I Couldn't Hold Back
That was how she first met Erinn.
Erinn had shown keen interest in Clara and offered to take her into the party. For Clara, who had longed so desperately for someone to truly need her, the invitation was impossible to refuse.
More than anything, it was the fact that Erinn approached her with no ulterior motives beyond her skill that mattered. Pure, unselfish interest from another person was something Clara had missed for so long; Erinn’s proposal—and the way she carried herself—held a powerful allure.
There was one problem, however: Erinn’s childhood friend, Allen. In every way that counted, he was trouble.
He had no real abilities of his own, yet he tagged along purely because he was Erinn’s childhood friend. He shirked his duties and spent most of his time trying to hit on the other party members. Clara herself had been on the receiving end of that more than once.
“You know, Thief, sometimes I get this thought when I look at you.”
“……Hm?”
“Women who work as thieves all seem to have really toned bodies. Especially those long legs and that slim waist—pretty cute, right?”
“……W-why are you telling me that?”
“Just saying. Why so surprised?”
Knowing full well that Clara was terrified of men and couldn’t push back hard, he would slip in those little harassments whenever he felt like it.
Because of him, the fear she already felt toward men only grew worse. Up to that point, Allen had been nothing more—and nothing less—than a frightening comrade.
Then a series of events struck Allen, and he changed completely.
He started properly doing the work he had always half-assed. The constant flirting with the party members vanished. The snide gossip behind their backs disappeared as well.
If anything, he became more considerate. He learned to read the room, and every so often he would say something just to lift their spirits…
Compared to the man he had been, he was unrecognizable. It would not have been strange to say he had become an entirely different person.
His attitude toward Clara in particular shifted overnight. Before, whenever she hesitated too long over his words or grew flustered, Allen would snap at her out of impatience.
After the change, he was different. Even when Clara overinterpreted something he said and looked ready to cry, the new Allen was quick to apologize first.
It was less that he truly believed he was always in the wrong and more that he deliberately took the blame out of consideration for her. Even someone as terrified of men as Clara could sense that kindness.
Little by little, dealing with him became easier. When he told her he would give her a name, the shock had been genuine.
Until then, the only person who had ever named her was her master, and even that had been the empty, rigid moniker “No Name.”
Yet this man insisted that a person deserved a name with meaning. Watching him rack his brains and dig through reference materials for her sake… it was a kindness the old Allen could never have imagined.
Erinn, who had driven the Holy Sword into him, had said it plainly: a great deal might have changed, but he was still Allen. Treat him the way you always had.
Clara simply could not. No one could have. Perhaps not even Erinn herself.
It was impossible to feel the same way toward someone who had become the complete opposite of the old Allen. Clara found herself drawn to him; she wanted to grow closer.
He had always been handsome, and now that his personality had improved as well, he was more than capable of winning a woman’s affection. At some point Clara began… catching herself looking for Allen whenever her mind wandered.
She watched him even when he was busy with something else. If he was alone, she would approach first and strike up a conversation… things the old Clara would never have done, yet she found herself doing them without thinking.
Perhaps that was when the first seeds of affection had taken root. But because the memory of everything the old Allen had done still lingered, she never fully recognized the feeling for what it was.
She first caught a glimpse of it the day she learned Letisia had spent a night in the same room as Allen. If she had not liked him, the news would have surprised her for a moment and then been forgotten. Instead, Clara fretted over it endlessly.
She felt that same emotion several more times afterward. Even then, she still could not put a clear name to what she was feeling.
Ironically, the moment she finally understood came when she heard that Allen was leaving the party. The thought that she might never see him again made the feelings inside her swell beyond control.
He’s leaving…?
She did not want him to go. She did not want to leave him. The idea of never meeting again was… unbearable.
She felt terribly guilty toward Erinn and the others who had taken in a girl with nowhere else to go, yet the fear that once he left she would never see him again was stronger.
So she used the “responsibility” Ser-Aria had spoken of as her excuse and stayed by the side of Allen—now Albrecht. Unlike Erinn, who struggled to accept the man who had become Albrecht, Clara did not care whether he was Allen or Albrecht.
After all, the one who had been kind to her was “Albrecht,” and so the one she had given her heart to was Albrecht as well.
Even so, Clara never tried to cross the line. There was the guilt of choosing to leave the party and remain with him, and the fact that—no matter how much the person inside had changed—the body still belonged to Allen, Erinn’s childhood friend.
Making the first move herself felt like something she simply could not do. What she failed to understand was how dangerous it was to be left almost alone with the person she cared for.
Day by day it became harder to keep the boundaries she had set for herself. Without realizing it she drew closer, acted spoiled around him… grew jealous.
That swelling heart finally burst in a moment of crisis… and that was how Erinn’s party arrived to find Clara kissing Albrecht.
“…So I couldn’t hold back.”
Clara spoke.
“If I didn’t make it clear, I felt like he would be taken from me…”
She lifted her head and met Erinn’s eyes.
“…That’s why I did it.”
She laid every honest feeling bare. It was proof of how deeply she trusted and cared for the Erinn sitting across from her. Only because it was Erinn could she open up like this.
Erinn studied her for a moment, then let out a long sigh. After steadying her emotions a little, she spoke.
“…I’m sorry.”
“……Why are you apologizing?”
Clara asked, flustered by the apology.
“…Like I said before, I have my own position, so it was only natural for you to be angry, Erinn. You don’t need to—”
“I never planned on getting angry at you in the first place…”
Erinn spoke with genuine regret.
“…I just wanted to make sure how serious you really were.”
“……Make sure?”
“Yeah.”
Just as Clara had been honest, Erinn answered with a measure of honesty of her own.
“What kind of feelings you had for him, how you felt them… and how sincere those feelings were.”
“…Why… did you want to know that?”
“Of course I was worried about you, but…”
Erinn hesitated, then gave a frank little laugh and finished the thought.
“…I also needed to make absolutely sure who it was that I liked.”
“……Huh?”
Erinn tilted her head up slightly. Looking at the blankly staring Clara, she smiled with a mischievous glint.
“Hey, Clara.”
“…”
“You know what I thought while I was listening to your story?”
Clara did not speak, yet she felt she already knew. She knew the emotion Erinn had been carrying.
How could she not? It was the same feeling Clara herself had held until recently—and still felt from time to time.
And the words that left Erinn’s mouth were exactly what Clara had expected.
“I was really jealous.”
“…!”
“I regretted not being able to act as honestly as you. So…”
Erinn spoke as if a weight had been lifted.
“From now on, I’m going to act honestly.”
As she said it, Erinn’s eyes narrowed. Seeing that look, Clara blurted out in panic.
“…Erinn, you… then what about Allen?”
“Allen? Who cares. Same face… and honestly, I like his personality better the way it is now.”
Erinn let out a light snort of laughter and continued.
“You know the Dern Empire allows polygamy, right?”
Whether from the alcohol or from the feelings she was holding, her cheeks were flushed as she smiled with wicked playfulness.
“You’d better be careful not to get him stolen~?”
With that, Erinn set down her cup.
“Innkeeper! Bill, please!”
“Right away. Let’s see…”
“No need for change—just round it up. This should more than cover what these two ate as well.”
“My, my… you’ve been generous. Thank you.”
Erinn casually handed over the coin pouch, then looked at Clara, who was still staring at her in a daze.
“Let’s get along from now on, Clara.”
And with that short declaration of war, she walked away.
“As good ‘neighbors’~♡”