Awakening
Tiss?
Tiss's consciousness had long since sunk into a deep sleep, far beneath the ego, without so much as a twitch remaining.
Looking at her like this... she's just a little kid.
Just as Tiss could see Shan, Shan could see Tiss in turn. Lying there as if lost in a profound slumber, Tiss looked every bit a girl of her age.
A soft rustle.
At Shan's will, thread-fine filaments of fur began to flow naturally from Tiss's body. Drawn slowly by instinct, Shan brought strand to strand, weaving and twisting them together. The threads floating in the air wove themselves as if on a loom, becoming a swath of cloth that gently enfolded Tiss's form.
The cold could no longer be felt. If anything, it was as snug and cozy as the nest that had once been her home. The gossamer cloth Shan had spun carved out a domain that sealed Shan and Tiss alone away from the world. Even Emily's presence outside grew faint, until only stillness and warmth remained. Those two sensations alone filled everything within.
Haaaah.
Yes. This was it.
Shan let out a sigh of relief at the sanctuary she had only just reclaimed.
Thump-thump.
The only difference from that underground paradise was that the quiet, beating pulse was no longer just one.
Before she knew it, the fur Shan had spread had created a little world. The outside could no longer be seen. Within this space where the molting was taking place, only Shan and Tiss existed.
While she wrapped Tiss's body for the molt and continued to spin out fur, Shan drifted into thought.
What a fascinating human.
Shan kept thinking about Tiss. To Shan, Tiss was a truly curious human being.
Tiss, Shan's first host. She pretended to be cold and collected, but in truth she was quietly sentimental. She was still of an age when bursting into tears and going to an adult for help would have been nothing strange — and yet she clenched her teeth and tried to carry everything herself. She had even dragged Shan, who had been perfectly content to live as a loner, out into the world beyond. In a word, she was a human Shan could not easily define.
When Shan had first heard Tiss's story, she had fallen into a panic and thought it was all over.
I'm a coward, after all.
Without Tiss, even if she had known in advance that a Disguiser was coming, she would have dithered indecisively and met a wretched end. Even with Tiss telling her the solution right beside her, terror had blinded her eyes and ears, and she had gone hunting only for other shortcuts instead of the method of accepting a host.
It was that last line from Tiss, who had kept going without giving up even as she wavered and suffered and lost her bearings, that made Shan leap into her hands as if bewitched and nod that she would form a contract.
In Shan's own estimation, she was a loner, a coward, timid, and weak besides — the worst of parasites. She had believed that even if she found a host, she would not last long before dying. Tiss had changed that fate.
When a Disguiser really did come, they handled it for anyone to see — a small accident notwithstanding. They fought with their heads held high, exactly as the words in order to live demanded, saved both Shan and herself, and crossed over into a new sanctuary.
It was the first time. Tiss was the first to come to her so boldly and offer herself as a sacrifice. Tiss was the first to care for her like this, even though she was not even a devotee. And Tiss was the first to show her that faith was not an empty word. From the moment they met until now, everything had been a succession of new things.
What a strange human.
No one at the orphanage had ever looked at Shan properly. Sacrifices and devotees alike had thought of her only as something to fear and worship. At first, Shan had considered that fortunate. She had wanted them not to look at her properly.
In her own mind, she was a dropout who had fled from competition — a loser. She had wanted them to draw a line, keep a step away, and live however they liked: freely admiring, freely worshipping, freely misunderstanding, freely following. If they ever glimpsed her true self, which had not a shred of dignity, that small paradise would shatter.
So she hid her nature, and hid it again. She would simply make her own paradise underground and live there. She would never leave. In this little nest she would live happily forever — no, forever was impossible, so for as long as she could go on living. Settling for the happiness right in front of her, Shan turned her eyes from the world and imprisoned herself underground.
It was not hard. It was not painful.
I-it's more comfortable being alone...
The situation Shan had been placed in and the temperament she had been born with meshed far too well. Being alone was natural. Being alone was comfortable. Satisfied with everything she had been given, Shan gradually became a reclusive shut-in.
Then, just before sociability and confidence vanished from her completely, Tiss appeared.
Sometimes pushing, sometimes persuading, Tiss somehow got Shan — whose heart had collapsed — back on her feet. She said she was so glad to have someone she could rely on, meaning Shan herself, and that she wanted to live the same way. In the end, those words pulled Shan out of that little paradise.
Come to think of it... I never gave her permission to speak so casually, did I?
Even though she could have died for incurring Shan's wrath, Tiss had boldly used informal speech while talking her around.
Mmm.
A pleased little sound slipped from Tiss, as if she were having a good dream. A fragment of a smile Shan herself had not noticed formed at the corner of her mouth.
Shan pictured Tiss addressing her with formal speech.
Well, I'll count it as permitted. I'm generous with what's mine, after all.
That image felt like putting distance between them. Thinking of Tiss using formal speech with her now would, if anything, feel awkward.
A twitch.
Tiss's body began to change. The body she had worn until now was being discarded, and within, a perfectly reconstructed new form began to stir, little by little, preparing to open its eyes.
Tiss was special. Tiss was her first host, so she could not compare her with any other — but even so, the circumstances were more than enough to tell Shan that Tiss was special in a way others were not. Nothing that girl had shown so far was anything a child of that age ought to be capable of.
Ordinarily she was a shy, people-avoiding recluse with a stammer — but that did not mean Shan was a fool. Though her innate nature was tender and timid, she possessed a sharp intellect that could think for herself and judge a situation, a substitute for raw power. In a place this snug and still, unlike the clumsy figure she usually presented, Shan could fully employ the mind that had once let her reign as a god of the orphanage's religious order.
What is she chasing so urgently?
Tiss overcame the crises she was given, even if not perfectly. In her confident movements there was something like already knowing what would happen, where, and how, and Shan already understood that what lay beneath it all was not the reality before her eyes, but preparation looking toward a distant future.
I wish she'd just tell me... She is my host, after all.
Shan was curious about that side of Tiss, but she did not go out of her way to pry. She probably never would. Part of it was the fear that if she asked wrong, even their current relationship might collapse — but more than that, she wanted Tiss to tell her with her own mouth.
Without even realizing it, Shan herself was changing, little by little. Raised on the one-sided offerings and faith of her devotees, Shan had known neither the meaning of trust nor the word faith. That Shan, who throughout her past life had not known the meaning of exchange, was no longer moving solely by her own wishes and desires. She had begun to think of another person — to think from that person's point of view.
Tiss... what does she think of me?
Even if she thinks of me as someone who lives at a distance from society... it could not be helped. That was all Shan had ever shown her.
Without realizing it, Shan had come to rely on Tiss, little by little. That Shan the parasite had not seized control of the body from Tiss the host was partly due to her timid nature — but beneath it lay an unconscious faith that Tiss would surely lead them both down the right path.
Crack... split.
Cracks began to spread through the husk wrapping Tiss's body. The newly reconstructed flesh had finished preparing to shed the old skin and be born anew.
Thump-thump.
Leaving this snug space was a little regrettable, but Shan was all right. If she was with Tiss, it would work out somehow, wouldn't it? At that thought, Shan found herself feeling relieved without even noticing.
Tiss is... my... no. Come to think of it, what does she even think of me as?
Tiss's gaze was not the look of a human regarding a monster. Nor was it the look of one regarding a god to be worshipped. Someone a little pathetic, not entirely reliable — and yet someone she walked forward with all the same. A comrade? A companion? Or perhaps...
A small snort of laughter. The moment that word crossed her mind, Shan found herself smiling.
What... should I do to be of help?
And in that same moment, for the first time, she held something called altruism in her heart. The monster who had lived knowing nothing but her own satisfaction had, in this way, begun to take an interest in another.
It would not be easy. Going outside was still anxious and hard. Exposed among people she grew nauseous, and the fear that someone might detect her always remained in her chest. The twisted nature forged by long years, and the innate temperament that found solitude comfortable, were not things that could be changed overnight. Perhaps she would never fix them, and would suffer for it her whole life.
Even so, Shan wanted to change herself. To Shan, Tiss's very existence had created a new kind of pull.
They say that without trust, the bonds between people are nothing. And the reverse of that is also true: if trust sprouts in the heart, it becomes a magical link that makes even a bond of whatever origin into something special. Shan wanted to keep holding onto this small faith and trust, bound as they were by such a connection.
S-still... the way she acts like such a tomboy... is a little disappointing.
If there was one thing Shan found wanting in Tiss, it was that she paid far too little attention to her appearance. Shan herself, even living alone, had combed her hair every day and bathed regularly, tending to her body — and yet Tiss, a girl, treated her body as carelessly as a boy, as if she had no interest whatsoever in looking after her looks. That was a little sad. Shan wished her host would reveal and cultivate a little more of the beauty she already held in her hands.
That the last thought Shan held during the molting process would affect Tiss's body was a twist no one present could have predicted.
The moment Tiss emerged from the husk and looked in the mirror—
"W-what is thiiiiiis?!"
Tiss's lovely voice rang through the house.