Does the Empire's Grand Duchess Dream of Robot Vacuums?
'What the hell? She should be laid up in the hospital all ragged and torn.'
I just couldn't wrap my head around it. She'd taken such serious wounds yesterday, yet here she was, looking perfectly fine like nothing had happened. Was this red-eyed woman even human? Or was she some orc they hacked to pieces out on the frontier without a second thought?
But yeah, that was spot on. She was a northerner. The countless vital forces etched into her spirit and flesh were fundamentally on another level from us capital folk. And the northerners' highly advanced brand of barbarism was indistinguishable from orcs to begin with.
No matter how grievous the wound or how deep the faint, their mindset was that as long as your mind cleared up, you could get back on your feet.
...Still, to Sion, it just looked like the height of idiocy.
But this girl, as if flaunting her noble status, flashed a V-sign with her index and middle fingers right in front of Sion, who was staring at her in disbelief.
And even from her wheelchair, she glared with undying ferocity—not at the young ladies staring at her, but addressing them directly.
"I heard you were spouting nonsense at our class's duchess. I know all about it, so scram."
"N-No such thing...!"
"No such thing? I heard every word—lumping Lagrange with our new professor and downplaying his achievements, saying they don't fit the capital's standards."
Her red eyes gleamed.
"I get where you're coming from, but Lagrange is a house hailed as heroes by our imperial family. You're in no position to pull rank."
"S-Sorry! That was rude of us...!"
"Hah. To me?"
"...Lady Sion Lagrange. Forgive our rudeness."
In the end, unwanted apologies spilled from their lips. Sion clicked her tongue inwardly.
...Damn class rep. Always strutting around like an asshole, which is why I hate her. But on our side, she's surprisingly reliable.
'Especially since she can land a solid hit on central nobles too.'
Just like what Sion had endured. Central nobles in this world did look down on provincials.
But there was one exception—a provincial they couldn't ignore: the imperial family's kin, the grand ducal house of the north, Pernov.
Unlike Lagrange, which had achievements but no connections or roots, ramming into prestigious Pernov was like smashing eggs against a rock, even for central nobles.
So protesting her blunt scolding—skipping the capital's polite "proper circumlocution"—was pointless.
Thus, the obnoxious young ladies tossed out half-hearted apologies and bolted like their skirts were on fire, clearly uncomfortable.
"Shall we go...? Ladies? We'll be late for tea if we stay!"
Their pathetic, scurrying retreat was almost pitiful. Though she'd gotten a formal apology, Sion always tucked away these vicious slights and harassments in her heart...
Today's incident would be no different for her.
"Cowards."
......
Well, that was settled for now. Naturally, Sion's next curiosity wasn't those bootlicking idiots she always stepped on, but this one.
"Class rep!"
"Kyaa! You scared me."
"Why are you here...?! Those wounds from yesterday looked serious—you should've been in the infirmary like Alun!"
"Haha. Gratitude comes second?"
Of course it did. Getting caught being dissed was embarrassing enough, but needing help from the grand duchess? Her pride couldn't take it—hard to speak up.
But what had to be done, had to be done.
"Yes, well... thank you."
"Oh? You actually mean it. What a sweet heart."
"I'm no spoiled brat who takes everything for granted."
Irina laughed heartily, as if it were no big deal, then finally answered the question.
"Well, truth be told, I was stuck in the infirmary until just now, like you said. But I had no choice but to come out."
"No choice...?"
"Heh heh..."
And then, with a bold grin like "Don't be shocked," she flashed Sion a sly smile.
"You know that new guy everyone's talking about? Demon King slayer, guardian of this era, retired frontier swordsman..."
Irina pulled out yesterday's special edition school paper, scattered like confetti.
It covered the well-known story of Joseph suppressing Zigrinde's rampage after the duel.
"Apparently, after getting pushed back just a smidge in yesterday's duel, he effortlessly subdued the raging Zigrinde. And then Sir Joseph himself came to the infirmary?"
"......"
"Bringing Alun, who hadn't shown up to class at all!"
"Ah, yes."
"Looks like something happened... Her burn scars were bad."
At that, Sion didn't look at Irina but at Tiel, who was scratching his head awkwardly behind her.
Her gaze said: 'You didn't tell me what happened on the way here, did you?'
How could it be? Already infecting the professor with this habit of skipping details. Father and Uncle were enough for that.
"But who cares about scars. You, who shares my views, would see the real meaning right away. Sion!"
Oblivious Irina barreled on excitedly, ignoring the look.
"—He's taking action as our professor!"
"Sigh."
"He's working to get our class's truants to their desks! So we, knowing this, have a duty to support him fully—"
"Tiel, you didn't say a word to the grand duchess?"
The little guy, who'd watched everything from below the dorms, mumbled awkwardly.
"W-Well... I got dragged around fixing her wheelchair and stuff... No time to talk..."
Just as Sion predicted.
"You should've spoken up as a man! We found Alun injured too! Uncle brought her!"
"H-Hiiik...!"
"Ugh?!"
Irina just tilted her head at the cowering Tiel.
"Wait. Lady Lagrange. What did you just say...?"
"I said we already knew. Beating the drum after the war's over."
"Oh. Was it that obvious?"
Sigh. One cluelessly charging in all excited like a ditz. One knowing everything but clamming up.
Great that Joseph was coming, but realizing school life with these burnouts wouldn't change made Sion's head spin.
Well, fine then. Let's hear what she wants.
"Sigh... So if he came to us, you must want something. You didn't come just to tell us that, right? What is it you want so badly, Grand Duchess?"
"Mm, well... It's about the classroom..."
"Pardon?"
Ah. The place she provoked Zigrinde into rampaging, leaving scratches and filth everywhere?
"Could you help clean it up?"
"Politely decline."
"Sorry to ask, but I'm class rep... If you realize I caused the mess and did nothing, you'll think badly of me!"
"So what? It's not like we can fix it ourselves."
And it wasn't even Sion's job. Plus, imagining Irina scoring points with Uncle made her blood boil for some reason.
"Still, doing it versus not makes a difference. Aren't we friends? I'm a proper lady. I don't want you hating me from the start—!"
"You're bad at cleaning."
"Wait, just once—!!"
But with her clinging to Sion's skirt like this, after Sion had used her aura to shoo off that marchioness or whatever, it felt wrong to keep refusing. No, before that—she'd whine forever if left alone.
"...Haa. Can't be helped. Let's go, Tiel."
"Y-Yes...? Where...?"
"To clean. Can't have the grand duchess looking this pathetic—it's partly your fault, so pay up."
"Y-Yes ma'am!"
Time was flying anyway. They'd polish the classroom till the professor returned, honoring her pathetic plea.
I yawned. The booze from last night hadn't worn off—my head throbbed.
"This sucks..."
Alun's issue wrapped up smoothly, but the stress on me was no joke.
Was turning thirty hitting me this hard? Back when I was younger, I'd bounce back no matter how much I drank.
Should've never touched that demon piss.
But who am I? Proud salaryman of Korea. In this life, Demon King subjugator of Aslan Empire, and proud salaryman.
No sick day for a hangover like this. I rubbed my eyes, skipped the noose, tied my tie, and headed to work.
'Let's push through. Got one truant yesterday. Today, snag the other two.'
Creak—
But the moment I opened the door...
I froze mid-step over the threshold.
What the—? It was filthy with fight scars yesterday.
Now it sparkled. Did they polish it with toothpaste? No, more than that.
"Students, what's this?"
Still at it.
"Ah, Uncle—! I mean, Professor! Good morning!"
Oh, my Sion? Look at her cute soot-smeared cheeks. The empire's top duchess wringing a rag like a maid, scrubbing the floor.
"Ow. Anyway, Tiel, I told you to fetch clean water! What is this muck?"
"B-But... The well ran dry from using so much..."
Tiel got chewed out by Sion while hauling water...
"Professor!"
Vrrr—
"Pleased to meet you. I'm the class rep of Mist Flower Class, Irina Bladimirovich Pernova."
"...Pleased to meet you, Irina Bladimirovich."
"My goodness, using my full title. It feels like northern culture is respected—I'm thrilled! But no need. Please, just call me Irina."
Our grand duchess rolled up in her ill-fitting wheelchair, greeting me.
Heh heh.
"Didn't know you'd been discharged. You're up and about quick. But... what's with the wheelchair?"
"Ah, forgive my rudeness for not standing. I'm awake, but they said no walking for a bit."
"No."
"...?"
"What's with the rag wedged in the wheels...?"
"Ah, this? Sitting to clean was awkward, so I pursued 'efficiency'."
Efficiency my ass. You a robot vacuum or what...?
"Heh heh."
Honestly, it was kinda funny. Was she hamming it up on purpose, or clueless? Her fierce, proud scrubbing had primal appeal.
But if this were canon Irina, scolding her would backfire.
'You look dumb—stop.'
'Eh?'
'Keep the grand duchess's dignity...?'
'Uh... um... eh... th...'
'A for comedy. Hilarious.'
'────Rejected. Rejected. Rejected.'
She hated rejection.
Definitely. No doubt...
Her yandere side would trigger.
"A genius idea. Impressive to see the class rep beautifying despite your injuries."
Whoosh—!
My insincere praise lit her up with a beaming grin.
"Knew you'd appreciate my efforts, Professor!"
"Good job, class rep."
"Heh... heh heh... heh... What a great guy."
...Yeah. Think that if you want. Sweet-talking her like this, she'd be a proper student and help lighten Zigrinde's punishment as the involved party.
'Keep long-running like this.'
Seeing these noble ladies—who seemed allergic to chores—hard at it made me grin from ear to ear first thing in the morning.
Dunno why, but sucking up to me? Problem kids or not, they tried to look good.
Used to see them as sloppy rice-wasters, but now? Kinda cute.
But right then.
"......!!"
A sinister chill hit from behind.
───Demon? No, succubus...?!
Overlapping memories from Demon King days, endless fights with them.
I whipped around instinctively.
"Professor......"
"...You?!"
There she was: way shorter than me, peering up from navel height... scrawny girl with glasses.
Phew. False alarm.
But I might know this student.
"...Sorry for the informal address. You know faces, Professor. You're Lurua student, right?"
"Yes... hic, knew it—you know me—!!"
One of the two I planned to hunt today: Lurua Feodosiya.
Dunno the story, but her showing up saved work...
Why the funeral face, though?
"So why the long face?"
She wailed like she'd been waiting.
"────A-Attendance! Attendance! Sorry! I'm so sorry, skipping school!"
"Ah. Attendance."
"Can't you skip deducting points? If I don't get all A-pluses... N-No! Please! Anything, just no deductions!"
......
Hah. Mountains on mountains.