To Be Myself
I had thought about it. Of course I had. The idea of becoming the real one and standing at Edelis’s side. It was greed, pure and simple—excessive, shameful greed. But if it were possible, how wonderful would it be? To live without the shadow of a limited lifespan. To simply exist together with you. There would be nothing more I could ask for.
A long sigh filled the room. Only the sound of breathing remained. Leon stared at the boy with eyes like frozen depths.
“Is it truly the truth?”
-If you believe it, it will become truth.
Leon’s heart trembled. Who wouldn’t waver? Because he was fake, he hungered for the ‘real’ with painful sincerity. Because he was fake, he searched desperately for everything he lacked, everything that had been taken from him. It was precisely because he was fake that such motivation could even exist.
“The method?”
The boy whispered like a serpent, sly and coaxing.
-Simply erase the real one. That alone would make you real. Well? Doesn’t it tempt you?
Just as the boy said, it wasn’t complicated. It was brutally simple. Kill the real to become the real. Wasn’t that the classic behavior of a doppelganger?
“Is that truly all there is to it?”
-Simple, isn’t it? So very simple. What will you do? It’s not too late even now.
Leon weighed the choice in heavy silence.
-Is it really something worth agonizing over? The answer is already decided.
He was right. Hadn’t Edelis told him the same thing? Not to give up. Her words had been the driving force that pulled him from his lethargy.
Yes. I won’t give up. I will be myself.
“I see. The answer was already decided after all.”
Leon stepped toward the boy. The boy laughed, clearly delighted.
Shiiiing!
The sword slashed forward—fast, unhesitating, as if severing every last trace of lingering attachment.
The boy raised his forearm to block the strike. A deafening cacophony erupted, far too violent to have come from steel meeting flesh.
He scoffed, as though Leon’s resistance was beneath contempt.
-Foolish fool.
With a brutal twist of his arm, the boy forced the blade back. Overwhelming power crashed down on Leon. After tumbling across the floor several times, Leon quickly regained his stance.
“Call me foolish if you want. It can’t be helped. I learned from my knight how not to give up.”
-Too weak a will is a problem, but too strong a will is also a problem.
Leon echoed the cryptic remark.
“What do you mean?”
-It means I was the stupid one. Doing something that never suited me.
The standoff continued.
“...So you won’t simply leave quietly.”
-I have my reasons.
It was never an equal confrontation. The boy held every advantage. Yet even in that hopeless imbalance, Leon refused to panic.
-My, my. You seem quite confident, child.
Leon shook his head.
“I’m not.”
-For someone without confidence, you don’t look particularly desperate.
“‘I’ am not confident.”
-……?
“Did you know? In this very inn lives a terrifying monster that makes demons shudder in fear.”
-A monster?
“Most humans call him the Hero.”
The moment the words left his mouth, the ceiling exploded downward. Debris rained down. Leon swung his sword to deflect the fragments threatening Edelis while shadows rippled around the boy, swallowing the falling rubble.
Right after, Ashtain and Aria dropped from the ruined upper floor together.
Ashtain brushed dust from his hair, face utterly blank, and raised the Holy Sword.
“You alright, Prince?”
“You have eyes, Hero.”
“I didn’t interrupt anything important, did I?”
Leon waved a hand dismissively.
“Perfect timing, actually.”
“Good. That thing’s an enemy?”
“It’s a demon.”
“Then I’ll have to kill it.”
The longer the casual exchange continued, the more the boy’s face twisted in disgust.
-To think I would have to lay eyes on that abominable Holy Sword, the Hero, and even the Saintess.
Ashtain gently pushed Aria behind him and narrowed his eyes.
“Feeling honored? Today’s going to be your funeral.”
-How arrogant. And you’re not even a finished product.
Both figures stretched like taffy. Then—boom!
They collided at blinding speed. In the narrow space, more than five exchanges happened in the blink of an eye. The sounds of impact lagged behind the actual movements.
Finally, a tremendous shockwave rang out.
Kaaaaang!
The victor was obvious. The boy had been forced backward.
Ashtain spoke without even breathing hard.
“Aria, leave this to me. Go find Azazel with Leon.”
Aria offered no objection. Staying here would only get in the way. She understood her role clearly. And she trusted Ashtain completely.
“Yes. Leon, let’s go.”
“Understood.”
With the sleeping Edelis on his back, Leon followed Aria out. Surprisingly, the boy let them leave without interference.
“You’re not going to stop them?”
-Why should I?
“You crawled all the way here with your tail on fire, yet you’re acting so relaxed.”
-If I can’t relax in front of an unfinished Hero, then who could I possibly relax in front of?
He had called him an “unfinished product” earlier too. The Hero wasn’t some factory item—what was he even talking about?
“That relaxation is going to be your downfall.”
-You think someone who can’t even use the Saintess properly can beat me?
The boy kept spitting out barbs clearly meant to get under Ashtain’s skin. No one could forgive treating Aria like a mere object.
The Hero stepped forward. The movement was so fast it seemed to cross space itself. Even as the distance closed instantly, the boy didn’t flinch. He even sneered.
-You pathetic rookie Hero.
Shadows unfurled around him like wings. They lunged like fangs, trying to tear into Ashtain.
The Hero was faster. A single slash left a deep wound running from the boy’s waist all the way to his shoulder. The tailcoat tore apart and blood sprayed in every direction.
Even after taking a clearly fatal blow, the boy remained calm.
-Take it back, exactly as it is.
Slash.
The exact same wound appeared on Ashtain’s body.
Ashtain, who had been about to press the attack, staggered backward.
“………This is.”
While the Hero faltered, the boy’s wound healed without a trace. He rolled his neck and loosened his shoulders.
-You dared to try to kill me without even bringing the Saintess?
It was a vicious, mocking smile.
Aria and Leon pushed through the devastated hallway. Guests who had been staying the night were stumbling out of their rooms in panic at the sudden uproar, only worsening the chaos.
Even amid the disorder, the two remained calm as they spoke.
“What floor is Azazel’s room on?”
“The same third floor as ours.”
“Then we need to go up one more floor.”
“Right.”
They quickened their pace. As they moved, Aria sank deep into anxious thought.
This world was following the novel’s plot. Just as the title suggested, she had become the Seed-Receiving Saintess. But thanks to Ashtain, she had escaped the cult’s grasp. What came after that?
If this world truly followed the novel, then the next part of the story must exist. She had dropped the book halfway through, so she didn’t know the full plot. But she remembered the tags clearly. TS and weak-to-strong-via-suffering. Those two tags created a horrifying synergy—the kind that made the world endlessly cruel to the protagonist. It was the meeting of things that should never have met.
It couldn’t possibly end here. Something terrible was going to happen. She was certain. This world only felt satisfied after it had thoroughly tormented her.
Should she prepare countermeasures? The problem was she had no idea where or how it would strike. Knowing only that something bad would happen, without knowing what, was a truly awful feeling.
What if the trigger was right now? What should she do? What could she do?
Leon glanced at her expression and asked gently.
“You don’t look well. Are you worried Sir Ashtain might lose?”
“No. It’s Azazel I’m worried about.”
Yes. Azazel. That quick-witted, clever, endlessly charming girl. There was no way she hadn’t noticed what was happening. So why was everything so quiet? It was unsettling. Something bad must have already happened.
Aria had grown fond of Azazel. Even when she acted prickly, she still looked out for her. The way she would raise her voice and step forward without hesitation when it came to Aria’s defense. And how, despite all that, her heart was surprisingly fragile.
I hope she’s safe. Please.
Before long they reached Azazel’s room. Both of them froze.
The door had been blown clean off its hinges. The inside was covered in black scorch marks. The sharp stench of burning filled the air.
“Azazel!”
Aria’s voice rose desperately. The room was charred pitch-black, everything reduced to crumbling charcoal. There was no way Azazel could be inside, yet she kept calling.
“Grrruuuugh…”
Aria’s heart plummeted. The sound was too burned, too ruined to be called a human voice.
It can’t be. It won’t be.
When Aria turned her head, she saw something with melted, fused skin. Its vocal cords must have been destroyed—it couldn’t form proper words. Only a wheezing, scraping sound escaped. The face was unrecognizable.
Aria shook violently. It was so grotesque it was impossible to believe this had once been that beautiful girl. A horrifying sight.
“Azazel…?”
“Grrk… euk…”
It sounded like she was about to stop breathing. Like she would die at any second.
No. This can’t be happening.
Even Leon, who was himself a doppelganger, couldn’t find words. He simply stared.
Aria stood devastated. That vibration, that tremor—was it the aftermath of an explosion that had erupted from Azazel herself? If so, it made sense. Her mind understood. But her heart refused to accept it. Her hands and feet wouldn’t move. She was frozen solid, like ice.
Her mind felt numb. So she slammed her head against the floor. Hard.
Thud. Thud!
Her forehead split open. Blood trickled down.
“Miss Aria!”
Leon was saying something, but it didn’t reach her. Her skull rang. The pain seemed to clear some of the fog.
The burned thing’s eyes turned toward her.
“Don’t worry, Azazel.”
Aria smiled.
I won’t let you die. I’ll save you. Me.
“Big sister will save you.”
She poured healing magic into the body. The charred, melted wounds should have begun to regenerate. But they didn’t.
Aria already knew. Necrotic tissue could not be restored. Most of the girl’s body had already died from the burns. There was nothing she could do. Even if she somehow kept her alive, Azazel would never regain her former beauty.
No. I can do this.
“I’ll turn you back to how you were.”
It was simply not enough. Her holy power, her skill, her desperation—they were all lacking.
She poured even more holy power in, flooding the body that was little more than a living corpse.
Watching, Leon thought it was pointless. He set the sleeping Edelis down nearby and placed a hand on Aria’s shoulder.
“Miss Aria, healing Miss Azazel is impossi—”
Smack.
Aria violently knocked his hand away.
“No.”
Her bloodshot eyes burned like those of a wounded animal.
“I cannot watch you destroy yourself as well.”
“I can do it.”
“Miss Aria.”
“I said I can!”
Tears finally spilled over.
I shouldn’t have left you alone. I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry. For making you suffer like this. For abandoning you.
She kept pouring holy power in. The more she did, the more Azazel let out strange, twisted groans.
She’s dying. Why? Is it because I’m not enough? Because I’m a failure of a saint?
No. Please, don’t die. Azazel.
“Huh? Sister, what are you doing?”
The voice made Aria’s head turn with a mechanical creak.
There, unmistakably, was Azazel.
“……Azazel?”
With her rich, beautiful red hair, the girl was stepping out of the bathroom, wiping her hands.
“My robe got dirty so I was cleaning it in the bathroom. But what are you doing over there? She’s a demon—if you pour holy power into her like that she’ll… kyaa?!”
Aria threw her arms around Azazel and held her tight. So tightly it seemed her bones might break.
“Ow, ow! Sister? Did I do something wrong? Is that it?”
“…………I… I… I thought you had become like that. I kept using healing but you were still dying. How much… how much I suffered…”
“Sister, I’m a competent mage, remember? I’m not weak enough to die from something like tha—kya, sister, I can’t breathe.”
“I really thought you were dying. That you were disappearing. How terrified I was.”
Sobs shook her whole body. Azazel slowly patted Aria’s back, comforting her.
“Crybaby sister, don’t cry.”
“You mustn’t disappear, Azazel.”
The voice was so desperate it sounded almost broken. Azazel felt her throat tighten.
Was I really making her worry this much? How shameless of me. After stealing another woman’s man. When my own feelings for Ashtain haven’t even cooled yet. She makes it impossible to hate her.
“I won’t disappear.”
I can’t win. How could anyone win against someone so pitiful and adorable? I have no choice but to lose.
“Besides, the prince is watching. Can we stop now? This is embarrassing.”
“Azazel. I’m so glad… I’m really so glad.”
Aria held her tightly for a long, long time.