I Smacked Poppy's Butt Hard

A wide clearing stretched before the entrance leading down to the fourth underground floor.

From the bottom of the stairs, goblins poured out like a tsunami.

"Woof!"

"Ukiki!"

Thud!

The Void Dogs darted in and out, drawing the enemy's attention, while the Void Monkeys sliced rock from the walls and hurled the chunks.

With their sharp claws the Void Monkeys scraped the ruin walls, fashioning crude stone projectiles.

Whoosh!

Thud!

Humanity's oldest weapon—stone—burst goblin skulls one after another.

Thud.

Thud.

Meanwhile the Void Flowers hidden in the ceiling of the ruins selectively harvested the heads of goblin shamans and warriors only.

The endless goblin army was perfectly held at bay by the Legion.

"I don't even need to lift a finger!"

Lucy planted her hands on her hips and lifted her chin.

"A Goblin Champion needs to show up before this even counts as a real fight."

Maybe because this was a world of low average combat power, the goblins themselves seemed weak.

Originally a goblin warrior under a lower deity's command should have possessed strength on the level of a fallen elf elder.

Here, though, they were casually snatched up by the Void Flowers and had their heads taken without resistance.

After grinding through goblins for a good while and spawning more Legion units, the real enemy finally appeared.

Slash!

"Grrrr…"

A goblin larger by a full head than the already orc-sized goblin warriors strode forward.

The Goblin Champion severed the tentacles of an approaching Void Flower.

"All right, time to get to work."

"I'm going first!"

Lucy turned spectral and shot toward the Goblin Champion.

"Kwaaaaargh!"

"…Lucy?"

"Huh?"

The Goblin Champion, hit by Lucy's mental assault, flushed crimson; its eyes bloodshot.

Boom! Boom! Boom!

It stomped the goblins around it flat and charged straight at us.

"Woof!"

"Ukik!"

Void Dogs lunged and Void Monkeys pelted it with stones, but—

"Kwaaaaargh!"

The berserk Goblin Champion ignored everything and barreled straight toward me.

"Do I look that easy?"

Whether it knew I was the Legion's master or not, it didn't spare Poppy a glance and came right for me.

I quietly raised my right hand.

Twang!

Thud!

An arrow from somewhere slammed dead-center into the Goblin Champion's temple.

Even though it wore an iron helm, the arrow punched clean through and buried itself in the creature's brain.

"Kiiiiiik!!!"

Far off at the edge of the clearing, an elite Void Monkey raised the fallen elf elder's bow high in triumph.

"Gonna need to stock up on a ton of bows later."

"Me too! Me too!"

"Lucy, with your arm strength you couldn't even draw ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠the string."

"Hiiing."

The bow we'd taken from the expedition—the fallen elf elder's weapon—had gone to an elite Void Monkey produced in a Void Pond, since I had zero archery skill.

We also had a stockpile of item arrows scavenged while clearing F- and E-rank Gates.

Empowered by the elite Void Monkey's mana, those arrows punched straight through the Goblin Champion's durability.

"Gwaaaargh…"

"Took an arrow to the brain and still not dead instantly? Monsters really are something else."

Slash!

I drew my sword and took the thrashing Goblin Champion's head clean off.

"Way too easy… is it even allowed to be this easy?"

"Woof!"

For something that was supposed to be apostle-class under a lower deity, the Goblin Champion had died pathetically under the Legion's assault.

The moment it fell, the goblins flooding up from the third floor turned tail and fled.

"Our Legion's gotten way too strong."

"Ugh! Why didn't my attack work?!"

Lucy, already back in human form, stamped her foot.

"Guess the Goblin King is the brainy type."

"Grrr!!! A mere goblin!"

Lucy had lost her true body and was left with only mental attacks, but she had once been a lower deity with a powerful physical form.

Strictly speaking she had been a mix of brain and brawn, so of course she would lose out against a pure brain-type.

Still, narrowing the Goblin Champion's vision and forcing it into a mindless charge had clearly been Lucy's doing.

"Well, the Legion covers for whatever you're missing, right?"

"Hiiing! Poppy! Eat every last one of those trash goblins!"

"Woof?"

I soothed Lucy and headed for the stairs leading down to the fourth floor.

The enemies had run. Now it was our turn to attack.

‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠

At the same time, on the second underground floor of the ruins the Legion had already swept through.

The joint force of the Empire and the Holy Kingdom that had entered the ruins was scratching its collective head over the empty corridors.

"Traces here as well!"

Scouts scanning the area shouted after discovering a floor that had been dug out like a pit.

"That's the third one…"

"What in the world were the goblins digging the floor for?"

The knights' gazes fell on an unnaturally large pit.

It was the scar left by a Void Pond, but the knights tasked with clearing the dungeon had no way of knowing the truth.

"We've found a room that appears to have been the goblins' food storage."

"Appears? Report with certainty."

"Well… there's no food left."

"What do you mean…"

Common sense said goblins stockpiled food in advance, yet the interior of the ruins was completely different from any previous monster ecosystem.

Of course that was because Haram had converted every scrap of goblin food into Legion resources, but the clearing party had no idea and found the collapse of their assumptions deeply unsettling.

"If there are no enemies, isn't that a good thing? We must keep advancing!"

A man in holy vestments shouted at the knights.

"Even at this very moment the demons grow stronger! We must slay the demon as soon as possible!"

"Where exactly is this demon supposed to be? We haven't seen so much as an ant since entering the ruins."

"That's why we need to descend even faster…"

A crack began to form between the Holy Kingdom, desperate to carry out the chief god's oracle and purge the demon without delay, and the Empire, which wanted to control every variable and minimize casualties.

"If you keep this up, our Holy Knights will take the vanguard and—"

"Cardinal Orland?"

From among the clergy a woman with a bandage over her eyes stepped forward.

She wore a plain white cassock without a single emblem.

The moment she appeared, the cardinal fell silent.

"Cardinal, our duty is to perfectly fulfill the will of the Chief God, is it not? So for now, please be patient a little longer."

"Th-that is…"

"They surely feel the same as we do."

"Ahem. If that is the Saintess's will, then of course we must follow."

Hearing the Saintess, the cardinal returned to the ranks.

The Saintess approached the knight commander who led the Empire's detachment and spoke.

"I will personally join the vanguard. That way we can respond to crises more quickly."

"It is far too dangerous."

Lucia had become Saintess at a young age after the previous one died in battle.

She possessed powerful healing and mental defense, but her physical abilities were weak.

"Can we truly avoid risk while following the will of God?"

"…On the battlefield you must always heed our words."

"Of course."

Hearing the Saintess's promise, the knight commander nodded.

"Rain! Escort the Saintess."

"Yes! I will protect her with my life!"

It would have been safer for her to provide rear support away from the front line, but if she risked herself to treat the wounded instantly, it would be a tremendous help in battle as well.

"The advance party that went to the third floor has returned!"

"There's nothing at the entrance to the third floor!"

"We move out again! Proceed to the third floor!"

Receiving the scouting report from the third-floor entrance, the main force entered the third floor.

The ruin-clearing force was divided into advance party, main force, and rear guard.

The knight order and the Saintess, leading the advance party, pressed deeper into the dark cavern.

"Nothing here either."

"According to the ancient texts, these ruins should extend down to the fifth underground floor."

"Commander!!! Enemy attack!"

A man's voice reached them from far ahead.

"All hands, draw swords!"

Shing!

At the commander's voice the knights drew as one.

"You… aren't you Eron, assigned to the main force? Why are you here…"

"Enemies appeared in the rear! More importantly, Saintess! We need the Saintess's help!"

"Wait, Eron! Stop!"

Eron sprinted toward the Saintess in the center of the formation.

"Saintess! Casualties are mounting in the rear—"

Clang!

"…Tch, sharp eyes."

He had drawn the sword at his waist and struck at the Saintess, but Rain, the knight standing beside her, blocked the blade.

"Doppelganger! Kill it!"

"Kihehe!! You have no idea what lurks in these ruins!"

Slash.

The man's head rolled across the floor.

The body that had worn Eron's face soon melted into a black shadow.

"An unexpected enemy has appeared. We rejoin the main force for now."

"Yes!"

"Treat everything you see as the enemy."

The knight commander turned back toward the main force, which was following at a slight distance.

"Cardinal! Are you all right!"

"Hm? Knight Commander? Why have you returned?"

Knights appeared before the cardinal who had been leading the main force forward.

The knights who had been racing back toward the main force.

The cardinal noticed someone was missing and asked,

"Wait, where is the Saintess?"

"This is no time for that! What we just saw—"

"Holy Knights! All hands, prepare for battle!"

Shing!

The knights in white armor leveled their swords as one.

"What is the meaning of this!"

The Empire's marquis, who shared command of the main force with the cardinal, shouted at him.

"Pointing blades at our knights! Have you all lost your—"

"Look in front of you, Marquis."

"I will lodge a formal protest— hm?"

Before the marquis's eyes stood knights staring blankly ahead.

Even with swords leveled at their fellow soldiers, they watched the Holy Knights with calm, unshaken expressions.

"Tch, why are these ones so sharp?"

"The elite of this world, I suppose? Well, they'll all die here anyway, so it doesn't matter."

The knights muttered in flat, emotionless voices.

Their faces were blank, devoid of any feeling, as they stared at the cardinal.

"Doppelgangers. They can copy appearances, but they cannot imitate refined swordsmanship or fighting styles…"

""""Do you really think so?""""

The knights spoke in perfect unison with the same voice.

"Fear not! They cannot copy mana or aura. Stay calm and—"

"Woof! Woof!"

"Hm? Where is that dog barking coming from…"

The cardinal's gaze turned toward a branching path.

From beyond the fork came the howling of dogs.

Thud-thud-thud-thud-thud-thud.

At the same time a thunderous stampede of footsteps reached the cardinal's ears.

"It's true they can't copy aura, but borrowing just the physical abilities is more than enough."

"All hands! Prepare for battle!!!"

From far down the branching path, massive wild dogs clad in purple chitinous armor crashed over the clearing party.

"This is a lower deity? Way too easy!"

"Haha! Trash goblins!"

The Goblin King had resisted with mental attacks and sorcery, but Lucy blocked the mental assaults while the Legion, centered on Poppy, simply crushed it. It was hunted without fanfare.

I created a new Void Pond and dissolved the corpses. Soon a new message appeared.

"Huh? All of a sudden?"

I had cleaned up the rear thoroughly before coming down, yet the natives were being hunted at an alarming rate.

"Run for now!"

"Huh? What's wrong, Haram—aaaaah…"

I tucked Lucy under my arm and climbed onto Poppy's back.

Poppy, carrying both of us, raced across the fourth underground floor.

"Well now? Things are getting lively."

"Woof?"

"Haram, messages keep popping up."

Doppelgangers were monsters that had been thoroughly researched back on Earth.

When they first appeared they had caused massive social chaos by imitating humans, but once analysis was complete they were dismissed as the biggest overreaction in history and cleaned up without much trouble.

They could perfectly steal another person's appearance, but that was all.

They couldn't steal the life that person had lived, their memories, or even minor habits.

And above all, their acting was terrible.

Even if the acting had been flawless, my unique emotion skill would have let me tell whether something belonged to our Legion or not.

"Woof!"

"That's a fake."

"Kyaaak!"

I didn't even need to use the skill. Ordinary Void Dogs could tell a doppelganger at a glance.

Moreover the replicated Void Dogs couldn't activate their most important mana organs, so our real Void Dogs far outclassed them in combat power.

The problem ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠was that all of this was only true by Legion standards.

"Kyaaaaah!!! My points!!!"

"No! You have to evolve me!"

"Woof?"

I raced with everything I had toward the points that were dying on the third underground floor.

Of course, since I was riding Poppy, Poppy was the one doing the running.

From its back I diligently smacked Poppy's butt.