered her face with both hands and shook her head over and over, making a long, miserable sound, looking for all the world as though she might start crying at any moment.
"Um. Keru."
"Hm?"
"I think Mother had a bit too much to drink."
"Looks that way."
"Would it be all right if I slept beside her tonight?"
"Fine, as long as you drop the transformation first."
"Understood."
Nngh.
She opened her eyes, and somehow it was already morning. What exactly had she done last night, after she'd fallen asleep? She hadn't drunk past her limit, so it wasn't as though her memory had blacked out — and yet everything after the police left was a blur.
"Mother Unni, did you sleep well?"
"Yeah. You too, Dusick… wait…?"
What exactly had she done last night after she'd fallen asleep. She needed to remember, and she needed to remember now. After the police had gone, what had she done? Why was Dusick lying right there beside her? At what point had she changed into sleepwear? And why — of all things — was that sleepwear a pink negligee?
She needed to get her memory back, and she needed to do it immediately.
"You lunatic, she's a minor!!!!"
She tore after Keru as though she fully intended to murder him.
"I didn't do anything! I keep telling you I didn't do anythiiiing!"
Keru fled on all four legs, running as though capture meant certain death.
"He put me in that sleepwear and he says he didn't do anything? You filthy beast!!!!"
"From the second floor up, this building is a study hall. You know that, Ms. Dusick."
"Yes… I'm sorry."
"I rented to you because you said there wouldn't be any noise. Are you going to keep this up?"
"No… I'm sorry…"
"And the woman next to you seems to be your girlfriend, so I feel a bit awkward even saying all this. Anyway, if something like this happens again, I won't let it slide."
Girlfriend?
Whose?
Hers?
The woman who appeared to be the landlord rattled all of this off at Dusick — who was bowing her head again and again — then flicked a glance at Mother and added that last part.
Just because she owns the building doesn't mean she can talk however she wants. That was what Mother thought. But she didn't actually step forward and say it. Years of surviving in the working world had honed her social instincts to a single, reliable strategy: keep your mouth shut, stay still, and wait for Dusick to smooth things over.
The landlord clicked her tongue and left. Dusick trudged over and sank into the chair beside the table in the hall. Mother filled a cup from the cooler and held it out to her.
"Dusick. Drink this at least."
"Thank you, Mother."
Dusick let out a long, heavy sigh, drained the water, set the cup back by the cooler, looked at Mother, and sighed all over again.
"Mother."
"Yeah."
"Let's make a lot of money and build our own headquarters… or buy a building, even…"
"Yeah. I want that too, believe me. Anyway, Keru — what's on the docket today?"
"The tax accountant and the legal clerk are coming this afternoon. Meet them, introduce yourself, and greet them as the new boss. We need the legal paperwork in order if we're going to operate in this society, and those two handle that for us."
What kind of evil organization bothers with all that?
If you're going to follow every last law, when exactly are you planning to conquer the world?
"Mother. Think about it. Does world domination happen in a day or two?"
"Well, no."
"We need money to operate, and until we have enough power of our own, we don't have much choice about how we spend it. We need to play along with the rules humans came up with, at least a little."
"Fine, fine."
She waved him off, looking thoroughly put upon. All that talk about maintaining the balance between good and evil, and here he was tossing the whole idea of balance straight out the window. Balance, her ass.
She was still sitting there with her lips pushed out in a pout when Dusick — who had somehow taken a call in the meantime — came back and held the phone out to her.
"Unni, you should take this."
"Who is it? Nobody has this number."
"Frilly. The Magical Girl Frilly."
"Frilly? Oh, that Gwangmyeong Branch Leader? What does she want?"
"She says you made dinner plans?"
"Ah. Right. I did, didn't I."
That classic bounced check of working adult life — we should grab dinner sometime — apparently was not bouncing this time.
"I've taken the phone. This is Mother."
"Hello, Mother. This is Frilly. Park Seona. Do you remember me?"
"I saw you just the other day."
A little laugh — ahaha — came traveling down the line.
"So you did. I've been thinking about you so much, Mother, that I was sure far more time had gone by."
"I… see. Thank you."
Ugh. What was that, all of a sudden. Creepy. Still, she couldn't let it show. She laughed along, matching the tone as best she could.
"I did say I would arrange a meal for us."
"Yes, I remember that too."
"Would tomorrow evening happen to work for you?"
"Tomorrow?"
She flicked a glance at Keru. He thought for a moment, then shook his head.
"Tomorrow's fine."
"Is there any food you dislike?"
"Not really. I like meat."
"Do you now! We have the exact same taste! Meat is wonderful, isn't it. And so delicious."
From somewhere on the other end of the line, she could have sworn she heard a voice mutter, She used to ask why anyone would eat meat like a barbarian, that crazy bitch… — but maybe she was imagining it.
"Then I'll send a car tomorrow evening at seven. Just ride that over. It's a place with a dress code, so I think it would be best if you came in your transformation form."
"A dress code?"
What kind of dress code does a barbecue joint need…?
"Yes, well. All right. I'll do that."
"Wonderful. I'll see you tomorrow, then!"
"Yes. Take care."
They said to strike while the iron was hot, but this felt like yanking the iron out of the fire before it had even started glowing. The boss of an evil organization and an officer of the Magical Girl Association, sitting down together for a friendly meal — that was hardly going to look good for either of them.
And the fact that Frilly had specifically asked her to come in transformation form… there had to be some other angle she was working.
"Unni, should I come with you?"
"Don't. You couldn't even move against Pravel."
"Hiiing."
She looked so much like a rain-soaked puppy that Mother reached out and stroked her hair. She really was cute, though.
"I'm only saying it because I'm worried about you!"
And with that she lunged, burying her face in Mother's chest and nuzzling it over and over.
"Ugh, that's disgusting, what are you doing. Get off. Get off."
"Nnnnngh."
Dusick clung on, determined not to be pried loose. Mother shoved, trying to peel her off. The contest of strength ended, inevitably, in Mother's defeat: she had no choice but to sit there in the chair with Dusick dangling off her like some overgrown ornament.
"How is this even possible?"
Mother and Keru stood side by side, staring down at a gauge whose needle had already passed every limit it was built to indicate. The numbers had simply stopped displaying.
This was a magic power meter — a device that, when you set your hand on it, measured the subject's magic capacity and displayed the result. Its upper limit was 30,000 L.
Even that was not enough to display the whole of hers.
"This is strange."
Keru circled her in a slow loop. He could say that all he liked; it wasn't as though she had any answers. She had spent more than twenty years of her life perfectly certain that magic power was something that had nothing whatsoever to do with her.
But the strangeness did not end there.
She had no unique spell.
When a Magical Girl awakened, she was granted a unique weapon and a unique spell.
A unique weapon meant something like the magic staff Precure had shown her, or the wand Pravel had produced. She had one of those, at least — the white glove studded with rivets on her left hand.
And a unique spell was the magic bestowed upon a Magical Girl: it began as a single working, then split apart as her proficiency grew, evolving into skills. That was how it was supposed to go.
She didn't have one.
Which meant, in short, that she had no magic she could actually use.
"In other words, you're Mother-optimized…"
"Keru. Die."
"Okay."
Honestly — no unique spell, meaning no usable magic at all; a unique weapon of outrageous destructive power; and a magic capacity so vast it defied measurement. She hated to admit it, but she was starting to suspect that Keru's "Mother-optimized" remark was not entirely off the mark.