Difference in Direction (3)
Even after that, as I kept wearing a sour expression through the official's pitch, he apparently concluded he wasn't going to get anywhere with me today; he left with nothing more than a suggestion that we all take a break.
...
Even after the door closed, I deliberately waited a few seconds before opening my mouth.
"So, what do you all think? Do you want to go back? You're third-years — aren't you starting to want to go back to school?"
At my words, the magical girls' gazes all snapped toward me. Rose sank into thought for a moment, then opened her mouth.
Would entering university a year late really make that much difference in a person's life? For most people, probably a little. Of course, men and women might see it somewhat differently — plenty of male students have to take a two-year leave midway through for military service or public duty.
Besides, even people who enroll at the same time end up graduating on different days. Some deliberately put off graduating while they job-hunt, or retake courses to build a stronger transcript... and in the most extreme cases, some simply coast through and fail to earn enough credits to graduate at all.
But that was the kind of thing you only truly grasped once you were actually in university. Feeling it as a high schooler was a bit—
Oh, right.
Every single one of these kids came from a wealthy family. They were in a position where showing up to the job market two years late wouldn't starve them, so maybe I didn't need to worry on their behalf. Of everyone sitting in this room, I was the only one who'd go hungry if she didn't start earning money the moment she became an adult.
"There is something else we should be worrying about."
Iris, who had been deep in thought, spoke up.
"If those people are truly serious about persuading us, they may well bring our parents in."
At that, the girls' expressions shifted, subtle but unmistakable.
You see...
The truth was, in the original webtoon, the relationships the other magical girls had with their parents — everyone except Hayun — were never depicted in much detail. In the webtoon, anyone who wasn't a 'main character' simply had no face. Like extras in the background, they'd surface now and then to deliver a line, with nothing else to define them.
So my guesses could only ever be built on circumstantial evidence.
For one, Iris and Hayun were portrayed as coming from roughly similar circumstances. Iris's relationship with her parents was almost never shown in detail either, but in the occasional one- or two-panel flashback, her parents gave off the impression of people who used their daughter to manage their political connections.
And that was why the story hinted that Iris often felt a tangle of jealousy and longing toward Hayun.
Delphinium and Dahlia's parents had never come up at all, while Rose's family was painted in more or less positive terms.
Which meant that of everyone here, aside from Hayun and Iris, the rest might be very much at the mercy of their parents. Even Iris — if her parents showed up in person and leaned on her, she might well end up doing as she was told.
They were still only in their mid-teens, after all. In a few years they'd technically be adults, but in modern society, striking out on your own the moment you turned twenty wasn't exactly easy either.
Seen one way, maybe they'd all been putting the question off and off, and only today had it finally caught up with them.
To put it bluntly, every last one of us in this room was a runaway teenager.
...
Iris's words made the atmosphere heavy in an instant. Even Hayun — who seemed like the type to brush her parents off entirely if they came to talk her around — went dark, as though actually facing them frightened her.
Was I the only one here immune to that sort of thing? It just gave me one more thing to agonize over.
Still, whatever else, I didn't want to become a proper villain. The idea that these girls' lives might be ruined from being tangled up with me... that didn't feel right at all.
But I wasn't in any position to offer easy words either, so for now I simply sat with my arms crossed, keeping my mouth shut.
A long while seemed to pass after that.
Whether by design or not, there was no clock in the room. Judging by the mark on the wall where one had hung, it looked like it had been deliberately removed.
Were they trying to pressure us? Or had the clock simply broken, and we'd ended up here at exactly the moment it was taken down?
I was seriously debating whether my circuit had a clock function when—
Bang.
The door flew open again.
And standing on the other side was—
"Jieun!"
It was Jihye, beaming.
For a moment, my brain — which had been grinding away so diligently — simply seized up.
Oh. So that's it.
I'd kept posturing as though I had no weaknesses, unlike these girls, but the truth was I had one after all. Jihye — the friend I'd been closest to all this time.
Jihye came in with a rustling sound. Both her hands were full of enormous plastic bags that looked stuffed to bursting. Groaning under the weight of them, she set everything down on the floor and closed the door behind her.
The official didn't follow her in. Had they decided this would work better for persuading me?
"What... is going on?"
The question slipped out before I could stop it.
Jihye, who had been smiling as she picked the bags back up, froze mid-motion. Then she looked at me with a slightly awkward expression.
"Ah... sorry. Should I... not have come?"
No. That was never what I'd thought.
We'd shared a room since we were little, after all. It had started out half by necessity, but somewhere along the way, 'your room' and 'my room' had long since become the same thing.
"...No. No, it's not that."
It had been so long since we'd last seen each other. This was only the second time I'd been able to talk with her since everything happened, and I couldn't even let myself be happy in front of her.
Because I could guess why they'd brought Jihye here.
...Did they want to make the point that just as the other girls had parents, I had Jihye?
I was starting to understand why they kept leaving us alone and dragging things out. Had the delay on the bus been so they could go pick her up?
Come to think of it, bringing in 'parents' was a double-edged sword for the government, too.
The magical girls' parents were all, inevitably, people entangled with the Federation. The Federation would want back the magical girls its own technology had produced, and naturally it would try to use their parents as leverage.
I, on the other hand, had no ties to the Federation whatsoever. And at the same time, the magical girls had slipped out of the Federation's embrace because of me.
Which meant, naturally, that persuading me was the most efficient move. And I had exactly that kind of efficient means of persuasion.
...Even while talking with Jihye, I had to keep thinking about the people lurking behind all of this.
"Over here."
At that, Jihye broke into an innocent smile, scooped the bags up again, and came over to us.
Belatedly, I rose from my seat and quickly relieved her of the bag in one hand.
"Ah, I can carry it."
"...How could I let you?"
I followed her over and set the bag down on the big round table we'd claimed as our own.
The bag tipped onto its side, and some of its contents spilled out.
Snacks, ramen, canned goods, underwear, socks, a few fresh foods...
Had she bought all this with her own money, again? Was that why it had taken her so long to get here — because she'd gone and bought all of this first?
Because she thought we'd want to eat things like this?
No — more likely she'd thought that I would want them. Every single snack in that bag was one of my favorites.
"See, um."
Jihye paused to think for a moment.
"You can grow plants and things yourselves well enough, right? But stuff like this, you can't get without a factory, so I figured you might need it. It's not like you can whip up ramen or snacks from scratch, you know?"
Her words made the bridge of my nose sting for some reason. Half-dragged to a place like this, and that was the first thing she'd thought of? Was that why she'd asked for a little time and bought all of this?
The magical girls' expressions had gone a little blank.
"You..."
I opened my mouth, then closed it again.
I'd been forgetting the very first thing I needed to say. Right up until that moment, I'd been so preoccupied with why we were here that I kept circling why she had come.
The first thing I needed to say was—
"...Are you okay? You're not hurt?"
"Yeah, I'm fine."
At my question, Jihye took half a step back and, as if to prove it, planted both hands on her hips and squared her shoulders.
And she meant it. At least to my eyes, Jihye looked quite different from the last time I'd seen her.
"I saw what happened today online. That outfit was so pretty. It suited you incredibly well."
"I-it's nothing like that."
Though what exactly it wasn't, I couldn't have told you.
...
Jihye watched me burn red with embarrassment for a moment, then let out a small breath.
"...I was watching from the orphanage when the police suddenly showed up. Said they'd come to pick me up."
So that's how it was. If I'd still been mid-battle at that point... had they actually meant to bring her all the way to the scene?
The thought nearly wrenched a curse out of me, but if I let one fly, Jihye would be the one hurt by it, so I swallowed it down.
"The fight ended while we were on the road. They parked the car for a little while, then set off again. When I asked where we were going, they agonized forever, reported to somebody, and only then finally told me. That we were coming to find you."
Jihye grinned.
Then, as if she'd accomplished something enormously praiseworthy, she stretched both arms out toward the bag on the table.
"So I asked them to stop on the way, and I bought all this. Well? Didn't I do good?"
...
I stared at her blankly for a moment, then nodded.
"...Yeah. Thank you."
"Mm."
At how readily I thanked her, Jihye looked a little surprised.
"You're not going to say something like, 'What is this, a visit to the army'?"
"I'm not saying that."
I said, shaking my head. Though if the situation had been a little lighter, I probably would have said exactly that.
...
At my answer, Jihye went quiet again, simply watching me for a long while.
The magical girls said nothing either. Nor did Cherry or James.
Maybe they'd figured that opening their mouths here would earn them a hammer to the skull.
"You know why I'm here, right?"
Jihye asked out of nowhere.
I nodded without a word.
"They told me to persuade you. Said if I did, the two of us could both live comfortably. Apparently they'll sort out everything that happened to you legally, too. Something about perks if I ever want to become a civil servant."
Jihye rattled it all off with an expression that said it was nothing.
So that was it, after all. They'd sent Jihye to persuade me.
At this point, I didn't even know who I was supposed to be angry at anymore.
No — maybe I should just quit it all. Honestly, I was sick to death of people who kept holding the ones around me over my head no matter what I did. I didn't need any of it. I just wanted all of it to be over.
"But, hey, you know?"
Mid-chatter, Jihye pursed her lips and fell briefly into thought. Then she looked me dead in the eye and said:
"I... I didn't want to say any of that."
"Huh?"
"I don't want to persuade you."
"Oh..."
"I mean, the people who told me to say all that — they're the very people who shoved you into this situation in the first place. They took facts that weren't even your fault and twisted them into accusations, all of it."
I had nothing to say to that.
"Have I known you for a day or two? Be honest with me. You don't want to quit, do you? You want to land one good hit on the people who made you into this, don't you?"
She was right. She was absolutely right, but—
"But how could I say that to you? How could I tell you to go work under those people and just take their money?"
"Jihye."
"If you want to fight, then fight."
Jihye said.
"If you want to run, then run for good. You don't owe those people a single thing. There isn't one reason you have to do what they say."
Only then did I notice: tears were brimming faintly in Jihye's eyes.
"You fought today because you wanted to fight — because you decided you had to. That's all it was."
"I..."
Listening to her, I finally managed to force my mouth open.
"I'm not fighting for any grand reason like that."
"I know."
Jihye answered.
"I know perfectly well you're not trying to join the side of justice. I know you're not out to save the world or anything like that."
She spoke as though she were reading my mind.
"You're just in too much pain, and too worn out. You're fighting the people who hurt you and wore you down. That's all this is."
Jihye drew a deep breath.
"So what do you want to do? If you want to make peace with them, then fine, there's no helping it. If you want to go back to school, that's fine too — they're promising to set everything right. But... is that really why you're here?"
...
"If you'd truly wanted that, there wouldn't have been any need for me to come here at all, would there?"
She was right.
They'd sent Jihye here because they'd decided they couldn't persuade me themselves.
Because of me. Because they wanted her to talk her closest friend into placing herself beneath the very people that friend had been fighting tooth and nail.
"Aren't those people a joke?"
Jihye said, curling one corner of her mouth upward.
"I have no idea why they thought they could persuade me when they couldn't even persuade you."
...
Maybe it had never really been 'persuasion' at all.
Maybe it had been 'threats.'
Promising to get her a civil service post really meant they could bar her from one for the rest of her life if she didn't fall in line. Promising to let her attend school properly meant, just as easily, that they could keep her from attending at all.
Had they really spoken to Jihye that gently?
Or was she only putting it that way so that I wouldn't worry?
"Jihye, you—"
"I'm fine."
Jihye said.
"I'm really, truly fine. So do whatever you want."
Hearing that, I clenched my fists tight.
What was I supposed to feel at those words?
Despair?
Despair at having to leave Jihye on her own? Despair at the possibility that I was wrecking this girl's life?
Maybe I should have. Maybe the emotion I owed that moment was guilt.
But strangely — truly strangely — what I felt at Jihye's words seemed to be the exact opposite.
"Oh, hey, it's glowing."
Jihye said, pointing at the circuit on my wrist.
The circuit was shining bright.
"Looks like what I said did some good after all."
"...Did you know it would?"
"No. I just... had a feeling."
I said, smiling.
Thump.
The sound came from beyond the door. Someone was about to come in. Had they been watching us through some camera in here this whole time?
...
Maybe seeing my circuit stirred something in her — Jihye suddenly threw herself at me.
And pulled me into a fierce hug.
"...Jihye."
"It's been a while since I got to hug you like this."
...
Well... that was true, but.
Not knowing what else to do, I patted her on the back.
"You're still awkward as ever, huh."
"Hey."
I couldn't let that teasing pass without a word.
"I'll be just fine, so don't you worry."
Jihye said it once more.
"What could those people even do to me? You're my friend, after all. Right?"
"...If you ever need me, I'll come running to help."
Somehow, listening to Jihye, it felt like I really could do anything at all. There was no evidence for it. But then, wasn't that what a friend's encouragement always was?
Listening, understanding, telling you it wasn't your fault. And promising that a good day would surely come.
No proof, no logic to any of it. Hearing those words doesn't fix a thing.
And yet, somehow, it comforts you.
Maybe that, more than anything, was hope.
Maybe this was the very shape of the hope I'd spent all this time refusing, armed with every excuse I could find.
Jihye let go of me, bustled over to the table, grabbed the bag, and pressed it quickly into my hands. I couldn't bring myself to refuse, so I took it.
Seeing me staring blankly at her face, Jihye smiled at me one last time.
As if she truly believed I could do it.
"You won't be able to hear me, but I'll be cheering for you. You can do it. Whatever it is you want — you will. I know it."
Back when my Hope Circuit had first begun to turn, I hadn't been able to create a black hole. So I'd simply assumed I never would.
...Honestly, part of me still thought so now.
But at the same time — with no evidence whatsoever — somehow, I felt like maybe I could.
Because looking at Jihye's bright smile, it felt like there was nothing I couldn't do.
Feeling oddly weightless, as if my body might drift right off the ground, I said to Jihye:
"...Next time, I'll come see you. I promise."
Jihye nodded.