I Don't Like This
I don't like this.
Do you know the saying about putting yourself in someone else's shoes?
A person can never truly understand someone else's heart until they've lived through it themselves.
...So this is how painful it is when someone avoids you and turns you away.
Right now, Ceryll was avoiding me.
I had no idea why. Out of nowhere she had apologized — and ever since, she bolted the moment she laid eyes on me.
"What did you say to Ceryll?"
I asked the slap girl, the one I suspected was behind all of this.
"Why should I tell you that..."
"Just tell me."
I glared at her. My face wasn't exactly the intimidating type, so it probably didn't do much. I knew that. Even so, I desperately wanted to know the reason.
"...I didn't really talk about much with Lady Ceryll. We just happened to mention that you'd been asking about the cause of your family's downfall."
The cause of my family's downfall.
"...I figured as much."
Given the timing, it made sense. But that didn't clear up my questions.
Ceryll already knew that Reina's family ruin was connected to her. And yet she'd still wanted to get close to me.
If that was the case... why was she avoiding me now?
Lying alone on her bed, Ceryll let out a sigh.
"Reina... she found out."
When they were children, Ceryll had met Reina once. It hadn't been for long, but it was something she would never forget for the rest of her life.
"Haha... I repaid kindness with betrayal..."
Thanks to Reina, Ceryll was alive today. But because Ceryll had survived, Reina's family had been punished for treason and fallen into ruin.
It seems like all memory of saving me has vanished... and she doesn't even seem to know why her family fell because of it...
Ceryll pressed the back of her hand against her forehead. Those unforgettable words rose to the surface once more.
The day she'd gone to see Reina because she missed her so terribly, Reina had been crying and shouting at her childhood friend.
Back then, it felt like my heart was being torn apart...
It hurt. That Reina hated her. That the person who had saved her could never forgive her. And more than anything — what hurt the most was that Reina, the one who had saved her, had become a completely different person.
...It's all because of me.
Ceryll knew. She was the one who had caused all of it. So after that, she never sought Reina out again. All she did was beg her adoptive father, over and over, to look after Reina's family.
I thought we'd never meet again...
But whether by chance or by fate, Reina enrolled in the Academy.
When she saw Reina's face after so long, it looked better than before. It even seemed a little like the Reina from the days when she'd saved her. Of course, compared to back then, she still radiated a certain negativity. But somehow, she still overlapped with the Reina Ceryll had once loved.
...I can't act like I know her.
Reina doesn't remember me. To Reina, I'm nothing but a source of pain. It might be better if she just forgets about me entirely.
And more than anything — if Reina ever remembered everything about her...
She'd definitely hate me.
She might even come to despise me. That was what terrified her most.
Keep an appropriate distance from Reina. For Reina's sake. And for my own heart, later on.
But that resolve crumbled almost immediately.
I don't want to.
To be right in front of her and not be able to stay by her side. To not even be able to reach out a hand. Even after all those years apart, she had never forgotten her feelings for Reina.
In the end, Ceryll spoke to her. There happened to be a noble trying to harass Reina, and Ceryll didn't hesitate to take her side. She even went so far as to threaten them, roaring at them not to mess with Reina. But since there might be people who wouldn't get the message from words alone, Ceryll decided the best thing was to stay by Reina's side herself.
...No, that was just an excuse.
She simply wanted to be near Reina. Reina didn't remember what had happened in the past. She also didn't know that her family's downfall was connected to Ceryll. So couldn't they start over from the beginning?
If that was greed, then so be it. If that was cowardice, then fine. She just wanted to be with her, even if only until Reina figured out the truth.
"...It's the same as lying to Reina."
Lies always get found out eventually. And that time had come. For some reason, Reina had started investigating the cause of her family's downfall. She would probably find out soon enough that it was connected to her.
The true feelings Reina had shown her childhood friend. Those words kept circling in her ears.
"...If she learns the whole truth, Reina will resent me and hate me."
She was terrified of Reina looking at her with disgust, like she was garbage.
"I'm the one who did wrong."
She truly felt sorry toward Reina. She believed it was only natural for Reina to hate her. And yet, knowing all that — she was afraid of being hated by Reina. So without even realizing it, she found herself avoiding her.
If Reina came to hate her, she didn't think she could go on living.
"...Then and now, I'm nothing but a coward."
Ceryll murmured, stretching her hand toward the ceiling.
Sitting on a bench inside the Academy grounds, I closed my eyes.
"...Maybe it's not just about the family. Maybe she's just sick of me."
I'd come to understand just how harsh it had been to keep putting up walls against Ceryll all this time. The fact that she'd endured it all in silence and still come closer to me — I almost respected her for it.
I can't do what Ceryll did.
After being rejected a few times, my heart just crumbled. No — it already had. So I stopped approaching Ceryll first.
"I... I'm the type who doesn't hold on to people who want to leave."
People who had come close to me, only to eventually grow tired and drift away. There hadn't been just one or two of them.
Of course, there had never been anyone I'd let into my heart the way I had with Ceryll...
Either way, I was the type to just let people go if they wanted to leave. If their feelings had changed and they'd decided to leave me, I figured the right thing was to respect that.
Besides, I'm not exactly the kind of person anyone would want to stay with forever.
Making excuse after excuse, I tried to convince myself that going our separate ways would be better. But no matter how many excuses I piled on, it didn't make me feel any better.
"Why? Why does this feel so awful?"
She was the one who approached me first. She was the one who tore down the walls around my heart. And now she was trying to run away from me.
I didn't like it.
I was used to solitude. But not anymore. Because of Ceryll, I had changed. I was no longer someone who could endure being alone.
I'm lonely.
Anyone would do — just stay by my side.
It was while I was thinking that when a voice suddenly rang out.
"Hand over the potions while I'm still being nice!"
...Bullying?
The place I was sitting was secluded, with barely anyone around. The perfect spot for shaking someone down, in other words. The old me wouldn't have gotten involved. But because of Ceryll, I'd become aware that I actually wanted to help people. I'd started thinking that maybe I could help someone. Even without Ceryll by my side, I was still under her influence.
"...Let's see what's going on."
In the end, I headed toward the source of the voice. Fortunately, I could press my back against a wall and get a look at the situation.
It was bullying, all right. And the ones doing the bullying—
Why are they so huge?
One girl who looked well over six and a half feet tall. The two girls next to her looked at least five-eleven themselves.
...Maybe it's because I'm short, but the intimidation factor is no joke.
If even I felt that way, how must the person surrounded by them be feeling? Because of the tall girls, I couldn't tell who was being bullied. Still, I decided to step in.
"Teacher, over here."
At my sudden voice, the tall girls seemed startled.
"Doesn't look like an alchemy student?"
"Fall back for now. If another subject's teacher catches us, it'll just be a hassle."
The girls scrambled away in a hurry.
The part about a teacher being here was a lie.
If there'd been one nearby, I would've brought them — but unfortunately, there was no one.
Good thing they fell for it.
If it hadn't worked, I'd been prepared to fight. It was three-on-one, but I figured I could manage.
There are plenty of trees and walls nearby to climb.
Thanks to my parkour talent, I could seize the high ground. For an archer like me, that was as good as a massive advantage. I'd already confirmed that the three of them only had self-defense daggers. If I shot from high up, I could take down at least one of them before the fight even started.
...Anin's training really does help.
I'd started thinking first about who the enemy was, what weapons they carried, and how best to fight them.
But who was the one being bullied?
With the tall girls gone, I could finally look at the student left behind. And when I confirmed who it was, I was a little surprised.
Jinny?
No matter how I looked at her, it was Jinny. The girl known as a weirdo — Jinny — had been getting bullied?
Was there anything like that in the original... I don't remember.
I knew the original novel inside and out, but I didn't know much about Jinny. In the novel, she was just a quirky character who only showed up briefly when potions or something similar were needed. In the end, even the original didn't go into much detail about her. Given that, there was no way I would have known she'd been getting bullied.