Uncle, Go Wash Up. From Sion Lagrange's Perspective.
From Sion Lagrange's perspective, the fight between the northern grand duchess and the gorilla countess from the same class—Irina and Zigrinde—honestly wasn't over anything big. They were just idiots.
I remembered it like this.
"Zigrinde Countess."
"...What."
"I heard some interesting news. Care to talk for a sec?"
We'd shown up for lectures on Monday and all, but the current Mist Flower Class had no full-time professor to lead the students. So during the rare dedicated full-time professor slot, everyone was just sitting in the classroom, spacing out for a bit.
The grand duchess, who always looked good wearing the class rep hat, suddenly popped up and wasn't talking to Zigrinde?
"You know Mist Baron from the anemone class next door, right?"
"Why the hell would I?"
"Just yesterday, you were talking about a duel and beat the crap out of that young lord...."
".........."
"Heard he didn't even get proper healing, so he's out with a three-week injury."
That was the incident Zigrinde had caused over the weekend. Right after school started, a suspension case popped up from Mist Flower Class, and it hadn't even been long since the full-time professor bolted—an accident like that.
—But honestly, it was Zigrinde's personal business, so it wasn't worth picking a fight over.
If the grand duchess hadn't been swinging her class rep authority around, everyone would've just shut up and killed time.
"...Oh, yeah, I vaguely remember now. I did beat someone up in the capital, but turns out it was one of our own. So what?"
"Why'd you do it?"
"Ha."
But backing down there wouldn't be Zigrinde. She clearly found it annoying that Grand Duchess Irina was yapping at her, and without batting an eye, she shot back.
'Oh dear, this is gonna be bad.'
For Sion, raised always by Father's and Uncle's sides, she immediately sensed the killing intent and backed away from this point.
And sure enough.
The clash of fierce tigers unfolded.
"There must've been a good reason for beating him up. Why the interrogation? You the professor or something?"
"Not a professor, but class rep. While there's no professor, I'm the one who has to create a study atmosphere in Mist Flower Class."
"Who the hell told you to do that? Did everyone agree?"
Grrrr—.
"Hey, you lot. If you've got mouths, speak up. Did you agree to this annoying black-haired bitch strutting around in front of you?"
"...Your vulgar speech remains unchanged. Remember this: we're all ladies of some house."
"Shut up. So what're you trying to say?"
"I was going to say, if you don't want to make a bigger mess, apologize to the Mist Baron's house."
And the moment those words dropped.
Zigrinde smiled with crescent eyes, drew her sword, and said,
"What if I don't wanna?"
"Then we'll answer with swords—."
Whoosh—.
"You confident?"
"You bastard...!"
So they clashed.
It was a typhoon that happened before anyone could stop it.
Of course.
Most mysteriously....
"Urk, ack...."
"What the—!! Grand Duchess. Why're you so weak?"
Crash—!!
"Wait.... Whoa!"
"You came at me like you were gonna eat me alive. But now that swords are out, you changed your mind? Heh, hahaha—!!"
"N-no, I didn't change! I'm just being careful not to hurt you!"
"Quit mumbling excuses. Shut up!!"
The grand duchess was pathetic. Unbefitting a relative of the imperial family and the shield of the north, she was getting utterly crushed by the daughter of a mere provincial count from Ainheart.
'About what you'd expect. She said all the family's strength went to her brother.'
But that didn't mean Zigrinde was anything special either. Considering what she was called in the capital, it was only natural.
She was the top student who graduated swordsmanship school on scholarship at the youngest age of thirteen. After the Demon King fell, purely in terms of raw power, wasn't she called the Modern Sword Saint?
She'd never been defeated once so far. The grand duchess beating her here would be the weird part.
But.
Things escalated faster than expected.
"Gr-grand Duchess and Zigrinde Countess are fighting—!!"
The moment someone outside yelled that.
The crowd gathered.
"W-wait a sec."
The grand duchess, who was gonna back off since there was no way she'd win anyway, went pale.
The academy was a jungle. Backing down now would just spread rumors that she'd picked a needless fight, got her ass kicked, and ran.
"No...!"
So she gritted her teeth and kept facing Zigrinde to the end.
"How's that? Powerful, right...? Drives you crazy...?"
"Zigrinde. C-calm down!"
Bang, bang, bang!!
"Yeah. Getting fired up. I'll kill you all—!!!"
Once Zigrinde went berserk, she wasn't just after the grand duchess—she started rampaging against the security team that rushed in too.
"La, Lady Lagrangeee...."
"Don't raise your voice, Tiel."
"Isn't running out of the classroom now the best option...? Hiding in this corner feels like we'll get swept up!"
"Tiel, you can't even resist. If Zigrinde's gone that mad, you could die."
"But...!"
"Ugh, enough. Just stay put."
So.
At this point, Sion rolled up her sleeves.
Behind her was only Tiel, the class's lone gimpy guy who couldn't even join the fight.
To end this, she'd have to step up herself.
But right then.
"—Ack, Uncle?!"
The being who'd recently ignited an unprecedented flame in young Sion's heart.
Pushed through the crowd and...
Bam—!!
Blocked the Ainheart family secret technique, Flash Circle, which moved at near-light speed.
Swish, whoosh—!
Snatched away Zigrinde's undefeated legend like candy from a kid.
"Write a reflection essay. Make sure you do."
"......"
Made the hyped-up girl walk out on her own feet.
And handed her over to security?
"Amazing. Lady, you know him? Wh-who is that...?"
Then.
Tiel, our classmate who'd been gawking slack-jawed, asked Sion.
But there was no way to answer that.
"Father's told me stories often, but seeing it in person... it's even more ridiculous."
Because.
Honestly, even Sion had never seen this level of power from Joseph.
And it was just a taste—not even his full effort.
She was busy jaw-dropped for a moment too.
Yeah.
Uncle never easily showed his power.
Even when begged to show something someday.
"Enough. You'd just get bored." He'd brush it off like that plenty of times.
But judging now.
Wasn't that probably caring Uncle's consideration?
Deploying power that sinks the modern Sword Saint— the sheer pressure alone would crush everything around.
Definitely, child-me seeing that might've been a bit scared.
Anyway, reflecting from the carriage ride.
He's a pretty cool adult.
...Always.
But now wasn't the time to indulge in sentiment.
'Wh-whoa, almost forgot thinking about Uncle. What're you doing, Sion Lagrange? Such a strong guy's shown off awesomely in front of everyone.'
Then flaunt that he's Father's man.
Everyone'd be too intimidated to approach or covet him.
Sion, who'd started thinking she had to claim Joseph after seeing him again after so long.
Without realizing, her feet toddled forward, and she ran straight to him.
...Fisherman's gain time.
"Uncle!"
Grab—!
"I know you've become my professor. But.... But......!"
"Uhng."
"I was scared. Terrified. So thank you, Uncle.... You've done me a great favor...."
What the hell was this.
After resolving the situation, Sion came running and hugged me tight, ignoring that I'd announced I was her professor or whatever, saying she was scared.
'...Sion? Scared of something like this?'
Our lady.
From what I knew, wasn't she super calculating and strategic?
Scared of something like this....
She's got some cute sides too.
"Once Zigrinde starts rampaging, it's hard to stop her. She devastates everything around, sweeping it all away.... If not for you, Uncle, we'd all have been in danger."
Stroke—.
Then, Sion glanced up at me slyly.
Smiled with utterly pure charm.
Seeing that smile melted suspicions in my chest.
—Or rather, my brain just froze.
Instinctively.
"As expected of the unparalleled hero who subjugated the Demon King? Makes me wanna be protected."
Whoa.
She's insanely pretty....
Sir Laval was known as a pretty boy in his youth.
His seeding was on point too?
......
.... Wait a sec!
This ain't it.
I'd been blankly watching Zigrinde's fight earlier too, but.
Don't mistake it.
I'm the professor now.
She's the student.
Not used to it yet, so I slipped into our usual uncle-niece routine a bit.
But thinking about it, too many eyes around.
Way too many.
Murmur murmur—.
'Aigoo, already screwed.'
Not just that she's my niece and we're uncle-niece.
Getting hugged by an unmarried young lady like this? To the noble kids, it's prime gossip fodder for the social table.
I'd already been roasted over the housing scam.
Didn't wanna sprinkle extra pepper.
More than that, our lady'd be the one in trouble?
She's the top one who'd suffer from weird affair rumors with me.
Chin—.
So, I gently placed a hand on her shoulder.
Pushed her away like a squirrel sneaking.
"Lady."
"Yes, Uncle."
"A fine young lady like you... can't do this, you know? You know how clueless guys might see it."
But apparently, her gratitude couldn't be stopped with a tiny word like that.
Squeeze—.
She hugged tighter, like it was no big deal.
For calming her startled heart, it felt a bit too deliberate—like she was teasing.
"Why do you keep making things hard for me...?"
"......Oh."
Flinch.
Sion flinched a bit in my arms.
Right as I wondered why, the bell signaling end of class rang.
Ding, ding, ding—.
"...Heh, hehe—."
Shh—.
In the end, she let go only then.
"Alright, back to dorms, students...."
She opened her ever-present fan to hide her face, smiled like nothing happened.
...Why'd she do that.
Anyway, classes over.
I hurriedly guided the other kids away like when I dismissed them earlier.
"Pr-professor. That guy's my—."
One of our class kids was visible amid it.
But too hard to talk to me, she just watched from afar and scurried off.
Soon after.
Left in this disastrous scene: just Sion and me.
"What a noisy commotion. Since you're professor now, I'll tell you—our class is always like this."
"Too bad. Still haven't greeted the students properly...."
"It was end of day anyway, so greetings tomorrow morning's fine."
"I see."
Then, Sion scanned me up and down with her duke's daughter poise.
Gulp—.
Made an expression different from Zigrinde's earlier crescent smirk.
And I, somehow, might've known what that smile meant.
'...An awkward grin?'
...Ah!
Right, I hadn't shaved!
Damn, they were calling me hobo earlier.
How hobo must I look to a noble duchess like Sion.
Too focused on Zigrinde.
Forgot my own scruffy state for a sec.
Yeah, me.
Always faceless wherever I go, halfwit quarterwit.
But then, Sion suddenly said,
"Uncle."
"Yes."
"Since it's come to this. That time you wanted off the carriage last time—mind giving it to me now?"
What was this.
Am I getting kidnapped?
"Plenty of time left. You said you're my professor, so I'll give you a perfect makeover befitting your status."
Idiot? Oh, makeover. That kinda thing....
Might as well go along.
I sometimes wanna be a magical girl....
But.
Gotta grab what I can.
Hangover not gone, picked up an incident, day's over—moving now's overtime.
"Dunno about sleep, but since we're at it, buy me dinner too?"
"Pardon?"
"Everyone swipes their faculty card at the cafeteria. Came today, didn't get mine."
"...Heh, hehe. Yes. Of course. Even with your card, tell this Sion Lagrange anytime."
Jackpot. Dinner's free tonight.
Duchies are the best.