Sun Tzu's Art of War #7: Toilets for India, Hong Kong in Hand
Sun Tzu's Art of War #7: Korea first proposed investing in India to Britain. "You, in India?" They'd be shocked, no doubt. Hell, Britain knew better than anyone that Korea had zero interest in India.
"No." Guess not. No, really, I was telling them we had no interest in India itself? Korea laid out the rationale for the investment and requested a joint venture. Britain tried not to listen at first, but when something intriguing came up, they turned an ear to what Korea had to say behind their back.
"The Korean troops building forts are suffering from stomach issues. In my view, it's a hygiene problem."
"And?"
"It's all because the Indians aren't civilized enough. Their water's basically pure shit."
Britain perked up at the phrase "not civilized enough." After all, they themselves were squatting in India precisely because of that civilization angle. Britain loaded up their standard "no" but asked what the hell Korea was getting at. Were they planning to build a school or something? In their India? Or maybe a church? But what came out of Korea's mouth was something pretty outrageous.
"How about we build some women's restrooms?"
"????"
"From what I've seen, even the men have places to go, but the women especially don't, so they just shit anywhere. That's the real problem."
"Sounds like personal experience."
"If we build public women's toilets in India and charge a fee, we could improve water quality and make money?"
Britain couldn't spit out their "no." Building schools? They could oppose that. Dare to educate Indians? Churches? Even more opposition. Dare to organize Indians? Britain figured they could oppose anything. But opposing women's restrooms? That just looked bad. On what grounds? And blindly opposing it made their inner businessman squirm. The instinct that screamed, that'll make money.
They weren't making as much in India as they could, after all. Britain realized they still had untapped profits there. And if—if—they mandated that women could only use these civilized toilets, with exclusive rights... Well, even without that, once people taste civilization, they can't go back. If those barbaric women got used to civilized toilets, every one could start printing money.
Britain admitted they'd briefly lost their minds over Korea and decided to make some cash instead.
"Call."
The Indians erupted upon hearing Britain was finally trying to manage even their "excretion"—the dignity of humanity. India was burning, Britain was aflame, but before the fire reached Korea—I snatched Hong Kong from China. Easier than I thought.
"France wants to prioritize freight at their sales points."
"Yes, sir."
Freight transport priority: ON.
"Wait, over a hundred passenger trains down to zero?!"
"Prioritize, I said? Walk."
Railroads were the lifeblood—hell, the arteries—of a modern nation. In a vast country like China, passenger train demand—no, necessity—was even greater. Without them, local governments might as well be separate countries. China was going insane precisely because they had them and now didn't. It felt like choking.
So China lodged their first protest with Korea.
"This is gonna cause talk, right?"
"Talk?"
"No, I mean, talk-talk-talk."
"Why complain to me? France requested it."
"But you're the owner of the railroads?"
"I haven't swapped all the shares yet. Right now, I'm a shareholder, but more importantly, a creditor. And that's the bigger stake."
Strictly speaking, France was shockingly the top owner of Chinese railroads at the moment. I'd dumped those Chinese railroad shares on France at exorbitant prices, loaded with P-notes, so they held the largest stake. I was just the CEO "temporarily" running things, with plenty of shares, bonds, and railroads myself.
Sure, considering I could swap cheap bonds for shares, calling me the owner wasn't entirely wrong—but they were different. For instance, France, same shareholder or not, jumped at my line: "If you won't buy this at that price, your railroads connected to the mines—for freight from those mines—guess you don't need rails that bad? Just sell less ore?" Despite becoming top shareholder by buying my overpriced shares, they had to tiptoe around me, the creditor who could flip shares anytime. And without going through me, the top bondholder, they couldn't interfere in operations.
Yeah. Strictly, they were "different." Who asks you to overvalue your assets like that? Naturally, I priced the railroad shares based on those asset values. Otherwise, it'd be breach of trust or embezzlement. Even if I wasn't a corporation.
But on the surface, it was the manager (me) honoring a legitimate request from the owner (France). Minor shareholders like China had no say.
Yet they barged in without even a proper board meeting? Punishment time.
"Oh, you're calling me a pussy for not protesting to France?"
"No?!"
"What do you mean no? Fine."
I channeled Ma Sek-do and extended my hand.
"?"
"What're you waiting for? Put Hong Kong in my hand."
"You're joking, right?"
"Do I joke about this? I believe in actions, not words."
"Please!"
"Yeah, please listen to your brother for once. Have I ever wronged you?"
I ticked off on my fingers for China: pulling Hong Kong from Britain's jaws, returning China's precious treasures, saving China from the Qing above all.
"I've shown brotherhood through actions, but my little brother treats me like shit for following France's request? I need to see if you see me as a brother—put Hong Kong in this hand now."
"Please!"
"I don't believe words, remember? Show me with actions. Three, two—one!"
Easier than expected. At least on this front, France was in cahoots. Even if passenger trains vanished for Chinese commutes, if more fresh rails from Chinese iron mines flowed to Paris, that profited France more. China begging France would get nowhere. I could see it.
"Just lend it for ten years!"
"I know, what would I even do with Hong Kong?"
To China, who finally handed over Hong Kong, I promised more one-way trains, gifted locomotive tech, introduced killer container tech—and shoved a rice cake (not pork cutlet) in the crying guy's mouth.
Now, with fresh Hong Kong in hand, I packaged it as a free trade zone and eyed the one to shake this beast: Britain, hell-bent on dragging Korea into the flames.
"Time to get out of East Asia."
Honestly, they creeped me out. Like instinctive disgust at a venomous snake—that was Britain to me. Now I could finally sleep easy.
Macdonald and the Supreme Leader gathered in the pavilion to forge an impossible agreement.
The Supreme Leader, dead set against allying with Britain.
Macdonald, refusing to tolerate Korea's schemes in India.
A fight neither could yield.
"Fuck it, let's ally."
"?!"
"If Britain ignores whatever I do in East Asia, Southeast Asia, my Pacific backyard—I'll take that alliance cup."
"So, you'll stop meddling in India?"
"I've never meddled in India."
"We've confirmed a flood of counterfeits heading there."
Good thing we didn't stick to the original plan—I'd have been screwed.
I poured liquor without changing expression.
"I'm worried too—that really flood in? You might need to tighten house security if it's deemed from Korea."
"Aren't Korean pounds pretty similar to British ones?"
"…"
Of course not. While distributing pounds, I'd also spread minting presses for the new anti-counterfeit tech of the year. The goal wasn't profit from fakes—it was flooding India with pounds itself.
Naturally, Britain couldn't pin it on me clearly. The gap between India-Britain intel, and global intel—I understood it perfectly.
To Indians, Britain was just the asshole next-door landlord. To Britain, India was "natives." If Indians knew Britons truly saw them as savages, they'd charge London on elephants—but Britons wouldn't make exceptions for Indians. Whether Indians inwardly saw themselves as more civilized than African natives or not, Britons treated them equally as savages.
Hell, they treated Americans as hicks too. Savages at least spoke human tongues—so relatively well-treated. Indians only saw discrimination because they viewed themselves as human; to superior Britons steeped in chosen-people bullshit, it wasn't discrimination at all.
I knew British habits and worldview well. From a mildly "Anglicized" 21st century future. I also knew native habits—from bingeing Animal Kingdom.
So I knew exactly how Britons saw trash like me: armed monkeys. Planet of the Apes had nothing on this.
Thus, hide territorial ambitions? That'd seem suspicious. Japan in original history: tried blocking Russo-Japanese War but still backed them. Fake ambitions to show—raises banana-tossing odds.
So accept the alliance cup, but tack on clauses Britain couldn't swallow. Monkeys could overreach. They'd see it as cheeky tricks. If we then "get real," back off alliance—perfect.
"Truth is, I'm more interested in something else than India."
"What?"
"Australia."
"Then what'll you put on the scales for that? Personally, Hong Kong alone seems short."
...Huh?
"Introduce me to that secret palace made of gold? Depending on quantity, maybe possible now."
What the fuck are you saying, Britain?