Demonic Absurdity
“Hagenti has the ability to manipulate metals, my lady. Perhaps she can fix that rusted hammer.”
Asmodeus said, glancing at Hagenti.
Hagenti just scratched the back of her head and tilted it in confusion.
“Ability to manipulate metals?”
Come to think of it, her epithet had popped up as the Magician of Metals.
Asmodeus had also mentioned that among Hell's demons, a few could repair a rusted hammer like that.
And Hagenti was apparently one of them.
“Hagenti. You can fix that thing, right? You have to. For Lady Lucy.”
“Y-yeah, fer the great Lady Lucy, me can do anythin'. Gotta do it. B-but... there might be stuff me can't...”
“Quit yer yappin'! Why so chatty? Lady Lucy couldn't even eat her mala tang because of you—crawlin' on the floor to lick her feet wouldn't even cut it!”
“But what's this mala tang thing anyway...”
Hagenti was getting chewed out by Asmodeus again.
This seemed less about the hammer and more about Asmodeus being pissed she missed the mala tang.
“Hey, hey. Don't bully Hagenti—she's probably got her reasons too, Asmodeus. I'll just reorder the mala tang.”
“Lady Lucy...! As expected of Lady Lucy, the paragon of all demons!”
For now, they decided to reorder the mala tang first.
With Hagenti here, they upped the portions.
My stomach growled even more, so I added extras here and there.
The total came out to nearly double the original price.
“And explain the situation to Hagenti too.”
While waiting for the mala tang, I turned on the computer.
The reason? To catch Hagenti up on the modern world—she still hadn't grasped the situation.
Just like how I'd shown Asmodeus the Hunter Gallery to explain things.
“Th-this is the human world?!”
Hagenti hadn't even realized they were in the human world.
She jumped in shock as I explained everything.
“Alright, Hagenti. This is how you click.”
“S-sorry, but me knows how to click too.”
“Oh, right.”
Hagenti knew computers too.
I kept forgetting Hell was pretty similar to the human world.
She was just a bit slower than Asmodeus.
Hagenti took her time meticulously reading through the Hunter Gallery to get the lay of the land.
“Aww... the human world went through all this? Changed a ton, huh.”
Just like Asmodeus.
This was her first time hearing about the Tower or gates.
While Hagenti read, I quietly pulled Asmodeus to the corner of the room.
Time for a private word.
“Asmodeus. Come here.”
“Calling me alone to such a secluded spot... This girl is always ready, my lady. Ahh.”
“That's not it.”
For some reason, Asmodeus blushed and squirmed.
But this wasn't praise.
I lowered my voice.
The studio was small, but I spoke as quietly as possible so Hagenti wouldn't hear.
Hagenti was still glued to the computer.
“Asmodeus. Weren't you too harsh on Hagenti earlier? She seemed totally clueless and just got swept up in this.”
The real reason I'd called Asmodeus alone?
That scene earlier where she'd taken it out on Hagenti.
Honestly, it had shocked me.
Up until now, Asmodeus had followed me like she'd lay down her life.
But her tone had suddenly shifted.
Beating up a junior demon—lower-ranked or whatever—over mala tang like that.
“Honestly, I was disappointed.”
The captain—no, the Primordial Demon—was disappointed.
Hungry or not, that was too much.
It was kinda pitiful watching Hagenti get hit.
She'd just been like Aw, me don't know nothin'— unable to even resist.
Anyone would feel sympathy for her, right?
“L-Lady Lucy...?”
Thud—
The moment I said I was disappointed, Asmodeus froze like she'd been struck by lightning.
She gasped raggedly, face draining of color.
She flailed in panic, then threw herself flat on the floor.
“Th-this girl has committed a mortal sin! To displease the great Lady Lucy... Kill me, I beg!”
Asmodeus cried out, trembling violently.
Hagenti, who'd been reading the gallery, whipped around in alarm.
I-I hadn't meant to scare her this much.
I'm obviously all soft and squishy—anyone can see that.
I never expected “disappointed” to hit harder than my Great Command.
She was even begging for death.
This wasn't like her usual playful scoldings.
“N-no, I'm not that mad. Get up.”
“This girl has committed a mortal sin! To make the great Lady Lucy disappointed—it's only right I die!”
“It wasn't that bad. Get up, I said.”
“Ugh...”
Asmodeus finally stood, her face still pale unlike her usual self.
Somehow, saying I was disappointed seemed more effective than the Great Command.
“I was just caught off guard. You hit Hagenti too hard.”
“This girl has committed a mortal sin. I only acted as I always do in Hell—I never dreamed it would displease Lady Lucy.”
“As you always do?”
“Yes, my lady. As I mentioned before, Hell runs on a strict hierarchy...”
Asmodeus said, eyes downcast.
She'd told me before: Hell was all about rigid rank.
At the time, I'd thought, Sounds just like the army~
But apparently, it was way harsher than the military.
Beatings like what she'd given Hagenti? Everyday stuff.
A world I didn't even want to imagine.
Good thing I was rank zero.
“This girl isn't making excuses, but by Hell's standards, I'm on the kinder side. If you saw what she does to lower ranks, you'd be shocked.”
“Me ain't that bad. But if me lets the underlings get too comfy, they keep challengin' me—can't be helped...”
The difference between the army and Hell?
Ranks could flip.
In the army, seniority was based on enlistment date.
But in Hell, win a rank fight, and you steal the spot.
Lose, and it's true hell from then on.
Imagine a junior overtaking your rank in the army?
Everything you'd dished out comes back tenfold. Horrifying.
So in Hell, they cracked down harder on underlings to prevent challenges.
“Hmm... I guess that makes sense.”
So Hell really was hell.
Specifically, a hierarchy battle hell.
A cultural thing of Hell.
I'd stuck my nose in without knowing.
“I was short-sighted, Asmodeus. I didn't understand Hell's culture...”
“Lady Lucy must never apologize! From now on, when I discipline her, I'll do it out of sight so it doesn't upset you.”
“That sounds scarier. Just be yourself—don't mind me.”
“If you insist, then as you command. Truly, Lady Lucy's grace is unmatched by any demon.”
Asmodeus smiled again.
Somehow, it looked even more wicked now.
“Hey, Hagenti. Still not done reading? I grasped the human world in under a minute, and you've been parked at noble Lady Lucy's desk for how long now?”
“S-sorry! Me got distracted listenin' to you two...”
“Who told ya to eavesdrop!”
“Aww! Aww, don't hit me!”
The demonic absurdity resumed.
Hmm... so that's Hell culture, huh.
Asmodeus even looked like she was enjoying the beating.
And yeah, she had speed-read the gallery in under a minute.
Hell culture—gotta respect it.
Ding—
Then my phone chimed.
Delivery arrival notification.
“Mala tang's here! Let's eat!”
“Kyaaah!”
“C-can me eat too?”
Food first.
Hell hierarchy or whatever—I'm starving.
I ignored the bizarre Hell-military culture and grabbed the mala tang from the door.
So much it'd ordered, it was heavy in both hands.
“We'll set it up, my lady! Hagenti, hurry up and get the table—what're you doing!”
“Aw, where's the table... Me ain't used to Lady Lucy's place yet—this a table?”
“That's a cardboard box! Gotta spell out everything?!”
Thwack—thwack—thwack—
“Aww! Aw, you'll wake the neighbors!”
“......”
I stood there blankly, watching the Hellish absurdity unfold.
Ordering setup was one thing, but couldn't she just tell her where the table was...
“I set it up. Stop and eat.”
“A-ah! Mortal sin! Hagenti! Lady Lucy had to use her soft little hands because of you! How will you take responsibility!”
“Aigoo! Aigoo! Me committed a mortal sin! Can't find one table in a new house and gotta die for it!”
Too hungry, I'd just done it myself.
Now it sparked another round of Hellish nonsense.
At this rate, dawn would break.
I unleashed the Great Command.
“Shut up and eat.”
“H-heek! Me... obeys!”
“H-haah...! Understood, my lady!”
“Just don't drag things out like this in front of me from now on. Everything quick and efficient. Got it?”
I didn't know about Hell, but in Korea, speed was king.
Wasting time nagging was more annoying.
“Me'll run till me cheeks jiggle.”
“As if. Hagenti's slacking is disappointing, but this girl prioritizes Lady Lucy's comfort above all.”
“Yeah. Now let's eat.”
Finally, mealtime began.
No side plates—we each held our rice bowls.
We started picking out mala tang ingredients with chopsticks.
I grabbed a big handful of the most appetizing enoki mushrooms and bean sprouts.
Crunch—
The textures blended perfectly—divine.
Paired with the numbing, oily broth.
Dipped in the included sauce? Perfection.
“So good...!”
Incredibly delicious.
Forgot all about being a tough guy.
“Mmm...! Such food exists! Ecstasy!”
“W-wow. C-can me really eat somethin' this tasty?”
The other two were thrilled too.
Fishing out ingredients greedily.
Even fried rice and spring rolls on the side.
The late-night feast vanished in no time.
“Haaah... Truly an ecstatic meal...”
“Mala tang's this good? What a life wasted...”
“Gettin' swept into that rift was me lucky break... this food—”
“Hagenti! Dishes done? Clean up already!”
“Aw, got it... Can't even talk...”
Afterward, Hagenti—kicked by Asmodeus—cleaned up in a flash.
Dishes, sorting trash, airing out—pro level.
Not her first rodeo.
“Yawwn... So full, so sleepy...”
After starving so long, the massive meal hit.
Legendary blood sugar spike—eyes drooping.
“...Ah!”
About to pass out, a thought jolted me.
The rusted hammer.
Oh yeah, needed to ask Hagenti about it.
“Hagenti. Done eating? No sitting—check that hammer.”
Asmodeus, quick on the uptake, said it to her.
Hagenti eyed the rusted hammer by the entryway.
“That thing? Aw... Rust flakin' off like cheap bread crumbs.”
“Can you fix it?”
“Hmm...”
Hagenti inspected the rusted hammer from every angle.
Hagenti, the 48th-seat demon, epithet Magician of Metals.
She could handle all metals, even equipment.
A moment later, after studying it intently, Hagenti spoke up.