The Tale of a Believer (2)
The north was still the north—cold and desolate. A bitter wind tore across the land, and far off on the horizon an ice storm churned like a living thing.
Barely a full day since I left. Of course nothing has changed.
Come to think of it, I had never left the north at all. For more than a hundred years I had done nothing but let time slip by—sleeping in my nest, soaring through the sky. That was the whole of it.
At first it had been hope. Hope that I might find a way back. I had believed that if I stayed, some hint would eventually reveal itself. If this place was the entrance, then surely the exit would be here as well.
But nothing changed, no matter how much time passed. No path home ever appeared. In the end, I accepted my fate and resolved simply to live.
Ten years went by. Then fifty. Then more than a hundred. By then I had stayed so long that leaving felt strangely awkward.
And then, by chance, I had met Anne at the lake. The beginning had not been particularly pleasant—but it had not been bad, either. Perhaps that was the day everything began to change.
...Come to think of it, there was that pitch-black dragon, too.
A monster whose intent toward the village had been unmistakably evil. A creature of tremendous power that spent it on meaningless slaughter. The wicked thing that had first forced me to use my strength.
I wonder if Anne is doing well.
After Blue Sky had come and gone, I watched the village from a distance. They might yet have sent Anne back to the brink of death. They had agreed and withdrawn, but a heart can always change. If it came to that, I was ready to stop them then and there.
Fortunately, a second quarrel with this world's god never came. It seemed they were not the sort to go back on their word. Or perhaps clashing with me had simply been more trouble than it was worth.
"Let's see. It was around here."
I dropped altitude, searching for the lake where Anne and I had first met. Back then I had folded my wings and settled on the ground just to wet my throat. Now I descended carrying a longing I could not quite name.
More than a hundred years had passed since I had last been human. And yet a human heart still lingered in me. Seen that way, perhaps I truly was a monster—a being that was human, and yet was not. Yes. A monster was fair enough.
The weather was not yet fierce enough for the water to freeze. On the off chance she might come, I settled nearby and waited without end. It was a vigil with no promise attached, but time was the one thing I had in abundance.
About an hour had gone by when I felt a presence. It might not be Anne. It might be some other human—and any other human would be terrified at the sight of me. Anne had been, once. I readied myself to take wing the instant I saw it was not her.
In the end, the precaution proved entirely unnecessary.
"Ah? Lord Red Bird?!"
The one who appeared with a fishing rod in her hands was none other than Anne. The moment she saw me, she flung whatever she was holding aside.
"Lord Red Bird!"
She ran straight up to me, her face breaking into a wide, unguarded smile. No fear. No dread. Not even a flicker of tension. All I could feel from her was the simple joy of someone who had been waiting—and had, at last, been found.
"You've finally come! I've been waiting for you!"
Anne.
"And you even remember my name!"
Of course I did. Forgetting Anne was simply not possible. She was the first human of this world I had ever truly met. The first kind girl who had spoken to me. The first flame I had ever kindled back to life with my own plumage.
Have you been well?
At my question she nodded, still smiling, then asked where on earth I had gone, pressing me for news of my days. She settled down beside me and began to chatter, her stories tumbling out one after another.
"So many good things have happened since you visited us, Lord Red Bird. The bandits are all gone, and the village has been rebuilt. We even joined together with another village and became something much bigger than before."
That's wonderful news.
"Oh! Did you know? The Emperor came to our village not long ago! I thought it was impossible at first, but people who said they'd seen him at the Imperial Palace left us the most incredible gifts before they went!"
The Emperor, you say. Do you know why he came?
"No, I really don't. Not a single person would tell us. Maybe those gifts were their way of asking us not to go looking for answers."
She was remarkably sharp. I found myself liking her even more.
"Anyway. All of it is thanks to you, Lord Red Bird."
I tilted my head on purpose, packing the gesture with a meaning that said, I didn't really do anything, though?
"You came to our village, didn't you? From that day on, everything changed. So many good things started happening for everyone. We even saw the Emperor. The crops that used to die every time we planted them are growing properly now—and the fish in the lake always bite!"
And you think all of that is my doing? It just sounds like good fortune to me.
"No! It's all thanks to you, Lord Red Bird. I'm certain of it!"
She planted her hands on her hips and declared it with such fearless conviction that I nearly burst out laughing. Even as empty courtesy it would have been welcome. That she meant every word made it all the more so.
I, too, had once been human, whether I liked it or not. I was no longer human, but I had never quite managed to throw a human heart away. There had been a temptation in me—to be thanked, because I had done something for someone. A desire to show the world what I was. It was not as if those feelings had never existed.
It was only that I was a being who should not have been here at all. An uninvited guest had no business stirring up a storm. Perhaps that was why I had never left the north.
"Thank you, Lord Red Bird. I can't tell you how glad I am to see you again like this."
I'm glad you seem to be doing well.
Having said that much, I took a moment to look at her. Anne was not a quiet girl. She was bright and lively. And yet, to the very end, she had not asked that one question.
Anne.
"Yes, Lord Red Bird."
You never ask who I am?
That question. The one anyone would have harbored. Who are you? What manner of being are you? The bird was red. The bird was vast. The bird even carried words into a person's mind. Wonder and curiosity were only natural. I had fully expected her to ask.
But this girl had not gone anywhere near it. She could have asked—and she never once let the words leave her mouth.
"...Yes, Lord Red Bird."
Why?
"If you haven't told me, there must be a reason. I've already received such enormous grace from you. I don't want to ask something so rude."
A faintly mischievous impulse lifted its head at her answer. Perhaps I simply wanted to test her.
And what would you have done if I had approached you for some other reason? With wicked intent?
"Ah, um..."
Anne scratched her cheek, wearing an awkward little smile.
"It wouldn't matter. If it hadn't been for you, Lord Red Bird, I wouldn't even be here. And..."
She turned her gaze toward my face. Unlike our first meeting, she looked straight at me. My reflection filled the girl's eyes—a human's pupils, brimming over with a red bird.
At her words I looked down at the lake on reflex. Upright eyes? They were just a little unusual, that was all.
Hmm. So this is what they call flattery?
"Ah?! D-did it sound like that?"
Seeing how it lifted my mood, I suppose it was highly effective flattery.
I let the words rest there and turned my eyes to the sky. I hesitated over whether to tell her. Then I made up my mind.
The truth is... I came from somewhere else. From outside.
"From... outside?"
Yes. Well. Another world, I suppose you'd call it.
I could have deceived her. I could have pieced together some convenient story and left it at that. Instead, I decided to be honest.
"From outside... another world..."
The name Blue Sky had given me was Outer God. A god from beyond, in the most literal sense. An uninvited guest. One who should not exist. That would be no different for Anne. Being a kind soul did not change the fact that I had no place in this world.
"Um, then... were you a god of that other world, Lord Red Bird?"
A god? A god, she says. If one had to put a name to it, yes. The Vermilion Bird. One of the Four Divine Beasts. An animal, yes—but a god all the same.
I suppose that's right? There is a name they called me there, but I'm not sure what I ought to be called here.
"If I ought to call you by that name, please tell me!"
No. Come to think of it, the name you already use might be better.
"No! I made 'Lord Red Bird' up all on my own. If you are a truly great being, I think even that is rude."
Even though I, the one being named, had said it was fine, Anne would not hear of it. The thought of addressing a great existence so casually simply sat wrong with her.
"You said you were a god from the outside world, so... hmm. A god from outside... Out? Outer? Should I call you Outer God?"
I shook my head with considerable violence. Outer God? I was not some primordial horror. I had no desire to become a source of fear that made people tremble at the mere sight of me.
Just Red Bird is enough.
"But..."
That name is friendlier, isn't it? You'll do that for me, won't you?
Other people could call me whatever they liked. But I wanted Anne to call me this. She was the first I had ever truly met and spoken with—the first to whom I had ever offered a greeting. Being close with at least one person seemed all right.
My persuasion won her over in the end. She agreed, and added that if I ever told her my true name, she would call me by that instead.
A true name. A true name, she said. I looked down at the body reflected in the lake. A great red bird. This form was unmistakably the Vermilion Bird of the Four Divine Beasts. For reasons I could not quite pin down, that name made me feel a little embarrassed. Of all things, it had picked up an entirely different meaning back in my own world. If I had been the Azure Dragon, or the White Tiger, I might have introduced myself with my head held high.
At the same hour.
"This is the place."
"Indeed. A desolate land. It seems a land untouched by the love of God."
"Foolish. God is present in all places."
"I misspoke."
The Twelve Divine Generals of the Order had reached the Northern Lands.