Chapter 3
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 3
Chapter Title: Lap-Sitting Optimized Body Type
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"...Saw it?"
"......"
I couldn't respond.
A suffocating silence.
Elma's complexion changed.
Red, earthy brown, white,
blue,
and then purple.
Whoa.
A person's... no, a dwarf's face could change colors that fast?
[Beep! Elma Queen is the world's seconddd...]
Golem No. 1 obliviously shattered the silence.
"Shut up!!"
Crash!
Elma's kick.
No. 1 soared through the air.
The plummeting golem's limbs disassembled on impact.
As if foretelling my own future.
A threat to my life.
A chill ran down my spine.
Fizzle...
A fireball materialized above Elma's tiny hand.
Suicide?
No, murder.
"Ah."
The Human-Magic Beast Slaughter Spell, banned for civilian use after the Republic of Korea-Arcadia War.
What to do?
Run?
The moment I turn my back, I'm well-done.
Apologize?
'Sorry. I saw you playing with your dolls alone, Professor.'
Might as well beg for death.
Yeah.
This is my only path to survival.
'Play along with the madness.'
I had no choice but to humor her insanity.
I took a deep breath.
And then.
Bang!
I kicked the door open.
Dropped to my knees and slid across the floor.
Sliding right up to Elma, who stood on the desk.
"Hey, what the hell are you...?!"
I threw both arms up triumphantly.
"Ooooh!!"
A roar of admiration.
"...?"
Elma's eyes widened in circles.
Her spell fizzled from the shock.
Fizzle, spark—the fireball sputtered out.
"Ch-Choi Si-hoon, are you insane...?"
"No! My eyes are the insane ones!"
I looked up at her on the desk in reverence.
"To think you've hidden this beautiful form all this time!!"
"What?"
"It's utterly awe-inspiring! This overwhelming 'density'!"
"...Density?"
Elma's brow furrowed.
Hostility softened; curiosity peeked through.
I spat fervor with flying saliva.
"Yes. The average person might call it petite. But my eyes can't be fooled. Professor, you're not small!"
I have to survive.
"Then what?"
"Compressed!"
Utter nonsense.
Like a computer file or something.
But right now, it's the correct answer.
To fool others, fool myself first.
"Like a supernova's light! Your profound intellect and beauty, brilliantly condensed within this compact body!"
I cried out toward the ceiling in ecstasy.
"Judging worth by volume? That's the thinking of idiots obsessed with size! Chimpanzee logic! The 'real' you is right here, Professor, in this form!"
"......"
Silence flowed.
Cold sweat trickled down my back.
I stole a glance.
Did I go too far?
Elma gazed down at me steadily.
Her almond eyes quivered fiercely.
Is this guy mocking me, or is he truly mad?
Doubt was plain on her face.
But humans—no, dwarves too—hear what they want to hear.
Especially when self-esteem is in the gutter.
"So... what you're saying is."
She cleared her throat.
Plopped down on the edge of the desk.
Her expression had softened considerably.
"I'm not small, I'm compressed?"
"Of course! Behold this perfect proportion! Unlike my uselessly long legs, Professor, yours are the pinnacle of functional beauty!"
I pointed at her tiny feet.
"These delicate feet! The noble arch befitting the earth folk, dwarves! And, uh... "
I flicked my gaze up slightly.
Desperately scanned for the next praise.
Beneath the lace-trimmed negligee.
Plump, white thighs.
"Th-those plump... no, noble lower body lines!"
This was true.
Short, sure, but the girth and springiness were art.
Sexy enough that the smallness amplified it.
Elma crossed her legs with a sniff.
She didn't seem displeased.
"Hmph. You've got an eye for it, undergrad or not."
But her guard wasn't fully down.
As if saying, 'Keep going.'
I racked my brain for the next flattery.
Yes, that.
Pretending overwhelming emotion, I pointed at her face.
"With the magic dispelled, I finally see it. A beautiful starfield!"
"Starfield...?"
Elma blinked in confusion, then flinched and cupped her cheeks.
"You mean my freckles?"
The 'skin correction' she'd maintained alongside the height spell had dropped too.
Instead of flawless porcelain skin, faint freckles dotted her nose and cheeks.
She'd hidden them deliberately—a clear complex.
But I pressed on shamelessly.
"Don't hide them! Blank skin isn't pretty! To conceal this charm all this time!"
"Hmph... You know something."
It landed.
Elma slowly lowered her hands from her cheeks.
Reeling from the praise barrage.
I drove in the wedge.
"It's an honor for this dim undergrad's eyes to behold your 'complete form'."
"Hmm..."
Elma looked down at me.
Her almond eyes wavered.
Kill or spare.
But casting aside a fanatic filling her shattered self-esteem with 'true queen' treatment? The praise was too sweet.
"Fine. For the sake of your insight, I'll forgive this rudeness."
"Th-thank you! Great and beautiful Professor!"
"Ohohoho! Yes, yes. You're a smart student after all."
Elma laughed with her nose in the air.
I survived.
As I sighed in relief—
Elma glanced under the desk and beckoned me.
"Then."
"Yes?"
"Move."
She imperiously spread her arms.
Wiggled her small white soles.
"Should such beautiful feet touch the dust?"
She meant carry her.
Who does she think I am, her servant?
Of course, I was.
"It would be an honor."
I couldn't refuse.
I approached the desk.
Up close, she was truly tiny.
But not like a child.
An adult woman's curves, just scaled down.
Like a ball-jointed doll.
A strange taboo itch tickled me.
"Pardon me."
I reached out, sliding my hands under her armpits.
!!!
Instantly, the sensation against my palms choked my breath.
Springy.
Like freshly pounded glutinous rice cake.
Ridiculously ample cup size for her small ribcage.
The compact mass squished beneath my palms.
"......"
As I lifted, displaced flesh wrapped my palms.
'This is... a dwarf?'
Heavy and packed tight.
Like gripping a cow-stuffed rice cake?
Dense enough to bounce off my palms.
"Where are you groping?! Hurry up and lift!"
Elma yelped in surprise.
Her freckles quivered on her nose bridge.
Up close, those freckles? Pretty cute.
No.
Incredibly sexy.
"S-sorry."
I hastily lifted her.
Whoosh.
Her body floated into the air.
"Y-you're too high...!"
Elma hurriedly grabbed my shoulders.
Her legs dangled at my waist.
This position.
Odd.
Professor wriggling under my arms.
Her butt hovered near my solar plexus.
What to call it.
'Lap-sitting optimized body type'?
Or an onahole?
'Hey, Choi Si-hoon, you crazy? Against the professor!'
I shook off the irreverent thought and headed to the sofa.
Her dense breasts pressed against my forearm.
Springy flesh tickled my arm.
"Go slow! Dropping me is death!"
"Don't worry. I've got you tight."
"H-hey, who said squeeze that hard?! My chest's getting crushed!"
Elma pounded my head with her tiny fists.
Face flushed beet red.
Honestly,
'Cute.'
Adorable.
I set her down on the sofa.
"Haa..."
Elma sighed, leaning back against the cushions.
Her feet dangled off the floor.
Kicking idly in the air.
Seemed calm now.
Time to slip away quietly.
"Then, Professor, I'll take my leave. What I saw today goes to the grave..."
"Where do you think you're going?"
A chilling voice.
My steps halted.
Elma tilted her head sideways, glaring.
The melted, dopey look was gone.
Back to strict, prickly department head mode.
"We're not done talking. Sit."
She pointed to the seat opposite.
I sat obediently.
Elma tinkled a small bell on the table.
A golem waddled over from the corner, carrying a teapot.
Steaming black tea filled the cups.
Then a plate of cookies.
Rich butter and nutty sweetness.
A scent like her own.
Elma gripped the cup handle in her fist and sipped.
Her small frame made it look like a mug.
"You had weird thoughts, didn't you?"
"Pardon? Ahem, uh, no?"
This professor's intuition is sharp.
Elma sipped her tea before speaking.
"Choi Si-hoon."
"Yes."
"You made a huge mistake today. You know that, right?"
"Yes. I'm deeply reflecting."
She crunched a cookie before continuing.
"Do you know what 'pride' means to a dwarf?"
"Well... as important as life?"
I tossed out something I'd skimmed online.
"No. More important than life."
Her almond eyes gleamed.
"I, Elma Bronzebeer, must be perfect. Youngest tenured professor, authority in magic engineering. That's me. I can't have a single blemish."
"Of course. You're perfect, Professor."
"But you saw."
She bit her lip.
Her face heated up again, twitching.
"In the lecture hall, fine, accident. Unavoidable. But just now was different."
"......"
"Me... lining up the golems alone and..."
Elma's voice trailed off weakly.
Her tiny hands trembled.
"Chattering to the golems about height and modeling to fill my ego... that shameful, pathetic, cringe-worthy sight I couldn't even look at..."
"I didn't see. I have no eyes. No memory. No brain."
I babbled excuses.
"No! You saw! You definitely saw!"
Elma shrieked and hurled a cookie at me.
It bounced off my forehead.
"A stain on my career is one thing! But a puny undergrad seeing a professor's rock bottom? Should I let you live?"
Killing intent rose again.
Damn!
I buttered her up risking my life, and she drags it out!
This is why dwarves!
"M-mercy, please! I swear I won't tell a soul! T-torture me, whatever, I won't breathe a word!"
"Just a promise? Dwarves don't trust cheap shoe polish oaths."
Elma hopped off the sofa.
Stumbled.
Nearly twisted her ankle on landing.
Regained balance and approached me.
Placed her hand on my knee.
Her freckled face drew close.
"Listen well, Choi Si-hoon. There are only two ways to protect my pride."
She held up two fingers.
"One. Erase the witness—you—from this world."
"Fr-from school?"
"The world."
"And the other?"
"Alter my perception."
"Perception...?"
"Yes. Trick myself. If the one who saw my disgrace isn't an 'undergrad' but someone it's okay to show— a 'relationship'—then my pride stays intact."
What twisted logic.
Ultimate self-rationalization.
Distorting reality to dodge embarrassment.
But was there magic for that?
"How would you do that?"
"There's a way. Become a 'family-level intimate'."
"Like friends?"
"I don't do 'friends'."
Elma reached for my collar... but too short, grabbed my shirttail instead.
Yanked hard, but she just pulled herself toward me.
"Bend down."
"Yes..."
I lowered my face.
A wave of buttery sweetness hit me.
"Take responsibility."
"...Pardon?"
"You saw my pathetic side, my secrets. You shared my rock bottom."
She grinned slyly.
"So, Choi Si-hoon."
Her almond eyes rippled with unknown intent.
Then, she spoke.
"Become my 'husband'."