Stella's Monologue
I lived a life riddled with regret.
My father passed away from a sudden illness when I was ten. My mother left me after that. I love both of my parents.
Thinking back on it now, though, my father did not die of illness. He fell into sleep after taking bad medicine. Yet it is true that my mother left me afterward.
Ah.
My mother marrying a man who was not my father—that was not afterward. But how could Mother marry someone else while Father was still there? It is strange.
The reason my memories are so hazy is the magic powder. It keeps the sadness away, but if I cut my wrist and sprinkle it over the wound…
Ah… I mustn’t…
Hands. Arms. Face. Feet. Anywhere visible is no good. If Aaron saw, he would surely worry. There is not much empty space left, but the thighs would do nicely.
Ah… Aaron…
Huh? Why can’t I see him?
It is not my fault. No. It is definitely my fault. Not a single day passes without regret. I defiled my own affection with my own hands. Perhaps the blood that flows through my body was filthy from the very beginning?
I remember. The one to whom I offered my heart. Aaron.
It is disgusting. Even though he was clearly watching, why could I not stop?
No matter how much magic powder I sprinkle, I cannot forget. The words I spoke to him. The things I did. I want to forget that day when I soiled his affection—no, when I soiled my own.
If I could apologize, I would beg on my knees for forgiveness. If I cut away this filthy body of mine, would he forgive me then? I simply cannot find a way to apologize to him. How am I supposed to reach him?
I drag this tattered hide, shredded by wounds, and stand upon the chair where I always stood. If I hang myself here… if that is how I can make my apology… if I do this, will he finally understand my love? Will he love me again?
I carefully lift one foot. My vision blurs, but imagining his love returning gives me courage. The other foot…
A sound from beyond the door. This is—
“Captain, about the whereabouts of that man I mentioned before…”
Ah…
Aaaah…
The final chance granted to me. The thread between him and me has not yet been severed.
God. This time. This time I will absolutely not make a mistake. Surely. If I pour everything into this heart of mine, I will be forgiven.
Ah… Aaron…
I will apologize with all my sincerity. This time. This time, I will never hurt you. I will believe only in you. I will love only you. Just please… allow me to stay by your side.
I must prepare the white dress that Aaron liked. The moon outside the window is unusually bright. It is a good day.