Chapter 19. Longing (4)
Whether or not I was being honest about any of it, the way people looked at us had grown a little stranger.
Stranger, yes—but oddly enough, I no longer found those stares as grating as I once had.
When I turned the question over in my head, I decided it was because the jealous glances I used to receive were ones I'd had to endure entirely alone, whereas now there was someone beside me shouldering them with me. Above all, that someone didn't spare the stares a single glance. Maybe that was why I simply couldn't bring myself to care.
Fine. So what if they took me for a girl who dated other girls. It was a misunderstanding, technically—but the ones standing next to me were Hayun and Jua all the same. And if looking good to someone mattered to my classmates, then that someone included me. So not a single one of them had any intention of tormenting me to my face.
"Jieun? Jieun."
Hayun didn't seem to be aware of any of it. More precisely, she seemed entirely oblivious to the eyes on us, chatting with me as casually as ever while pressing in close at my side. Classes had just let out, and even our homeroom teacher was wearing a somewhat flustered expression as she looked us over.
She'd probably seen the article.
Did this school even have a rule against "improper relationships between the sexes"? Even if it did, no one would follow it. I had no idea how many kids in this class actually had partners, but nobody was going to start dating a boy while fretting over a rule like that. As for forbidding girls from dating each other... that probably hadn't been in the rulebook to begin with. Who would have bothered?
Besides, so long as nothing got too sexual, the school couldn't very well outlaw every last bit of mischief from kids whose curiosity ran every bit as hot as the boys'. These days, if they tried, shameless parents would come storming in to raise hell with the teachers. That was part of why our homeroom teacher, despite knowing exactly how I was treated in this class, never really stepped in.
"Jieun?"
Anyway. Hayun, unconcerned with the article or the stares or anything else, spoke to me as naturally as ever. Ah—no, maybe it had always been like this. She did used to murmur when she talked to me in class, though.
She gave the impression that one of her brakes had come loose, which was a little frightening.
"Hm?"
"Want to grab something to eat before we head home?"
"Eat? Like what?"
"Hmm... dinner works, or a snack. Either's fine."
I checked the clock. We'd never really done evening study sessions to begin with, so we did have plenty of time after school. Classes ended at four thirty—an absurdly early quitting time by office-worker standards. Unless the Chairman went on another rampage, there'd be no summons back to the company; the government was still treading carefully around us, and the Federation had gone quiet, perhaps still busy fighting amongst themselves.
So yes—time was something we had plenty of.
"Just the two of us?"
"Oh—no, that's not... I mean, would you rather it be just us two?"
For some reason, Hayun asked it in a voice thick with implication, sweeping her hair back over her shoulder. Her eyes sparkled, her cheeks tinged faintly pink, and her voice sounded strangely, dewily soft. The first two might have been real; the last was surely just my imagination.
...It is my imagination, right? And if not, it's just Hayun's own brand of teasing. Right? It has to be. With that article out, maybe she's simply playing along with the story.
Hayun could ignore every stare around us. Honestly, I couldn't—not entirely. "Embarrassed" can describe the shame you feel in front of society, but taken at face value, the word also just means bashful. Even if the two of us had been a boy and a girl instead of two girls, I'd still have felt a little shy. However I might look, I was actually someone with a pretty strong sense of modesty.
"...Let's call the others and all go together."
At that, Hayun pulled a face of such naked disappointment that—
"Jihye's coming too."
—at my quiet addendum, her expression settled into resigned acceptance. There still seemed to be a thin wall standing between her and the magical girls, but what could I do about that? I had already left Jihye out in the cold for far too long. Now that she was finally close, I had no intention of stretching that separation a minute longer than I had to.
"Yeah, okay. Let's do that. Jihye can come too."
I nodded at Hayun's words.
And so, the place we all met turned out to be—somewhat unexpectedly—the very heart of the downtown district. My school and Jihye's were farther apart than most people would guess.
I had studied myself half to death to follow Hayun into that private academy, but Jihye, who had never felt any particular passion for school, had simply settled into whatever neighborhood school would take her. In other words, one of those schools that would take just about anyone. She'd never fussed about not attending the same school as me, probably because we lived under the same roof anyway—we shared a home whether or not we shared a school, so a little distance between classrooms hardly mattered. Which made it all the more adorable when, on her first-year school trip, Jihye had whined and sulked as though she'd forgotten every word of that logic.
"Over here!"
The midpoint between our schools happened to fall well away from home, so we simply met in the middle of the shopping district. The headquarters of my old company stood none too far away, but I decided not to let it weigh on me. The building was sealed, the police were crawling over it, and the Chairman himself was in hiding.
...As for what state the company was actually in, I had no way of knowing. I hadn't pressed James about it, either. Judging by how little he seemed worried, it looked like things could be patched up well enough whenever the former Chairman returned.
I waved and walked toward her, and Jihye, catching sight of the girls trailing behind me, smiled with a hint of awkwardness. She'd surely seen the article too? She was the type to take an interest in that sort of thing—nothing beyond ordinary teenage curiosity, granted.
When Jihye stood alone, the stares at least didn't converge on her. She was a pretty girl, but next to the magical girls her look read as rather plain. Not because she was any less beautiful than the others—it was the magical girls' hair, a riot of impossible colors. Hayun's alone was the pink of strawberry bubblegum; Jua's was purple; Rose's, red. Delphinium and Dahlia were the only subdued ones of the lot: Delphinium's blue ran so dark it was nearly black, and cropped into a tidy bob it hardly announced itself, while Dahlia's was a deep chestnut brown.
In this world, hair in such vivid shades could occur naturally—but that didn't mean it failed to turn heads. Thank goodness mine wasn't "white," or "half white and half black." A little running around and those two colors would have swirled together into plain old mouse gray.
Perhaps Jihye had been bowled over all over again by that parade of colors. Or perhaps she'd felt the stares trailing us latch onto her as well. She flinched, her hand stopping mid-wave—but a moment later her face set with firm resolve, and she came sprinting toward me at full tilt. Then she threw herself into my arms as if to knock me flat.
Not that I couldn't hold Jihye's weight. I'd hardened myself in my own way back in my combatant days, so even without a drop of mana, I could absorb an impact like that with little more than a wobble. Feeling playful for no reason at all, I spun her around once, holding her tight.
"Hey—what was that for, all of a sudden?"
I stopped and looked down at her.
"Miss me that much?"
Once upon a time, a stunt like that from me would have sent Jihye shuddering right out of my arms. And had she pulled it on me, I'd have given her much the same reception. But—
"Yeah."
Jihye said it looking straight up into my eyes.
"What?"
And I could only echo her, flustered.
"I missed you so much it almost made me regret going to a different school."
"..."
Uh... that was... honestly, enough to make my heart flutter. Not an unpleasant feeling, though. I'd thought it since we were little, but objectively speaking, Jihye was pretty. She lacked the magical girls' flash, sure, but she seemed like the popular type at school. Hadn't she claimed as much herself? I seemed to remember her mentioning it with a laugh. Of course, we'd shared a room for so many years that what I felt now was, for the most part, the affection of a sister. Still—did I like it or dislike it? I liked it, obviously. There was nothing bad about the family I treasured most missing me. And with her pressed so close, gazing up at me like that, my heart did skip a beat or two.
"Want to transfer?"
"Isn't it a little late for that? I'd have to study like a maniac to get in now, right? I'd rather not put myself through all that."
With that, Jihye buried her face against my chest, then stepped back. Her cheeks were flushed—probably from the sprint.
...I see. No other reason was needed for her to miss me. We had come within a hair of losing each other completely, after all. Having nearly been parted forever, and only now properly reunited and living as we used to, it would hardly be strange for her to act a little unusually affectionate.
When I slid my hands from her waist, she let go of me in turn and flashed a grin. Watching that bright smile, I felt as though sunlight had broken through into my heart. Right. No matter how tangled things got, this many people were standing beside me, thinking of me. Keep at it, and surely everything could be worked out. Hers was a smile lovely enough to make me believe it.
In my old world, I'd have had the certainty that my parents would stand by me no matter what befell me. In this one, the only person like that to me was Jihye.
Jihye's head turned slightly—toward the magical girls standing behind me. I looked back as well, and there stood Hayun and Jua, both wearing faintly dazed expressions. A few steps behind them, Rose stood biting down hard on a laugh, while Dahlia and Delphinium had gone a little red in the face.
"What are you all doing?"
I asked it, feeling a touch sheepish.
"Let's get moving. We're drawing a crowd."
No one approached us outright, but people were drifting closer all the same, keeping their distance as though an invisible wall stood between us. Deciding we should move before the crowd thickened, I set off, and the magical girls, each wrapped in her own thoughts, hurried along behind me.
"Jihye! Hey, Jihye!"
At school, a girl had been calling out to Jihye since that morning. Lately, Jihye had been in the best of moods. Not that she'd run out of things to worry about—whether the person introduced as Jieun's friend would ever recover, how long the magical girls living with them intended to stay, how much time would pass before that room became Jieun and Jihye's room once more.
The feelings were clingy enough to make her wonder whether she was truly that selfish, that ugly a person. And yet the simple fact that Jieun was right there beside her was joy enough to bury every one of those dark thoughts. Jieun had been at Jihye's side their whole lives long—and if Jihye had any say in it, she would stay there forever. Anyone overhearing might call her too young to think that way, but at least up until now, Jihye had never once grown close to anyone like Jieun.
"Hm?"
And because her mood was so bright, Jihye answered her friend's call with a smile. This was the same girl who, just days ago, had called Jieun a villain right to Jihye's face—but Jihye's mind was in healthy enough shape to brush that off without a second thought.
"Have you seen this?"
"Seen what?"
Asking back, she took the smartphone her friend held out—and froze on the spot.
The article's photo showed Jieun locked in a kiss with Hayun. Of all the days, Jieun had been wearing her white dress, so the whole scene carried an air almost like a wedding. Her white outfit did bear subtly more ornamentation than her black one, too.
"..."
Jieun's eyes were wide with shock; Hayun's were squeezed shut, as if she'd braced herself for it. Which is to say—Hayun had kissed Jieun. The nature of the two's relationship leapt at once into Jihye's mind. Were they that kind of couple? Honestly, she couldn't quite say. She'd never been in love herself, so measuring other people's relationships came a little hard.
"The article's saying they might be dating."
"No, that's not it."
Only after the words left her mouth did Jihye startle, privately, at herself.
"Really? They're kissing and everything."
She was probably asking because she had no idea what was going through Jihye's head. Or no—would knowing have made her press harder? Hard to say. She'd always been the oblivious type, so it was entirely possible.
"It's probably... something to do with mana. Even the aliens don't fully understand how it works yet."
"You think? Oh... yeah, I guess that could be it."
Hearing what sounded for all the world like rationalization, the girl scrolled down the article. Then she showed Jihye another photo beneath it. That one showed Jieun kissing Jua.
"..."
"If they're not dating, do you think they pass mana mouth to mouth? That could actually be a thing. There are movies with that kind of premise, you know."
To Jihye, that sort of thing had always seemed like nothing more than a device for staging a romantic moment. But even as she thought it, another part of her decided that, actually, it might well be true. The latter thought was the product of Jihye's brain, busy rationalizing.
"I mean, she can't be two-timing the magical girls."
"..."
Jihye considered it for a moment. A magical girl's circuit ran on hope—the more hope she held, the stronger she became. That much was common knowledge, repeated everywhere. Jihye couldn't guess what energy moved Jieun when she wore black, but in white, at least, that energy was hope, by every impression the image gave.
...Then, could hope be passed along with a kiss? However fond Jieun was of someone, she didn't seem the type to kiss anyone mid-battle out of raw feeling. Above all, Jieun would have been furious if she had. But she might have been waiting for exactly that moment—ready to snatch the chance the instant it showed itself.
"If that's how it is, it's kind of sad, isn't it?" the girl said.
"Sad?"
"Yeah. Having to kiss someone because the fighting leaves you no choice. But you'd want your kisses to be with someone you actually like, wouldn't you? Me, maybe if it were a handsome guy, but with another girl... that's a bit..."
Jihye blinked. Strangely enough, even imagining kissing Jieun herself stirred no real aversion in her. If the other person had truly been a sister by blood, it might well have been repulsive, just as people said—even short of kissing, she might have come to loathe the very fact of crowding into one space, tangled together day after day. With Jieun, she had never once felt anything of the sort. When they were very small, they'd quarreled now and then over this or that, but from the upper grades of elementary school onward, they had grown as close as two people could be.
"..."
Jihye blinked again. Could it be...? If those years were exactly when a person's sense of who they are takes shape... Who was it who said it? That liking someone doesn't begin because you want it to, and doesn't end because you wish it gone. Perhaps that was precisely what Jihye's feelings were.
"I see."
"Hm?"
Seeing Jihye murmur to herself, the girl cocked her head.
"Oh—no, it's nothing. Really. I was just thinking, living with them and all, that maybe it really could be something like that."
"Oh, right, you said you're living with all the magical girls now? I'm so jealous."
Jealous, huh. This, from the girl who'd found them terrifying just days ago. Jihye let that one go unsaid.
"Yeah. It's fun. So much fun."
And it made her happy, too. Because the family Jieun held in her heart was, for now, still Jihye alone.
Kisses and all.
Looking up at Jieun, who held her close, Jihye smiled. Jieun had caught her headlong embrace as though it were the most natural thing in the world—had even spun her around once. There was no bewilderment in that smile. None at all.
Jihye could hear Jieun's heart pounding fast. Her face had flushed at the sight of her, her heart raced as she held her—and yet her expression betrayed no embarrassment whatsoever. Nothing like in that photograph of the kiss.
Whatever that feeling was, it might not be romantic love. But as the two of them finally drew apart—light was spilling from the circuit on Jieun's wrist, the wrist that had been wrapped around Jihye's waist.
How bright was that light, exactly? Its intensity could read differently depending on a camera's settings. But to Jihye's eye, it glowed almost exactly as bright as it had when Jieun was being kissed.
It meant that to Jieun, Jihye was someone who brought her hope just by standing beside her. No kiss required—simply holding each other was enough to feel it. At least in this moment, the person closest to Jieun was, unmistakably, Jihye. The years they had shared did not lie.
And so Jihye was able to smile, wide and bright. If she had possessed a circuit of her own, it would surely have been blazing with light.
When Jihye looped her arm through Jieun's, Jieun accepted it without a beat of hesitation—as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. The smile Jieun wore as she looked at her was so radiant, so lovely. Forgetting entirely that other girls stood all around them, the two of them gazed at each other and laughed.