Chapter 205: Confession.
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 205: Confession.
With a worried expression, he began to comfort her.
“Are you really okay?”
…I’m doomed.
I’d gone and done it in the worst possible way, without a shred of atmosphere.
This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. I was planning to tell him in a lighter mood, comforting him and then pulling him into an embrace…?
How did it end up like this? Where did I go wrong?
I was so nervous that the words wouldn’t come out straight.
I came here intending to comfort him, so why am I the one being comforted?
My head was spinning so much that I couldn’t even remember why I’d decided to confess that I was a girl in the first place.
Seriously, what is wrong with me? Why was I doing this? I felt like if I shook off the remaining buzz from the alcohol, my head might clear up a bit, but then I realized I might actually die of embarrassment if I did.
Oh, no. I think I’m going to cry.
This isn’t like me. I wanted to be more reliable. I wanted to be cool.
“Here, drink this for now.”
I was worried he might get spooked and run away, but he just smiled with that gentle face of his and handed her an ion drink.
“I wish I had some warm milk, but there’s no way to heat it up in a hotel, so just drink that for now.”
…Ugh, damn it. My face feels like it’s going to explode.
I really messed up.
As I sipped the ion drink, the last traces of my intoxication began to vanish completely.
No. I still need your help. Don’t leave me alone.
In my mind, I could almost see the personification of my drunkenness waving goodbye, saying I could handle things on my own now.
“Pfft… Ah, sorry. Your face is just too funny. I tried to hold it in, but I just couldn’t.”
…He’s laughing? Am I funny right now? Well, I suppose I am.
When I glared at him after hearing his laughter, he immediately apologized.
“You’re really mean. Do you have any idea how much embarrassment I’m enduring right now?”
“Oh? I don’t think you were very concerned about that earlier when you all joined in on that public humiliation while I was the embarrassed one.”
“No, that was just…! I mean, I don’t have an excuse, but…”
“Right?”
In the unnecessarily quiet room, the sound of her sipping the ion drink seemed strangely loud.
Why were these tiny noises, which I’d usually never notice, so audible?
I wanted to pull away because I was afraid he’d hear my pounding heart, yet I didn’t want to leave his side.
…Maybe this is enough?
We’re already close enough, and I only messed up because I tried to close the distance too quickly.
I can still support him from his side, and in the end, I’ll be the one closest to him anyway.
Is there really a need to be greedy?
“Have you calmed down a bit?”
“…Yeah.”
“Man, you guys really shouldn’t be calling me cute, you know? Look at who’s calling who cute.”
I could just stay close like this, joking around and being his…
“Whether you’re a girl or a boy, why does it matter so much? We’re friends.”
Friends.
…His friend? Forever? If I choose this comfortable distance, will we just remain close friends?
Ah, right. I remember now.
I almost fell for that familiar atmosphere and let the distance remain.
That wasn’t it. The position I wanted wasn’t ‘close friend.’
Of course, I knew. I knew that when he said ‘friend,’ he wasn’t saying it to push me away.
But still, I hated it.
I want to be confident. I don’t want to pretend to be cool while whispering in the shadows; I want to be able to say I like him in front of everyone.
At the very least, I want him to recognize this favor for what it is.
I want him to perceive it as affection, not friendship.
Ah, what a stupid delusion I was under. What did I mean by being the ‘closest member of the opposite sex’ or the ‘one most often by his side’?
This is cowardly. It’s no different from a spectator laughing and thinking they’re superior to the athletes when they haven’t even stepped onto the field to fight.
I grabbed him as he tried to pull the covers over me.
…Since I’ve already drawn the sword, I might as well cut something.
I was already embarrassed enough; there was nothing left to lose.
I felt bad for him, but I needed him to be clear about whether he was going to treat me as a friend or a woman.
“…Huh?”
I pushed him down onto the bed and took the mount position.
Since I was in a swimsuit, our bodies touched in various places, but that didn’t matter much right now.
“You heard me say I’m a girl, right?”
“…Uh? Yeah.”
“Then why is your reaction like that? Shouldn’t you at least pretend to be a little more surprised?”
“What are you talking about? You said it yourself. It’s because I already knew.”
“No. You don’t know.”
“…Is the alcohol still not out of your system?”
“You’re only acting this nonchalant because you don’t know what I’m trying to say. This was a really important secret for me. No, even if it wasn’t, do you really not know what it means when a girl charges into your room while drinking and wearing a swimsuit? That’s why you can smile so peacefully and treat me like usual.”
“No, hey. That’s a misunderstanding.”
“What misunderstanding? There’s no way it’s anything else. So look at me properly. I’m a woman.”
Ah, I’d finally calmed down, but my emotions were starting to run wild again.
“Hey, So-hyun. You said we’re friends. But what if I don’t want to be friends with you anymore?”
I thought I was the furthest ahead in my relationship with him, but perhaps I was the one lagging behind the most.
The Professor, Ga-eul, and even Aisha had all clearly shown him their feelings as women, while I was the only one wearing the mask of a ‘friend.’
If I’m late, I have to make up for it.
From now on, I have to be more aggressive.
“I don’t want to be friends. Look at me as a woman. I want to be able to say it proudly, too.”
My heart was beating so fast I thought it might burst. Even on days when I thought I might die in battle, my heart hadn’t raced like this.
“I think I like you. No, I do like you. I said I like you.”
I said it. I actually said it. I hadn’t intended to go this far.
But still, maybe now he’ll finally look at me properly.
However, once I actually let it out, his reaction was a bit strange.
“When I said we were friends, I didn’t mean I saw you as a man…?”
His voice sounded somewhat angry for some reason.
“Don’t you dare just say whatever you want. Do you have any idea how much I’ve been holding back? How much I’m holding back even now?”
I could feel the thumping. Only then did I realize that his heart was beating just as violently as mine.
And, whether it was my imagination or not, I felt something protruding from his lower body, which I was sitting on, pressing against my butt.
Honestly, I was embarrassed and scared, but I felt like I’d lose if I backed down now.
I didn’t know what I’d be losing to, but I knew I couldn’t let this opportunity slip away.
“What were you holding back?”
“I held back because I was afraid I’d become obsessed with you—no, with all of you. Why? Because I was afraid that once I touched you, I wouldn’t want to let go. Happy now?”
“Who told you to hold back?”
“…What?”
“I asked who told you to hold back. You don’t have to. What do you want to do to me? Tell me.”
I asked, but somehow, I felt like I knew.
Because his gaze had momentarily flickered toward my chest, which was wrapped in the swimsuit.
Strangely, I didn’t feel the slightest bit of displeasure.
If anyone else had reacted that way, I would have definitely been disgusted, but seeing So-hyun like this only made him look cute.
Is it because I like him?
“You just looked at my chest, didn’t you?”
“…Yes.”
I almost laughed at how readily he admitted it.
“Don’t look so dejected. You can look if you want to. But can I ask you one thing instead?”
“What is it?”
“You’re not even denying that you want to look? You’re quite the lecher, aren’t you?”
“…And you’re blaming me for this? Is there anyone who could refuse in this situation?”
Ah, did I tease him too much? He seems a bit annoyed. But his reaction is so cute, what can I do?
Actually, knowing his personality, I figured it would be fine, but I had to ask just in case.
“How did you know I was a girl? You didn’t tell anyone else, did you?”
“I didn’t tell anyone else.”
I figured as much. Honestly, as long as he hadn’t told anyone else, I wasn’t going to care much about how he found out, but his reaction was a bit strange.
Instead, he looked tense, as if the real conversation was just beginning, and he slowly opened his mouth.
His attitude was like a child confessing a misdeed, which made me start to feel nervous as well.
Just what was he about to say?
“Actually, I’m a [Noise].”
For a moment, it was as if he were just mouthing words, or as if there were static—I couldn’t perceive what he said.
At first, I thought he was playing a prank, but the moment I saw the bitter expression on his face—as if he were slightly disappointed but understood—I knew that wasn’t the case.
“…I see. I gathered my courage to say it, but you can’t hear it. I thought that might be the case. It’s a bit of a shame.”
I didn’t know what kind of confession he’d made, but the fact that I couldn’t hear it felt strangely sorrowful.
* * *
It was only for a brief moment, but I’d agonized over it quite a bit.
I was scared, but I didn’t want to make excuses.
I wanted to be honest from now on, because I was grateful that she’d reached out to me like this.
“Actually, I’m a regressor.”
So, I decided to reach out as well and spoke honestly.
Would she take it as a joke? I thought she might be flustered, but her reaction was a bit different from what I’d expected.
A look of confusion appeared on her face, as if she hadn’t heard what I’d said at all.
Just in case, I tried saying it again, but it only added to the bewilderment on her face.
Ah, I see. I thought this might happen, but she really can’t hear it.
It might sound funny to call it a reward for Ha-ni’s courage, but I’d gathered quite a bit of courage myself.
“…Do you want to touch?”
“Yes? Touch what?”
Without a word, Ha-ni slowly leaned in, naturally slumping over me in a way that looked like she was hugging me.
The warmth I felt in my arms and her proximity made my head spin with her scent.
Within arm’s reach was her flushed face and moist eyes looking up at me.
The heartbeat I felt so naturally and our mingling breaths.
She was so lovely.
— If I touch her, she’ll get hurt. —Do I even have the right? —I drove her to her death and used her. —I’ll just lose her again. I won’t be able to protect anything. —Isn’t this just another deception?
As if resisting that warmth, an insane chill began to torment me.
Even though I’d vowed to change. Even though I’d vowed to do things right. A wave of damn obsession and regret washed over me, making me afraid to hug her back.
But then, I suddenly noticed that the body on top of me was trembling.
Right. Of course, I wasn’t the only one who was scared.
She could be rejected, and even if things went well now, there was no telling what the future would hold.
Even if that weren’t the case, you don’t know unless you express it.
I’m scared. I feel like she might break if I touch her.
But still.
Still, I reached out and pulled her into an embrace.
When I finally hugged her back, she gave a violent start as if surprised, but as her trembling gradually subsided, she pressed her body even closer as if she refused to let go, and our eyes met once again.
I really tried.
I emphasized the word ‘friend’ so that if you wanted to run away, I’d let you.
But you brought this on yourself, okay?
It’s no use asking me to let go now, and it’s no use trying to run away.
Because I don’t think I’ll be satisfied with just watching you from the side anymore.
Just as we were both about to surrender to our instincts, without either of us knowing who would move first…
…A smartphone began to wail with a tacky default ringtone.
It wasn’t a call, but apparently a text message.
“…Ah?”
The atmosphere was shattered with surprising ease.
Since it could be something urgent, I checked the message, turned off the phone, and then hugged the frozen Ha-ni once more to check.
“Shall we keep going?”
“Eubiyat…!?”
Ha-ni, having regained her senses, turned the reddest I’ve ever seen anyone turn in my life. She covered her face and ran out of the room while still wearing her coat.
‘Eubiyat.’ That was quite an impressive scream.
Honestly, it’s a bit of a shame, but maybe it’s for the best.
I was so excited I almost did something reckless.
This might be a memory that lasts a lifetime; I shouldn’t just rush into it haphazardly.
So she can’t run away, so she won’t even think about running away. It’s only right to start after being as prepared as possible.
“…But, putting that aside. What is this text?”
They need a hero with red eyes and black hair.
It was definitely an incident that hadn’t happened before my regression.
Just what is going on?