Hamburger
After possessing a monster's body inside the world of Rolling Magical Girl — or "RollMagi" for short — I'd come to one inescapable conclusion.
"Ah, I'm hungry."
Even monsters get hungry.
Granted, as the Time-Stop Monster, I could freeze time and raid any fridge or pantry in the world without consequence. But for a being granted the power to stop time itself, resorting to petty food theft felt… beneath me, you know?
Above all, eating and running would prick at my conscience.
Unfortunately, unlike the monsters in other web novels, I couldn't transform into a human — which left me exactly one option.
Can't exactly starve to death, though.
I would go out looking like this, and buy my own food. Somehow — and I still can't explain it — a wallet containing an ID card had been wedged between the plates of my leg armor. Carapace? Whatever. The point was, I had money.
I've got a whole identity sitting here. Might as well use it.
Having proof of who you are is a wonderful thing. The problem was that, given what I looked like, there was precious little I could actually do with it.
In any case, I knew that if I simply burst out of here, everyone who saw me would scream and scatter. So once again, I seized the flow of time and held it still.
"Mm, good."
The world froze instantly. The great advantage of being a time-stop monster: my Time Stop had no limitations whatsoever.
Inside the frozen world, I set off toward the nearest hamburger joint.
As polite as possible.
With that resolution in mind, I opened the door — and immediately released the flow of time.
"…?"
Time resumed, and a sea of stares converged on me. Feeling every single one of them, I offered my most courteous greeting.
"Good day, citizens. I sincerely apologize for appearing before you in this manner, but circumstances were, regrettably, beyond my control."
"K-Kk…"
Hm?
Was someone laughing nervously at me? Had my charm offensive actually worked?!
Heart swelling with hope, I turned toward the sound — and found a schoolgirl with her hands clamped over her mouth.
At last, my efforts bear fruit—
"IT'S CLOAK! KYAAAAAH!"
Son of a—
She wasn't laughing. She was warming up to scream.
With that girl's shriek as the opening act, every person in the store erupted into pure chaos, sprinting in every direction. The situation deteriorated beyond all control in a matter of seconds.
Customers bolted for the exits in tears, a few diehards couldn't resist the footage and huddled in the corner filming me on their phones — but the ones hit hardest by panic were, without question, the staff. Every fleeing customer had swarmed the doors at once, leaving the poor employees trapped inside with no way out, the emergency exit included.
"Hmm…"
Well, the staff were the ones I actually needed, after all… so I strolled toward the counter at a leisurely pace.
"HIEEEK!"
"God, Buddha, Shiva, Allah, Zeus…"
"Please spare me, please spare me, please spare me, please spare me…"
"Maxbee? Write my will for me, tell Mom…"
"Fucking hell! I don't wanna die! Stay away from me!"
I do feel a bit bad about this.
I'd only come out because I was starving, but seeing it from this side, I supposed I looked like some heinous villain. Still, I was here now — I'd just grab one hamburger and go.
"Good day, part-timer."
I addressed the employee roughly in the middle of the counter.
"HIEEEEK!"
A scream instead of an answer. Determined to clear up the misunderstanding, I spoke with all the politeness and warmth I could muster.
"I know full well how you all perceive me, which is why I've endured as long as I possibly could… but I simply couldn't take it anymore. It appears even a monster's appetite will not be denied."
"HIEEEEK!"
"And so, the bacon—"
"HIEEEK!"
"H-he's going to eat our youngest like bacon…!"
"I-it can't be helped… The living have to live. We'll leave it to the youngest…"
"The tomato—"
"HIEEK!"
"He'll paint our youngest red like a tomato…!"
"Our poor youngest…!"
"No—"
I want a Bacon Tomato Deluxe, please.
"You seem to have misunderstood. I have tastes of my own, you see — I only wish to eat something delicious?"
"HIYOOOO…"
"If you match his tastes, you live! Wait, if you match his—"
"Wh-what do we do?! We don't even know what his tastes ARE!"
"…Well, for starters, Hyunseok, you're obviously out. Lucky bastard…!"
Excuse me, but isn't this snowballing a little out of control?
At this rate, Comet would show up any second—
—BOOM!
"Lighting up your heart like a comet! Magical Comet, here to save the day!"
She actually came. Almost two weeks, right on schedule.
"A pleasure to meet you, Miss Magical Comet. I apologize sincerely for causing such a commotion — it was never my intention. I merely wished to satisfy my hunger… and somehow it's come to this."
"H-hunger? You want to satisfy your… hunger?"
"Even monsters know hunger, you see. I'll leave the moment I've received what I came for, so might I trouble you for a little assistance?"
Nobody in the store was listening to a word I said — they'd all gone completely catatonic. So, Magical Girl, how about you lend me a hand?
With that intent, I turned my request to Comet. But in the blink of an eye, her gaze went ice-cold.
"…You want me to hand the people over to you. Personally."
Huh? Is that how that came across?
I scrambled to correct the misunderstanding, but Comet had already leveled her staff at me.
"Magical—"
"Oh, forget it."
I froze time the instant before she could cast. Look, I couldn't just keep looping through stop time, flee, repeat forever.
There was exactly one reason I'd come out here today: a hamburger. All I had to do was get my burger and leave — but if I ran away the moment Comet showed up, there'd be no point to any of this.
So instead, let's turn this situation — where Comet kept catastrophically misreading me — to my advantage.
I drafted a scenario in my head, drilled my lines one final time, and released the flow of time.
"—BLAST!!"
A blue ray, glittering like a fistful of stardust, came surging straight at me. Sure, I could have frozen time and dodged — but I had a plan, so I let it hit.
—KRAKOOM!!
The explosion went off the instant the beam connected. Thick smoke flooded the shop, swallowing my view.
"That has to have been a critical hit!"
Comet's confident voice rang out through the haze. Casting Magical Blast should have left her exhausted, and yet there she was, shouting with full energy. The protagonist, ladies and gentlemen.
But much to her dismay—
—Tap. Tap.
"?! H-how…!"
"Ah, has your cloak not been dirtied? A pristine appearance is how one makes a good impression, after all…"
"No wounds…"
I swept my hand through the air, scattering the smoke. The sight of me revealed beneath it drew a cold sweat from Comet.
"Nothing…?"
It went without saying, really. A time-stop monster's body simply doesn't scratch from the kind of attacks Comet throws around in the early game. And beyond that, her matchup against me was just plain terrible.
Comet was the type who swung heavy, cannon-like blows, one at a time — and against an opponent who stops time, that might as well be nothing at all. If I'd borne her any real malice, this fight would have ended long ago.
"…Then I'll use Reversal Flash—!"
"That won't work."
I flicked my cloak outward — part dust-off, part flourish.
"Why do you insist on denying the plain fact that your attacks cannot so much as scratch me?"
I closed the distance slowly and came to a stop before her. The height difference was considerable; as I looked down at her, my shadow swallowed her whole.
"Magical Comet. Allow me to offer you one piece of advice."
"H-hiiiek…"
Over the head of a girl who had lost every last shred of her will to fight, I lowered a sharp clawed hand as carefully as I could.
"Do not attempt to defy time itself."
"…Eek."
—Thud.
Her legs gave out, and she crumpled to the floor. I left her where she sat and turned back toward the counter.
"H-hieeek…"
"To avoid any further misunderstandings, part-timer, allow me to state my business clearly."
I rummaged through the folds of my cloak and placed a black leather object on the counter.
"I am extremely hungry, and I have more than enough money. So bring me something that will ease this hunger of mine — quickly, if you would. I'll be generous and give you twenty minutes."
"Y-YESSIR!"
Having received a satisfactory answer, I settled into an empty chair to wait for my burger.
"Hieeeek…"
All while staring holes into the part-timer, who'd been doing nothing but squeaking "hieek" since I arrived. Hey, I didn't have a phone. A man gets bored.
"…C-Cloak!"
"Hm? Is something the matter?"
Maybe ten minutes had passed when Comet hauled herself to her feet and planted herself in front of me.
"What… what do I have to do?"
"I'm afraid I don't follow."
"What do I have to do for you to stop tormenting these people?!"
Painted in shame and humiliation, Comet shrieked the words like a cornered animal.
To her indignant sputtering, I gave my answer, with all the sincerity in my heart.
"You bring out my hamburger. That is the answer."
"What kind of nonsense is—"
The very moment Comet opened her mouth to object—
"H-h-here's, the hamburger, the, the hamburger is, here, you ordered…"
"Oh, right on time."
I rose from my chair and made for the counter.
Although… the wrapper seemed a little… big?
"I-I didn't know what you'd like, so I made you a Double Bacon Mozzarella Deluxe Double-Patty Chicken Burger…"
"Oho…"
The name alone was going to give me hypertension. But still—
"Very satisfactory. How much do I owe you?"
"Th-the money doesn't matter, so could you please just leave nooow…? I-I can't take any more of this…"
"Hm… then how about this."
With deft fingers, I fished three 50,000-won bills from the wallet and laid them on the counter.
"A tip."
Better chow down properly.
Ignoring the wide-eyed, dumbfounded stare Comet was drilling into my back, I stopped time and sprinted at full throttle.
The moment I returned to the abandoned building I'd been squatting in, I released the flow of time—
—POOF!
"Huh?"
My field of vision dropped a good deal, and a human arm swung into view.
"…Son of a bitch."
I could turn human this whole time?!
YOU COULD HAVE MENTIONED THAT SOONER.