Scientific Problem Solving
Looking back, it was suspicious from the outside.
The bustling streets of the City of All Gods were packed with dazzling temples. The denominations poured gold into auctions just to secure spots on these streets, then competed fiercely to build the most extravagant shrines possible. It was like noble ladies judging each other by their makeup and dresses, or peacocks flaunting their tail feathers. A cultured battle waged in peacetime.
Who cared if the denominations' treasurers wept blood over it? Third parties like us just enjoyed the show. It created quite the spectacle. Some folks even visited the city purely to admire these architectural boasts of religious splendor.
Block one featured Vulcanos the blacksmith god's anvil-shaped forge-church. Next block over, the Mitra worshippers' glittering glass-pillar sanctuary. Across the river, the colorful pebble walls of Amita's meditation temple delighted the eyes. And amid that fierce artistic rivalry sat one glaring outlier.
Put kindly, it was out of place. Truthfully, it had no roots here. All the neighbors were magnificent temples, but this one squatted alone like some identity-less monstrosity.
"This is... where Bilena Nitro lives?"
A foreboding black steel fence, gray brick walls, flickering green gas lamps, and haphazardly joined pipes. Beyond the roof's grinding gears—like gnashing teeth—loomed a cluster of gloomy lightning rods swarming with crows. It looked like it had told artistic competition to fuck off, opting instead for something stern, rigid, and downright crotchety. As if declaring independence from the temples' tacky beauty pageant.
...No, it was worse than that. The building practically screamed "Gods Not Welcome." Not literally on the door, but the vibe was unmistakable.
Esen muttered, "Her lab-cum-den of evil."
"It's someone's home—calling it a den of evil is a bit much, don't you think?" Nidroga scolded her, but I had to side with Esen.
"The building's vibe kinda screams what a scientist is, huh?"
"Not a scientist. A 'mad' scientist. I don't know much about scientists myself, but the problem isn't the job—it's Bilena herself."
[Talking smack where the boss can hear. That hurts my feelings, Esen Taiga.]
A stately, archaic voice boomed from the building. Esen bristled like she might faint.
"How'd she hear that? Is she a ghost?"
The dragon Nidroga shoved Esen's back, pushing her through the door. "She probably heard the ghost bit too. Told you not to badmouth party members."
"Fuck—don't push me! I'll just wait outside—!"
"Can't pass by a fellow party member without saying hi."
Caught up in their momentum, I followed them inside—and the interior was even more of a sight.
Mountains of books hit me first. Finding anything in there seemed impossible. Everyday trash mingled with half-finished experiments, turning the place into a total mess. The fact that it didn't stink was a miracle. Maybe she'd spritzed perfume?
"Not a temple, so why set up a lab on this prime real estate? And why's it such a disaster zone?"
"It is a temple, newbie porter. A shrine to the one true god: honest, omniscient, ruler of all laws—untouched by petty emotions. That god's name? Science."
...I'd only mumbled that internally. How'd she hear? And how'd she know me?
"Scholars have their own systems, porter. I know exactly where every book and reagent is—like a map in my head. Kindly don't meddle with the organization."
The resonant voice echoed from somewhere. I scanned around, and from the second floor, someone spun a wheeled chair to peer down at us, as if saying I'm right here.
Faint light from the window silhouetted parts of her: white linen pants, white shoes. Even the glimpse of ankle was ghostly pale. She didn't seem the sun-loving type.
And... those glasses gleamed with a dangerous sheen, red eyes like a lab rat's peering out. The rest stayed shrouded in shadow.
Was she really nuts, or just committed to the aesthetic?
"Welcome, comrades of the esteemed Special Monster Extermination Unit."
"Sorry to drop in unannounced, Bilena. Research going well?"
Nidroga grinned and waved, utterly unfazed by the creepy vibe.
Bilena murmured low, "Going well? Yes. Bearing fruit? No. The pursuit of truth is endless."
What the hell did that even mean?
"Lately, I've struggled to focus on truth-seeking. Our little world hurtles toward doom, and I'm the only one who truly cares—the weight of responsibility has been crushing. Until yesterday, that is."
What nonsense was this?
"Now inspiration floods in, ideas tumbling straight into my enlightened mind. Like this electric current of passion—where to pour it all?"
What mad nonsense was this?
I was starting to get a read on Bilena. A genius lost in her own detached world. Tena was like that too—rambling about things only she understood, then clamming up when no one followed.
...But Bilena was different. She kept staring at us, as if demanding, Do you get it? Flashing white teeth and red eyes from the shadows.
Luckily, Nidroga—who seemed chummy with her—came up with a reply. "Lots of great ideas popping up? That's fantastic!"
"Fantastic indeed."
Her trailing words turned ominous. Nidroga tromped up the stairs to the second floor. Esen flinched and stuck to the door. Leaving me alone in the middle of the first-floor lobby.
That's when I noticed. Bilena was staring at me. Intently, for some reason.
Oh right—I'd forgotten to introduce myself. Overwhelmed, I blurted, "H-hi, senpai. I'm the newbie porter Ran. Nice to meet you."
"Newbie?"
Bilena let out a low, chilling laugh. I'd never heard anything like it. A "scientist's" laugh, maybe? The room's scent was turning oddly sweet.
"Yes, newbie. To you, perhaps."
"Pardon?"
"Relationships are relative, no? You feel oddly familiar to me—like an old acquaintance."
"Haha, y-you mean like a longtime friend?"
"Perception is relative too. Believe what you like. It matters not to me. Tan Bantai."
"Pardon?"
What'd she just say?
"Ah, Ran Bantai, right? Sorry, mixed up. Porter aptitude, was it?"
"Yes."
"I'm Bilena Nitro. My aptitude is 'Inventor.' Interested in 'exoskeleton tech' by any chance?"
Exoskeleton? No clue. I shook my head.
—————
"This... is a miracle."
Now I was hooked on exoskeletons. I wore a sack stuffed with metal ingots as Bilena directed—about 100KG, but it felt like nothing. The steel frame hugged me from waist to fingertips, moving in sync to offset the weight.
"Sit and stand."
Easy. Piece of cake. My aptitude already cut 100KG to 10KG. With this gear...
"It feels like... less than 1KG!"
"Because it is, porter! You're bearing only 1/100th of the actual weight!"
Bilena clapped, beaming. No wrinkles creased her face as she bounced in glee over the successful test—pure joy, untouched by adult cynicism. In the bright first-floor light, her face struck me as innocent and approachable. White curly hair added to the lamb-like, harmless vibe.
...Not just the vibe, either. From experience, folks this passionate about their work never treat others lightly. Couldn't fathom why Esen feared such a great party member.
"So scientists make awesome stuff like this?"
"Flattery. I just tinker with party-useful gadgets now and then. How's it feel? Revolutionary for logistics, right?"
"This could make anyone a porter. W-wait, then with golems and this, porters go extinct and—"
"No! Far from it! A normal person lifts 10KG like 1KG. You porters? 100KG like 1KG!"
Oh. Right?
"Think about it. You'd haul tons solo—worth hundreds of people! Replacing twenty pack mules, ten wagons, three golems. Imagine that human!"
...Holy shit.
"This could usher in a new porter era. Consider it a gift."
"You're giving away something this good for free?"
White clothes, white hair, white heart? An angel? Then Bilena added, meaningfully, "Don't overload it—parts might fail. Imagine a ton on your back when it snaps... squished flat like roadkill pizza. Fun experiment, though."
"...Uh... yeah?"
"Kidding. Relax."
"Bilena's always a bit extreme. You'll get used to it."
Nidroga, rummaging second-floor shelves, now lounged in an armchair, giggling with a hefty bottle in hand.
"She says scary shit sometimes, but it's all for your own good. No way she'd gear you up just to crush ya, heehee."
...Nidroga's tongue was slurring.
I sidled up to a sheepish Esen and whispered, "What's up?"
She explained softly, "Nidroga visits whenever she can. Booze that intoxicates dragons is rare—Bilena brews the hard stuff."
"Dragons don't get drunk easy?"
"Tolerance scales with liver size in dragon form."
...To soak a liver that big? That bottle, hell, filling the house with pure alcohol wouldn't cut it. What poison was in there?
And why was Esen... "Why're you hanging upside down?"
"Tried the door to leave—just in case. Locked. Then a trap from the ceiling snagged my limbs."
Esen whispered desperately, wriggling like a cat in a fishnet.
"Told you not to come! Shit! Get free while you can!"
"Tying Esen up's payback for trashing my lab last time."
My rising doubts and fears evaporated at Bilena's voice. Like hypnosis—sudden calm. Of course. No reason to tie her otherwise.
"...You tried feeding me that blue-fur potion! I refused, so you went for electric shocks!"
"I swear by great science, I've never mistreated a test subject. The gear you broke? Over a thousand gold easy."
"Esen's in the wrong."
"It was justified resistance! Hey, porter! You'd do the same!"
"Chill, Esen. Honestly, I don't get why you're so jumpy."
I pointed upstairs at Nidroga. "Bilena's no villain. And with Nidroga watching, she won't eat us, right?"
"Good point, newbie. Yeah, with me watching, Bilena won't eat you... hee... hic."
"Nidroga?"
"World's spinning. That's why I come here. Wake me later..."
The happily drunk dragon sprawled on the sofa and passed out. Her shameless flop somehow mirrored Esen. Shared trait of near-indestructibility?
Bilena's smile vanished. "If Nidroga watches, Bilena doesn't eat. Prove the converse of that proposition."
"The converse? What's that?"
"Example: 'Breathing lets you live.' Converse?"
"Yes, Bilena-senpai."
"'Stop breathing, you die.'"
"Ah, flipping it. So 'running is fast' flips to 'not running is slow'?"
"For a sneaky, dumb, evil porter, you're quick on the uptake! Now, the converse of my first proposition."
...Felt like I'd heard something off. What was the original again? Head foggy.
"If Nidroga's not watching, Bilena eats?"
"Correct."
The exoskeleton lurched on its own. I snapped to attention, rigid. Then limbs twisted back, dragging me somewhere...
—————
And now, this.
I woke amid hallucinogenic gas filling the room, bellowing in protest. "What the hell did you make me inhale?!"
"Innocence gas. When I miss faded childhood wonder, I flood the room. Even clever, cunning you followed me like a kid after candy. Impressive, no?"
Bilena pumped the ventilator hard. Just open a window, sweat machine.
Damn. Felt like the drug dulled my brain. Suspicious—I'd donned that sketchy exoskeleton myself. Now I dangled from some contraption.
"What's this machine?!"
The book piles and trash? A perfect ruse. Hidden inside: a bizarre device prepped just for me. Like a Nepenthes monster vine snaring prey for its maw. Mechanical arms suspended me up top; below, a suction tube hovered near my body. Dangerous all around.
Bilena's smug crossed arms made it worse.
"A medical tool."
"Medical? I'm not sick, damn it! Let me go!"
"'Man' and 'patient' differ by one letter. A pervert sneaking into an all-women party? Textbook patient."
Eh...?
"That face? Denying you're male? After monitoring you so long?"
"...Dunno how you spied, but yeah, I'm male. Circumstances, though."
"Circumstances? Dosage in cc?"
"Not that circumstance—"
Why ask for dosage, fuck?
"...Drop it. What's that trumpet thing below do if it touches my junk?"
"Tragically, I can't touch your fate. Tena hired you, and the party's already on board."
...Phew. Thanks, Tena. From kid-me carried home after Monica sisters broke my leg, to hiring me, to now—debts keep piling.
Bullshit. Knew something was off when drunk-me signed that contract!
"So I'm just eliminating one risk. That's science: battling nature's forces for safety and convenience."
Bilena's grin widened, ear-to-ear. Huge mouth. Innocent face now full villain.
"What I'm treating... is your lust, porter."
What?
"Post-procedure, you'll have legit grounds to join our party. Better a woman than unemployed, no?"
"...Gaaahhh—! Let me goooo—!"