Chapter 95
The days were warming noticeably with each passing one.
In my light outing clothes, I rose and picked up a branch of camellia flowers that had bloomed beautifully in the vase I'd tucked into one corner. Lady So had sent it over via a maid, saying how pretty the blooms looked and instructing me to decorate my room with it.
I headed first to Yahul's room.
Yahul's room was stark and barren. Aside from the bare essentials, there was nothing—no sign at all that a child was staying here. Not even a hint of warmth.
······When will he come back?
It had already been a week since the Cheonsan Yeomje had taken Yahul away, after informing Father. I had no idea what they were up to.
Without Yahul constantly trailing after me like a shadow, the emptiness gnawed at me.
Getting used to someone can be this scary.
If Yahul ended up leaving my side entirely with the Cheonsan Yeomje, I'd truly regret it.
I found an empty vase, inserted the camellia branch, and headed straight to Father's room.
Father's room was empty too. Impeccably tidy. With only one maid for the household, we each kept our own rooms in order, but Father's bedding was so neatly arranged it reflected his very character.
I was pondering the best spot for the vase when something caught my eye—a letter that must have fallen under the table, unnoticed and uncleared.
I stooped to pick it up, then froze.
A letter from the Baek Ri Clan?
Father wasn't one to leave things so carelessly, so it probably wasn't anything important. Without hesitation, I began to read.
Urgent Missive from Baek Ri Clan
We request your swift return without further delay.
The household awaits.
Sure enough, it was just a dunning letter pressing for a quick return.
Well, it's about time anyway.
But why hadn't Father said anything?
Hasn't he had this for a while?
I'd seen him holding it when he passed me the letter from Seok Ga-yak, so by the date alone...
I was counting the days on my fingers when—
Click.
"Ri-yeon?"
The door opened behind me, followed by Father's voice.
"What's with the outfit······ Ah, right. Today must be the day you said you'd go to Cheonam Temple."
I turned, holding out the letter.
"Father, here. I was looking for a spot for the camellia branch Lady So gave me, and it was on the floor."
Father tilted his head slightly and glanced at the letter I offered.
"Gopaegu."
His gaze shifted to the vase.
"The branch spreads nicely."
"Right? It's so pretty. That's why I wanted to put it in your room."
"Why not yours?"
"I just wanted it here."
Father patted my head lightly.
"Is that so? Where were you thinking?"
"Where do you think is best?"
We discussed vase spots for a good while before settling on near the writing desk.
"You're going to Cheonam Temple alone with Lady So, right?"
"Yes. I even asked Young Master Namgung, and he said he's not going."
I'd expected as much, so neither Lady So nor I were disappointed in the slightest.
"Lady So seems to take such good care of you."
"Hehe, she seems like a kind person."
Father admired the camellias for a moment, then turned to me.
"Ri-yeon."
He called my name but fell silent for a long stretch, so I prompted him.
"Yes?"
"What if you stayed at the Namgung Clan?"
"······Pardon?"
Stay at the Namgung Clan? What was this? He hadn't said anything like that in my previous life······?
A flurry of possibilities flashed through my mind and vanished.
"Father, has something happened at the clan?"
"Nothing at all."
I grew more worried.
Had I done something wrong without knowing? Was there a problem with my behavior?
I asked carefully.
"Then... have I brought shame to the family somehow?"
"No! You've done nothing wrong. Don't even think like that!"
Father's hurried shout eased my mind a bit, but deepened the mystery.
"Then why? Why should I stay at the Namgung Clan?"
Father lowered his eyes briefly before speaking.
"You just seem to fit in well here, so I thought I'd ask."
"Ah······."
"And Uncle Wan said he'd like you to stay longer."
"Uncle did? Haha, that's touching."
A warm glow spread in my chest. My relationship with Uncle Namgung Wan had definitely changed. It hadn't been bad before······ but not close, either.
"We have to go back. We can't impose forever."
"He said not to think of it as imposing."
"Still, we have a perfectly fine home. If we stay at the Namgung Clan instead of returning to Baek Ri Clan, what will people think?"
Father stated firmly.
"No need to worry about others' gazes."
So characteristically Father—renowned in the world yet utterly indifferent to his reputation.
But even so, staying at the Namgung Clan wasn't feasible. If I stayed, the Baek Ri Clan would pressure us in all sorts of ways. Outwardly, at least, the clan pretended harmony, with Great-Uncle at its harmonious center.
Abandoning a fine home to rely on another clan? Rumors of family discord would fly, undermining Great-Uncle's authority and tarnishing his face.
Honestly, Great-Uncle's reputation meant nothing to me. If anything, I'd welcome its ruin.
But.
"I want to go back."
"Why not think it over more?"
"No."
Father gazed at me a moment, sensing my resolve was firm, and pressed no further.
"Very well. If that's truly your wish."
After a silence, he spoke again.
"But are you really okay with it?"
I tilted my head quizzically.
Father's voice carried deep concern.
"The Baek Ri Clan doesn't seem comfortable for you at all······ I just worry you'll get hurt there."
I looked steadily at Father. His complexion had improved so much during our time at the Namgung Clan. He smiled more, fretted over me less.
I see.
It hit me all at once—why Father had suggested I stay.
He must see me the way I see him.
But understanding made returning all the more necessary.
"Father, running away solves nothing."
Father's eyes widened in surprise.
"Let me be frank, Father."
"······Go on."
His face tensed slightly. Seeing it made me tense too. I rubbed my sweaty palms discreetly on my hem and spoke.
"If you ask if the Baek Ri Clan is more comfortable than the Namgung······ it's not uncomfortable."
Namgung Ryu-cheong, Seo Ha-ryeong. Adorable friends I could call close. Uncle Namgung Wan, Lady So, the disciples of Suhyangmun, even Adjutant Sim and the gate guards—they all respected and cherished me.
Aunt who struck me at every turn, twins who tormented me, Great-Uncle who enabled it, cousin brothers. Grandmother who hated even hearing my name, Grandfather who ignored me entirely.
"Honestly, the Namgung Clan is comfortable and fun."
No contest, really.
Even so······.
"But it's not my home."
"······."
"The Baek Ri Clan is my home."
I slowly voiced words I'd harbored deep inside for so long.
"And if home is uncomfortable, we change it."
Father's eyes bulged. His hand gripping the desk clenched tight.
I held his gaze without flinching.
"You're a proud member of the Baek Ri Clan too, Father."
"······What do you mean by that······."
"We change the Baek Ri Clan. So no one can look down on us."
Father recoiled slightly.
"You can do it, Father."
"Ri-yeon, you······."
"Don't run away."
If running brought happiness, fine. I could plug my ears and eyes, pretend ignorance, live that way.
Like my previous life.
As long as Yahul didn't suddenly kill me, I'd have lived quietly like a mouse forever.
But I could manage it—Father never would.
Pretending the clan didn't exist, turning from the world. If he could······ he wouldn't be living like this.
A laugh slipped out unbidden. At first, it was all about saving Father to live safely in his shadow······ that was the goal.
But when had it changed? I no longer recalled that initial purpose.
No longer a goal—it had become my sincere wish, from the heart: for Father to live happily.
"Whatever choice you make, Father, I'll follow."