I Hate You… and Hate Myself Even More for Thinking This…
It was an afternoon like any other.
Kang Seoyeon was pouring herself into training at the gym. She hammered the heavy bag, drilled her footwork, and burned counter timing into her body. Nothing cleared her head like training—and nothing helped her forget the man who kept invading her thoughts these days.
She was brushing sweat-soaked bangs out of her face when it happened.
"Seoyeon."
At the familiar voice, Seoyeon’s fist froze mid-punch. She turned. Yoon Arin stood in the gym doorway. Relief and dread hit her at the same time. Of all people, of all moments—why now? One look at that face and she felt certain Arin would see straight through her, see every thought she’d been living with. But Kang Seoyeon had never been the type to let that show.
"Huh? Yoon Arin! What brings you all the way out here?"
Seoyeon beamed and strode over, wrapping Arin in a playful, crushing hug.
"It’s been forever, you jerk. Hard to get a look at your face these days. Getting too busy after becoming champion?"
"…I’m not the champion anymore."
"Huh? Oh, right. You lost, didn’t you."
Seoyeon cackled, deliberately needling her. Arin shot her a look but smiled back all the same, giving Seoyeon’s back a few solid pats.
"You’re still the same. Haven’t changed a bit."
"Obviously. A beauty like me doesn’t change."
They bantered like that for a long while. This was familiar. It always had been. They’d grown up in the same corner of the same gym—childhood rivals who’d bloodied each other’s noses in sparring and snuck cup tteokbokki behind the coach’s back. The most annoying rivals in the world, and still the first ones to stand by each other when things got hard. The oldest childhood friend Seoyeon had. That was what Yoon Arin was to her.
…Which is exactly why this is so much harder.
Seoyeon swallowed the bitter thought behind her smile.
"Let’s grab a coffee. You’re thirsty, right?"
She walked over to the vending machine, punched out two cups, and handed the warm paper cup to Arin. They sat side by side on the bench. Steam rose from the coffee as Seoyeon took a casual sip and asked, almost offhand,
"So for real—what are you doing here? You didn’t come all this way just to see my face."
Arin looked down into her cup. She seemed to be choosing her words carefully. After a beat she spoke, cautious.
"…Actually, I came to ask a favor."
"A favor?"
"…Hyunwoo picked you as his title match opponent this time."
Seoyeon’s heart slammed against her ribs. Hyunwoo. Kang Hyunwoo. The man who’d turned the entire scene upside down. The man she couldn’t forget no matter how hard she tried—the first man who had ever stolen her heart. And she was going to face him in the ring?
"…Me? Against Kang Hyunwoo?"
"Yeah. The challenger list is full of weirdos. He can’t just hand it to any random person. But you… I can trust you."
Arin grinned. There wasn’t a shred of suspicion in that smile—only the face of a longtime friend who genuinely believed in her. Seoyeon took another sip of coffee, forcing herself to look calm. The fingertips holding the paper cup trembled faintly without her permission.
…He picked me.
Her head spun. She would stand across from that man on the canvas. She would collide with him body and soul, fair and square. Just the thought made her heart race like mad. The feelings she’d been trying so hard to smother roared back to life in an instant.
Then Arin’s voice dropped, serious.
"But Seoyeon. Just one thing."
"…On the ring, you can go all out. Win or lose, I don’t care. But."
Arin paused, then spoke each word clearly.
"Just that far. Only the match."
"…What’s that supposed to mean?"
"…You know the custom in this world. What the winner can demand from the loser. Let’s not do that. Between us, we keep it clean—just the fight, then we walk away."
Seoyeon understood immediately. This was a line being drawn.
Kang Hyunwoo is my man. Don’t even think about crossing that.
Arin had said it gently, as a friend, but that was the meaning. A contest in the ring was fine. Anything beyond it was not.
"…Look at you, being all protective."
Seoyeon laughed like she was teasing, but something sharp twisted deep in her chest.
"…Yeah. Of course I am. He’s precious to me."
Arin’s cheeks flushed as she toyed with her cup. Then she huffed a small laugh and added,
"…Though saying this to you of all people is kind of funny. We never did that to each other."
"…Yeah. We didn’t."
Seoyeon smiled faintly. It was true. She and Arin had fought on the ring more times than she could count—long before either of them went pro. Not once had they ever forced that filthy custom on each other. Win or lose, it always stopped at the match. Always just that far.
…Yeah. That’s how we always were.
The memory of those clean contests only made her chest ache more sharply.
"…I’ve been worried a lot lately. So many women keep circling Hyunwoo. The ones lining up on the challenger list, and even just walking down the street—they all light up and throw themselves at him. Every time I see it… it turns my stomach."
Arin let out a heavy sigh.
"I never knew I was this jealous. But what am I supposed to do? I keep getting scared… that someone’s going to take him."
Every word landed like a blade in Seoyeon’s chest.
…Stop.
She screamed it inside her head.
Please, just stop… Don’t tell me things like that.
Arin had no idea. The friend sitting right in front of her, smiling so warmly, was one of those women trying to take him. No—more desperately than any of them, she wanted Kang Hyunwoo. Every time Arin talked about other women, Seoyeon felt like she was coughing up blood. Jealousy and guilt tangled together and shredded her from the inside. Arin would never dream how twisted the face behind that bright smile really was. Yet Seoyeon let none of that hell show. She just kept smiling and playing along.
"Ugh, tell me about it. Dating a popular guy’s a full-time job."
"…Right? You think so too?"
"Obviously. But hey, what can you do? Your man’s just that good."
Seoyeon forced a smile. The corner of her mouth twitched like a spasm.
Then Arin looked straight at her.
"…Seoyeon."
"Yeah?"
"What about you? Anyone you like?"
Seoyeon’s breath caught hard in her throat.
…There is. Your man.
The words surged all the way to her tongue. She swallowed them. She had to, no matter what.
"…Nope. Nothing like that. You know me—I only know fighting."
"True. Both of us have spent our whole lives with our backs turned to romance."
Arin gave a soft laugh. Then she wrapped both hands around her coffee cup, gazed somewhere far away, and murmured,
"…I really like Hyunwoo."
"…."
"I’ve never felt this before. Losing in the ring and not even being angry about it… getting this restless over one guy… it’s all firsts for me. I think I really do love him."
Flushed cheeks, shining eyes—anyone could see it was the face of a woman in love. Even Seoyeon, her oldest friend, had never once seen that expression in her entire life. The moment she saw it, something inside Seoyeon collapsed.
…I hate you.
She hated her so much it burned. Why did it have to be you? Why you again? You already took the skill, the glory, everything—and now you get to claim the first man I ever wanted, looking that happy while you do it. She wanted to snatch him away. She wanted to rip that man from Yoon Arin’s hands. She wanted to shatter that blissful face. The black, vicious craving rose thick in her throat.
But even while she hated her that much, Seoyeon still sincerely wanted Arin to be happy. Because Arin was her irreplaceable friend. Because she was the most precious childhood friend she had in the world. No inferiority, no jealousy, could erase that one truth. So she hated her even more, wanted to steal him so badly she could go crazy—and still, looking at that idiotically happy face, she couldn’t help hoping things would work out for her. That was Kang Seoyeon. The one who had no choice but to root for the person she hated. That vicious, tangled love-hate.
"…Yeah."
Seoyeon opened her mouth slowly, pressing her voice down with everything she had so it wouldn’t shake. Then she smiled the brightest smile in the world.
"Don’t worry."
"…Huh?"
"Even if I beat your man half to death in the ring, I’ll stop right there."
She gave Arin’s shoulder a light shove.
"When the match is over, I’ll return him in one piece. Not a single scratch… so just trust me."
"…Seoyeon."
Arin’s face crumpled with emotion. She threw her arms around her.
"…You’re the only one. Thank you. Really."
The shoulder against Seoyeon’s chest was warm. She patted Arin’s back and forced another smile. But from the angle Arin couldn’t see—Seoyeon’s face twisted like she was about to cry.
…I’m sorry, Arin.
She swallowed the words.
…I don’t trust myself. I really… don’t trust myself at all.
The arms holding her friend trembled faintly. Seoyeon squeezed her eyes shut. It would have been better if Arin were a nasty, rotten bitch. Someone who stabbed people in the back, someone who crushed others underfoot, someone she could hate without guilt. Then this feeling wouldn’t have felt so filthy. But Yoon Arin wasn’t that kind of person. Of all people, she had to be this kind. This warm. This naively trusting. And that made it hell.
…I hate you.
Seoyeon repeated it inside her head.
I hate you… and I hate myself even more for thinking this…
She pulled the friend in her arms a little tighter, as if holding on to that warmth might wash some of the ugliness away. Even knowing it wouldn’t change a single thing.