Official Welcome to the Special Monster Extermination Unit
"Welcome aboard the Special Monster Extermination Unit party!"
…It'd been four official days since I'd joined the Special Monster Extermination Unit party, but I still barely knew anyone by face. We'd gone on a mission before anyone could even introduce themselves properly.
The people I did know were:
1. Tena Everlight, the hero herself, whom I'd never actually run into in the party.
2. Esen Taiga, who'd squeezed me dry like toothpaste the moment I enlisted.
And that was it. Aside from those two, the only ones right in front of me now were these two: a knight I'd never even heard the name of, and an elf.
The day Esen had greeted me with the world's most cynical face, I'd felt this weird sense that something was off. And that premonition had been spot on, to a degree. Things had gone wrong because of Esen, after all.
Originally, the ones assigned to escort me into the party were these two: the knight and the elf. But the vibe I was getting now felt even stranger. These two party members, who hadn't even told me their names yet, were striking this cool pose with their arms crossed dramatically. With their other arms, they were unfurling a banner.
"Enlist… ment welcome?"
I tore my eyes from the banner's letters and eyed the two suspiciously.
"What are you doing?"
"Lemme introduce ya. This one's Reni next to me. I'm Nenya."
"This one's Nenya next to me. I'm Reni—"
"I'm Esen meow."
"Butt out, you bitch!"
The cute little elf's neck veins bulged as she hurled what she was holding. One end of the small "welcome" banner fluttered down to my feet.
Their attempt at a warm reception seemed to go up in smoke just like that.
Esen, giggling as she clung tightly to my shoulder, pointed at the "twins."
"That little elf's Nenya. That little knight's Reni. Everyone calls 'em the worthless twins. Not real sisters since different races, but they act the same and got those short legs just alike."
"Wanna get your height mocked and make it triplets? Get over here, you psycho bitch!"
"Try it, you dementia granny. This time I'll rip both your ears off and shove 'em up your ass."
"Whoa, stop! Cut it out!"
The knight pulled back the elf, who was yanking out her staff in fury. Fair enough—she had reason to hold a grudge. Esen had bragged about stuffing those "twins" in the camp kitchen freezer to meet me first and sniff out my ulterior motives.
…Though they'd apparently come back on good terms. Way too good terms, even.
"Everyone, calm down. Esen, we're comrades—"
"Even your 100-year-younger sis is telling ya to stop, granny. You two fight and you'll both shatter."
"You keep flapping your trap trusting those fists of yours, and a meteor'll punch a pretty hole in your skull? Should I ask Tena to witness the duel?"
"On your way to beg her to be your second, why not take this too."
Esen pulled a wad of papers from her travel pack. A crumpled mess jammed in there like used tissue. It was the monster extermination certificates from the Cheseni branch of the Guild Alliance.
I sighed, snatched them, neatly sorted them out, and handed them back to Esen.
"How're we supposed to manage our records like this? I gave 'em to you 'cause you said you'd hold onto them."
"Anyway, ten fresh A-rank subjugation missions in a row. Should be plenty for promotion review, right?"
Knight Reni sidled up with saucer eyes and peered at the papers.
"For real, Nenya! How'd you pull this off, Esen?"
"You left looking like you'd collapse from exhaustion, wheezing all the way, and instead of regrouping, you just wrapped up the missions? How'd you track down that mountain troll so fast solo? I figured those smartasses would smell you coming and bolt."
Esen pinched my cheek and grinned.
"Wasn't solo."
Seems the party members had been pretty worried, and Esen had stubbornly gone off alone anyway. Reni and Nenya grumbled a bit but ultimately congratulated her on the success.
Of course, the bridge to reconciliation was built largely on the local Cheseni chocolates I'd bought. The "twins" beamed as they took the big bars from Esen.
"Touching. Esen bringing us something like this? First time ever, probably."
"She actually thought to buy gifts? Never looks out for anyone else."
Esen flinched and shot me a glance. I kept my mouth shut tight, glad I'd bought them.
Now fully mollified, the two dragged me around the party campsite, chattering about every little detail. Honestly, I'd been scared they'd probe my identity as sensitively as Esen had, but Nenya and Reni seemed more focused on helping me settle in.
Their chirpy, bird-like voices full of care. Something I'd never gotten from Adamanthon's old crew.
This is healing me on the low.
"Any discomfort, new party member?"
"That's the third time you've asked."
"Heh, gotta make sure you speak up if something bugs ya!"
No one around seemed to suspect any ulterior motives either. Other party members passing by met my eyes and nodded warmly. Good work, newbie. Nice to meet ya. New face, huh?
Probably because no one clocked me as a guy. The ponytail headband itched, but the Perception Distortion Artifact was performing flawlessly.
One more blessing: aside from cats and beastkin, hardly anyone in the party hated chocolate. Let me rack up some goodwill points.
By the tenth time I heard "sociable guy's joined the party," I nearly teared up thinking of my old party's bastard leader.
All hail Cheseni chocolate.
But since Esen had been glued to my side the whole time, folks shot us uneasy looks, subtly worrying for my future.
What kinda rep has Esen built here anyway?
…Probably wrecked the vibe and brawled nonstop. Like earlier.
"Why you staring like that, punk."
"Nah, just… you were in view."
"Look over there. Newbie's chatting all cozy with Esen!"
"This a dream? Esen finally growing up? Or did the newbie punch her into submission?"
The party's shocked murmurs made my head spin.
Guess I know how it was…
"This is the kitchen and mess hall. That's the mobile forge. Over there's the showers…."
"And this is the library."
"A library in the party?"
"No fun books—just stuff for the scholars we fund to earn research grants. All about mana flows and hero determinism theories."
I'd thought the campsite was big, but this was next level. Not some ragtag group—full infrastructure, everything running smooth for a 100-person operation. Knights, archers, artisans, mystics galore.
Everything except porters. They must've recruited one just 'cause, but they didn't need us. Five dedicated supply wagons, packhorses raised in-house. Even three of those Auto Golems I cursed nightly to break their legs. And a massive wyvern landing pad—probably for royal wyverns shuttling from some kingdom.
The one Esen and I rode chasing the troll could've fit thirty more with room to spare.
Top frontline parties get sponsors, sure, but this blew past "decent."
"Tena's the party's hero and leader, huh…?"
Proud hero Tena had become a big deal while lowly porter me backed up Adamanthon.
Feels like the distance is growing. Not that we were ever close.
Esen side-eyed my suddenly wistful face suspiciously. I quickly smoothed my expression.
"Reni? Nenya? You know why the leader hired me?"
"Dunno."
"Beats me."
"Then is it okay to treat me this nice? I mean…."
"Even knowing you're not a woman?"
The ponytail artifact I was wearing was originally theirs to deliver. High chance they knew I was a guy from the start.
But the twins just giggled.
"How could we doubt? Tena vouched for you."
"Our hero we trust said you're good people. Gotta believe her. You're comrades now."
"Tena's run this party squeaky clean forever. So what if she slots in one person she knows?"
"…Cough."
Esen, who'd been all suspicion, turned away and ignored me. Guess she felt silly for doubting solo.
Sure, a male porter in an all-female, no-porter party was suspicious. But I couldn't pass this up.
"What's that look? Feeling guilty?"
"Ah, sorry."
I kept poking at Esen. Right up until her hand dipped into her pocket.
One night of drinks didn't mean infinite jabs. My taunting pushed her to the brink, and keen-eared Nenya caught it.
"You two got weirdly close? Thought you'd come back all mopey after Esen dragged you off."
"Yeah. She's been clinging like a security blanket."
Shit—
"Guy's got killer charm. No worries about him fitting in."
"Please be nice to Esen. She always goes lone wolf—no friends but us."
"Don't need friends like you kids? What, you my moms?"
I felt my twisted future snap back on track. Even Esen's grumbles carried relief.
After chattering on about facilities and other members, the twins finally brought me to the medical tent.
"Childhood friends with Tena, right?"
A hometown that no longer existed. My tongue soured.
"Yeah."
"Then you might like the last person we're introducing."
Grinning mischievously, the duo nudged me into the tent.
Alcohol swabs and hospital smells assaulted my nose. Thirty beds lined up in rows, all with curtains hanging.
That threw me—couldn't peek into each one.
Who the hell am I meeting?
Esen peeled off my back outside, griping faintly. "Someone to intro without me? What bullshit?"
"Could be. Why? That porter your boyfriend or something?"
…Whoever it was, better say hi quick and bounce. My fantasy of a tidy all-women camp cracked a bit inside. Everyone treated behind the curtains as private space, apparently. A few patients had socks drying on bedframes or lounged in underwear, snoring and scratching bellies.
I tried not to snoop. Don't wanna look like a perv who crossdressed to sneak into the girls' dorm.
But some were unavoidable. Passing a barbarian warrior airing her travel-worn bare feet, the stench nearly floored me. I yelped and dodged; she snapped irritably.
"Whatcha staring at, bitch?"
"Who's badmouthing my ward?"
Overly earnest, saintly voice. Fresh off heaven itself. I froze at the familiar ring.
The axe-ready warrior hastily straightened her mess, dove under the covers, and waved me off while looking sheepish.
…Reminds me of me back when I was younger.
The word "infirmary" finally clicked in my weary brain.
No way.
"No friggin' way."
A woman in a long skirt, carefully stepping to avoid dragging the hem, stopped dead at my face.
"…Tan?"
They say heroes with the aptitude recognize each other instantly on eye contact. A perk for world-saving protagonists.
Dunno if it's true. Never been a hero.
That blowhard Adamanthon yapped about it endlessly, but Tena, from the same hometown, never said a word.
Truth is, people with shared traits spot each other easy. Sailors bond over sea salt on skin. Scholars geek out over ink-stained calluses.
And for those who've lost something.
Like folks whose hometowns fell to monsters. That lost-home bitterness lingers on the face, hard to erase. Even if time changes looks, hard not to recognize.
"Sister Monica?"
Everything familiar. Hair black as night, neatly bound. Eyes clear and wistful like silver bells. Tears welled in those eyes.
I nearly blurted an apology like when I was a kid, no clue why.
But Sister smiled.
"Not my birthday, not even Christmas, and I feel like I got a gift. How're you here?"
Seeing a hometown face—family-close—filled my chest.
Sister Monica. The one who'd sheltered kids like me when parents couldn't.
"How about you, Sister? What brings you here?"
"Thanks to Tena, of course. But this isn't the time. Stories'd take forever. Come on!"
She grabbed my hand excitedly, dragging me to the break room. Unease crept into the joy.
"How're you here?" means Tena didn't tell her I joined.
"Sister? Do I look like a guy to you, or a girl?"
I whispered as she shut the door.
She turned, face innocent like it was a joke—then horror flooded it.
"What in the world happened?"
…I realized the crisis source.
Tena, ever unique, skipped explanations. I'd filled gaps trailing her.
She'd done it again. Stuck with the awkward, I sweated bullets.
"Oh my god. You turned into a woman? What curse is this! Don't worry, Tan! We'll fix it somehow!"
"No, Sister… it's not that."