I'll Just Hold Your Hand
"You're joking, right?"
"Uh... huh? About what...?"
"No... haah..."
Athena stared at me with a look of pure disbelief.
Did I say something wrong...?
I figured she was mad because I'd shoved aside the chicken she'd been enjoying. That was why I'd tried to feed her a piece myself.
Could it be that she just hated being fed by someone else?
Given how fierce Athena's pride was, that didn't seem entirely out of the question.
"...A-are you not going to eat it...?"
I asked in a trembling voice, looking up at her. In the end she squeezed her eyes shut and took a big bite of the chicken I was holding out.
Athena chewed the meat slowly, then swallowed.
"....It's good."
"Hehe..."
Her verdict left me absurdly pleased.
It was astonishing, really. Just a little while ago I'd been thrashing around in self-loathing and emptiness — and I never would have imagined a few words from her could lift my spirits this much.
I'm not bipolar or anything...
But there was nothing I could do about it. The moment she praised my food as the best thing in the world, every negative feeling inside me melted away like snow.
Had I come to depend on her that much already?
I stole a quiet glance at Athena. She was still eating chicken with a faintly sulky look on her face, and somehow a small smile slipped onto mine.
Time passed. When the meal was finished, Athena cleared the dishes from the bed and stood up.
"I'll have them bring fresh bedding. Get some rest."
She said it as she gathered up the blanket soaked through with my blood.
"Huh...?"
She was leaving already...?
Couldn't she stay with me just a little longer...?
The awful feelings I'd endured before Athena arrived came flooding back into my head — a crushing loneliness and sense of loss that felt ready to shatter my mind. I was sure they would return the moment I was alone again and start tormenting me.
But a glance at the clock told me it was already past bedtime. Asking her to stay any longer would only be a nuisance.
"See you tomorrow, Hera."
Athena pressed a kiss to my forehead, then started walking toward the door.
"..."
No.
I don't want to be alone.
Please don't leave me.
As her figure grew more distant, my body began to tremble again. On pure instinct I scrambled off the bed, ran after her, and threw my arms around her from behind.
"...Hera?"
She turned slowly and took my shaking hands in hers.
I knew I was being a burden. But I didn't want her to leave my side.
I forced down the tremor in my voice as best I could and begged her desperately.
"J-just for tonight... c-can we sleep together...?"
Athena's eyes began to shake as if an earthquake had hit them.
"Haah..."
Was it just her imagination, or had her sighing increased dramatically lately?
She looked down at the irritating little slave sleeping soundly beside her.
"....You're beautiful."
How could even her sleeping face be this lovely? If anything, that only made Athena more annoyed. If she hadn't been drawn to her in the first place, she wouldn't be this unsettled.
In a surge of frustration she pinched Hera's cheek hard.
"Mmngh..."
"...You're not doing this on purpose, are you."
If she wasn't, then Hera had clearly been born with a heaven-sent talent for being a woman. To unleash this kind of devastating temptation without even meaning to...
When Hera had asked her to spend the night together, Athena had asked if she'd lost her mind. She'd pressed her on what her intentions were.
— W-we're both girls, so... it doesn't matter, right...?
Anger welled up in her all over again.
Both girls. That damned "both girls."
It had been a convenient excuse when approaching Hera — but now that the situation was reversed, it felt like a towering wall that left her gasping for air.
Just how was she supposed to get Hera to see her as a lover?
For a moment she resented having been born a woman — but on second thought, Hera hadn't shown much interest in men either. Maybe she simply had no interest in love at all.
"......I've really changed."
The old Athena had never been picky about her methods when it came to achieving a goal. If she wanted something, she took it — by force if necessary. And if something stood in her way, she showed no mercy, even if it was another human being.
If she'd still been that person, she would already have poured every last scrap of her desire onto Hera without restraint. Even if Hera screamed for her to stop. Even if she sobbed and begged. Even if she passed out cold. Athena would have taken her day and night for weeks on end without rest, until she herself was satisfied.
And I would have regretted it for the rest of my life.
That question she'd asked at the dinner table. Hera had said she'd rather die than be raped.
If Hera died because of her now... Athena couldn't even imagine how completely she would lose her mind. No — she didn't want to imagine it. She would probably go mad, burn everything in sight, and follow Hera into death.
She had changed.
She had definitely changed.
She had meant to break Hera completely — to turn her into a helpless fool who could depend on no one but her. She had ground Hera underfoot again and again, trying to make her into a thorough slave who obeyed only her commands. And she had shattered Hera's spirit so easily.
But when she'd seen her earlier — more precisely, when she'd seen the blood pouring from Hera's head — her reason had simply cut out. She hadn't been able to think at all. That bone-chilling sensation of her heart dropping straight through the floor was still vivid in her memory.
Slave. Obedience. None of that had crossed her mind. All she'd wanted was for Hera to be safe.
And ever since, every time Hera cried so pitifully, an unnameable pain had twisted in Athena's chest. A strange, unfamiliar pain she'd never felt before. What on earth was it?
She would rather have been stabbed. Pain could be treated, at least. But this ache that throbbed every time she saw Hera's sorrowful face — she doubted she would ever find a cure for it.
She wanted Hera to look only at her. She wanted Hera to wag her tail for her alone. The desire to isolate her completely so that would happen was still there.
But at the same time, she didn't want Hera to cry.
Even she couldn't make sense of what was going on in her own head. She could hardly believe that someone with the mental fortitude of an 8-Circle mage had fallen into this kind of contradictory agony.
"...What have you done to me, Hera."
Muttering at the sleeping girl wouldn't bring an answer, of course.
Fine. If she had changed, then she simply needed to change her plans to match. Instead of breaking Hera, she just had to find another way to make her depend on her. If she thought it through carefully, there was bound to be a method.
"I've been letting Hera push me around too much lately."
A mere slave, no less.
Starting tomorrow, it seemed she would have to carve into Hera exactly who the master was.
You'd better brace yourself, Hera.
Turning over methods to thoroughly subjugate her, Athena slowly closed her eyes and tried to sleep.
......
....
...
But.
....I'm going insane.
She simply could not fall asleep. She tried her hardest to ignore it, but Hera's fragrant breath brushing against her from beside her kept stimulating her. Her lower belly, burning hot for some time now because of the girl, was already screaming that it had reached its limit.
She looked at Hera, who was sleeping soundly, completely unaware. Lying there defenseless right before her eyes, like a cake she wasn't allowed to eat.
Her gaze drifted naturally to Hera's pale white fingers.
....This much should be fine.
Careful not to wake her, Athena quietly lowered her pants. Then, taking Hera's wrist in one hand, she drew the girl's hand toward her own body.
She was her slave, after all. From the top of her head to the tips of her toes, every part of her belonged to Athena — so it shouldn't matter.
"....I'll just hold your hand while I sleep."
This is all your fault, Hera.
So at least allow me this much.
"Haahm..."
When I woke, the first thing that met my eyes was warm sunlight. It was a refreshing morning. The bright weather seemed to lift my mood a little.
...Hm?
"...What is that smell?"
A thick scent drifted into my nose — one I felt like I'd smelled once before. It wasn't a bad smell, but there was something dangerous about it, something that felt addictive.
I should air the room out a bit.
I opened the window, and a clean breeze brushed across my cheeks, cooling the room nicely.
"...That feels nice..."
As the cool wind kept touching my skin, I started to feel a little chilly, so I closed the window again.
When I turned my gaze, I saw Athena sprawled out on the bed, sleeping deeply. I approached carefully and studied her face.
A faint flush on her cheeks, strands of golden hair stuck to the side of her face, and beneath her eyes...
"She has dark circles...?"
Deep shadows stretched under her eyes. Had she not slept properly? Looking again, her whole face was heavy with exhaustion.
Hmm...
I should probably let her sleep a little longer. I'd meant to wake her so we could have breakfast together, but seeing the state she was in, waking her felt wrong.
A check of the time showed it was already a little past breakfast. My stomach was sending out small signals that it was hungry. Not that I'd be able to eat much anyway. Still, there was no real reason not to eat, so I decided to go out for breakfast.
"I don't really want to eat alone, but..."
It would be fine. I was still afraid of being alone — but thanks to Athena staying with me through the morning, my heart felt so much lighter. Eating by myself just once should be okay.
Having decided to have breakfast alone, I resolved to leave the room quietly so Athena could sleep more comfortably. As I reached for the door, though, my fingers caught my eye — specifically the tips. They looked different from usual.
...Hm?
My middle finger was all wrinkled, as if it had been soaking in hot water for a long time. And clinging to that finger was a liquid slightly too sticky to just be water.
"What is this?"
I gave it a light lick. It was salty, with a faint sweetness underneath.
Maybe I'd sweated in my sleep. It was probably nothing.
Thinking little of it, I left the room to go have breakfast — to soothe my hungry stomach.
But they do say life is full of unexpected turns. First thing in the morning, I ran into something I never could have imagined.
"Y-you are..."
Why on earth was this man here? And first thing in broad daylight, no less.
"Oh! What a lovely young lady."
A bushy beard. Black hair tied back in a ponytail. A long, slender sword sheath at his waist. And a middle-aged man with scattered scars across his face — someone I'd seen in the novel's illustrations.
"Would you happen to know where Athena is, by any chance?"
The man addressing me with the kind of smile a friendly neighborhood uncle might wear was a swordsman who had come over from the East — and at the same time, the Empire's only Grandmaster.
A man said to be able to cut through space itself. The man at the tip of the sword.
The Sword Saint, Carlos.