If You Don't Say It, I Won't Know. (2)
If You Don't Say It, I Won't Know. (2)
Seo's past was nothing particularly special.
Raised by that person's hands, taught by that person, he escaped that person's embrace as soon as he became an adult.
But just because his past wasn't special didn't mean he had no special memories.
'Don't call me omma.'
Around the time he first started speaking.
The response he got when he called that person omma.
'Why?'
'Because I am not your omma.'
Perhaps it had been since then.
The fact that this person could be a guardian, but never a parent.
'What should I call you then?'
Was it said that wounds from childhood last a lifetime?
That was no different for Seo.
The firm refusal he heard from the person he had called omma.
And even the gaze that seemed to be looking at someone else, not him.
That was why he dug in even more obsessively.
Until the moment he became an adult, continuously.
'You have my name. Is there any need to set a separate title?'
Right there, he realized.
Ah, this person simply raised me.
Without an ounce of affection, without desiring any kind of relationship, she just left me as I was.
'I will become independent.'
'Do as you wish. You're an adult now.'
Even when he became an adult and was leaving the house, that person didn't even come out to see him off.
Rather, she even looked relieved.
Because she had an expression in her eyes as if she were finally cutting off her lingering regrets.
"What kind of existence was I to you?"
The question he had always wanted to ask.
But the question he couldn't ask.
Because he felt he wouldn't be able to stand it if he heard that he was nothing.
"A child? Or a kid to look after? If not that, a lingering regret?"
He wasn't asking for anything big.
The desire to be acknowledged as a child was long gone the moment he became an adult.
Just.
Simply.
The fact that that person had given him even a single shred of affection.
If he could confirm just that one simple fact, anything else didn't matter.
[ Omma ]
"..."
A terminal worn with hand smudges.
A single number saved at the very bottom of the phonebook.
Why was it?
Why did the me back then save it under such a name?
'Do you know?'
He asked his past self, but no answer came back.
Because to Seo, himself back then was far, far too distant.
[ Connect the call? ]
"..."
A short question floating on the screen.
At that question, Seo reflexively held his breath.
He always gets stuck right here.
Yesterday, and the day before yesterday as well—
"Phew..."
What if the phone number changed?
What if she doesn't answer?
What if she says she doesn't know who I am?
Unpleasant thoughts raced through his head.
Every single one of them, things he didn't even want to imagine.
"...You don't know unless you speak up."
Just one step.
He couldn't stay stopped like this out of fear of that.
Seo's hand pressed the call button.
Ttururu— Tturururu— Ttururu—
"..."
An achromatic ringback tone struck his ear.
Thankfully, it's connecting.
Even while letting out a hollow laugh at himself for being relieved by just that much, Seo did not relax his tension.
Because only the first anxiety had been resolved just now.
Ddalgak—
[I didn't expect you of all people to contact me.]
It wasn't that the phone number had changed, nor that she didn't answer.
The person spoke calmly, as if it were nothing.
Putting to shame the fact that they had cut off contact for over a decade, nothing about the person had changed.
From her voice to her tone of speech.
Exactly as he had heard at the very end.
"...Hello— Have you been doing well?"
After picking a title to come after the words 'Hello—', he ended up finishing with 'Have you been doing well?'.
It wasn't that there was no title to call the person.
It was simply that he didn't want to call her that.
[It seems you've been doing well.]
"Yes, well. I've been doing well."
She really doesn't answer the question of whether she herself has been doing well until the very end.
If she was doing well, she could at least say she was doing well; if she wasn't doing well, she could say she wasn't doing well.
A small resentment flared inside his heart.
If things are left ambiguous, it eventually leads to expecting something.
Seo had grown far too old to hold expectations anymore.
It would be better if he could just cut it off definitively.
"Um, by any chance—"
[If it's not something that can be finished quickly, let's meet in person and talk.]
"Yes... What?!"
Meet, in person?
At the unexpected words, Seo's eyes widened roundly.
Did she feel lonely because they hadn't been in contact for so long?
'No, that's impossible.'
Though she was alone, she was a person who, more than anyone else, did not suit the three letters of the word 'loneliness'.
Asking to meet in person might also be to sever the thinly connected ties.
'In my heart, I don't want to meet, but...'
"Yes, I understand. Should I come visit you in person?"
[Yeah. Come visit tomorrow.]
After the cold voice came a ttuk.
Seo's face was reflected on the blackened screen.
Almost ten-plus years since becoming an adult.
Inside it, his appearance in the lab, when he left the house, and his current self were all contained.
"...Nothing has changed."
Was he saying it to himself, or to the other person?
Or did it hold another meaning?
A hollow laugh filled the room.
***
[Then I'll be back in a bit. Makina, Dea.]
[Have a good trip, Seo-ajeossi!]
"Have a good trip, Seo-nim."
A few days later.
Seo-nim left the house with an expression as if he had made up his mind about something.
Surely he must be going to talk with that person who was like a parent to him.
[Dea, Dea!]
"Yeah, Makina."
[Seo-ajeossi surely went to meet Seo-ajeossi's Dea, right?]
"Seo-nim's me... Ah, right. Yes. That must be it."
I nodded at Makina's words.
Someone like Seo-nim's me.
'I don't know what kind of past there is, but I hope there will be a good result.'
I clasped my hands together for Seo-nim.
A habit formed ever since making the first prayer at the Underground Laboratory.
Whenever Seo-nim's expression looked unwell or tired, I offered prayers wishing for Seo-nim's happiness.
The day before yesterday, yesterday, and today as well.
'Lately, it seems he's been having a hard time continuously...'
The frequency of my prayers was directly equal to the frequency of Seo-nim's expression looking unwell.
Was meeting someone like a parent really that difficult for him?
A thought occurred to me whether I had encouraged him for no reason.
[Then will our family grow by one more member?]
"Family growing by one more...?"
[Seo-ajeossi is our family, so isn't Seo-ajeossi's family our family too?]
At Makina's words, I felt as if I had been hit on the back of the head.
How do I think of Seo-nim?
The answer to what I had been curious about until now.
'Thank you, Dea.'
The words of gratitude directed at me came to mind.
At first, it was merely gratitude toward a savior.
And I thought it would end purely as gratitude toward a savior until the very end.
"...Yeah, that's right."
But not anymore.
Because my words and actions had already strayed far from treating him merely as a savior.
I had seeped into Seo-nim's daily life, and Seo-nim had also seeped into mine and Makina's daily life.
A relationship where we seeped into each other's daily lives.
No, going beyond that, what do we call a relationship where each other has become daily life itself?
"It would be nice if we gained one more family member."
[I knew it, right? Ehehe...]
"Of course, even if we gain more family, to me, Makina will be the most precious."
[To me too, Dea will be the most precious!]
"Puhu..."
[Muhu...]
Without either of us needing to say a word, we burst out laughing.
As expected, Makina is my daughter.
How can she resemble me so perfectly?
Just like that, we looked at each other and laughed for a long time.
In the farthest yet closest place, just like that.
***
Biological Miracle.
Its top floor.
"...He is coming."
A suit tightening neatly around her body as if refusing to reveal a single patch of skin.
And gloves.
A woman looking out the window at the city view let out a short phrase, almost like a sigh.
"I thought I had severed everything..."
Ttogak, ttogak, ttogak...
The woman moved her steps toward her desk.
Placed on top was only a work computer, a file, and a single small picture frame.
The woman stared blankly at the dry, expressionless atmosphere, then slowly lifted the picture frame on the desk.
[ May you be happy.
-Lily Elpida]
A black-haired woman was captured in the photograph.
Smiling happily.
Caressing the face in the picture as if treating a treasure, the woman caressed the writing inscribed below it.
The writing that said hope in Greek.
"I don't regret it."
The woman spoke.
As if speaking to the person inside the photograph.
"Curing you, forcibly extending your lifespan, making you like that, performing human experiments for your sake—all of it."
The person inside the photograph gave no answer.
She simply smiled.
Once, there had been a time when she smiled back looking at that smile.
How pretty she looked, smiling happily while saying her body had gotten better.
"'Everything has an end, so do not be sad,' was it?"
The woman raised the corners of her lips.
A soft and gentle voice.
Vivid enough to recall even right this moment, the voice engraved in her memory lingered around her ears.
"So I won't be sad."
Her glove-encased hand lifted the file placed on the desk.
As if her smile up until a moment ago had been a lie, winter had arrived upon the woman's face.
"...With this as the last, a war will not happen."
Her violet-colored eyes read down the words written in the file.
Analysis results.
Danger level.
Current location.
Response plan.
And—
[ Immediate destruction recommended. ]
[ Entity Name ]
[ Deus Ex Machina ]