The Emperor's Fear
What's with the heartbeat? He could just sleep next to me.
What's the point of coming all the way here just to leave again?
And what's with tucking me in?
Time for my old self to step up after all this time.
Think, think, think, think. Not his aides...
What on earth is he thinking?
I have no idea.
I pulled the blanket over my head and fell asleep.
Joseph's odd behavior didn't end that night.
Joseph rose at four on the dot.
A wake-up call that went beyond habit—pure instinct.
This wasn't the familiar palace in Vienna. It was a provincial castle they were staying in briefly for the tour of inspection. But an emperor's day didn't change with the location.
He quietly rose from the bed.
The night before, Joseph had definitely stopped by the bedroom.
He'd seen Sisi tossing and turning from the fatigue of the tour and the unfamiliar surroundings.
But he couldn't bring himself to lie down beside her.
Joseph washed his face with cold water and stared at his reflection in the mirror. The face of a man in his early twenties was masked by the emperor's visage his mother had forged.
Am I truly in the wrong?
The emperor rang a bell to summon his valet.
"Bring the reports."
The makeshift study was already piled high with documents hauled overnight by carriage from Vienna, awaiting his approval.
Before dawn broke, in the quiet room lit only by flickering candles, the sole sound was the scratch of his pen.
Grievances from Hungarian nobles, garrison reports from the Kingdom of Lombardy-Venetia, tax collection status from the treasury... The empire was vast, and its problems endless.
He couldn't rest.
From the moment he'd inherited this colossal empire at eighteen, personal life had become a luxury.
"Your Majesty, it's time for breakfast."
"Bring it here."
Without lifting his eyes from the reports, he mechanically chewed his food.
Ten a.m. The official tour schedule began.
"His Imperial Majesty the Emperor! Her Imperial Majesty the Empress!"
When he emerged from the study, Sisi was already perfectly prepared, waiting for him with a radiant smile that had washed away last night's confusion.
Joseph ignored his roughly pounding heart and gruffly offered his arm.
"Let's go."
Cheering crowds, children tossing flowers.
As they sat side by side in the carriage, waving, Joseph's mind was entirely consumed by the report he'd been reading.
The citizens are smiling, but grain prices are skyrocketing. Appeasing local sentiment matters, but we need a fundamental solution...
Then, the woman beside him whispered softly.
"Look at that child over there. Isn't he just adorable?"
Following her gaze, a shy boy was waving.
"Indeed."
Lunch after the tour was a formal banquet.
Dozens of lavish dishes appeared, but the emperor only touched a couple of plates nearest him before setting down his fork.
The meal ended in twenty minutes. The local nobles and the empress, dining with him, hurriedly finished to match his pace.
Afternoon brought site inspections and a military review.
A relentless march with no breaks.
By sunset, back at the residence, Joseph headed straight to the study again.
Nine p.m.
The aide-de-camp cautiously opened the door.
"Your Majesty, it's time to retire to your chambers."
Joseph set down his pen.
Half the documents remained, but one of his iron rules was bedtime at the appointed hour.
He needed rest to rise at the same time tomorrow.
"And the empress?"
"She has retired."
The aide-de-camp quietly escorted the emperor to the empress's room.
The one person who made him break his rules.
The woman who made him defy his mother's orders for the first time.
Just like the night before, today too he gazed at her sleeping face before turning away.
As Joseph emerged from the marital bedchamber, the aide-de-camp said,
"I'll prepare your chambers for a comfortable rest."
A gentle reminder to retire with the empress.
But Joseph shook his head.
"I wouldn't want to wake the empress at dawn because of me."
Half-truth. The other half was the fear that lying with Sisi would shatter the emperor within him.
"Understood. I'll prepare quickly."
Joseph feigned ignorance of his aide's intentions and allowed it.
Mentally sorting tomorrow's documents, he drifted to sleep.
Coming and going every night for a week—what's his game, just watching and leaving?
This bizarre game of hide-and-seek continued throughout the Milan tour.
During the day, we perfectly played the ideal imperial couple, thanks to our last talk.
I linked arms with Joseph, smiling at Milan's nobles; he waved to the crowds.
And at night.
Every night, Joseph slipped into my bedroom like a ghost.
Comes, stares, leaves.
He only tucked me in that first night. After that, he just stood there like a shadow, watching. Pervert? Or...
"Wondering if I've got another man hidden here?"
Why does he even come?
Who can I ask? No way—not my maids; it'd get back to Sophie for sure, and spilling to them is out.
Sophie would just say, "If you can't fulfill your role as empress, no wonder the emperor drifts like that." More nagging.
Did Sophie give some weird order again? Is that why he's keeping his distance?
The more I thought, the more my head hurt.
...But our daytime couple act seems solid, right?
Is Joseph even capable of such tender acting?
Compared to day one, he was glancing cautiously, awkwardly starting conversations.
I definitely felt his guilt... So why does he put up a wall at night?
"That's it!"
Well, for a guy, out of sight is easier than resisting temptation. Has to be.
No way it's my sleep-talking. Nah, not that.
I glanced at the clock.
Almost nine. Tonight, we talk for sure.
I lay in bed, carefully closing my eyes, waiting. Breathing evenly for the perfect sleeping act.
All I've gained in a week is better fake-sleeping skills...
How much time passed? A faint door creak.
His footsteps stopped at the usual spot.
Probably staring down at my "sleeping" face right now.
I snapped my eyes open and reflexively grabbed Joseph's wrist to stop him fleeing.
"Joseph! We need to talk—"
I clearly yanked him toward the bed.
Startled by my sudden move, Joseph's body jerked back; not letting go, my body lurched off the bed.
Thud!
Joseph fell backward; I lost my grip on his wrist and tumbled helplessly on top of him.
"Ow, ow..."
Did my forehead hit something?
When I came to, we were frozen in an awkward, dangerous position.
My hands braced on his chest—I felt his shock transmit straight to me.
In the dark, his face was vividly clear, so close I felt his breath.
No trace of the usual stern emperor—just wide eyes filled with surprise and bewilderment.
Thump, thump, thump.
Through my hands, or my body—I felt his heart racing.
"...Are you alright?"
Joseph broke the silence first.
His voice husky, cracked.
Instead of answering, I swallowed dryly.
"S-sorry."
This wasn't the plan.
As I panicked and tried to rise, he wrapped his arms around my waist.
"......"
All worldly noise vanished; only our heartbeats tangled together.
Thump, thump, thump. What I'd thought was his might've been mine.
My traitorous heart raced against my will.
"Wh-what are you doing? Let go."
"No."
He buried his face in my shoulder, voice muffled.
"What?"
"...I said no."
His stubbornness made me stop resisting.
"...Why are you like this? Ghosting around every night for a week."
"I was afraid."
"Of what?"
Fine, no escaping—let's talk face-to-face.
"Just listen."
Okay, okay.
I gave up completely and let my body go limp in that position.
"I was afraid."
"Of what?"
"If I fell asleep beside you..."
"Asleep?"
"The emperor in me would crumble."
Not in any scenario I'd imagined.
No Sophie orders, no complaints about me.
"So."
Unbelievable.
"So your solution was sneaking peeks every night? That's the emperor's grand fix?"
"You're the only one. The only one who makes me defy my mother's will."
Joseph justified himself to me like that.
"I must rise earlier than anyone. Read reports, issue orders. The empire doesn't turn without me. But beside you... I felt like I could never rise again."
I felt his arms slacken. Instead of getting up from atop him, I lay beside him on the floor, arm pillowed under my head.
"Sisi?"
"The floor's colder than I thought."
I stared straight into his eyes.
"Joseph. Don't be scared. I once heard: don't fear before trying."
Military emperor, my foot—a total scaredy-cat. Crushed by duty.
"The empress shares the emperor's burdens. When I'm weary, you carry them; when you are, I do. So sleep here tonight."
I pulled him into my arms.
"...Empress."
"Sisi when it's just us. And I'm tired too. Smiling for Milan nobles ain't easy."
Joseph hesitated a moment, then sighed in surrender.
It tickled.
His hand slowly wrapped around my back.
"...Very well."
His heartbeat quickened again.
Sigh, my fate.
Taming this stiff, stubborn emperor—way more exhausting than I thought. Like a big overgrown kid.
Aide-de-camp Grüne, Count, stared motionlessly at the imperial couple's bedroom door, face rigid.
...The appointed time has passed, yet no emergence.
He raised a hand quietly to knock.
"Are you knocking on a door where Her Imperial Majesty resides?"
No—he'd meant to. If Countess Esterházy-Lichtenstein hadn't stopped him, he'd have tried turning him back into the emperor again.
"...Lord Chamberlain."
"Aide-de-camp. Don't cross the line. Matters concerning Her Imperial Majesty fall under the empress's household, not the emperor's."
Grüne shot a glare of mingled contempt and fury at the closed door.
The Archduchess's eyes handed to a Bavarian woman.