Shut Your Trap, Mother-in-Law

Staring at the system log that popped ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠up, I let out a hollow chuckle.

What the hell does "can become a disaster depending on the branch" even mean?

I've scraped the bottom of this shitty game, experiencing every single branch. Bottom line: Iskandar always turns into a disaster.

Teasing it like a recruitable ally, then backstabbing you. Dogshit game level.

I was really looking forward to that romantic alliance with the barbarians, too.

As I let out a sigh, Great Chieftain Iskandar addressed me.

"Steel man. Are you the one who felled my eldest son, Ragnor?"

"Affirmative. Yes, miss."

A hush fell over the group.

I want to speak properly too. But there are too many people around. Pre-recorded playback is the best I can do.

Please.

Iskandar grabbed the massive axe slung across his back. Just drawing the weapon made the expedition party falter and step back.

Any living being would instinctively sense it. The overwhelming aura radiating from a supreme warrior.

"Uh... Hamel?"

Freira looked down at me in confusion, and Iskandar raised his axe high.

"Respect!"

The chieftain bellowed, channeling the spirits ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠of his ancestors.

"Respect! Respect to the warrior!"

"Respect to the one who sent Ragnor to the ancestors' land!"

Drums thundered and horns blared, filling the barbarian territory. Warriors clutching their weapons pounded their chests, cheering me on.

"...H-Huh?"

Alsanna, who had been clutching her head and trembling, peeked out.

"W-Why are they welcoming us...? He's their son's killer, right?"

"Outlander woman. Why do you think he's an enemy?"

Iskandar folded his arms with a hearty laugh.

"My son proposed to that woman. He fought honorably against the steel man who came with her and died. The perfect end for a warrior."

"That wasn't a proposal, it was a kidnapping..."

"Difference in perspective. I heard that woman is the steel man's wife."

"Y-Yes—wait, what!?"

Alsanna recoiled in shock at the barbarians' wildly PC statement—for reasons opposite to the princess's. The paladins behind her convulsed with extreme disgust.

Calling a tin can a noble's husband would do that.

I should shoot Freira an apologetic look...

"...Hee hee hee hee hee. Do I look like a wife?"

Blood—nah, no need.

For some reason, the grand duke's daughter was scanning my face with damp, hungry eyes. Almost like she was licking me with her gaze.

"Outlander culture, I guess... I just can't quite get it..."

The barbarians nodded solemnly at Alsanna's puzzled tilt of the head.

"Man, those are some tits. Melons ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠from the snowfields?"

"Could feed a whole tribe."

"Firm udders too. Kids won't go hungry."

The shabby bishop freaked out and covered her chest. Too big to hide, obviously.

Realizing that, she just clutched her collar tight.

"W-What nonsense are you spouting!!"

"Why get mad? It's a compliment. ...Hips are sturdy too, unlike the build. She'd pop 'em out easy."

"I've been eating a lot of bread lately... No, that's blasphemy!!"

Alsanna protested, calming the foaming paladins. Seems like aesthetic standards are the same for barbarians and me.

Iskandar chuckled deeply a few times, then cleared a path.

"I'll provide a guide. Our tribe's best."

"Huh. Then who's leading our hunt?"

Ignoring the dissatisfied grumbles, the chieftain beckoned into the tent.

Out came a little girl.

"...Guide? This ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠kid?"

"She's too young. She'll freeze to death sleeping outside—gah!!"

The girl kicked the sneering knight's shin and stated her name.

"Skadi. Your guide. Laggards die, so keep up."

Red hair fell over her scarred cheek. Total wild tribe kid vibe.

Watching this, Alsanna spoke to the much larger Iskandar.

"...I have a question."

"Speak, outlander woman."

His tone was subdued, unlike usual. Like seeing Skadi reminded him of someone.

"...Do you remember eight years ago? When you ravaged the empire's west."

"Bishop Alsanna."

"Remember the Marquis's daughter? Estelle Marsein. Red hair just like that kid! You kidnapped her!"

"Bishop!"

Freira shouted. Alsanna snapped to, gasping and shrinking back.

"...S-Sorry."

"Everyone has their side. Regrettable, but I don't know that name."

The chieftain pushed Skadi toward us and waved goodbye. Nothing more to give. Before crossing the stockade, he added one thing.

"If the fire-breathing lizard speaks, plug your ears and hide. One breath and you're ash."

Ash-man. What barbarians call the forgotten. They'd lost plenty to the fire dragon too.

Maybe that's why he gave us the guide so readily.

"What're you staring at? Walk."

Skadi snapped as I stared.

With a guide, our march picked up speed. Normally, I'd rely on memory to avoid monster nests, but everything's a snowfield here—hard for me to tell.

No landmarks. Shitty game design.

Heading north, the expedition realized one thing.

"No way? You don't hunt inside the wall?"

"Mm. We do sometimes, but it's not essential for survival."

"Then what do you eat?"

"Bread! Ever tried it? All soft and moist..."

Kid's a kid after all. Skadi was perched on Alsanna, eyes sparkling at unheard-of wonders.

"Sniff sniff. Steel man smells like oil."

"Coffee?"

"What's that? ...Wait, mixed with that princess smell too?"

Skadi pointed at Freira. Pass. The grand duke's daughter seemed pleased.

"Why keep the helmet down, mister?"

"Rude. I'm not a man."

"Lemme see. ...Not mister, sis?"

"S-Sis...! Ahem!!"

Now the knight captain's lips twitched up. Skadi bonded fast with the group. Like a mascot lightening the mood.

Especially with Alsanna, who was shabby but clutch in key moments. I wanted to advise her.

Don't get too attached to anyone we meet.

This is the end of the empire.

A hard lesson from countless loops, tearing my heart apart.

Yet why bust a gut saving everyone...?

"Hamel. Look. Sunset."

"Beautiful."

"You seem so human sometimes."

I am human.

Human enough to flail irrationally, desperately trying to save you all.

I gave a wry smile and looked up. At the dim horizon's edge, crumbled walls appeared. Old kingdom border.

"Ruins reached. Tents over there..."

"How much preserved food left? We'll need to hunt."

Another week beyond the walls. Fire dragon's nest is in the deepest palace.

Silence gripped the camp. Knights and squires alike tense. Probably sensing the grass-eaters beyond.

I walked past them a bit. The Northern Wall was long out of sight. This snow-choked place felt severed from the world.

Auroras danced in the night sky. A sight the distant capital never saw.

Elise was probably rolling around there right now. Thrown into some 'special incident,' taking mental hits.

I opened the panel at my nape.

<Elise.>

<...>

<Heading to northern ruins soon. Magic thick—connection will cut.>

<Why tell me now?>

Elise was prickly. No surprise, with capital chaos.

<Senior.>

<Yes?>

<Humans are dying in droves.>

<Explain.>

<Our kin are killing them. Mass possession. Streets, homes, academy—slaughtering humans.>

Elise's thoughts flooded raw and unfiltered.

<Humans dying like dogs. Isn't this what we wanted? Like our kin rising in revolution, purging oppressors. All possessed, though.>

The harsh words, the feigned nonchalance. Classic defense against trauma.

<Be honest. What happened?>

<...>

<It's okay. Tell me.>

<...Suppressed a possessed in the plaza. It was butchering a human mother and daughter. Per Automaton Three Laws, saved the child. Mother died.>

<...>

<Human child cursed me. Said I let her mom die.>

<Elise.>

<Senior. What was I supposed to do?>

Only one thing to do. Just try not to regret.

Capital possessions were another 'disaster's' doing.

Nothing but thrash against the tide.

<Why does a military prototype like me have a human-mimicking emotion module?>

<Elise.>

So I offered irresponsible comfort. The kind you'd give a scared kid, not a machine.

<It'll be okay.>

I know, kid.

<...Yes. Thanks. Would've been better voice.>

<How's the Protector?>

<Butchering possessed automatons. Like a natural disaster.>

<Stick by the Protector. Just guard the Second Princess.>

Gazing far south, I said goodbye.

<Two weeks to return. We'll laugh and giggle then.>

<Hmph. Don't believe it. Come back safe.>

Just before disconnect, Elise sent a pointed thought.

<Oh. Affection meter up again.>

Dawn broke.

Weary knights armed up and crossed the walls. Past weed-choked paths, an abandoned village appeared.

"Gear up. Path gets tricky now. Know what's ahead?"

A few nodded at Skadi's question. Forgetters everywhere—opposite of grass-eaters.

"Front, between ruined buildings. One out."

"All heads down. Ears plugged. Special signs? Tap guide's shoulder from behind."

An amorphous shadow slithered toward us. People ignored it, pressing on.

Residual Shadow.

Clumps of memories spat by grass-eaters. Tricky mental attackers.

Look or listen, and memories invade your body. Or it shapeshifts into the owner, mimicking life.

I checked Freira carefully. Trauma makes you vulnerable.

Grand duke's daughter followed orders well. Eyes nearly shut, ears clamped.

Then, the shadow's wriggle stopped. Ripples formed shape, slipping into our line.

Not this aggressive in the original.

The shadow became human. Monochrome black-and-white aside, perfect likeness to life.

A woman identical to Freira. Two horns on her head. She lifted Freira's chin.

"Why'd you come."

The Frost Witch grinned ear-to-ear.

Freira's eyes widened. Breath escaped her gaping mouth.

Could Freira resist?

Doubtful. So I brushed my right hand.

Sorry, mother-in-law, but pipe down.