Chapter 1
Chapter 1
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 1
Chapter Title: I'm Quitting as the Princess's Physician (1)
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Several years ago—or at least, that's how I remember it.
In my previous life, I was a doctor. Specifically, an emergency medicine physician at a university hospital. That day, like any other, I was working in the ER.
I was on night duty in the hospital's emergency room when I got smashed in the head with a hammer and died. The culprit seemed to be someone with a grudge against society. I didn't catch the details since I was dead by then.
Things like that happened from time to time in the ER at dawn.
Successful ones were rare, though. If that guy's swing had been just a bit slower, I might've caught the second sentence of his manifesto.
What a pathetic way to go.
To die in a hospital after becoming a doctor, no less. But when your skull's cracked open from a few hammer blows, all you can do is pray. Actually, even that might be impossible.
Born in a hospital, lived in a hospital, died in a hospital. A short-lived doctor felled by a trivial accident awoke as an imperial healer in another world.
An abrupt isekai reincarnation.
I have no idea what world I got dropped into. It doesn't feel entirely realistic, so maybe some kind of created fiction.
A centralized empire with an oddly exalted and idle noble class. Living standards decent for a medieval setup. Probably a romance fantasy novel.
I don't recall any story featuring Princess Mint, so that's just my guess.
Can't be helped. Luckily, the healers here carry staves around, so I wasn't scared of random hammer-wielding maniacs anymore.
A staff—what's that if not a man-sized hammer? If anyone shows up swinging one in this life, I'll smash their head in with my staff.
‘...’
I didn't come here to talk about hammers.
What was I saying again?
Anyway. That's how I ended up working as an imperial healer. The imperial healers had one obsession: the princess suffering from a mysterious lung ailment.
Diagnosing and treating it wasn't hard.
Paroxysmal shortness of breath, coughing, dyspnea on exertion. Classic symptoms of allergic asthma, and the culprit substance was obvious.
The imperial palace burns through 5,000 candles a day.
Those lunatics.
And the palace isn't exactly well-ventilated—no fans or anything. Breathing in candle smoke all day makes lung disease inevitable.
It's a miracle anyone here doesn't get lung disease. I was coughing nonstop from the moment I arrived. The princess was probably allergic to paraffin or the smoke itself.
Specifically, I pegged it as allergic asthma.
Asthma causes the airways to constrict abnormally, making exhalation difficult and leaving you breathless.
Diagnosis could involve methacholine challenge tests, spirometry, allergy blood tests, skin prick tests, and so on.
But none of those four options were feasible here. No way to confirm definitively, but I started treatment based on the suspected diagnosis.
The circumstantial evidence pointed squarely to asthma for the princess. So I treated it as such.
First off, those damn candles.
Truth be told, I hated them too. Fire hazard aside, the wax smell and smoke were killing me all day.
Replacing the palace's ten thousand candles with glowstone lamps and using some meds from my previous-life perk fixed her right up.
I tried explaining to the palace folk that it wasn't a curse, but no one bought it. They all just made a huge fuss about the miracle.
To be precise, for mild asthma, I used long-acting beta-2 agonists and bronchodilators. Oh, what's this previous-life perk?
I can summon meds from my past life. Seems minor for an isekai cheat, but you don't get to pick.
Would've been nice to go big—grand mage or hero or something. Having to keep doing the same job in a fantasy world? Ridiculous.
That's how I successfully treated the princess's asthma. After she recovered, I've basically been unemployed.
Doing nothing and relaxing was nice.
I even made it my life goal at one point.
But after a year of that idle life, I changed my mind. I was bored to death—no, doctors belong by their patients' sides, right?
To get serious for a sec. With this world's backward medicine, who knows how many are dying or suffering?
Not some malingering hypochondriac holding me back out of boredom. That's why I'm trying to leave the palace despite the princess.
Wonder if that'll fly.
****
It didn't.
Arcana Empire. Imperial Palace's audience chamber.
I knelt on one knee on the chamber floor, while the princess sat on the central throne, looking mildly annoyed.
"Your lowly servant greets the empire's... whatever, anyway, the important princess."
"Wow, going off-script already? Too lazy to memorize your lord's titles now?"
This was Princess Minaretia. Mint for short.
A year ago, she was famous as the frail princess. Now? The epitome of an arrogant, stiff-necked noble lady.
Others called her the empire's top beauty. Bit of an exaggeration, if you ask me. A little digging and you'd find one or two prettier than Princess Mint.
The titles were... annoying.
No, they changed every month or so. Having to recite those lengthy greetings daily—who could memorize them all?
Lately, I'd been winging it.
Got called out a while back, though.
"You changed it recently. I forgot."
"Anyway, I can't allow your resignation."
"Is there no law letting people quit?"
"There is. Mine."
Ugh, my knees hurt.
I sat cross-legged on the audience chamber floor. The princess looked down at me, her face etched with faint mockery. Amused, even.
"You lunatic. Why not grab a pillow and lie down while you're at it?"
"Princess. If you won't accept my resignation, I won't work. Keep refusing, and that's exactly what I'll do."
The princess let out a cynical chuckle.
"Healer Asterix. Go ahead and slack off. Whether you work or not is no skin off my back."
"Pardon?"
"If you hate it that much, just goof off. Leave palace duties to the other healers."
Wait, that's not what I wanted.
An unexpected turn.
"I'm sorry, Princess. Please grant my resignation."
"No, what's the real reason you're so desperate to leave the imperial family? There must be something."
"There are no patients in the palace."
"I'm right here."
I shook my head.
"You've been healthy for ages, Princess. I remember removing the candles alone cleared up most of your asthma symptoms. We used some meds too, but still."
Imperial kin seem superhuman, for better or worse. The princess's lung issue was the exception; I've never seen any other royals sick.
Not even a common cold.
My main gig now is handing out aspirin to slacking servants who drop by the infirmary to chat—or to gawk at my previous-life perks.
I'm not the only healer in the palace. Hell, the folding screens are busier than me these days. Talking to the princess just gets me nagging or scratches.
Anything more than that would be a blessing.
"Asterix. I don't know much about healing arts, but my illness was a curse no imperial healer could cure. Only you could."
I shook my head again.
"It wasn't a curse—it was asthma. Airways in the lungs narrow in reaction to certain substances. Remove the trigger and inhale some steroid meds, and it's easy to manage—"
The princess waved me off.
"That's not the point, you smartass. I'm not here for a healing lecture. What's your reason for quitting as imperial physician?"
"My apologies."
"Something got under your skin?"
"More than one thing, but give me a few days and I'll list them all—"
"Ugh. My fault for asking."
I shut my mouth and pondered my next words.
"There are no patients in the palace."
"Healer. With all the people in the palace, how can you say there are no patients?"
"Sorry, but I'm sick of doling out headache pills and cold meds all day. A doctor's supposed to train successors and treat patients, right? Please approve my resignation."
"Asterix. Since when were you such a noble soul? You're just trying to ditch the palace, aren't you?"
"I—"
The princess cut me off.
"Bored of treating royals? Should string you up for that. Asterix, you're not resigning until you drop dead."
"Come on, Princess. Please."
"Asterix. Who's bothering you? Lounge around if you want, or hole up in a palace corner doing your research. Is staying on as imperial physician such a tough ask?"
Princess Mint looked down at me.
"I won't change my mind."
I bowed my head.
The princess inspected her nails, seeming to ponder for a moment. Would she let me go this time?