Gobo, the Gnome Armor Merchant of 7th District
Gobo, the gnome armor merchant in 7th District, thought he was in luck today.
It was already his third gullible customer of the day.
7th District was a place where mostly beginners stayed.
And beginners who weren’t used to Babilgrid’s prices were easy prey.
“I’m looking to buy some leather armor and a helmet.”
By evening, yet another easy mark had come walking in.
A customer with a pale, refined face that practically screamed gullible.
Even so, the sword he carried looked pretty decent.
He’d dressed himself like an ordinary commoner.
But the air of elegance in his face and movements was impossible to hide.
There was no doubt some noble brat had run away from home.
Young aristocrats who came to Babilgrid on a whim were common enough.
And people like that spent money without thinking twice.
Gobo decided he was going to make a proper killing.
With two gullible customers already fleeced that day, he was bursting with confidence.
“Eeeh~ You’ve come to the right place! Our shop happens to carry the finest leather armor in all of Babilgrid.”
It was, of course, nothing more than ordinary off-the-rack leather armor.
The sort you could buy for a hundred pesos at another shop.
But Gobo piled on every bit of flowery nonsense he could, selling it like some legendary suit of armor.
“Come on now… I’ll make you a special deal. Nine hundred pesos. That’s a real bargain, trust me!”
“...Nine hundred pesos?”
The price had been jacked up by a full nine hundred pesos in one go.
The customer looked flustered by how expensive it was.
But Gobo didn’t back down.
He threw every ounce of his silver tongue into catching the gull.
“It still seems a bit pricey… is it really that good?”
The mark didn’t bite right away.
But the fact that he hadn’t left the shop meant he clearly had money.
This hesitation was the moment of opportunity.
Gobo could tell that if he just pushed a little more, the fool would cave.
“Hah, I’ll show you. This thing won’t be pierced or torn by just about anything! Want proof? Once you see how well it works, you won’t be able to stop yourself from buying it!”
Gobo swaggered over to the counter.
Then he came back with an ordinary dagger.
“Watch closely. No matter how many times I stab it, it won’t go through!”
And then he slashed wildly at the armor.
He exaggerated a little, acting as if he were putting all his strength into it.
But the leather armor was almost completely fine.
Only a tiny scratch had appeared, that was all.
Honestly, gnomes just didn’t have much strength to begin with.
“Ohhh…! That’s amazing!”
The customer’s face went wide with astonishment.
Yep. Total fool.
“See? Nine hundred pesos is a real steal.”
Gobo said with a satisfied grin.
The fool was just about ready to open his wallet.
“Well… I’m not trying to insult you or anything, but gnomes are naturally weak, aren’t they? What if goblin attacks can pierce it?”
He hesitated again.
Gobo had thought he’d hand over the money any second now, but the man was proving surprisingly cautious.
“Come on now! Goblins can’t pierce it, I’m telling you! Even if they stab at it, it’ll be fine!”
Gobo stabbed the leather armor over and over as he spoke.
The armor still looked perfectly fine.
Leather armor was good at blocking slashing attacks, but comparatively weak against piercing.
Still, goblins were weak monsters.
Even this cheapest armor would stop a goblin’s stab.
Of course, that only held true against goblins, which meant it was good for the first floor and nowhere else.
“Hmm… May I try stabbing it myself?”
“Huh? W-What?”
That was a response Gobo hadn’t expected.
At the suggestion that he try it himself, Gobo was briefly taken aback.
But then he hardened his expression.
At a glance, the customer looked like one of those scrawny beginners who had only just registered as a Climber.
No matter how cheap the off-the-rack armor was, armor was still armor.
A strong Climber would be able to pierce it in one blow, but an attack from a rank-ten Climber should be able to bounce off a few times at least.
“I’ll only stab it once. But if it’s fine, I’ll buy the helmet and everything else too, with no complaints.”
Then came the customer’s decisive words.
This was an opportunity not just to sell the armor, but the helmet too.
“Right! Go on, then, give it a stab! Sure, you might leave a little scratch, but that’s only on the surface. It won’t pierce, so don’t worry. And if it doesn’t go through, you’d better buy it and take responsibility! I don’t normally go this far, but you’re my first customer like this, so I’m giving you special treatment!”
“Yes, yes. Understood. Of course.”
He’d gotten so worked up trying to keep the guy on the hook that he’d started rambling.
But Gobo reassured himself.
The helmet was much more expensive.
If you wanted to catch a big fish, you had to throw out a big bait.
Besides, there was no way it would actually be pierced.
Business was all about nerve.
Remembering how he’d already snared two fools earlier that day, Gobo’s confidence swelled as he handed over the dagger.
“Then I’ll begin.”
The customer took the dagger in an underhand grip.
Then he brought it down with leisurely speed.
Seeing the motion, Gobo thought it was over.
There was no way that weak little thrust would pierce the armor.
Gobo broke into a wide grin.
The dagger the fool had driven down struck the leather armor.
But then something strange happened.
Thwip— whoosh—
The dagger sank into the leather armor.
And the customer didn’t stop there; he dragged the blade sideways.
The leather went rip— cleanly and satisfyingly torn apart.
“Hmm? How odd.”
“W-What the hell do you think you’re doing!”
“Didn’t you say it wouldn’t pierce? Maybe this armor was the problem? I’ll try the others too.”
Then the customer picked up another suit of armor.
And stabbed that one down just the same.
Thwip— whoosh—
The second one met the exact same fate.
“Hmm? That’s strange.”
The customer went right on and stabbed the rest one by one.
Thwip— whoosh— as the cheap leather armors were butchered without mercy.
“S-Stop! Quit it! What the hell are you doing!”
Gobo, horrified, grabbed at the hem of the customer’s trousers.
The man didn’t even seem to be using any real strength.
No matter how cheap the merchandise was, it shouldn’t have been that easy to tear apart.
Was it magic? No, he couldn’t sense a shred of mana.
It was impossible.
“You told me it wouldn’t tear, didn’t you? I’m just checking it for you.”
Thwip— whoosh—
Thwip— whoosh—
“Stop, you lunatic!”
At last, the customer’s advance ended only after every armor of the same type had been shredded to pieces.
“Pay me back immediately! What the hell is this!”
Gobo barked furiously, but the answer that came back left him with nothing else to argue.
“Didn’t you say it was troll leather?”
“Hngh, th-that’s…”
“Seems the smithy you deal with has been cheating you. If they delivered something that wasn’t even troll leather and passed it off as troll leather, you should stop doing business with them.”
Tap, tap—
Ivan patted Gobo on the shoulder.
Then he left the shop with light steps.
“Y-You…! You…!”
Gobo could only shout after him, unable to form a single coherent sentence.
After all, it had been his own lie in the first place.
After making a fool of the gnome merchant and leaving the shop, the sword spirits burst into laughter inside my head.
“But is it really all right for them to tear that easily?”
We’d pierced and torn every piece of leather armor the merchant had been using to scam people.
Of course, that wasn’t because my own strength was extraordinary.
The sword spirits had pointed out the weaknesses in the leather for me.
When I stabbed at the exact spot they indicated, at the right angle, the blade went in easily.
It was only because the sword spirits could take one look and tell the armor’s condition.
Off-the-rack gear was more than enough for conquering the first floor.
After that, I went to another shop and bought off-the-rack armor and a helmet.
This time, I could buy them at a proper price.
“I can see why helmets are expensive.”
In fact, I’d ended up buying a more expensive helmet than my armor.
Even goblins were weak, but if you couldn’t protect your vital spots, one blow could still finish you.
After adding a wooden shield and a few other things, I was left with only about two hundred pesos.
“Then I’m really going to the inn now to rest. I’m tired.”
The sword spirits laughed at something, sounding oddly pleased.
From their point of view, I was probably hilarious as a first-time labyrinth entrant.
They seemed almost eager to see how much I would struggle.
Was it really so funny to watch a beginner suffer?
I was honestly afraid I might end up like that once I was worn down by the labyrinth myself.
“Then the inn is…”
It was already getting late at night.
I wandered around looking for a suitable inn.
If I wanted to save money, I could always go to a cheaper one.
But since tomorrow would be my first trip into the labyrinth, I took my time and looked for a decent place to stay.
“Hey! You there!”
Just then, while I was still wandering around, a rough voice stopped me in my tracks.
I turned and saw a burly man standing there.
Seeing him, I instinctively took a step back.
And for good reason, because his clothes were deeply, deeply alarming.
A cute apron that looked completely out of place on his body.
His muscles were so massive that the bear face printed in the center looked ready to burst.
And from the shopping baskets he carried in both hands, long cucumbers were sticking out.
I-Is that what I think it is?
I asked the sword spirits in a panic.
I remembered what Lustful Demon had said earlier.
A man who drags another man away and does unspeakable things to him until he ends up with fecal incontinence… a homosexual…
“H-Huh…”
At Lustful Demon’s words, I sucked in a sharp breath before I could stop myself.
Just as I was wondering whether I should run, the man spoke.
“Hey! Don’t be scared. I just called out to you because I remembered you from the armor shop earlier.”
The armor shop?
So the man had apparently been there when I tore up all the leather armor.
He chuckled warmly and walked toward me.
“That was a good show earlier. I didn’t like that gnome bastard much myself, the way he was ripping off rookie Climbers. And from the looks of it, you’re still a beginner, but you’ve got a pretty sharp eye for leather.”
He’d disliked the gnome in the first place, so seeing someone else put him in his place had been satisfying.
I was relieved he wasn’t approaching me for the kind of filthy reasons I’d briefly imagined.
“Looks like you need a place to stay for the night. Lucky for you, I run an inn. How about staying at my place? Since you gave us such an entertaining show, I’ll give you a special discount.”
It turned out he was the innkeeper.
So that was why he’d been wearing an apron and carrying groceries.
“Don’t worry, I’m not interested in men.”
It must have shown all over my face.
Even the sword spirits seemed to think it would be fine.
I decided to go check out the man’s inn.
“My name’s Bagon.”
“I’m Ivan.”
“Good name! Come on, then!”
I followed Bagon to the inn.
The place wasn’t far away, and for the price, the facilities were decent.
The sword spirits seemed to approve too.
So that explained why he was in such good shape: he was a former Climber.
I decided to stay here tonight.
“Good call! There’s nowhere in 7th District better than our inn. Meals?”
“Please prepare dinner for tonight and breakfast tomorrow as well. I’ll have dinner right away.”
“Perfect! I’ll cook for you right now!”
Bagon laughed thunderously and disappeared into the kitchen.
The atmosphere among the inn’s guests was pleasant too.
If I came back later, long-term lodging might not be a bad idea.
Before long, delicious smells drifted out with the food.
But it wasn’t Bagon who brought the meal.
It was a pure-looking young woman about my age.
She seemed to be Bagon’s daughter.
Apparently they ran the inn together.
“Your food is ready. P-Please enjoy…!”
After setting the meal down and taking one look at my face, Bagon’s daughter scurried away in a hurry.
Her reaction was strange, but the food itself was delicious without a single problem.
“Cough, hack—”
I was in the middle of a perfectly good meal when Lustful Demon suddenly started spouting nonsense.
Startled, I nearly choked badly enough to bring up my dinner.
“Cough— what on earth are you talking about all of a sudden…?”
The sword spirits instantly turned noisy after Lustful Demon got started.
“Please, I’m eating. Could you all hold the nonsense for a bit? I really nearly had my airway blocked.”
“It seems to me the abnormal one here is the Lustful Demon who’s telling someone to do that with a woman he just met…”
Even after that, Lustful Demon kept spouting nonsense.
The others, as usual, kept chattering away with great enthusiasm.
I wondered if it was just one of those things and ignored them while I ate.
I’d considered shutting my mind off, but having the sword spirits’ voices there was reassuring in its own way.
Before long, I finished a satisfying meal and went upstairs to my room.
Tomorrow was finally the day I would enter the labyrinth.
Even if I was only going to conquer the first floor and come back out, I still felt nervous.
Still, if I wanted to be in good condition, I had to sleep well.
I turned out the light and forced my eyes shut.
“Then I’ll go to sleep.”
“Yes. I’m always grateful.”
I thanked the sword spirits and let my mind close.
As my head finally went quiet, the night of Babilgrid seemed to stretch out all at once.
Thanks to the sword spirits, I’d made it here safely.
I’d avoided getting taken in as a fool more than once.
The labyrinth would probably be even more dangerous.
But with the sword spirits beside me, I felt reassured.
Of course, I’d still need to become capable enough to stand on my own, without relying on their help.
There was still noise coming from the inn’s first floor, where guests were apparently still awake.
Before long, the noise faded, and silence settled in.
I tossed and turned a little longer, then drifted into a light sleep inside the quiet.