Yes, I'm Crazy
"You...."
"Yes."
"Are you insane?"
"Yes."
The bedroom was pitch dark.
Lucrezia had her face buried in the pillow, but she turned her head just enough to glare at me.
Those red eyes brimmed with blatant annoyance and exasperation—and a faint but unmistakable killing intent.
Normally, a look like that would have shut anyone up and sent them scurrying away.
But I ignored it completely and shoved the book I was holding right up to her nose.
A moment later.
Lucrezia let out a long sigh before flipping over completely, turning her back on me as if she were done dealing with this.
I'd seen that coming.
Without missing a beat, I cleared my throat and started reading from the book aloud.
"Chapter 1. Parents' First Steps: What Kind of Parent Will I Be?"
"Get out."
"Are you worried you might turn out to be a bad parent? Or are you already beating yourself up over it? Don't worry. It's never too late to reconnect with your child."
"Get out now."
"The bond between parent and child is like an unbreakable thread. If the parent reaches out with a warm hand first, the child is always ready to grasp it again...."
"Tch."
Her patience finally spent, Lucrezia clicked her tongue irritably and rolled back around to face me.
"Did Carsella say it was okay for you to pull this nonsense?"
"I came without telling Carsella."
"...No manners, no procedure. How rude."
Her voice was low and calm. But in that instant, an invisible pressure squeezed my heart like a vise.
"You."
Lucrezia fixed me with a steady gaze and whispered softly.
"Ever thought about how you could die by my hand?"
Lucrezia Alberich was indifferent to her own daughters.
If anyone—even her own flesh and blood—bothered her even slightly or annoyed her too much, she could eliminate them without batting an eye.
I knew that much.
But....
"Could you really do it?"
"...What?"
"Kill me and deal with all the annoying cleanup afterward. Could you really pull that off?"
I stared straight into Lucrezia's eyes.
Her eyelids twitched ever so slightly—a reaction like I'd hit the nail on the head.
She didn't answer in the end.
The silence stretched on, and that silence itself was her answer.
Yeah, I figured you couldn't.
"I said it was a good thing you'd come to your senses...."
"Did you?"
"Take it back. You're the worst."
Essentially an admission.
Lucrezia couldn't kill Flora.
No matter how much of a pain I made myself, killing me would lead to far more hassle than it was worth.
This woman wouldn't let the family fall apart, at least.
Hadn't she said something like that to Carsella before? That Carsella could handle things on her own now, so it was fine if she died. Thinking about it, that also meant she was waiting until Carsella could shoulder the family alone.
So what if killing me would break Carsella to the point she couldn't function?
As long as that risk existed, this woman posed no threat to me.
"You're a crazy bitch."
"My title's the Mad Vampire, isn't it?"
Not this kind of madness, of course.
Lucrezia rummaged under her pillow.
I wondered what she was after—then she pulled out some earplugs and popped them in with practiced ease before yanking the blanket up over her head.
I wasn't deterred and opened the book again.
"Children learn from their parents' kind gaze: 'Ah, the world is a safe place. I'm a welcome presence.'"
"......"
"Remember: Children aren't your possessions. They're not dolls to manipulate at your whim, proxies to fulfill your unachieved dreams, or trash cans to dump your emotions into."
"......"
"You listening, Lucrezia?"
The blanket lump twitched, then was roughly thrown back. Lucrezia stared at me with a look of utter disbelief.
I knew it.
A Vampire Lord like her wasn't going to block out my voice with a couple of earplugs.
"Lucrezia?"
"Yes."
"...I'm the head of the Alberich family."
"So? Do you even do any family head work?"
She pressed a hand to her forehead, sighing as she lightly swept back her bangs.
I could read her thoughts plain as day.
'Why does she keep messing with me?'
'What the hell gives her the guts to act this bold?'
'This is annoying as fuck.'
Her head was probably full of crap like that.
"At least call me Family Head."
"Lucrezia Alberich."
"Family Head."
"Mother."
I didn't even call Carsella "big sis," and now I was calling this woman "mother."
But right now, my goal was to get under her skin.
"Don't call me that. I'm Family Head."
"Mommy."
"...You."
"Mama."
"...Crazy bitch."
Lucrezia dragged a hand down her face. Her brow was deeply furrowed, like she genuinely had a headache.
"So what should I call you?"
"...At least add '-nim'."
"Got it, Lucrezia-nim."
I replied oh-so-politely and opened the book again.
"Shall I keep going?"
"...I don't get it. Why go out of your way to provoke me like this?"
"You know why."
"I don't."
Lucrezia spat it out in a flat, emotionless tone.
"If Carsella needs family, can't you just be that for her?"
"What are you doing?"
"Doesn't have to be me."
I shut my mouth for a moment.
"I can never be real family."
"...?"
Lucrezia tilted her head slightly, looking puzzled.
"What nonsense is that?"
"It's a thing."
"You're driving me nuts."
Lucrezia muttered irritably.
She seemed to realize there was no convincing me otherwise.
"I couldn't care less about your pathetic backstory or whatever. But this is getting too annoying."
She said it quietly.
There wasn't a hint of curiosity in her expression or tone. She didn't give a damn about "why I couldn't be real family."
All that mattered to her right now was "how to get rid of the Flora Alberich in front of me."
"I'll give you a solution."
"...A solution?"
My ears perked up.
No matter how she looked right now, this was a Vampire Lord and the head of the Alberich family.
She might have some ingenious fix I hadn't thought of.
"What kind?"
"I'll tell you—but never set foot in my bedroom again."
"I'll decide after I hear it."
"Then I won't tell you."
"Then I'll keep reading."
Lucrezia clicked her tongue.
"Pounce on her."
"...What?"
Did I hear that right?
As I blinked in stunned silence, Lucrezia added it so casually, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"I mean knock Carsella down and do her."
"Are you actually insane?"
"Marital relations count as family too."
"We know we're blood sisters, right?"
"A little mixing won't hurt once in a while."
My jaw dropped right there on the spot.
"Your reaction tells me you don't think it's completely impossible."
The room fell silent for a few seconds.
Was this woman serious?
Just because she didn't want to play mom?
Taking my silence as agreement, Lucrezia continued.
"Got it? Now get out. Live cozy with Carsella. And stay away from me."
"Hey, you crazy bitch!!"
I finally hurled the parenting book at her.
Even lying down, Lucrezia casually reached out and caught it. Flames sparked from her fingertips, and the book turned to ash in an instant.
For the first time, she smiled in satisfaction.
"Now it'll be quiet."
"You're not right in the head."
"I know."
Lucrezia calmly pulled her sleep mask down and rolled over.
"So leave me alone and...."
"Flora!"
Bang!
In that moment, the door flew open.
Carsella burst into the room, her face a picture of shock and panic.
The servants must have reported that I was in the bedroom.
Lucrezia sighed lightly at the sound of Carsella's voice.
"Take her and go."
"Flora, you can't do this to Mother. Let's go now, alright?"
Carsella rushed over in a fluster and scooped me up in a tight hug.
She lifted me clean off the floor, wrapping me completely in her arms. When I squirmed, she only held on tighter.
A lazy voice drifted from under the blankets.
"I gave her a perfectly good solution."
"That's a good solution?!"
"F-Flora... Mother...? What on earth did you two talk about...?!"
Carsella panicked as I thrashed and yelled.
She tried to soothe me, patting my back and stroking my hair.
It didn't work much.
"I'll come again tomorrow."
"Don't."
"The day after too."
"Horrifying."
"Every day."
"......"
Lucrezia turned her back completely.
"That's what I'm best at. Steadily, relentlessly."
"The most horrifying thing in the world."
Still cradled in Carsella's arms, I was dragged out of the bedroom.