Criminal Incompetence #1: Mr. Indonesia
For his monumental contributions to the independence of Indonesia—and now Malaya, which had fallen under Indonesian control—Churchill was summoned to the Prime Minister's office.
"Korea is sending battleships, rescue teams, and salvage vessels to try saving those sunken ships somehow."
"Now, of all times?"
After the entire British Combined Fleet had been parked at the bottom of the sea?
"Exactly—now is the time. Those bastards won't sit idly by and watch Germany win."
It had startled them enough to mobilize every battleship guarding the homeland.
The Prime Minister extinguished his cigarette. "Honestly, I hold no grudges against you. Accidents happen."
"…"
"A massive stockpile of fish fertilizer in the warehouse spontaneously ignited for some reason, causing a huge explosion. That sort of thing can happen, right?"
Never mind that uprisings erupted across Indonesia afterward, forcing the brand-new Governor-General's office to shut down before it even got started.
Churchill couldn't bring himself to speak. Partly because it wasn't just fish fertilizer in there, and partly because the Prime Minister's eyes gleamed with madness.
In truth, Churchill hadn't even known about the fertilizer until after the accident. The fishery warehouse he knew of was officially a Singapore fertilizer depot—but really, it was a fuel and munitions depot. After the conquest of Indonesia, it had become a simple storage hub for plundered resources, and from that point on, Churchill hadn't given it a second thought.
No thoughts at all. He'd been too busy scheming how to lure Korea into joining their battleships.
"But I don't quite get it. I consulted experts everywhere, and they say the blast was too powerful for a natural explosion. It swept away all the ships nearby and capsized them sideways—can an accident really pack that kind of punch?"
"Are you suggesting sabotage, sir?"
"Possibly. Germany is my prime suspect. They might have used Indonesian nationalists to pull it off."
"Not my place to say as the one responsible, but… I agree."
"I looked into who stacked the fertilizer there. Turns out they were all ordinary fishermen. Seems they stored their own catch there and just left it."
"All too common, sir."
"If it'd been dynamite, we might have a lead. But fishermen stacking fertilizer in a fishery warehouse and walking away? Too damn ordinary."
Considering it was near India, it was practically like leaving ice behind.
What if it really wasn't an accident? The execution was so clean, it made you wonder if you should try a stunt like that yourself.
"The real issue is this: Korea says they'll cooperate to salvage as many sunken ships as possible, but honestly, that's not enough."
Germany, somehow getting wind of it, kept testing Britain's blockade with provocations. There was a clear difference between sealing off trade and fighting a decisive fleet battle.
Right now, Britain could surely beat Germany in a fleet showdown, but their numbers had dwindled to a razor-thin margin for blockading German sea trade.
In short, Britain desperately needed battleships. Battleships.
"America's still silent, and our Empire's allies are demanding we resurrect their flagship vessels from the sea. But all isn't lost."
"What method do you have in mind, sir?"
The Prime Minister nodded slowly. "Make the Ottomans our enemy."
"You're joking."
"Dead serious."
He continued gravely. "Whatever the Ottoman Prime Minister thinks, they've got a pro-German military faction and two battleships crewed by German sailors."
And then: "If the Ottomans turn hostile, we can seize those two ships."
Stealing battleships originally bound for the Ottomans was one thing—but now taking the ones already delivered?
"More importantly, Korean battleships will have British sailors aboard. Get my meaning?"
"You're not saying steal them?"
"We wouldn't do that to an ally. But if Korea's Southern Army Group gets attacked by the Ottomans, could they stand by? Even without British naval advisors?"
That pulls eight battleships to the front lines. Use those eight to sink or seize the two Ottoman ships crewed by Germans.
"That gives us some ships, one way or another."
Korea's dreadnoughts were British-built, or American ones influenced by Britain. The original British crews could provide "advice" just fine.
Churchill—no, Mr. Indonesia—felt a vague unease and spoke up. "Why not just take the eight outright? If we're not careful, we'll isolate the Southern Army Group we've just built."
"How can we stop the Ottomans from siding with Germany?"
Though we'd be the ones egging them on, sure. Anyway, in the Prime Minister's view, buying German coins was idiotic.
"Besides, those eight aren't even guaranteed yet. You see the problem, don't you?"
"You're joking? Didn't they say they'd come?"
"Eight battleships and an escort fleet carrying sailors—that much is firm. The rest is diplomatic fluff."
Britain had pushed hard for a firm commitment on joining the grand fleet, but no matter what they offered, the Supreme Leader stayed silent.
To Britain, it was a gift box with unknown contents. A dud meant sailors without ships; the real deal meant sailors with ships. Big gap between flop and jackpot.
So if it was a flop, swap it for the real prize: eight immediately deployable dreadnoughts. Turn the Ottomans—who might side with Germany anyway—into enemies, and claim those instead.
'Even if the Ottomans turn hostile, the blocked straits stay blocked—that's it.'
Russian support via the straits? Korea was handling it overland.
To the Prime Minister, the Ottoman front offered little loss for Britain and much gain.
'Prepare the war plan.'
Britain decided to serve up the Ottomans on a platter. Britain gets Egypt; Korea gets Iraq. Surely satisfaction all around.
Southeast Asia had gone independent: British Malaya and Dutch Indonesia merged into a massive British Indonesia, now truly free.
The bitter Britain at this point had no choice but to tacitly allow the armed independence of Southeast Asia.
The Dutch laughed their asses off at first, then realized they were in the same boat.
And in that moment, Britain and the Dutch locked eyes. Losers always bond over shared misery.
'Britain yields to Dutch claims, folding Indonesia into Dutch Indonesia.'
'The Dutch yield to British claims, restoring British Malaya.'
After the war, WWE it out and pretend none of this happened.
Of course, Korea had zero intention of agreeing to this territorial restoration.
The Supreme Leader had always assumed Britain and the Dutch would pull exactly this. Now that they'd been booted from Indonesia, he decided to make it truly independent.
'Indonesia's independence paves the way for Indochina's, and Indochina's for all Southeast Asia, India, and the world—a true spring of liberation.'
Or maybe not. Africa might just devolve into tribal chaos into the 21st century, as usual.
Independence requires brains, and Africa lacked them.
Still, a liberated Southeast Asia was a massive boon for the Korean Empire.
Sea lanes would open wide—truly. Paths to India, Arabia, Africa via Southeast Asia.
That burdens Britain's sea control bullshit.
British promises? I don't buy it.
Maybe this returns the seas to humanity's first step.
In that sense, Southeast Asia mattered more than Australia. Australia was future food; Southeast Asia was Korea's lifeline—phones, cars.
To conquer the world, you needed independent Southeast Asia.
'Blow up all the wrecked ships?'
'Otherwise, I'll salvage every one and hand them back to Britain. Ponder where those ships might sail next.'
Korea first connected with the Southeast Asian provisional government via Lee Wan-yong's arrangements, blocking any British reconquest.
'Brits, these guys punched holes in all your ships? Thought it was a half-bath, but they rinsed your guts. Looks like they even stripped scrap metal.'
'Those fuckers!'
And Korea blocked any compromise with Britain too.
Next, straight to national surgery.
'This is Haiti—precisely, Santo Domingo Island. And this is Taiwan. The former's a satanic sugar plantation by America, France, and Spain. The latter's a heavenly paradise by Korea, Britain, and Japan.'
'Uh, Britain…'
'Frankly, Korea can't help you. See? When Britain says fuck off, Korea just fucks off.'
'Can't you just fight alongside us?'
'Nope. Clashing national interests. Complicated, right?'
'Understood.'
Instead, Korea's proposal was one the Indonesian provisional—no, independence government—wondered if they could really pull off.
'You want us to screw Britain?'
'Precisely: team up with certain Brits to screw Britain.'
Korea pointed out that Brits would happily betray Britain for their own profits, and Indonesians couldn't run or sell Dutch/British assets properly anyway.
Nationalization? Might as well become Haiti.
Feels good short-term, but what excuse when battleships show up? Can't run it, can't sell it—how to build strength against Britain and the Dutch? Beg Korea then?
Korea didn't want that. Turning Chinese into humans was backbreaking enough. Add Southeast Asia?
Korea wanted independent nations, comrades side by side.
'Note this. First, form a shell company and recognize existing British assets as shares. That pulls influential Brits to your side.'
'Assets as shares.'
'Then, spin off the shell into subsidiaries, take new investments to dilute original big British shareholders with other British ones. Keeps you solo for a while. Compromise with originals by granting exclusive sales rights on some goods.'
'Spin-offs.'
'Next, divide your islands into federal states, embed those new companies per state. Shields from arbitrary meddling. Remember how Britain built the East India Company.'
'Federal state.'
'Finally, cross-holdings between subsidiaries to cement your control openly. Make it fully state-owned.'
'Cross-holdings.'
'After that, keep it state-run or privatize smartly—your call. That alone stops Britain from sending warships rashly. It's their people's assets on the line.'
Yes. Korea's advice: grab your share moderately, suck money, contracts, tech from Brits. Utterly pragmatic—industrialization demanded it.
'But don't privatize recklessly. Fine if to your nationals, your capitalists. But to Brits? Pay dearly. Think why I never hand land/companies to Brits.'
'Because they're British?'
'If I may advise boldly: Brits never take losses. I succeeded with anti-foreigner co-ops, but can you claim zero pro-Brit factions inside?'
Bet big you'd fail at unity. Revolution? Nah.
'You can't match me. So yield everything else, but guard those exclusive sales rights you gave big original shareholders. They'll back you then—it's their table.'
No host welcomes foreigners at their feast, unless biblical.
'Oh right—with Korean battleships here now, this is your only shot at that compromise.'
Most nations got robbed without even negotiation room.
'Why compromise when you can kill and take?'
'Think hard, but don't decide late.'
Ships always sail on.