Chapter 28
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 28
Chapter Title: Turning Point (4)
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“...Why did you do it?”
In the darkened dormitory room, Roel huddled on top of her bed.
She suddenly spoke into the empty air.
“You’re listening, right?”
There was no reply.
Roel bit her lip hard.
This silence was utterly infuriating.
“Say something...”
She was prepared to accept any reason.
She’d received so much help up until now—she wanted to try understanding, just this once.
But the demon didn’t appear.
As if it had nothing to say, it left her all alone.
Roel suddenly recalled the saintess’s words.
「Demons are creatures like that by nature. They pretend to be friendly to lower your guard, then reveal their true colors at the most crucial moment.」
Was that the truth?
Everything she’d seen so far might have been an act, and only now was it showing its real face.
But why?
She couldn’t fathom why it had bothered with all that elaborate pretense.
“...”
Maybe it was only natural.
The demon had never explained the “why” from the very start.
A sharp pain stabbed at her chest.
Roel let out a gloomy sigh over and over.
Maybe sleep would make it a little better, but the gruesome scene kept flashing in her mind, making even that impossible.
If she fell asleep now, she’d probably have nightmares.
In the end, Roel stepped out of the dormitory.
Nothing clears the mind like a walk.
Maybe if she kept going, her thoughts would sort themselves out a bit.
Clinging to that faint hope, she circled the academy grounds nearly three times.
But contrary to her expectations, the stray thoughts showed no sign of fading.
Curfew was drawing near.
Normally, she’d head back by now, but Roel decided to keep walking.
She didn’t want to be alone in that cramped room.
“I’ll be right back.”
“...Promise.”
Before she knew it, she’d made it outside the academy.
Passing the guards, Roel started down an unfamiliar path.
Coming outside had been a pretty good choice.
Distracted by all the strange structures she’d never seen before, her mood was steadily lifting.
Just as Roel was about to smile again...
“...”
A road stretched out from the academy’s main gate.
It was the path carriages usually traveled, and Roel was walking along it.
With all the recent traffic to and from the outside world, it wasn’t uncommon for small animals to get run over.
That’s what Roel had just seen.
The corpse of a small animal, crushed by a carriage.
“Urk.”
Revulsion welled up inside her.
Memories came flooding in all at once, as if a button had been pressed, and Roel collapsed right there.
Her unhealed wound throbbed painfully.
“Haa, haa...”
She slowly exhaled, forcing herself to calm down.
Roel had no idea why this was happening so suddenly.
It shouldn’t have been possible—or acceptable—for a mere animal corpse to reduce her to this state.
“How can I ever be a hero like this...”
She hated her own fragility.
She’d resolved to save people, yet she hadn’t been able to stop her own hands from killing.
Roel sat there for quite a while.
Once enough time had passed, she wiped away tears she hadn’t even realized she’d shed.
Her mood-lifting walk had failed spectacularly, but she turned to head back anyway.
“Oh.”
“Ah.”
It happened after just a few steps.
She ran into a man whose face seemed vaguely familiar.
“You’re...”
She remembered him clearly.
The man who had saved her that day the demons attacked.
What was he doing here?
The man looked flustered.
His reaction was like he hadn’t expected to run into her.
Sensing he was about to turn and leave, Roel grabbed him on reflex.
“Wait a second!”
Then it hit her.
This man might have the answers she needed.
It could be an illusion, but they had quite a few similarities.
Their swordsmanship, their fighting style...
Above all, his “strength” was close to the ideal she aspired to.
The only conversation they’d shared was a brief exchange back then.
He wasn’t someone she knew well, so it was probably just wishful thinking.
Still...
“I have something I want to ask.”
Roel was desperate enough to grasp at any straw.
I knew I needed to vanish from Roel’s sight right now.
If the conversation dragged on, there was a huge risk of my identity getting exposed.
I knew that, but...
“...What.”
I couldn’t do it.
This had to be guilt.
Guilt was clearly messing with my head.
“Uh, well...”
Roel hesitated, fumbling for words.
I saw my opening.
“If there’s nothing, I’m out.”
“N-No! I’ll ask right now.”
Damn it.
“I’ll say this upfront: I can’t tell you anything about myself.”
“Don’t worry. I figured as much.”
Roel didn’t hesitate any longer and asked me directly.
“You helped me out back then. Why?”
It was a sneaky question.
Aiming for my purpose instead of my identity.
It caught me off guard, and I couldn’t help but be dumbfounded.
I thought for a moment before answering.
“Does saving someone need a reason?”
Roel blinked in surprise.
It clearly wasn’t the response she’d expected.
In fact, she immediately voiced her doubt.
“But you knew who I was. I didn’t know you.”
True enough.
I’d been so glad to see her that I’d acted like we were old pals. Looking back now, it felt pretty reckless.
“That’s not what matters.”
“Huh?”
“You gonna save someone just because you know them and ignore them if you don’t? That’s not you.”
Strictly speaking, it wasn’t an answer.
I’d deliberately shifted the point because the question was a tough one.
Fortunately, Roel fell for it hook, line, and sinker.
“Yeah... you’re right.”
Convinced, Roel nodded.
I looked her straight in the eye and said,
“So, what’s the real question you want to ask?”
Maybe it was because I’d been watching her all along. I could just tell.
This wasn’t what she truly wanted to know.
“...”
A brief silence stretched out.
I didn’t push her. I waited for her to speak on her own.
“They probably weren’t good people. Even if it was to survive, they still tried to kill someone else.”
The story began without any preamble.
I knew right away it was about the “village.”
“I still wanted to save them. I didn’t want them to die.”
“But you couldn’t.”
“...Yeah.”
I could see Roel’s breathing growing ragged.
Were the memories resurfacing?
I silently took her hand.
Roel flinched for a moment, then gripped my hand tightly as she continued.
“It was probably me who killed them. Hard to believe, I know, but sometimes my body moves on its own, even when I don’t want it to.”
Roel had no idea.
That the trash who’d hijacked her body to commit murder was the one holding her hand right now.
“I’m scared now. Like I’ll end up hurting someone else without knowing it.”
This was a trial.
An unbelievably harsh one, not easy to overcome.
“Sometimes I think it’d be better to just give up on being a hero altogether.”
She’d start doubting herself.
She’d fall dozens of times.
It’d hurt—a lot.
“...What should I do?”
And yet, I knew she’d dust herself off and stand back up.
Because you’re the protagonist.
“Roel.”
She looked at me, eyes full of expectation for an answer.
Sorry, but I couldn’t give her one.
The right answer to this could only come from her.
So.
I had to ask a different question.
One that would help her find it.
“You still want to save people, right?”
Roel was someone who hated hurting others more than anything.
Yet she’d killed with her own hands, and it had become a trauma.
But she hadn’t given up yet. She was agonizing over what to do, tormenting herself.
She wanted to keep going at the academy, no matter what.
Because it had been fun.
“Then save them. No need to agonize.”
“But...”
“Assuming you fail is pointless.”
Failing to save someone and choosing not to try lead to the same outcome.
If asked which was better, it’d have to be trying.
At least then you’d know you gave it a shot.
“...Is it really okay to do that?”
“Of course.”
Roel clamped her mouth shut tight.
I could see her struggling to hold back the sounds trying to escape.
But in the end, she couldn’t.
“Ugh, sob. Hic.”
Tears streamed down Roel’s face.
She wiped at them frantically, but her hands couldn’t keep up.
Maybe Roel had been waiting for this all along.
Desperately hoping someone would tell her it was okay.
“I thought I’d ruined everything... that I didn’t deserve it anymore...”
Instead of answering, I reached out.
My hand covered Roel’s small head.
I stroked it gently, as if telling her it was alright, that she’d done well.
Come to think of it, she still hadn’t heard these words.
“It wasn’t your fault.”
It was deception. Hypocrisy.
Even so, I wanted to say it.
It was the least I could do as atonement.