I've Never Even Thought About Kids...?
Kane started visiting me every single day, just like he'd promised yesterday.
Thanks to that, the abuse had all but stopped—aside from the lighter stuff—but now I had a whole new problem.
“Still sulking?”
“I'm not sulking. I'm not mad. And I'm not embarrassed.”
It was that Kane had suddenly gone on the offensive, and my defenses were paper-thin.
I could've seen the offensive shift coming—he'd telegraphed it—but I never imagined my own defenses would be this weak.
How to put it...
I was decent at attacking, but I'd never really done defense, so I had zero experience there.
Like I couldn't even hold a shield.
And right now, I still wasn't fully recovered, so I couldn't counterattack either.
Meaning I was just taking it all one-sidedly.
“Don't... touch me there...”
“Yeah. I'm gonna touch you all I want.”
“You can touch somewhere else if you want...”
“We'll save that for later...”
That said, I didn't want to refuse what he was doing.
How nice would it be to just close my eyes and enjoy him stroking my hair or pinching my cheeks?
And sometimes, watching him hesitate after a little advance like that? Pure bliss.
Was this how dogs or cats felt when their owners petted them?
Kane was my fiancé, but pretty much the owner of everything I had anyway, so what was the difference?
His dog... or cat... that's me...
“Woof... meow...”
Maybe I was too good at animal impressions from doing it for my sister, because it just slipped out naturally.
But unlike when I did it for that bitch of a sister, there was no disgust or feeling of being dehumanized.
If anything, my face was burning red with pure embarrassment.
It felt like I was coquettishly acting like an animal for Kane.
The very idea of me acting cute was embarrassing and cringey.
At the same time, I had zero desire for him to call me cute or pretty or whatever.
But Kane, who had to respond, just froze with his hand on my head, not moving a muscle.
“Say something... don't leave me hanging...”
“No, it's just... it suits you so cutely... it'd be rude to say it.”
“No, it's fine. I'm happy...”
Hearing it from my sister—“You look good crawling like a beast”—felt totally different.
This made me want to turn into a cat or dog even more, to be treated like one.
I had no idea why I felt that way, but my brain wasn't working right anyway, so I just pushed forward.
No point denying it now that I'd already done it.
“Is this okay?”
“Meow...”
Dog impressions kept reminding me of my sister, so cat it was.
To play along, I lifted my chin and placed my face right into Kane's hand as he moved to stroke it like a pet's.
The second I did, his fingers softly scratched and stroked underneath.
I'd thought it'd just be ticklish, nothing special...
“A little more...”
“My arm's getting tired...”
“Please, more...”
Why did this feel so good?
It was even better than I'd expected, so every time he tried to stop, I grabbed his hand to keep going.
Like something deep inside was finally getting satisfied.
I could tell he was trying so hard to make me feel good.
Maybe that's why dogs and cats love chin scratches—they get it.
It was even making me sleepy.
“Tired?”
“Yeah... a little drowsy...”
“Then sleep a bit. I'll watch over you.”
“Okay...”
Ever since collapsing from anemia and bleeding again, I'd been sleeping a lot.
I knew my body was working hard to recover, but it sucked because it cut into my time with Kane.
Good thing he stayed by my side constantly; otherwise, I'd have fought the sleep just to squeeze out more time.
He was my summer oasis, my sanctuary— I couldn't waste it on sleep.
Plus, our time together had an unknown expiration date anyway.
“Want me to hold your hand?”
“Nah, that's not it...”
He held my hand every day anyway—that was a given.
I wanted more. Something else.
More clinging.
Cling?
Struck by a brilliant idea, I lifted the blanket to reveal the inside.
To cling more, we could just sleep together, right?
Purely innocent—sharing a bed to sleep.
That's what I thought, anyway.
“What's up...?”
“You sure have no shame in weird places...”
“Why?”
“Take a look at your state and then talk.”
“My state?”
Kane covered his eyes with one hand and pointed at the inside of the blanket with the other.
Curious what was so weird, I peeked in—nothing wrong.
It was a pretty, comfy, thin negligee nightgown that I didn't usually wear, so it felt a bit off, but whatever.
Being under the covers all the time meant it was sweat-damp, clinging to my figure, but big deal.
We'd eventually get even closer before I left—why was he so shocked?
“No problem here. If the sweat bothers you, should I wash up? Or do you wanna wash me...?”
“That's exactly the problem, but no... You can't just show yourself like that to me?”
“We're engaged. What's wrong with showing my fiancé something we'll do even more of later? Besides, look—super clean and beautiful body, right?”
I was overflowing with confidence about my body.
More perfect than anyone in the empire.
Even more beautiful than those princesses.
Because I was manufactured beauty—natural couldn't compete.
They'd dumped potions worth over a hundred gold coins into me.
I seriously believed this wasn't just narcissism; it was objective fact.
“Is that how it works...? I know you're pretty. Prettiest person I know.”
“Why's it sound like a question?”
“Pretty aside, your sense of chastity is...”
“I'm a virgin, you know. A virgin waiting for you to deliciously deflower me. Never even held hands with another guy.”
“You know that's not what I meant.”
I knew.
Of course I did.
I just wanted to sleep side by side, that's all.
“If you don't wanna sleep with me, just say so. I'm going to bed.”
“Argh, seriously. Stay under the covers. I'll lie here till you fall asleep.”
“Hehe. Thanks.”
Pretending to pout worked—Kane ruffled my hair messily and carefully settled beside me.
He looked like the handsomest guy in the world, but acted like some demure maiden.
He could just man up and devour his fiancée once.
I'd even served myself on a platter, chewing it softly for a kiss-feed, but he wouldn't bite—like a stone Buddha.
Still, his little reactions—and that bulge—kept me from doubting my appeal.
“Someday we'll both be naked under the same blanket, right?”
“You are planning to leave?”
“Yeah. But before I go, we'll do everything, and I'll live and die as a woman who's only ever known you. Oh, you can remarry, though.”
“What about kids? You'd still leave?”
“That's...”
I've never even thought about it...
If I got pregnant...?
Me and Kane's kid...?
I pondered Kane's and my child—something I'd never considered before.
He didn't love me yet, and I saw him more as someone to spoil me or a protector, not a lover.
But kids were the fruit of love, right?
Love or no, we'd have to raise it with love, and I didn't want to raise my child like my past-life self—without parents.
So I'd have no choice but to stay with Kane...
“We'll make sure to deliciously deflower with perfect birth control, right...?”
“Don't worry. We'll only have a kid when you want one. I won't tie you down with a child. But seriously, why do you keep saying 'deliciously deflower'?”
“It's the most straightforward euphemism, isn't it? Should I say 'mating' instead?”
“That's not it... Whatever. Just sleep.”
Kane sighed deeply and covered my eyes with his hand.
I was exhausted anyway—perfect timing.
Right as I was drifting off, he dropped a bombshell like he'd forgotten.
“Oh, right—I forgot. We're going to the academy together. Got approval from your family head.”
“How do you forget that?! Forget something forgettable!”
⋯
The day we headed to the academy.
Truly a joyful day.
I loved the academy uniform, the walk there—everything.
Spending the whole day with Kane? Loved it.
That campus couple vibe? Loved it.
Everything was perfect.
“Little sis. Not gonna look up?”
“Sorry, sis.”
Why the hell was she coming with us?
Wasn't it just me?
Fuck my life.
Kane, why aren't you going separately?
Can't we just live together in the dorms?!