Out of the Question (1)
In all my life, I had never once kept a pet.
In this life, obviously, I'd grown up in an orphanage, so it was out of the question; in my past life, it was purely because they seemed like a hassle. I understood that animals were cute, but the list of things I'd have to do to care for one was longer than I'd expected — feeding it, scooping its poop, grooming its fur, walks on a fixed schedule every single day. Some animals supposedly didn't need walks, sure, but everything else would have been on me.
So as a child, I used to daydream about how nice it would be if animals were brilliant enough to bathe themselves, feed themselves, and use the toilet on their own. Thinking it over, though, that would make them no different from a child — and besides, an animal that smart would have no reason to live under my roof to begin with. With that conclusion, I folded the daydream neatly away.
"……A talking hamster."
"No, no."
And yet, right now, in front of my very eyes, there was a hamster that could talk and think. Naturally, when I said so, Jigupa shook his head with a grave expression.
"That's not it. A Squeak-alien."
……The moment you name a planet Squeak on the grounds that its people can't be understood, isn't it a bit late to quibble over terminology? They were supposedly "people of the stars," but there was nothing people-like about them.
No — I do have at least a minimum of common sense. In the webtoon, too, that pink hamster had been an alien, and it could talk. It belonged to a species gifted with intellect brilliant enough to craft circuits, no less. Put that way, it all made perfect sense. The reason James could hand me a brand-new circuit as if it were nothing must have been that he'd built the circuit himself. Which, viewed from the other side, meant he had been running a certain kind of experiment on me.
"Could you put him down on the floor for now?"
I had only learned today that James's true form was a "Squeak-alien," but Jigupa, apparently aware at least of the fact that James was a corporate executive, put it that way. I did as he asked and carefully laid James down on the blanket.
Small animals like hamsters tend to run warmer than humans — and James was no exception. I just couldn't guess whether that was because he was hurt, or simply how he was. Well, his body was hamster-shaped, at least.
"……Should we take him to a vet?"
"……A vet."
"What? Look at him, though."
"Haven't you been going a little too far this whole time?"
If Jigupa was telling me that much, maybe I really was being too much.
I looked down at the unconscious James again. His fur was black overall — anyone could tell it was a "villain executive's mascot" sort of design. In the webtoon proper, though, he'd only ever appeared in that humanoid robot shell, so his true form had never been revealed. After I dropped the series, it might well have come out. He did have that glossy, jet-black coat…… but he wasn't black all over.
Are you familiar with the creature called a panda mouse? James's fur, like that pet rat's, was a mixture of white and black. The white fur at his throat, in particular, was shaped exactly like the collar of an office worker's dress shirt — and for some unfathomable reason, an actual tiny necktie was knotted there, too. Beyond that, only the fur around his hands and feet was white. It gave off the distinct impression of a webtoon artist's character design: a hamster a touch bigger than a fist, with big ears and a bushy tail, dressed as if in a business suit.
Honestly? Cute.
I wasn't sure whether "cute" counted as a discriminatory word or not. That was why my mouth had been so rough for the past little while. My feelings toward James were, frankly, not good. Some of the fault was mine, granted, but human beings are wired to see the harm done to them far more clearly than their own mistakes. Fine — punish me. But trying to hold my friend's future as collateral was something I genuinely couldn't accept right away.
The problem was, the person who'd done all that had now appeared in this form, and it made me feel strange. The scale of his schemes had to be identical, and yet somehow, knowing this cute little thing was the main body made the whole affair look a bit pathetic. As long, that is, as I didn't look at the humanoid robot in the corner of the room.
"……."
I lifted my head, stared at that robot for a long moment, then got to my feet.
"Should we clear away the robot?"
"Is your body okay?"
"No — it's because of me that it ended up like that."
In more senses than one. Whether it was James, or Jigupa's room. At my words, Jigupa nodded.
Leaving James where he lay, the two of us dealt with the humanoid robot he'd been piloting. With a little help from the circuit's power, we somehow managed to stow it away. ……We'd crammed the body into a large garbage bag, folded up as small as we could manage, but unless you inspected the cross-section of the severed head closely, it looked like nothing other than a corpse. And not just any corpse — the victim of an unmistakably deranged homicide.
The two of us stared at it in silence for a while, then spread a plastic sheet in a corner of the room and laid the thing down as best we could. Then Jigupa stepped outside, came back with a box, and dropped it over the top.
Yeah — trash in the corner of the room beats a corpse, any day of the week. As for the red liquid that kept soaking through the box, I resolved, as much as possible, not to look at it.
Only once the body(?) had been dealt with in this slapdash fashion did James, laid out on the electric blanket, finally stir.
"Uuungh……"
Cute appearance, utterly uncute voice. It was a middle-aged man's voice. Objectively speaking, you could call it a good one — the kind a voice actor might have. According to Jigupa, the tie at his throat was probably a translator. Every Squeak-alien lacked vocal organs like an Earth human's, so all we could hear from them was the squeaking of a mouse. Whether they looked this animal-like on other planets as well, I couldn't say, but apparently they wore the things at all times — precisely so that no one could tell them to pipe down when something urgent came up.
Jigupa and I hurried over and peered down at James. We stared, tense, for a few seconds — and then his eyes snapped open. Round, black eyes, exactly like a hamster's.
Genuinely, tremendously cute. Just like a golden hamster.
"……Where is this?"
He spoke in a charming middle-aged man's voice, while his mouth moved like it was lip-syncing, and the effect was unbearably adorable.
"And the person beside— squeak. Squeak-squeak? Squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak!"
I gave the necktie of the mid-flow James an experimental tug. The tie stretched out long like a rubber band, and the instant it slipped a little way from his throat, his voice changed into squeaking.
Wow. He really does squeak.
To be fair, there was tone and cadence in the squeaking, as you'd expect of their language, but it definitely sounded like something no one from another planet could follow. When I kept yanking the translator farther out, James sprang up on the spot, apparently trying to press the thing back against his own throat. Then he flailed both arms and hopped about frantically on his two stubby legs. For his height, his vertical leap was honestly respectable.
"Squeak, squeak-squeak— Give it back! Give it back right now! What do you think you're doing!? You ill-mannered wretch!"
The moment I released the translator, James's voice reverted to that of an Earthling. Whether he was mortified at having shrieked while hopping up and down, he stood on the spot in flustered silence for a moment, then cleared his throat and composed himself.
"I give you fair warning — do that one more tiiiAAAH!?"
I scooped up the still-talking James in both hands and gave him the "up, up" treatment. James shrieked and kicked his little legs. Holding him, I lifted him high and lowered him down as I made a full circuit of Jigupa's room, then came back, sat down, and set him on the floor — at which point James exploded, bellowing at the top of his lungs.
"What is the matter with you, you brat! You mannerless Earthling! I save your life, and you repay me with enmity!?!"
After shouting for a good long while, James heaved for breath, shoulders bobbing, as though his strength had finally given out. The tips of his big ears trembled. He seemed to be raging in his own way, but honestly, the sight of him shaking with fury was cute too. And the instant I registered that feeling, an enormous wave of deflation followed it.
"……What, exactly, was that just now?"
As if ashamed of his own behavior from moments before, James quickly straightened himself and spoke as though nothing had happened.
"Well, hearing you talk like that, you really are that James. You screamed the same way while the magical girls were pounding on you."
"Were you checking to make sure?"
"If so, surely there was a better method than that?"
At my words, Jigupa and James spoke simultaneously. No — the truth was, it had just been something I did on the off chance it might ease my depression a little. And it did seem to be working. He didn't fawn over me the way a pet cat or dog would, but he was cute-looking, and we could understand each other. A hamster you can actually talk to — if they'd sold those on Earth, it would've been a phenomenon. Oh, right. He's an alien. Then, no dice.
"So. What brings you here, anyway?"
I settled into a proper sitting posture and asked, arms crossed. The unease hadn't fully drained away, and neither had the gloom. But I had managed to set my worries aside, if only briefly, and above all, this felt far better than being alone. Jigupa was very plainly on my side — if he'd suspected me at all, he'd have handed me straight over to the police. I couldn't stay in this room forever, but at least I wasn't being thrown out on the spot. That meant more to me than I could say.
And then there was James. As for how he'd come to be here, I had a fair guess. This circuit, spinning away on my wrist even now — if James had built it, a tracking function would have come with it naturally, if only to keep anyone from running off on raw strength alone. This was the Company, after all, the one that had worked out how to detect the energy magical girls used and track them by it. If they could do that, the same had to work in this direction. Well, at least judging by how neither the Galaxy Federation nor the Company had come kicking that door down yet, some kind of countermeasure seemed to be in place.
"……I notice my speech has slipped into informality."
"Oh."
The thing in front of me was a hamster; I'd forgotten. Watching him do nothing against my torment beyond squirm — unable to mount any real resistance — had made him look so harmless that it slipped out before I knew it. Besides, the head of the robot James had been riding was half blown off. To anyone's eyes, that was the mark of an attempt to blast the James inside that head to pieces. If his life had been threatened to that degree, then James, too, would hardly survive without me. What we ought to do, then, was cooperate. And partners in cooperation are, by nature, "equals." Yes. I decided to think of it that way. This is absolutely not me saying that having a hamster on the other side made honorifics feel too absurd to bother with.
"I have grievances against you. How am I supposed to talk formally?"
"……"
James narrowed his eyes and looked up at me. Not the least bit frightening. A completely non-threatening expression — the human robot he used to ride had worn a far more menacing face.
"Well. Never mind."
James seemed to have grasped that his own situation wasn't exactly rosy either, and apparently decided not to sweat the details.
"You asked what had happened earlier. So then — how firm a grasp do you have on your own situation?"
His "you" had become "you over there." Well, considering I'd dropped the formal register myself, maybe we were about even.
"……I know I'm being chased."
I answered in a gloomy voice. The circuit on my wrist began to spin faster. Right. I remembered it all — Hayun, squaring off against me beyond a vision gone blurry. Was I being classified as some kaijin? Probably. Every piece of equipment they'd deployed to catch me had been kaijin-hunting gear.
"Very likely, yes."
James answered, then rested a paw beneath his chin and organized his thoughts for a moment. Then he flopped his rump down flat on the floor.
"First: I was nearly assassinated. In the final moment, I managed to escape by warp."
"Warp? You had a personal warp device?"
"Extremely unstable. And single-use, at that. Something I built privately. Of course, that meant I had to steal quite a lot of energy to run it."
"You stole it from the Company?"
"Not stealing — an investment in the future. I used my department's share of the investment funds."
No — you literally just said you stole it, with your own mouth.
But James continued as though none of that mattered to him in the slightest.
"In any case, the device was completely wrecked once I used it, so no one needs to bother imagining a pursuit. It was originally equipment under development for the emergency extraction of VIPs."
That was what he said, but I suspected James had built the thing entirely for his own use. It wouldn't have seemed strange at all, either way.
"The Company tried to purge you?"
"It carried out a permanent dismissal. By now the Company is probably writhing on the ground, clutching its head alongside the Galaxy Federation."
"……The Company and the Federation?"
"As I told you in the hospital room — the Company abandoned you. Foolishly."
"……"
"The Federation, it seems, planned to take custody of you and carry out similar research. Whatever verdict you received — months or years, it wouldn't have mattered. Within the first few months of that research, you'd have become a person of the Federation and been 'employed' one way or another."
"Me?"
"The Galaxy Federation is a pan-galactic 'national government.' It is not hard to imagine what the 'developed nations' of this planet get up to behind closed doors."
So the Federation pulled the same sort of tricks behind the curtain, too. Snatch me up, use me as a research subject, brainwash me or fabricate my testimony, "employ" me — and then milk me for everything I was worth.
"……Wait. Then what about Hayun?"
"Oho."
James made a sound that was somewhat intrigued, and somewhat mocking.
"Concerned for a magical girl even in your position?"
"Of course I'd worry. Why wouldn't I?"
Right now, I was the more pressing worry, true. I didn't want to die, and I had no desire whatsoever to be locked in some laboratory and made into a research specimen either. I wanted, somehow or other, to simply live an ordinary life. Though that chance seemed to be over now.
"……Hayun is my friend."
"Wouldn't it be wiser to worry about your own safety first, before a friend's life? Are you on the run, perhaps?"
Sharp tongue, for a hamster. Was he still nursing a grudge over the up-up treatment?
"……So. What do you want me to do about it."
Hugging my knees, I glared at the hamster in front of me. As my wrist drew near, the whir of the circuit grew louder. The way it warmed against my skin — the power efficiency had to be phenomenal. Well, no wonder everyone was tripping over themselves to get their hands on me.
This was me who had, if only briefly, gone up against the entire roster of magical girls at once — who had flipped several police cars and cleared civilians out of the way even before transforming, fleeing a long distance. In the end, I'd even soared into the sky. And only now, of all times, did they tell me. If they'd granted me this power from the start, I wouldn't be this bewildered. I'd have learned to wield it with some measure of control, at least.
All those years, not once had anyone let on that I mattered — and now, at this late hour, to be told "you're a villain of that caliber" left me with no idea what I was supposed to do. No — the Author, so of course that's how it goes. Was my leaving the series with a comment about being disappointed really an act worthy of such a grudge? I honestly didn't know. If I regretted it, I'd be regretting ever coming into this world — regretting having become Hayun's friend. And yet I couldn't help the regret. If I'd stayed there, at least I would have lived an ordinary life. Better, I thought, to live a thin, quiet life with no one expecting anything of me than to be a main character who might well die someday.
Ah — going and thinking pointless thoughts tangled my head all over again.
"What am I even supposed to do?"
"How about revenge?"
James said. I lifted my face out of my arms again. James was looking straight at me. That word — revenge — did not sound like empty talk in the slightest.
"However I may look, I am a Squeak-alien, from Planet Squeak."
Hold on — that's really the official name? I mean, all you can say is squeak, but even so, isn't that pushing it? Honestly, "Hamsterians of Hamster Planet" would have been a little better.
"And my homeworld is one that has produced brilliant engineers beyond counting. Overcoming the limits of our bodies, technicians from our planet hold the very core of Federation technology."
I looked at Jigupa. Jigupa nodded.
"That's true. Huge population, and every single one of them is sharp, so they've got the capacity to sell ships all over the place. Apparently there are service centers everywhere too, and they're great at wriggling into tight spaces to fix things."
At Jigupa's words, James continued with an immensely proud expression.
"Precisely. Which means I can repair that circuit of yours — and enhance it, as well."
"……Without any materials?"
"I arrived riding a distillation of cutting-edge technology."
Jigupa and I looked at the corpse-ish…… thing of James's we'd left in the corner. Well, fair enough — a robot would be a concentration of that kind of technology.
"So then — let us take our revenge. For my part, I won't be satisfied until I've had mine against the executives of the company that tried to kill me. And against those who harmed the Chairman, as well."
"……"
I stared at James.
"I will gift you an 'ordinary life.' Temporary, of course — for now."
"How?"
"The robot I rode in on has a 'face,' you see."
James said this looking up at me — as though he'd come knowing full well I would accept.
"And thanks to that, this room holds more than enough material for a convincing face mask. I can build you a 'mask' refined enough that no one will be able to track you for quite some time. What do you say?"
"……"
That was, for right now, a fairly tempting offer.
"And finally, we will see to it that the forces hunting you are stopped. I have no concrete plan at the moment, but—"
James gave a shrug of his shoulders.
"You haven't any better options at the moment anyway, do you?"
He had a point there. Undeniably.
"……"
In the end, I had no choice but to nod.
"Excellent. We shall cooperate for the time being, then."
James declared, looking thoroughly triumphant. For some reason that rubbed me the wrong way, so I took James in both hands and ruffled him up all over. James hollered again, but I paid it no mind.
……Though Jigupa seemed to be watching me with an expression that said he found me a little dangerous, so I decided to restrain myself. Somewhat.