The Crown Princess Comes Running
Just before the full-scale fertilizer experiment began, akin to the Saintess's summons, I was waiting for the two knights, Sir Falken and Sir Walter, who had gone to fetch the cart to load the fertilizer as soon as the plan took shape yesterday morning.
They'd said it was about time, so while letting the puppies roam and play, I was killing time in the courtyard.
The Retired Emperor had stayed an extra day to work out the experiment plan. His complexion had returned, no more coughing up blood, and his temperature was nearly normal—he seemed almost fully recovered.
"Aigoo... Hey, Rain. Do you really think it's right to go all out against someone you've only known for four days? I haven't won a single game in all that time."
"Haha. Wouldn't it be even more unreasonable to hold back against someone as great as Your Retired Majesty?"
"Hohoho."
"Hahaha."
We were playing board games while chatting. I'd packed medicine in a bag and told him to take care of himself, but he'd also stuffed it full of go and chess sets.
This world had similar games, but they varied by region in piece counts and rules—still in a pre-standardized state.
By the way, he hated go. No powerful pieces, so he couldn't immerse himself.
"Hoho. Your words flow like a clear stream. Fine. I lost again. So now I have to rest for fifteen days, right?"
"Yes, Your Majesty. You've lost fifteen straight games, so rest for the time it takes the moon to wax once."
Of course, we'd made a bet. If he won, I'd wear a mask and go to the palace to show off pulling out novelty items for a day. If I won, he'd rest completely for a day, doing nothing.
Perfect stakes to force this crazy old man toward a natural death.
"Uhahaha! Adrian would flip if he heard! Thanks to you, I'll rest fifteen days straight for the first time in my life."
"Wait, how can someone have never rested fifteen days in a row? What kind of life...?"
Right. This guy was an emperor. The one who'd ousted a tyrant and protected the empire through the great disaster.
His antics had me treating him like one of those quirky neighborhood grandpas.
"Everything shows on your face. You're right. I can proudly say no one envies the hardships I've endured."
Yeah, that must be it. That's how he'd kept the empire alive through fifty years of disaster.
I reset the pieces on the board and continued. Gotta make it sixteen days straight.
"Haha. I've heard that since the old days and try to be careful, but... it's tough. Still, since we'll live in that underground bunker from now on, it shouldn't matter much."
I explained my plan while eyeing the half-buried bunker entrance.
His Majesty grinned slyly, like he was plotting something nefarious.
"But you never know with life. One day, you might live in the tallest building, envied by all."
Tall building... sounds hard to clean. I'm staying in the bunker forever.
"I've never lived high up, so I can't imagine it. Cleaning would be a nightmare. Anyway, Your Majesty, how many times have I told you to move your arm carefully? The IV line's tangled again, and the solution won't flow."
I stood and untangled the knotted IV line for him.
"Hmph. Why would someone living high up clean themselves? Others do it. You're definitely not from nobility."
"I keep telling you, I'm a commoner? Lived in a tiny studio, got flak daily for not having a real job... Why keep ripping open old wounds? You're doing it on purpose, right?"
Ugh... ugh... From yesterday, His Retired Majesty had been subtly probing my background with trap questions.
Convinced I was nobility in disguise, he kept trying these chats when I insisted I was a commoner.
"I just want to know your origins... Sigh. Fine, fine. Let's keep playing."
"You just tore open my wounds again, so no mercy this time?"
"Hoho. You're so petty."
"Pardon?"
Petty? That pisses me off. I'll make you rest a whole month.
While enjoying time with His Majesty like that—
Clop-clatter—thud—clop-clatter—thud—neigh!
"Your Majesty—! Retired Emperor Your Majesty—!!!"
"Your Highness! Please...! His Majesty is fine, so slow down! If you fall, it'll be a disaster...!"
The baguette-and-jam-loving Crown Princess was charging toward us.
Far behind, a struggling procession of carriages.
"Hoho. I didn't expect my granddaughter to come herself... What do you think of her?"
"...Yes. She's really flashy."
Chance no one spotted that procession? Zero.
I'd anticipated it since we planned together, but it looked like I needed to prep for a move ASAP.
Fertilizer bags stacked neatly in the carriage holds. Against the backdrop of busy Sir Falken and Sir Walter, I exchanged first greetings with Crown Princess Eleonora.
"Pleased to meet you. I'm Jin Rain. Call me whatever's comfortable."
"Crown Princess of the Krantz Empire, Eleonora Seraphiel Isolde von Unt zu Drachenkrantz. Once more, I sincerely thank you for improving Retired Emperor His Majesty's condition. You are the empire's hero."
Whoa, that's a mouthful. And hero? Too heavy.
"I'm grateful for the kind words, but 'hero' is too much for me. That title suits the loyal subjects striving for the empire far better. I humbly request you withdraw it, Your Highness."
Her eyes widened in surprise. Felt a bit bad, but you gotta firmly refuse honors like that. Half-ass it, and next thing you know, you're at the palace getting medals and jobs.
Empire jobs amid the great disaster? Hard pass.
"By the way, Your Majesty, your name has middle names too, right?"
Didn't feel right parting without knowing the full name of someone I'd spent four days with, so I asked.
"Aigoo... Rain, why are you more deferential to my granddaughter than me? I'm getting jealous."
"Ha. Just reflect on how you've acted these four days? Look, the IV's tangled again. Geez."
How does this line tangle every 30 seconds? His old heart must be just as twisted.
Crown Princess Eleonora and her maid gaped at us, stunned, then huddled whispering.
"Your Highness...? Is this okay? That's Retired Emperor His Majesty...?"
"...Hush. I'm assessing the situation too."
I could hear everything. Well, I'd been super polite day one. But his antics boiled my blood. Built up to sustainable rudeness.
"Aigoo, tsk tsk tsk. These young folks... Yes, mine has a bunch in the middle. I'm Valerian Ignatius Leonhardt von Unt zu Drachenkrantz. Whew... Haven't said my full name in ages. Hoho."
"Whoa... What a grand name. Royal names really have flair, Your Majesty."
"Watch your spit. 'Too long and annoying' is written on your face. No middle name for you?"
Another nobility probe? Mine's inspired by the Universal Insa Special Forces Captain...
"I do, but as I keep saying, I'm a commoner? Push the noble thing again, no chicken for the road."
"...You're really petty."
Wanna fight? I could shred you in under a second, so I dropped the joking.
"Jin... Careful... No, Jin Eugene Rain. That's me."
"Got it. Jin Eugene Rain. I'll remember. Oh, memorize ours too. You won't forget a royal name after asking, right?"
Ah. Busted—I'd erased it instantly. I quickly glanced at Sora's ever-present screen beside me.
Record complete. Please let me know whenever you need it.
Sora's the best secretary. I turned back to His Retired Majesty with confident poise.
"Of course. Do I seem that rude? I'm a young man who knows etiquette."
Shameless young man. If comments were possible, that's what it'd say.
"It was all over your face. Sigh... Anyway, timing's awkward—no time for a meal. Time to head out. Falken, Walter. All loaded and secured?"
"Yes, Your Majesty. All aboard the carriages, secured, and ready to depart."
"Good work. Long trip must be tiring, but it's late. Hang in a bit longer."
"We shall obey, Retired Emperor His Majesty."
From wave suppression to porter duty. Despite the grueling schedule, their eyes shone with pure loyalty.
Obvious even to a commoner like me—must thrill the higher-ups.
Anyway, if departing now, time to uphold our promise.
"Your Majesty, what about the chicken I mentioned? It'll get cold and gross if we just load it."
"Oh, right! Almost forgot. Clara's here—perfect."
"Yes, Your Majesty. Your command."
No way... magic?
"Rain will give you food. First, cast a spell to block your own sense of smell, then preservation magic on it. Don't worry—the smell's intensely lethal, that's why. I'll ensure your share at the palace."
"Your grace humbles me, Retired Emperor His Majesty."
His Majesty ordered the magic. Blocking smell—thorough.
"Any food for the road?"
I asked just in case. He smiled bitterly, pointing to a small pouch.
"That'll tide me over. After days of delicacies, it'll taste bad... but unavoidable."
Figured. For the sulking His Majesty, one more gift.
"Won't chicken taste better at the palace if you're cheerful en route? I'll pack simple road meals too—eat those instead."
"Oh, thanks! Your tact is impeccable, Rain! Uhahaha!"
"..Your Highness? Was Retired Emperor His Majesty always this laugh-happy...?"
"Hush. I said I'm assessing too..."
Ignoring the audible whispers, I entered the gallery shop and bought.
Egg Sandwich - 2 Points x 24 = 48P
Barley Tea 1.5L - 2 Points x 12 = 24P
XYZ Chocolate - 3 Points x 4 = 12P
Round trip takes over a day, so three meals' worth each, generously portioned—they're big eaters.
"Three servings per person—eat en route. Your Majesty, take your meds. Skip 'em, you'll cough blood again?"
"Hoho. Got it. Thanks to you, I feel rejuvenated. Won't forget this grace. And most importantly..."
His Retired Majesty leaned in to whisper.
"If you move, tell me. Please. I see you're worried about the procession—planning a move. No need. I'll handle it before my fifteen-day rest. Got it?"
Classic Retired Emperor. He'd seen through my relocation plan.
Looks like I'd stay in this forest a bit longer.