What Do I Do Now?
"Senior?"
As soon as the video call started, I saw the familiar floor. It was the same floor I’d seen when I visited her place, now cast in a dim, gloomy light thanks to the weather outside.
"Senior? Hello?"
But wait, where was she? I’d expected her to greet me with a bright smile, but that wasn't the case.
Wiggle.
"I don't recall ever having toes for a senior, you know."
"Pfft, pffft-haha!"
I thought I might have called the wrong person, but of course, that wasn't it. Her small, white toes were wiggling, greeting me. What was I supposed to do with a senior who started a video call only to show me her feet?
"What the—! This is more embarrassing than I thought…!?"
"Are your toes doing the talking, or is Suo-senpai?"
"Yes, it’s the toes speaking! Besides, this is too embarrassing, it’s impossible…! Can we just do a regular call? Otaku-kun, is that okay?"
If she wasn't embarrassed, did that mean she was going to keep showing me her feet? That would be novel and funny in its own right, but I had to pass for now.
"Are you just going to switch to a voice call?"
"I’m going to have a normal conversation with Otaku-kun from now on~!"
Talking over the phone instead of face-to-face felt a bit strange. Plus, I had to admit, I was feeling a little embarrassed myself, knowing we were on a video call.
Beep.
Immediately after she hung up, a regular call came through. I drew the curtains in my room and turned off the lights before answering. I usually kept the lights off when gaming or watching anime anyway, so it was just a habit.
"Hello?"
"Yeah, hello. Is this Otaku-kun’s house?"
How long was this senior going to keep calling me 'Otaku'? Still, I decided to play along.
"You’ve reached the right place."
"Whew, then I have to say this."
Suddenly, the pitch of her voice dropped significantly. I didn't know what kind of prank she was trying to pull, but I waited, ready to play along.
"…Apologize."
Suddenly? "Otaku-kun, I’m not joking right now. Will you apologize?"
"Uh… for what, exactly…?"
Was it about that 'let's meet up' incident from before? Or something else? The unpredictable demand for an apology made my head spin.
"It’s all because of you……."
"What is because of me…?"
Gulp. I’d never seen a cliché like this in real life, so I swallowed hard and waited for her next words. I pressed my ear as close to the phone as possible, afraid I might miss it if she spoke too quietly….
"This is all……."
Just as the wind and rain outside intensified, and the sound of it battering the window grew louder.
"…because you told me to weigh down the wish paper with coins-!!"
"Ugh."
Rumble-crash…!
With perfect timing, a clap of thunder joined in, and Suo-senpai’s high-pitched shriek delivered a flying kick to my eardrums. The sheer intensity of it left my ears ringing for a moment.
"Wow! Otaku-kun! Did you hear that?! Mother Nature is responding to my rage, isn't she?"
I suppose you could see it that way….
"…No, wait. What’s this about a wish paper…?"
"Eh? You forgot? I’m hurt, Senior is hurt……."
What was it? Oh, that wish paper thing? As I searched my memory, I recalled that conversation. I had given her some advice—or rather, a joke—about tricking the gods by weighing the paper down with coins.
"I actually did what you said, Otaku-kun…! I even broke open the piggy bank I’d been throwing coins into since I was seven…!?"
And Suo-senpai seemed to think the heavens were angry because of that. Seriously? The gods wouldn't grant a wish for 500 yen, and now they were sending rain because she tried to cheat with a few coins?
"The gods are being a bit narrow-minded, aren't they……."
"It must be the fault of the Otaku-kun who taught me how to cheat those gods, right?"
"Aha?"
Suo-senpai was always good at making weird points, so I couldn't keep up. Okay, so 0.3% of this was my fault. It felt like she was just blaming me to fit the outcome, but it didn't matter. Because of this trivial topic, our conversation began to flow without any awkwardness.
We talked for about thirty more minutes. The topic shifted to the rain.
"We can't see each other today, right…? It’s raining so hard."
"It is a shame……."
"Heh. Otaku-kun, you know how to feel regret?"
What do you take me for, Senior? I regret things every day—like when I don't pick the left box in a gacha, or when I wish I’d gotten to the school store earlier when it was crowded….
"Then, Senior, is there anything you regret?"
I tried to guess—maybe she regretted choosing the wrong pose for a photo booth, or buying too much stuff while shopping. I thought it would be something like that. But then I heard her say:
"There is… well, I guess… I wish I’d been closer to my mom and dad… that kind of thought……?"
Senior, you’re putting me in a really difficult spot by saying that so suddenly.
"Ah, yeah. Sorry? Just, ignore what I just said, hehehe……."
Thinking she’d ruined the mood, Suo-senpai started rambling about everything and anything. She randomly told me what color her phone case was, or how cold medicine made her too sleepy.
"Senior."
"Y-yes? That, um, I mean."
"It’s okay."
You’re being too impatient right now, Senior. Maybe it’s because I’ve seen a lot of people like this? I reacted more calmly than I expected. There’s a side effect to being able to see emotions—people who fight or have conflicts with me tend to get anxious quickly. Even if I pretend to be relaxed, I know what they’re feeling. I don't get swept up in their pace, and I don't get dragged into their emotions. Thanks to that, I was able to tell Suo-senpai, who was having a minor panic, that it was okay.
'Is my ability actually helpful in this way?'
Suo-senpai remained silent for a moment, then let out a weak word.
"…That’s unfair."
"Pardon?"
"Can I talk a little more? Please?"
"Go ahead."
Maybe it was because of the rain. Water flowed incessantly down the window, and the sound of the roof’s drainpipe spitting out water was unusually loud. It was almost loud enough to drown out Suo-senpai’s tiny voice.
"I just… I think I’ve always kind of hated my parents… yeah, I’m really sorry for saying something like this."
Why was someone who was usually so bright and sunny acting so small? I pressed the phone closer to my ear. I didn't want to miss a single word she said.
"How should I put it… ah. It’s like, the feeling of being annoyed when I look at the breakfast table in the morning…? Hehe, sorry. I can’t express it well."
If there’s a purpose to my life… it’s something trivial. A small goal, not something grand like the protagonists in the anime I watch or the games I play. I just want the people around me to live with bright emotions, at least when they’re in front of me.
"Sorry, sorry. Using expressions you won't even understand, and the rain is killing my mood~ isn't it just the worst?"
Deep blue, dark red, and black—though I hadn't seen that one yet.
"I know what you mean."
"Yeah, u-… uh? You know what?"
"The feeling of being afraid to look at the breakfast table in the morning."
I didn't want to see the colors of bad emotions if I didn't have to. Maybe that’s why I always stayed one step behind, offering advice to only a few people. It was a selfish way of building relationships.
"Sometimes there’d be a note on a Post-it that said, 'Use this to get something to eat,' and there’d be money left under it…… that’s how it was."
"……… You too?"
"Haha, it’s a common cliché in anime, isn't it?"
"…What, anime talk?"
"No, real life."
My parents were exactly like that right now. They’d leave about 2,000 yen on the table with a Post-it note before heading off to work.
"Honestly, that kind of thing… it’s a bit lonely, isn't it?"
"………."
"But."
Building selfish relationships and watching people from the back of the room, I’d realized something.
"It feels like they leave those short notes on Post-its because they care, even when they’re that busy in the morning."
"…."
"Because they really, truly care."
I’d seen my parents writing those notes at dawn once. The color was a very deep blue. It was the color of a very intuitive sadness.
"So, maybe that’s not it."
I told Suo-senpai honestly. Of course, I didn't know her parents, so I didn't know what was in their hearts when they left the money… but still, there are very few truly bad people out there.
Hoo, hoo….
After I gave that advice, all I could hear from Suo-senpai was her breathing. She remained silent for a long time before finally speaking.
"…What, why are you being so cheesy all of a sudden?"
"Ack."
Wow, she’s right. Is it because of the rainy weather? Why did I suddenly start talking like it was the middle of the night? This is all Ishikawa’s fault. I need to tell him not to send me poems at dawn. What if Suo-senpai thinks I’m some kind of weirdo? I’d be doomed….
But fortunately, that didn't happen.
"Just kidding, just kidding. More than that, Otaku-kun… you have a mature side, don't you? I’m surprised……."
It was a bit hard to hear, but it seemed she’d taken it well.
"Mature? Not at all. I was just acting like a terminal case of eighth-grader syndrome."
Phew, I almost had a disaster because of Ishikawa, but it seemed I’d managed to get through it. Now I could change the subject.
Just as I was thinking about what to say next:
"…… Hey, Yamada?"
Why was she suddenly calling me by my last name? Did I do something wrong? I started to worry, but then I remembered the cheesy talk from a moment ago, and cold sweat began to break out.
"Y-yes… Senior."
She wasn't angry, was she? But that didn't seem to be it.
"Are you alone right now?"
Alone? "I am… but why?"
"…."
Suo-senpai was taking a long silence today. And I’d already adapted to it, so I waited. Why did her breathing sound louder than the rain…?
"…Hey?"
And finally, at the end of her trembling breath, a shaky voice settled.
"Do you want to finish the video call?"
"…… Pardon?"
Suddenly? I was lying in bed, and I’d thrown my glasses away somewhere. I tried to refuse, but it was futile.
"I don't know, I’m calling. Pick up."
"No, wait a second."
Vrrr- vrrr-
Before I could even finish my sentence, Suo-senpai started the video call. What was going to happen? I didn't know. Even if I thought about whether to answer or not, there was no answer.
She started urging me with a text message while the call was ringing. I couldn't even guess how angry she was. ……Screw it, I’ll just take the scolding and get it over with.
"…Yes, Senior."
"Yeah……."
What should I say this time? I’d answered expecting her toes or a fist to appear like before.
"Senior, it’s you."
"…Yeah, it’s me."
Suo Mitsurugi’s face was filling the entire screen. Her skin was flawless even without makeup, in the dark, unlit room. The straps of a light tank top hung over her shoulders, exposing her snow-white skin beneath. Suo Mitsurugi, with her sharp yet relaxed eyes.
"Uh, um… yes."
"…… Why aren't you showing your face?"
The reason I wasn't showing it was because I didn't have my glasses, and the reason I didn't show it without glasses was because my glasses were my true self. But at Suo-senpai’s words, I had no choice but to show my face. I felt like everything was being exposed.
"…Ah, glasses. You aren't wearing them?"
"That’s right…?"
Thump-thump.
Without a word, we stared into each other’s eyes for a long time. I really didn't understand how a person could look this pretty on a front-facing camera.
"…."
"…."
The sound of our breathing was closer than the sound of the rain hitting the roof. It was as if we were right next to each other. Even though our rooms were far apart, it was a strange thing.
But then.
"…Senior, by any chance."
Was she sick somewhere? Her ears, hidden by her silver hair… they seemed a little red….
"What do I do now?"
"?"
Beep-
"Uh, Senior?"
Beep? Wasn't that the sound of a call ending?
"Senior? No, Senior?"
But Suo-senpai really had hung up after those words. What do I do now? My face wasn't enough to cause that kind of reaction, was it? Or was it?
"Argh! Is this for real??"
For the first time in my life, I had to roll around on my bed because my breath was catching in my throat. Why did I throw my glasses away just because I was lying down? Why did I give her advice with that kind of sentimentality! I regret it—I really, truly regret it!
Buzz- buzz-
Even though Ishikawa had sent me a text asking to play a game, I couldn't even read it, consumed by self-loathing. So this was how bitter and pathetic life could be.
'This is all because of you, you crazy Ishikawa.'
I threw my phone far away and decided to go to sleep.
Saturday, 1:00 PM. The time of our appointment, but the afternoon weather, where the appointment had fallen through, was still raining.
Tap-tap-tap.
<From now on, only wear glasses in front of me……>
Tap-tap-tap!
<Are you wearing contacts, wha……>
Tap-tap-tap!
<Aaaah-uh-ah-uh>
Thud.
"…What do I do now."
And inside the girl’s room, dark clouds were gathering, too. Clouds carrying a color that Suo Mitsurugi didn't know.