Only Look at Me, You Fool
"Then just take pictures of me."
The next day.
My heart felt uneasy the entire walk to the rear garden of the academy.
What if she's already there, waiting for me...?
No, wait. What if my clothes look bad...?
Granita, as a matter of principle, allowed casual dress on holidays, which gave me one more thing to fret over. Normally I would have thrown on whatever was closest, but today every little detail began to nag at me. Were the wrinkles in my shirt too obvious? Was my fringe too short?
It was probably because the person I was meeting was Lois White. Until yesterday I'd been the one busy teasing her, and now the tide had completely turned. Ordinarily I could guess what someone was thinking from their expression alone, but right now I couldn't even sort out my own thoughts.
What a mess... A sigh escaped me for no reason at all. How long had I been walking like this, shouldering every worry by myself?
"...!" The moment I stepped into the garden, I stopped in my tracks.
Lois, standing beneath the cherry blossom tree, looked quite different from her usual self. In place of her uniform she wore a white blouse under a pale beige knit, paired with a long skirt in a calm, muted color. Her silver hair was tied back with a small ribbon, neatly arranged.
Unlike the dignified, cold presence she showed as Student Council President, she looked somehow at ease and warm.
...What is this? I'd thought she was beautiful yesterday too, yet strangely, today she looked even more beautiful.
"Sharve?"
Lois tilted her head as she noticed me.
"Why are you just standing there staring?"
"Ah, that's..."
The longer I looked at her, the faster my heart raced, so I hastily turned my head away.
"I wanted you to like it, so I did what I could to prepare..."
Lois said, shyly twirling a strand of her hair.
"You don't like it?"
"No, it's just..."
Lois had prepared all of this with me in mind. I rolled the question around and around in my head, searching for an answer that would sound right.
"You're so beautiful!"
"How beautiful?"
"Are you a goddess, by any chance?"
"Do you like the goddess more than me?"
No matter how I turned it over, no safe answer came to mind.
"What's this? Why so quiet?"
Lois stared hard at my face.
"Perhaps you prefer something bolder after all, Sharve..."
She put on a playful grin and jabed my shoulder.
"Bare shoulders, midriff out?"
"N-No, it's nothing like that!"
"Then why are you so slow to react?"
Lois asked, tilting her head.
"That's..."
I couldn't very well tell her it was because she was too beautiful.
"Be honest with me."
Lois closed the distance by another step. The look in her eyes as she gazed up at me seemed faintly cross, and yet utterly endearing.
"How do I look today?"
Somewhere along the way, the toes of our shoes had come to touch.
"Honestly."
With that, she clasped both my hands in hers.
With Lois demolishing wall after wall between us, I felt my heart might burst right out of my chest.
"...You're so beautiful."
At my words, her eyes curved into beautiful crescents.
"See? You can say it after all."
"I was shaking..."
"Why would you be shaking?"
"Because..."
I looked down at our joined hands. We were merely holding hands, yet strangely, my fingertips burned hot.
"Because you came so close all of a sudden..."
"Do you dislike it when I get close?"
There it was again. This woman truly seemed born with a talent for cornering people.
"No, I mean, that's..."
"Mm-hm? That's what?"
Lois smiled and gave me time to answer.
"Every time you press close, I start trembling, and..."
"Trembling?"
This time she looked to be fighting down a laugh.
"That's all there is."
When I declared that was the end of it, Lois shook her head hard.
"No. One more."
...
"Come along, hurry."
She studied my face for a moment, then gave my hands a small tug.
"Tell me I'm pretty one more time."
My mind simply stopped. I wondered if two people who were still nothing to each other ought to be trading words like these.
And yet. Too soon, or perhaps too late, I wanted this said all the same. Because I refused to spend the rest of my days regretting that I'd never said it.
"...You're beautiful."
"You might be the most beautiful person in the whole world today."
Lois's eyes, fixed on me now that I'd finally blurted it out, looked a touch wider than before.
"My. I never hoped for quite that much."
It was as though flowers had bloomed across her face, lovelier than any flower growing in the academy.
"Thank you. For saying all of that."
"Shall we walk now?"
Lois turned away, as if to hide her face.
I slipped into step beside her as naturally as I could.
For a while, we simply walked without a word. Now and then the backs of our hands would brush, and each time we only stole glances at each other. How long did we go on like that, each of us too timid to be the first?
Then Lois drew a small camera from her pocket.
"Shall we take a photo together?"
"I just thought... it might be nice to have something to remember today by."
Lois held the camera up in both hands and smiled a little.
"I'd like that."
I nodded, but the moment my eyes actually landed on the camera, the nerves came creeping back.
Taking a photo meant standing pressed against her side, after all.
"What's the matter?"
"Nothing. It's nothing."
Lois adjusted the camera's angle and glanced my way.
"...Come in a little closer."
"What?!"
"You have to be in the picture too, don't you?"
I took my place at Lois's side with a needlessly stiff face. She was closer than I'd expected, near enough that our shoulders might brush. A faint scent of flowers drifted over as her silver hair stirred gently in the breeze, and my heart began to race for no reason at all.
Lois leaned her body slightly toward mine.
"All right, smile. One, two~"
Click.
With that brief sound, the photo was taken, and I bent over the print Lois handed me: the two of us standing side by side beneath the cherry blossoms. In the picture, I looked far happier than I'd realized.
"...It came out well."
"Doesn't it?"
Lois gazed at the photo, then said quietly.
"I'll have another copy printed, so would you like to keep this one?"
"Yes, please."
I accepted it and tucked it carefully away. Even after today was over, even after we graduated from the academy, I had a feeling this moment would stay with me a long, long time.
Lois shot me a sideways glance, then suddenly broke into a grin.
"Shall we see what you can do?"
"Huh?"
She pressed the camera into my hands and began striking a pose.
"Come on! Hurry up and take it."
I raised the camera and began hunting for the focus.
"...All right, here it comes?"
"One."
"Two."
Click.
"Did it come out well?"
Lois asked, drifting slowly back toward me.
Slowly, I turned the camera around to show her.
"Here..."
In the photo, Lois was neither the Student Council President nor a count's daughter, but simply a girl. She must have liked that girl too, because for a long while she couldn't tear her eyes from the image.
"Do you like it?"
When I asked carefully, she smiled and looked up at me.
"Sharve, tell me honestly."
After a theatrical pause, Lois smiled playfully.
"You're a photographer who infiltrated the academy, aren't you?"
"...Am I really that good?"
"You are. At this level, you could be my personal photographer from now on."
"What?! That's a bit much..."
"Pfft."
At that, Lois burst out laughing, no longer able to hold it in. Then she beckoned, gesturing for me to bring my ear down to her.
And as I bent down...
"Only look at me from now on, you fool."
...
For a moment, not a single word would come. The voice lingering at my ear went on echoing through my head.
I lifted my head slowly. Lois was fiddling with the camera as though nothing at all had happened.
The truth is, this man is an absolutely hopeless photographer.
My face comes out puffy, my legs look half their length... He even took it with the focus locked on the background.
Even so, I want to give this man nothing but praise. No matter how clumsy he is at love, no matter how childish he can be. Because I like this man. Because when you like someone that much, you can't help yourself.
My mother once told me that love is a foolish thing. Even knowing you'll regret it, even taking the loss in the moment, if you ever find someone you love, she said, pour everything you have into them.
So that's why. Because I love this man. Because I want to live under one roof with him. Because I want to brush our teeth side by side.
...Because I want to become Lois Seynova.
"Hey, who's that next to the Student Council President?"
"You don't know? Apparently she's out with a man, of all things."
Unfamiliar stares began to settle on us from every direction, and I glanced around nervously for no good reason. Perhaps sensing my fidgeting, Lois looked about as well.
"Wow, would you look at that. We're famous."
"...That's all you have to say about it?"
When I laughed in disbelief, Lois only leaned in closer.
"Don't like it? Too bad..."
Lois pushed out her lips in a pout and slipped the camera away. At the sight of her, my heart pounded all over again. The grumbling. The small hands tucking the camera into her pocket. Every bit of it put me in mind of a puppy denied its walk, and it was so endearing I could hardly bear it.
I caught myself wondering how soft her hair must be, and what expression she would wear with it all let down.
"Um, Lois?"
"Yes."
Even her answer still sounded a little sulky.
"Did... did your hair take long to do?"
"Huh? No, not especially...?"
"Why do you ask? What about my hair?"
Lois's brow creased slightly.
"It's just... I heard somewhere that a woman's hair is as dear to her as her life..."
Lois regarded me for a moment.
"So?"
"...Could I touch it? Just once?"
Her eyes widened a fraction.
"My hair?"
"Yes."
I looked carefully at that silver hair. Lois said nothing for a moment. Then she let out a small sigh and bowed her head. A moment later, she tilted it slightly toward me.
"Just this once. That's all."
"Really?"
"Yes."
Carefully, I laid my hand on top of her head.
Softly. Slowly.
A gentle softness traveled up through my fingertips.
"How is it?"
"...It's lovely."
"That's all?"
Lois pouted a little.
"Have you nothing more to offer by way of a review?"
"Like, say, that it's soft?"
She looked up at me with an expectant expression.
"...It's warm, and soft, and..."
As I fumbled through my impressions, Lois let out a short laugh.
"Pfft, what kind of review is that? You sound like a pervert."
"What?! You're the one who told me to..."
When I sulked, she started laughing all over again.
"I'm teasing. Just teasing."
We walked slowly through the garden once more. At first we'd been so busy minding each other's reactions that even a single word had been hard to manage, but now, strangely, I felt at ease. And so we spent a long while chatting about nothing in particular, from the foods we loved to how many siblings we each had. None of it was remarkable. Yet every minute of it was delightful. Since when had idle chatter with someone been this much fun?
"Lois."
"Yes?"
"Today was... truly wonderful."
At my words, Lois looked at me for a moment.
"For me too."
Then she smiled, ever so slightly.
That night.
I lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling. Sleep would not come. I closed my eyes and opened them again. I tossed, turned, rolled onto my other side. Still, sleep would not come. I knew exactly why.
Cherry blossoms. A photograph. Lois. Each time one of them surfaced, my face grew hot all over again. Especially the last thing I'd said.
"Today was truly wonderful."
"Ugh..."
I yanked the blanket up over my head.
"What is wrong with me..."
I squirmed beneath the blanket for ages. On any ordinary night I'd have been asleep by this hour, but tonight there was no chance of that.
I fished the photo out of the drawer once more. Under the small lamp beside my bed, I gazed at it. The two of us in the picture were smiling. Looking at us made my heart flutter all over again.
"She really is beautiful."
The words slipped out before I knew it. After gazing at her in the photo for a long while, I set it down carefully on the nightstand.
Pulling the blanket up, I smiled quietly to myself.
"...How strange."
I tilted the photo and studied it. I'd had no idea he was this good with a camera. Of course, in reality this man is dreadful behind a lens, but I decided to set that fact aside for the moment.
I pressed the photo close to my chest.
"Where shall we go next time?"
As I pondered, a chuckle escaped me.
"...And here I am, already thinking of next time."
The day kept replaying itself in my mind. The hand that had stroked my hair. The moment the shutter fell. And the words he'd spoken while looking at me.
"You might be the most beautiful person in the whole world today."
I pulled the blanket up over my head. The day had slipped by far too quickly. I'd wanted to walk beside him a little longer, to talk with him just a little more.
"...Maybe."
"Is Sharve thinking the same thing right now?"
"Is Lois... thinking of me too?"