The Apology That Should Never Have Been Possible
"I used you for my plan alone. I twisted every ounce of the trust you gave me. I'm so sorry, Doctor. Truly."
I gritted my teeth and swallowed down the tears that threatened to spill.
There was no time to lose myself in grief. This final exit she had bought with her life—I was the one who had to set the stage for it flawlessly.
Gently, I laid the body of Selene, whom I had held so tightly in my arms, down onto the cold floor, where the chill was already seeping in.
Every fiber of me wanted to lay her on a soft bed instead, but her plan demanded that this death be disguised, unmistakably, as a murder.
"...Please, forgive me."
Leaving her behind—collapsed on the floor, growing colder by the minute—I slipped quietly into the next room, my own office.
Once I shut the door and sank into the chair at my desk, silence swallowed the room in an instant.
Part of it was being left alone in here, no doubt. But only moments ago, I had been sitting here drinking and talking with Selene.
I sat staring blankly at the desk, not even sure what I was thinking. Simply letting the time drain away.
From this moment on, I had to remain the Doctor who knew nothing—a man with a perfect alibi.
Luna and Ellis had not come anywhere near my office today.
Of course, they believed they had visited. How could such a thing be possible?
Because it had all been arranged in advance.
This is the truth of it: Luna and Ellis drank the tea Selene handed them herself—the tea laced with sleeping draught—and collapsed into deep sleep well before sunset. Then Selene sat at the bedside of the sleeping girls and sang them a lullaby. She had activated her signature ability, Mind Manipulation.
By tomorrow morning, the two of them would sing from the same hymn sheet: that at precisely the hour I would testify to, they had offered me coffee and cake in this office.
She had written the script for her own death, down to the final line, then pressed a perfect absolution into my hands before leaving this world.
...She is far, far too kind.
Tick, tick. The sweep of the wall clock rang strangely loud in my ears.
Arisugawa would come soon.
Just as designed—her song had been set so that he would walk this corridor at exactly this hour before dawn.
He would find the body, lift her into his arms, and run for the infirmary. Though in his altered memory, the scene of the crime would not be this room at all—it would be the distant Abandoned Village.
We had dressed the village buildings to look like a crime scene beforehand. Desks and chairs overturned, traces of a struggle left scattered everywhere.
Everyone would arrive at one and only one conclusion.
That an unknown enemy had ambushed her and taken her life.
"...Haah."
I sank into the chair and buried my face in both hands. The smooth texture of the silk cord that had been wound around my hands only minutes ago. The fading warmth of Selene's body. I had killed the person I loved with my own hands. It would not leave me.
Creeeak.
From the far end of the corridor came the slow sound of a door opening. Arisugawa's footsteps.
I strangled my pounding heart with everything I had and painted a calm, untroubled expression onto my face.
So that I might deliver the final scene of this perfect scenario flawlessly.
The footsteps drew closer. Like a sleepwalker, like someone sunk deep in hypnosis—they came straight ahead, aimed at a single fixed destination.
They passed directly by my office door, then stopped abruptly in front of the next room.
A long silence followed. Those few short seconds stretched out like an eternity.
"...Huh?"
A small, bewildered sound. Then the voice broke apart entirely.
"...Selene?"
He had found the body. Before her power wore off, I had to reach him first and draw the reaction out of him.
I kicked back my chair and shot to my feet. It crashed over backward with a clatter, but I had no time to care. I wrenched the door open and twisted my face into the expression of a man who had just stumbled, uncomprehending, upon a horrific accident.
"What's going on, Arisugawa?"
Rushing into the next room, I found Arisugawa collapsed on the floor, cradling Selene's limp body, his whole frame trembling.
All I have to do is touch him once...
I gave his shoulder a light tap, and the lines poured out of him like a machine.
"Doctor—she's not breathing, Selene isn't breathing!"
He was under Mind Manipulation, and yet his eyes were truly shaking. Fear and horror mingled on a face drenched in tears.
The words spilling from his mouth had nothing to do with the reality in front of him.
"The Abandoned Village... yes, that's it... I was on reconnaissance toward the Abandoned Village... and that's where I found her..."
The traces of mana Selene had left over there would be discovered soon enough. Wherever Mind Manipulation is used, an echo always lingers.
Arisugawa stared straight at the body before his eyes, yet what unfolded inside his skull was the false landscape planted there by Selene's song.
The Abandoned Village.
True memory and false memory tangled together, and inside his head, a counterfeit truth took shape.
I approached him wearing an expression of shock and confusion.
"Reconnaissance? The Abandoned Village? What on earth are you talking about—we have to get her to the infirmary, now."
"Y-yes. The infirmary. We have to hurry and save her."
Arisugawa summoned his strength and hoisted Selene onto his back. Through the gap of her collar, one slender arm of Selene's hung lifeless, swaying with each step.
"I'll carry her, Doctor—please wake Dimitria and the others immediately. The enemy may still be hiding in the Abandoned Village."
Even now, he kept his voice low.
Selene had accounted for even this.
Arisugawa never once looked back. He tore down the corridor toward the infirmary at a dead sprint.
I stood frozen in place, watching his figure shrink into the distance.
...It worked, Selene.
It had worked.
At this rate, she would be officially declared dead.
Just as she wanted, no one would suspect another—every ounce of their fury would pour toward an unseen enemy from beyond.
Until this fabricated incident had run its full course, I too would have to live as another victim, performing grief and rage to perfection.
Yes. This is the happy ending I am giving to Selene.
Should I call it a miracle, or a curse?
She did not die.
"How on earth is that possible..."
It was maddening. I had seen it with my own eyes—her breath had stopped completely. I could not fathom how she had opened them again.
I had not even managed to keep her final request.
She had wanted to leave this world in the manner of her own choosing, and I had promised to help her do it.
Instead, I had thrown her into the cruelest situation imaginable.
All the strength had drained out of me.
Once the incident was wrapped up, Selene passed into Delphine's care. "Care" was too gentle a word—confinement fit her circumstances far better.
I never once got to see her properly. My requests for a visit were dismissed again and again.
Delphine would never have let me through, not in a thousand years.
Did Selene resent me?
That was what terrified me. Whenever I sat alone, my eyes kept drifting down to my own two hands.
I had failed to see her through to the end. I had neither saved her with these hands nor sent her off in peace.
When so much time had passed and we finally faced each other again, she was barely standing, leaning on Delphine's arm.
No—"standing" was too generous a word for how precarious she looked.
Selene seemed a woman in resignation. She had poured every moment into escaping this world, and it had all come to nothing. Of course everything wore her down. Of course she was exhausted.
She probably wanted to give up on it all.
When we met like that, Selene spoke.
"...Doctor. It's been a while."
Delphine stepped aside for me. I was the only exception. Not even Luna or Dimitria received such a courtesy.
She knew exactly what Selene and I were to each other, and my alibi was airtight—so Delphine had yielded her place without a fight.
Selene showed me a smile full of tender affection.
Why do you look so drained? You're so unlike yourself that it frightens me.
Tears threatened to burst free, but I clenched my jaw with all my might.
I could not be the first to break.
Struggling to keep my trembling voice in check, I finally managed to speak.
"...How is your body faring?"
"Better these days. Thank you for worrying."
"...It must have been terribly hard on you."
"I'm all right. Our Delphine takes very good care of me."
The conversation limped through a few exchanges and died. Guilt kept pressing up my throat, thick and suffocating.
Selene studied me for a moment, then broke the silence in a level voice.
"What's with that face? You're off brooding over me again, drowning in guilt all by yourself, aren't you?"
"...No. It's nothing."
"Nothing? Honestly."
She showed me a gentle smile, brief as a breath. It looked, to me, like a smile begging me not to blame myself.
"I should have died, by any natural order of things. When the medical staff gave me their findings later, they confirmed it—the throat truly is a weak point for me."
"..."
"But it doesn't lead to death. That's a fact I never knew in all my life."
I could give no answer. She murmured on, resigned.
"A blade through the heart won't kill me. A shattered skull won't kill me. The throat is just the same. It's certainly a weak spot—it only hurts, horribly, and refuses to kill me. Doesn't that just make your skin crawl?"
"...Even the throat is not the answer. How can such a thing be. Truly, it's a tragedy."
I squeezed the words out through a throat gone tight.
Selene looked at me, unblinking.
It felt as though she were reading every thought in my head, and I faltered, hastily dropping my gaze.
At that, she smiled.
Not the proud, all-knowing smile of before, but one where she had scraped together her last strength just to lift the corners of her mouth—and watching it made my heart ache, low and persistent, the whole time.
"Really, Doctor. Everything you feel is written across your face."
She leaned carefully toward me. After Delphine left the room, she looked as though simply remaining upright alone was almost beyond her—and yet she wrapped both her hands around mine.
"Don't carry a shred of guilt over this. Do you hear me? None of it was your fault."
"...Selene."
"I ordered it myself. You only did what you had no choice but to do. If anything, it's me who..."
Her voice cut off abruptly there.
Startled, I looked up at her in a rush.
Selene slowly lowered her head.
She who had always held her chin high toward the heavens—I had never once, in all the time I'd known her, seen her bow her own head.
"...I'm so sorry."
"Selene..."
"Because of me, you were made to do something horrific—something that should never be done. It's as if I carved into you a wound you'll have to carry in your chest for the rest of your life."
"..."
"I knew full well how dearly you hold me, and I did it anyway."
Head still bowed, she went on.
"I used you for my plan alone. I twisted every ounce of the trust you gave me. I'm so sorry, Doctor. Truly."
With the last of her strength, she lifted her head just a little.
A single line of tears slid down her cheek.
It was a face I had never seen before.
So desolate, so sorrowful, that I could not bear to meet it with my eyes open.
She who had never once shown weakness—not when she chose her own death, not even in the moment she lay dying—
apologized to me with a face full of grief.
"..."
There were no words I could offer her.