Chapter 18
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 18
Chapter Title: Will You Cut It?
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Knock knock.
No one should be coming to my dorm at this hour.
Something is watching me.
There's a gaze.
My body itches.
It might be an intruder.
The academy had already let in an unidentified assailant once before.
I couldn't let my guard down.
I hid the scissors in my hand and cautiously approached the door.
I peered through the small peephole on the front door.
Knock knock.
It knocked again.
Standing outside was Ja-an.
"Ivy, you okay?"
"Y-yeah, I'm fine. But how did you know my dorm...?"
"I asked the teacher, and she told me."
"Oh...?"
Does that woman have no concept of personal information?
I cautiously asked why he was here.
"But... why?"
"You disappeared suddenly, and Ye-seo was worried. She told me to come check on you in person."
It seemed Han Ye-seo had thoroughly misunderstood things between us.
That wasn't what I meant when I urged him to hurry out of the alley...
Ja-an said,
"So, are you feeling okay?"
"Huh? Yeah. I was just a little dizzy, so I came back early."
"Really?"
"Yeah. That's all it was."
"Can you open the door? I brought some drinks and food."
Wait, what?
"...Why?"
"You looked so skinny. It was obvious you weren't eating properly here in the dorm."
"Was this Ye-seo's idea too?"
"No, this was mine."
Damn it.
Flirting naturally even in a situation like this.
The fact that he was oblivious to it made it even worse.
"Thanks."
"Sure. Should I leave it out here?"
"No, I'll take it. Hang on, the room's a bit messy."
I quickly shoved the used syringe into the kitchen drawer and swept the broken glass into the trash.
Blood was coming from my hand.
Rummaging through the bedroom drawer, I found some bandages and a first-aid kit.
I sprayed on some disinfectant.
"Ugh..."
A groan escaped me before I knew it.
It stung.
I cut the bandage with the scissors and wrapped my palm.
Not wanting him to see, I shoved my hand roughly into my pocket.
I opened the door with my other hand.
"Sorry, took a while, huh?"
"Nah? It's fine. I didn't have anything else to do..."
"Wanna come in?"
"Huh? No! I'm good!"
"Why are you so flustered?"
Ja-an averted his gaze.
"...I've never been inside someone else's place before."
"Hmph, really? With your looks, I'd think you had tons of experience."
"What are you talking about?"
Well, it was a bit impulsive of me to say that.
Eating alone in this dim room felt like it might drive me insane for real.
Ja-an's eyes drifted behind me.
"...So this is what it's like?"
"What? Thought it'd be neater?"
"Honestly? Yeah."
"If I'd known you were coming, I'd have cleaned up."
I leaned my weight into the door to open it fully.
The unnecessarily heavy front door finally swung wide.
"I'll just leave it here."
"No, come in already."
"Why?"
"Let's eat together."
It was all impulsive.
I didn't want to be alone.
I wanted anyone, just someone to stay by my side.
So, even if he noticed my mangled hand, I wished he'd stay just a little while.
This room without any warmth felt so cold.
"...I only bought enough for one."
"It's fine. I have ramen at home."
"You always eat instant stuff?"
"Pretty much. But I eat one meal at the academy, so it's not all instant."
His expression hardened a bit.
He grabbed my shoulder.
"...Why?"
"There's a smell of blood in this room."
"How can you tell?"
"I was on the front lines."
Caught.
There was one excuse a girl like me could use, though.
'Honestly, kinda gross. Feels like giving up my humanity...'
Just go for it?
"Oh, really?"
"What happened?"
"I'm on my period right now."
Ja-an froze for a moment.
He looked like he'd glitched out.
A few seconds later, he returned to normal.
Snnniff...
He took a deep breath.
"Wh-what are you doing!"
Crazy pervert...!
No matter how handsome you are, women don't like every weird thing you do!
Ja-an opened his mouth.
"This isn't that kind of smell. I can tell the difference."
"...Doesn't everyone mix those smells up?"
"It's the same type of scent."
He started striding toward me.
"On the front lines, all sorts of smells mix together."
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"The stench of rotting corpses, the blood people spill, and when there's no bathroom, sometimes even filth."
What the hell is he saying...?
I slowly backed away.
He kept advancing on me.
There was nowhere left to retreat.
My hip bumped awkwardly against the table by the window.
Ja-an was still cornering me against the wall.
I clambered up onto the table and perched there awkwardly.
I casually shoved aside the gift box containing my academy invitation.
"Just like that, all kinds of smells blend together."
"So... what does that have to do with right now?"
"......"
"I've changed my mind. Get out. Thanks for the food. Thanks for worrying. But you were too rude."
Ja-an grabbed my wrist tightly.
Not the hand that had pushed the gift box aside, but the one hidden in my pocket.
"What's this?"
He pulled my hand out of my pocket.
It was a mess.
Maybe because he'd gripped my wrist so hard, blood had started soaking through the inside of the bandage.
Seeing the red stain spreading across my palm, Ja-an frowned.
"It's nothing."
"Nothing? What do you mean nothing?"
"......"
"I know. We've only known each other a short time, and I'm crossing a line right now. But I have to ask about this."
Nosy.
It was a trait of the protagonist.
Helping people for no reason.
That was what annoyed me.
"I was just cleaning up some trash."
"Does that make sense to you?"
"I accidentally dropped a glass bottle, and cut my hand while picking it up."
Ja-an tried to unwrap my bandage.
I yanked my hand away immediately.
"I already disinfected it. Why unwrap the bandage?"
"I need to check."
"......"
I fell silent for a moment.
What would be a good excuse?
What could I say to make this damn guy accept it and move on?
I opened my mouth.
"Fine. I'll tell you why."
"For real?"
"I didn't want to say because it's super embarrassing."
"...Huh?"
"You know my hair, right?"
Ja-an stared at me blankly for a second.
"What do you mean?"
"It kept getting in my eyes, so I tried to cut it. But I'm so bad with scissors, it wouldn't cut right."
"Okay."
"So I held my bangs with one hand and cut with the other, and..."
"And?"
I put on an utterly casual expression, flashing a bright smile.
I was acting.
Desperately pretending it was no big deal.
It was one of my few talents.
"And... I sliced my palm too. Well, I pulled away before it all cut through. It hurt like hell..."
Ja-an mulled over my words with a skeptical look.
"Want me to show you?"
"No, it's fine. You already disinfected it—unwrapping the bandage again wouldn't be hygienic."
"Yeah. But... I'll probably need to change it anyway?"
"Oh... sorry!"
He immediately bowed his head in apology.
"So, wanna hear the explanation now?"
"A lot of people on the front lines self-harm. I... can't just stand by and watch."
"Self-harm?"
"Yeah. You... had that same look in your eyes."
Same look, huh.
Well, I didn't feel like self-harming.
Suicide, maybe.
I chuckled and replied,
"That's just how my eyes look."
"Really?"
"Maybe I should smile more often."
"Probably? Your smile is pretty."
"...That's exactly what I mean—stop saying stuff like that. People will misunderstand."
Ja-an shrugged.
"Misunderstand what?"
"With your looks, if you say that, girls will think you're hitting on them."
"What? No way you thought that too?"
"Nah? I could kinda tell what you meant by it."
"Hmm, guess I need to be careful from now on."
As he said that, Ja-an gave a faint smile.
He had zero intention of being careful.
You shouldn't flash smiles like that at girls.
'Lucky I'm not a girl.'
If this room had an ordinary girl and boy in it, things might've gotten steamy.
Ugh.
Let's drop these delusions. Kinda gross.
"So, wanna eat first?"
"Huh? Oh, sure."
This guy really plans to eat here...
I hesitated, then hopped lightly down from the desk and crouched in front of the fridge.
I was sure I'd seen ramen traces in there before.
Should be some, right?
I hadn't checked because it was a hassle.
"Found some..."
I let out a sigh of relief and pulled out a pack of ramen.
Thud.
Ja-an was right behind me.
"Eek...!"
"Didn't mean to scare you. Sorry."
"Why?"
"Want me to cut your hair?"
"Huh?"
"I've cut hair for people with injured hands before. I'm not that great at it, but..."
I twirled the ends of my hair with one hand.
It really was annoying.
"Will you cut it for me?"
Ja-an nodded.