Perfect Revenge – Roasted Elders and Stolen Secrets

"Yup! Mourning calls for yukgaejang, right? I'll cover the condolence money for those geezers!"

"There's a fire raging upstairs. What if it spreads down here?"

The vibrations from above grew even more intense. Elma adjusted her gas mask and snorted derisively.

"Don't worry! I've made damn sure the fire can't come down here!"

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I set the spells!"

Elma pulled a tablet from her bosom. Complex formulas scrolled across the screen.

"See? I've locked the flame directionality to the upper floors only."

"Ah."

A genius mind. Even in the midst of wiping out her enemies, her control was flawless.

"So don't worry, darling—just hold onto your amazing wife tight."

Elma wiggled her plump ass. She burrowed even deeper into my arms.

A moment later.

"All clear!"

Whirrr—

The last golem crossed the gate, loaded with documents. Every forbidden tome from across Arcadia had moved into our home.

"Let's go now."

"Hold on! Finishing touches left."

Elma tapped the tablet screen. Beyond the gate, a new squad of golems poured in. This time, they were carrying hefty loads.

Piles of blank white paper.

"Why are you guys stuffing that in?"

The golems refilled the now-empty archive with stacks of paper.

"Don't you get it, darling?"

Elma giggled behind her gas mask.

"If they realize the materials are gone, they'll try to track them down somehow."

"Ah."

"Reverse-trace the spatial transfer or issue wanted posters. Total headache."

"True."

Fingers flicked through the tablet screens.

"But what if only ashes remain?"

A truly vicious plan. A chill ran down my ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠spine.

"They'll all despair and call it quits."

"You're incredible, Elma."

"That's what a perfect crime looks like!"

Elma puffed up at the praise, swinging her short legs. The blank stacks soon filled the archive.

"All set!"

Elma hovered her finger over the tablet button.

Press.

Rumble rumble rumble—!

The vibrations circling the upper floor suddenly shifted direction.

Screeech!

Boom—!!

The ceiling vent glowed red-hot. Blocked heat poured out.

"Here it comes!"

Elma smacked my chest.

Scorching hot wind pierced the gas mask filter.

"Run, darling!!"

Roooar—!!

The ceiling collapsed. Flames cascaded down like a waterfall.

The blank paper stacks in the archive ignited.

Whoosh! Fwoom!

The blaze spread like a storm, devouring everything.

"Hold on tight!"

I clutched Elma hard and sprinted for the gate.

Thud thud thud!

Shoooosh—!

We tumbled onto Neukdori. At the same instant—

Fizzle.

The gate closed.

Only faint embers of the final flames lingered in the air.

"Hah... hah..."

I ripped off the gas mask. My breath came ragged to my throat. My whole body was soaked in cold sweat.

"Phew—!"

Elma in my arms flung off her mask too. Her face flushed beet red. Damp bangs clung to her forehead.

We sprawled starfish-style on Neukdori, staring at each other.

"Pfft."

"Ahahaha!"

Laughter exploded. No one started it first.

The thrill. The triumph. The liberation of shattering long-buried grudges and shackles.

"See that, darling? Witnessed my skills!!"

Elma crawled up onto my belly. She threw her arms up in victory.

"You old fogeys! Bullied me like that, and look at you now! Don't meet me in your next life!"

"The scariest dwarf in the world."

"Hehe! I know! I'm the smartest and scariest!"

The golems frantically shuttled the forbidden books downstairs. Somewhere in that mountain of tomes lay the cure for Elma's body.

"Thanks, darling."

Elma bowed her head, rubbing her cheek on my chest.

"For coming with me. If I'd been alone... honestly, I'd have been scared."

"We're family."

I gently stroked her barley-colored hair.

"I promised I wouldn't leave you alone."

"Mmm..."

A happy hum. Elma smooshed her cheek flat against my chest.

The end of the revenge play and the heist. The little queen in my arms felt more lovable and warm than ever.

"By the way."

I slyly opened my mouth.

"When you were panting under that gas mask earlier, all tense... it was crazy hot."

"Wh...?"

Elma's face exploded red.

"Your heavy breathing through the mask was so damn sexy, I nearly got hard mid-heist."

"Y-you beast of a husband..."

Tiny fists pelted my chest. But she showed no sign of fleeing. Instead, she subtly ground her lower body against mine. Breathing ragged with arousal.

The adrenaline from crime. Always the perfect aphrodisiac.

A moment later. The bathroom.

Shower—

Warm water ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠cascaded over my body.

"Fhew."

I stepped out of the steamy bathroom. Living room sofa. The little queen had claimed her spot ahead of time.

Elma in her usual see-through negligee, wet hair swaying.

Pat pat.

I grabbed a towel and approached from behind.

"C'mere."

Slide.

Elma climbed onto my thigh. Her 90cm frame nestled perfectly into my lap. Her plump ass settled soft and chewy.

Beyond the faint shampoo scent, wet forest musk and nutty aroma wafted up.

"Hehet. Your lap always feels so good."

My little wife beamed. I gently toweled her barley twin tails.

Then—

The living room TV. Regular programming cut out, red subtitles appeared.

The anchor's urgent voice followed.

The screen switched. The research institute lay in ruins. Thick black smoke blanketed the sky. Even through the screen, the inferno's heat felt palpable.

"Oh."

A short gasp escaped Elma.

"See?! Darling! Roasted to a perfect crisp!"

"Well done all the way through."

I chuckled, rubbing her wet hair. The arsonist behind that blaze sat on my lap right now.

But who cares about morals? Those old bastards had bullied my wife. And sucked her dry for decades on top of that.

"Damn right! The work of the great, revered, prestigious, and erudite Dr. Elma Bronzebeer!"

Elma stuck out her chest proudly.

"Darling, yukgaejang for dinner tonight?"

"Yukgaejang?"

"Yup! Mourning calls for yukgaejang, right? I'll cover the condolence money for those geezers!"

Her tiny hand sketched an amount in the air.

"Generously giving 'one thousand won'!"

"Wow, so merciful."

"Right? Oh, but transfer fees... maybe just five hundred after? Kyahaha!"

A villainous cackle. But to me, she looked like a hamster who'd overcome her trauma.

"Nah."

I stretched both her cheeks with my hands.

"Those scumbags who tormented our pretty queen? One thousand's too much. Make it one hundred."

"Ughhh... calling me queen to tease...!"

"You did great. Really. Holding out alone all this time."

I released her cheeks. Planted a deep kiss on her little crown.

Unconditional support and love from her husband.

"Hehe..."

Blush bloomed on Elma's cheeks. Mood at its peak. She swung her legs back and forth, humming a tune.

But—

TV screen corner. Charred corpses on stretchers flashed by. Not just elders—innocent dwarves caught in it too, no doubt.

I set down the towel and casually spoke up.

"But Elma."

"Yeah?"

"Besides the elders... a bunch of unrelated dwarves probably died. That stings a bit."

That's normal. Basic human conscience.

But—

"Pfft, darling too."

A grumbly voice. Not a speck of guilt.

Bonk.

Almond eyes peered up, her crown against my solar plexus. Pure innocence.

"Collateral happens in revenge!"

"Uh...?"

"And I heard from ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠an old business contact."

Her eyes sparkled as she spilled the tale.

"Terror or accidents like that? They work best when innocents die in droves!"

"......"

"If only bad guys die, everyone shrugs it off. But when normals drop unjustly, they think, 'Whoa! The world's seriously fucked!' And feel the fear!"

Utterly sunny delivery of twisted logic.

"So I woke up dwarf society! Total good deed—they should thank me! Hehet!"

What do you even call this? Chaotic evil?

"......"

Cold sweat trickled down my spine. If her old contacts spouted crap like that...

Osama bin Laden. Al-Qaeda. ISIS. Hezbollah. Hamas.

A parade of terrorists flashed through my mind.

Who the hell fed her that terrifying terror philosophy?

No. Better not ask.

"D-darling...? What's wrong? Hurt? Inhale smoke?"

Elma eyed me warily, reaching out a tiny hand. Gently stroked my sweaty nape.

Her gaze brimmed with tender worry.

Yeah. Whatever. Accomplice to terrorism? Arsonist? Doesn't matter.

She's my tiny, cute wife, coquettishly snuggling in my arms.

"N-no, it's fine."

I forced a grin. Hugged her waist tight, smiling through it.

"G-good point. As expected from our professor—your philosophy's on another level."

"Right right?! I'm super smart!"

The little queen puffed up again. I swallowed a deep internal sigh.

Just savor the chewy feel of her clinging skin.

A moment later. We moved spots.

Underground bunker. The place from the 'maid cafe' days.

Whirrr—!

Clank! Click!

Hundreds of mini golems moved in perfect sync. Full sorting underway.

Scan lasers beamed from their eyes. They read mana wavelengths and titles at super speed. Stacked by category.

"When will we find it in that pile?"

I stuck out my tongue at the overwhelming book mountain. Needle in a haystack.

But Elma brimmed with confidence.

"Don't worry! Loaded full search algorithms into the golems!"

Perched on my thigh, she fired up the tablet.

"Body mods, physique alteration, genital expansion, muscle fiber rearrangement... all keywords set. Now just wait for a h—"

Beep—!!

Before she finished.

One working golem blared an alert.