Episode 3-3: The Special Monster Extermination Unit (Women-Only)

The headband with a ponytail attached to the end was a magic-infused artifact. Its function? Simple cross-dressing. The moment I heard about it on the train, I imagined the worst-case scenario.

Could Tena have sold me off to some unspeakable hellhole? Employer: Tena Everlight. Employee: Tan Bantai. This one-year contract only had our signatures and pay details—suspiciously little explanation otherwise. Was it a ticket straight to some brothel packed with customers of unique tastes?

But the truth that greeted me was a little more horrifying than I'd imagined.

Stumbling off a cross-continental train blackout-drunk and unable to remember boarding, I looked down at the campsite... and saw...

"All women?"

Every single person in the distant campsite was female.

...What the hell had I gotten myself into?

"Don't chicken out. No one's gonna spot you're a guy that easily. You're wearing a Perception Distortion Artifact to skip the hassle of full drag."

Would that artifact alone really be enough? Esen flashed a chilling grin.

"Unless they've got a nose like mine."

...As expected.

Dark omens were already sketching themselves in my head. Everything's fine, just head down, introduce yourself politely... then for some reason, they figure out you're a man. A whole party of women, and you snuck in disguised—what were you planning to do? High chance of getting pummeled, lucky if you don't end up skinned alive.

The reason I'd been kicked from my old party flashed through my mind. If things went south here too, I'd be labeled a total pervert with no escape.

...But who shells out an advance of 20,000 to a guy like me? It wasn't just the 100,000 debt I owed that Adamanthon bastard weighing on my back. I had people to support and take responsibility for.

In this day and age, who hires a porter and treats them this well? Give up? You sane? What happens if you get caught? Play dress-up? You sane? Grabbing the chance or ditching it both felt like idiocy. Whichever way I went, regret loomed.

Damn it all. Fine, let's dive in.

At least it beat the brothel gig I'd feared.

"By the way, the whole party's really all women? How'd that happen?"

"What, you hate girls?"

A camp full of women more off-putting than guys at a brothel trying to eat me alive? Hell no. Just... a bit—no, a lot—suspicious.

"No way it happened without reason, right?"

"Tena that shady bastard didn't tell you jack?"

Calling a Hero Aptitude fighter shady? My doubts about this party's identity deepened.

Tell me jack? Honestly, not sure. Tena said something, I think. Did I hear and forget? Or did she skip explaining to a guy more booze than blood?

Esen motioned for me to follow as we headed to camp.

"Reason our party's all women? Purely a guy-girl problem."

Space and time twisted. My lips trembled.

Gender conflict? Women's lib? Not that, right?

Terror nearly spat the question out. Luckily, I choked it back.

The Tena I remembered had quirks no one could guess. Owner of thoughts beyond imagining. But she wasn't the type to screw over lives for fun. Quirky didn't mean evil.

Surely she hadn't tossed a guy like me into some ideological warzone.

Surely...

As I agonized over how to phrase it, Esen smirked.

"Similar to why porters get shunned. Fights over affection."

"Pardon?"

The War Studies Society—where the continent's brightest minds research eradicating evil—published Hero party fighter gender ratios at roughly 7:1. Men at 7, naturally, since it's physical labor. Say a party has seven male fighters and one female. Stats show those seven guys' survival rates plummet.

The lone woman's skill lacking? Nope. Fight well or poorly, results similar.

"'Cause the seven guys take avoidable hits shielding her."

I squinted at Esen's explanation.

"No way."

"Instinct. Males wanna protect females and kids. Can't fight human nature."

"Mixed parties don't work on the battlefield? No matter personal strength?"

"Kingdoms recruit women soldiers too, sure. But we're not regulars."

Regulars get kicked for eyeing comrades' junk by pissed-off superiors. Hero parties? Loose combat groups, each with unique formation and goals.

No matter how much a female warrior screams "don't baby me," males reflexively shield—guilt kicking in.

"Urk, take this arrow for me. Go home alive to your family... That kinda crap. And if she secretly enjoys the ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠attention? Or guys want more than thanks? Problems scale with party size."

Add romance, and boom—party implodes. ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠Top cause ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠of near-wipes: sex drive.

Share hardships? Sure. Share love? Knife fights ensue.

Barbarian axe whizzes past Hero's ear. Hero calls thief to shove clan power. Thief's prized monster-hunt frog poison ends in priestess's flask; she curses barbarian's balls off in god's name.

The woman basking in all the affection shrinks from the bloodbath and sneaks to her mage tower...

Such "cute" dramas leave parties soulless, even if lives survive.

"Love tug-of-war, huh."

I recoiled at the vivid scenario. Esen Taiga added solemnly,

"Fairness note: Women fight over guys and crack skulls too."

"Got it. Didn't wanna know."

"That's why 'frontline parties' go single-gender. Guys with guys. Girls with girls."

"Kinda rational now. Makes sense—wait, what?"

"Can't waste talent on lovers' quarrels. We're one of ten Hero parties holding the frontlines against monsters."

"Hold up!"

I froze at the camp entrance, blinking rapidly.

"This is a frontline party? The frontline I know?"

Clashing endlessly with Demon King's forces, soloing giant monsters?

"What else?"

I looked up at the proudly flapping camp flag.

A name dripping menace, just as Esen said.

Entrance side: request board. Chilling contents.

"Can we renegotiate salary?"

I said calmly. Screaming save me inside.

"Need more than 20,000 upfront. Where's party leader Tena Everlight?"

"Our Hero's busy. Off handling another S-scale job. Leader and soloing? She's hot shit."

Esen sneered, lip curling like something ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠irked her.

"And you're mine already."

"Pardon?"

I blinked dumbly. Mine? Sudden confession? Or side gig slave trader? No prior acquaintance leaned trader.

As I edged back, Esen ripped a request from the board. Other hand snagged my waist sash.

No time to protest—my feet dangled airborne.

Screaming internally, arms shielding head, I realized I'd been grabbed like luggage.

"What the hell?"

"Back to the train. Mission time."

Legs set down dragged; Esen fake-kicked. I obediently tucked knees, resuming luggage mode.

"Right now?"

"Yeah, right n—hey! Where you rushing off to?!"

A boyish, crisp voice from behind. Knight girl and elf burst out, blocking Esen.

Twin-like petite frames made it look like kids stopping big sis.

"That's the 'newbie,' right, Esen?"

"We were supposed to escort her originally! What if Tena hears?"

"...What's all this about?"

Esen Taiga stretched shoulders, grinning toothily down at me.

"Truth? I'm not your escort."

"Now you say—"

"They were your real escorts. Gullible idiots who'd believe the sun's the moon if Tena said so. But me? Can't swallow it straight. 'Porter.'"

Spitting "porter" with venom. I stiffened.

"Meaning?"

Esen hoisted me high. Light as a 5kg dumbbell. Matched my terrified gaze, whispering,

"Dunno Tena's game bringing a guy here. She always gets party buy-in first. But disguising you as a girl just for a 'porter'? Why?"

"How should I know? She needed me...!"

Killing intent in Esen's eyes. No lies. I gritted teeth, held gaze.

Not just clear conscience. Tigress folk born with beast instincts—avert eyes, invite attack.

Surprised smirk on Esen's lips.

"Gonna find out what you are. Heading to mission. You're my porter. Watch your support, then judge."

Judge? Context obvious. Porter prejudice. Porter Aptitude guys = womanizers.

I clenched jaw. Couldn't deny some scum existed. But...

"Dunno your mumbling, but newbie ain't luggage! Put her down, Esen!"

"Yeah! Locking us in the cookhouse storeroom? Already reprimand-worthy! Know how cold—?!"

Knight and elf raged. I eyed Esen horrified.

"Locked where?"

Was I snagged by a psycho?

Esen's sheepish face—orange side-hair hiding twitching ear scratch.

"Quit whining. You're elves. Can't you magic a fire?"

"Fire? Bull! Burn the storeroom? Crazy?!"

"72 hours in short sleeves and shorts at minus 10! 72 hours! Telling Tena!"

"Go ahead. Kids who can't function without Tena."

Esen tucked me under arm like a football, coiling legs to leap.

Dread hit. "Wai—"

Esen vaulted skyward. Over the pair's heads. Landed at train platform we'd descended from.

Head snapped back. Blood pressure thundered skull.

Fearsome power. Knew Tigress superhuman, but this?

"Urgh... my gut..."

"Carsick? Puke in the john."

Striding into car, Esen dumped me seat-ward like trash. Rough landing drew groans.

Cross-continental still halted. Unloading party supplies, probably.

I glared as Esen rose for bathroom. "Train food sucks. Gotta ride?"

"Walk then? Fine by me. Monster in deep woods hauls you off—no need testing what you are."

What?

"True, lotsa porters are deadbeats."

"Duh."

"But straight talk. What'd I do?"

"Huh?"

"Hate porters for their antics? I hate folks judging me just 'cause I'm one. Always gave parties my all—"

Esen ignored, slamming door. Muttered through: "Shut it. Run, you're dead."

Tigress finger stabbed window at me.

"I'm A-rank fighter."

Five minutes later, returning Esen bulged eyes at empty cabin.

"Knew it'd come to this, shady porter. Think my nose can't track—"

"Trains haul every cargo. Smells mix. Not easy by nose alone. And... never ran."

Esen turned sheepish at me behind her.

"Oh. You were there?"

I shrugged. Massive pack on back swayed.

Esen scowled. "...What's all that?"

"Supplies for a richer trip. Thought you'd hunt monsters bare-handed?"

"Where'd you get it? How so fast?"

"Mission request and porter cert lets me requisition tons from cargo hold. Didn't know? Y'all been going porter-less?"

Esen patted pockets. Tail spiked skyward—request gone.

Duh. I'd palmed it earlier.

Handing back, Esen gaped. "How?!"

"Only you A-rank? A-rank guild cred pro porter here."

Industry standards via Porter Guild—not kingdom-recognized like fighters. But beast senses pickpocketed? Shocked.

To deflated Esen, I jabbed like she had.

"Gonna fix that needless aggression to strangers."

Non-combatant challenging—not even C-rank fist-wise. Esen tilted head.

"How?"

"Best porter service of your life."