I Desire Seres's Dignity
"That's not what I meant," I said to Viol.
"I have to go to the Arsen Kingdom."
It was daunting to think about how I'd even get there, but that didn't mean I could just skip it. I explained that I absolutely had to go to the Arsen Kingdom and treat the plague victims, but Viol's response was:
"Looks like you overdid your workout today. The kid's talking nonsense."
"I'm dead serious."
"Enough! I don't want to hear any more!"
She started off treating it like bullshit, but when I pushed back hard, she flat-out refused to even listen.
"Why are you suddenly like this?!"
Arios freaked out and tried to calm her down.
"Something feels off. Remember that time you listened to me and dodged the demon attack?"
"You mean you're getting a bad feeling like back then?"
"Yeah. If I don't stop you, things are gonna go south."
For me, specifically. I couldn't explain the real reason, so I made up some vague excuse, and naturally, it backfired.
"Seres, cut it out!!"
Even Hames, who'd put up with my stubbornness this whole time, finally grabbed my shoulders like she couldn't take it anymore.
"I told you to take care of yourself! Why won't you listen? Why do you always do this?!"
"Sorry."
No matter how much they tried to stop me, I couldn't give up on this.
"Look, but realistically, there's no way you can go anywhere in that condition."
"You can barely walk as it is!"
Arios and Hames tried persuading me with practical arguments this time, saying that even if they took me, I'd just have a seizure on-site and couldn't treat anyone. Honestly, I agreed.
So what I needed right now was a way to heal my body in the short term.
"Sibylius. You said it'd take a few months of treatment. I've already been at it for a month. What's left is just a few times the hardship I've already gone through. Isn't there a way to speed it up?"
When I asked the expert, Sibylius, she hesitated like she wasn't sure if she should say it, then finally spoke.
"…It's possible. Especially for you, it'd be a 100% success."
There was a method like that, and she hadn't mentioned it until now. I felt a chill, and it seemed like everyone else did too.
"There's this thing called muscle memory. Your body remembers the training from the past month, so if we amplify that memory several times over, your body will recall it."
"…Wouldn't months' worth of fatigue hit all at once? Wouldn't I die?"
"You would. That's why only you can do it."
She meant that because of my Divine Power, I wouldn't die, so I'd succeed 100%. But it'd be painful. Way more than anything I'd endured so far.
"…."
"…."
Arios and Hames shut their mouths in disbelief. Then Viol yelled in an incredulous tone.
"What the hell are you trying to do that for?!"
Good question. What exactly was I after here? Sure, it was to survive, but I wasn't the only one here. Unlike the original male leads who vanished when it mattered, these four had devoted themselves to helping me for a whole month. I could lean on them, so why was I willing to endure insane agony to do it myself?
I thought and thought about it, then it hit me all at once, and I muttered unconsciously.
"I want Seres's dignity."
It was a sentiment that left even me stunned.
Poor Seres. He hadn't committed any sin, but just because he was beautiful, he suffered every humiliation and insult imaginable until he died. I hated that. I wanted to change it. With these hands of mine, no matter what it took.
Saying Seres was just a novel character and I was overthinking it was pointless. Because I am Seres now. No one in this world could empathize with him more than me. Upholding Seres's dignity was the same as doing it for myself.
That's why, deep down, I'd wanted to resolve the novel's key events with my own hands, by my own will.
"Realizing it only now."
Learning this truth about myself that even I hadn't known was ridiculous but also relieving. Now I could say it without regrets.
"I'll do the accelerated training. Right now."
--------------------------------------------------
Seres lay on the bed like he was dead.
Sibylius had carried out the accelerated training method, but the effects wouldn't show right away. He'd fallen asleep for now, and the four of them surrounded his sleeping form, looking down at him. Their faces were the picture of gloom.
Common sense said they never should've allowed this insanity, and if he kept being stubborn, they should've locked him up. But:
"What did he mean by that?"
They couldn't bring themselves to do it because of what Seres had said.
"He wants Seres's dignity?"
Arios recalled his words. Wasn't Seres himself? It was odd how he'd phrased it like he was talking about someone else, and the weight behind it felt anything but light.
"It sounded like he was willing to risk danger for some precious someone."
"If you think about it normally, he was just third-personing himself for emphasis," Hames replied.
"No need to overcomplicate it when there's only one Seres. He meant it literally—wanting his own dignity."
"Why the hell would he want that!" Viol shouted in frustration.
"Does anyone here not know who he is? Seres! Even if you don't know my name, you know Seres—the empire's top celebrity. The Huferion countess's precious only child and the empire's greatest beauty! And now he wants dignity?"
I couldn't understand Viol. What was he lacking that he'd pull this torture on himself for some dignity?
That's when it happened.
"Maybe even that pampered life couldn't fill his self-esteem."
Sibylius, who'd been quietly listening, chimed in.
"Then he happened to gain healing powers. Maybe he's trying to fill that void by helping others and affirming his own dignity."
"Then why's his self-esteem low in the first place? Did that bitch Ares abuse him behind our backs?!"
Sibylius shook her head at the yelling emperor.
"You wouldn't get it. Being the countess's golden child or the empire's top beauty means nothing."
"What?"
"What's the point to someone who can barely move and has to stay cooped up at home?"
His body was so frail he might not even inherit the countship. Sure, he was beautiful, but he couldn't go out and show it off.
It doesn't feel real, so it all just seems like empty words. Just like it was for me.
Sibylius remembered her own childhood. Her demon mother had doted on her half-human daughter, keeping her locked away at home for safety and whispering every day: You have the greatest potential. You're still young, but you'll grow into the Maou, so just bear with it a little longer. It wasn't empty flattery. Looking at her power now, her mother's judgment had been spot-on.
But so what?
As a kid, it didn't feel real to me. It was just pie-in-the-sky nonsense.
Even if she could become the Maou someday, right now she was trapped at home, unable to meet anyone. Even as an adult, those childhood experiences and discrimination made her hate everything, leading to near-voluntary confinement—not because she became the Maou.
Words and reality don't match, so I didn't even know who I was, and my self-esteem tanked. Is that how you feel? Is that why you're finding meaning by treating people?
The moment he heard about the plague and flipped out, insisting on going no matter what, Sibylius could only assume that.
We might have more in common than I thought.
She'd grown fond of him over the month of treatments. Thinking they shared a past like that softened her gaze as she looked at Seres.
At that moment.
"Aaaah! Aaaah!!!"
Seres started screaming like a madman, and all four rushed to check on him.
"A, aaaah!!"
"Seres, you okay?"
"Get a hold of yourself!"
Hames and Arios grabbed him and called his name, but he just kept screaming.
Why, why is this happening? Even if it hurts, it should definitely succeed—why is my heart pounding?
Watching Seres writhe, Sibylius felt fear for no reason she could name. As she stared in shock, Viol—unable to stand it anymore—shouted:
"Stop this right now!"
"Y-yes, got it."
She knew it would succeed for sure, but she complied without thinking. Her hands trembled, her heart raced, and she could barely release the spell.
Then…
"…."
Seres's screams suddenly stopped.
It was good news, but everyone froze in dread. The silence was too sudden—had he died? They checked, and:
"His eyes are open?"
"He's conscious!"
Viol was shocked to see Seres with his eyes wide open and normal, while Arios rejoiced. Hames hurriedly tried to heal him with Holy Power, but there was no need.
"What are you doing?"
Hames was stunned to see Seres walking perfectly fine toward one corner of the room. He'd grabbed the massive barbell there.
They'd prepared it as exercise equipment, but it was too heavy for Seres, so it'd just sat unused. Over 100 kilograms, yet he lifted it with his slender arms.
"Feels light?"
Seeing impossible strength from his thin arms, Seres grinned in satisfaction.