I'll Help You Date
I'll Help You Date
A sky filled with cherry blossom petals and strawberry patterns—a strange ceiling.
I clearly remember going into the bar run by Cheon Hae-won and that futanari unicorn, and drinking a Long Island Iced Tea or whatever it was...
'What did I do... after that?'
"Ugh..."
I pushed myself up and looked around.
Pinky-pink furniture, just like the one I saw next to my bed in the [Dormitory].
It's Aisha's room.
Looks like Cheon Hae-won brought me here after I blacked out from drinking.
'Just how much did I drink... But strangely, my body feels fine?'
I expected to be riddled with a hangover today, but unexpectedly, I feel beyond fine—I feel excessively refreshed.
Even if I drink just one can of low-alcohol beer, my stomach usually feels bloated the next day, but right now, I feel as energetic as if I'd slept for eight hours straight.
The bruises on my chest and butt from Cheon Hae-won don't hurt either. I took a peek, and for some reason, they were all healed.
Did Aisha heal me?
Anyway, I got out of bed to head to the living room, but... the floor is suspiciously soft.
"Hmm?"
I looked down to see what it was, and Aisha was curled up under the bed, laughing like she'd lost her soul.
"Whoa, you scared me... Hey, what are you doing down there? Didn't you sleep on the bed?"
"Hehe... with Doa, and Hae-won... sob, hic..."
Laughing, then crying... whatever is making her so sad and furious, she's ignoring me and just tapping the floor with her twin tails.
This Chapssaltteok, I don't know how long she's been crying, but her face is so swollen she's turned into a soggy rice cake soaked in water.
'Did I push her off while sleep-talking? But when I woke up, she was tucked in neatly...'
Whatever the case, I have to calm the crying girl down before we can talk, so I grabbed the mentally broken Aisha and sat her down on the floor.
"Alright, stop. If you cry in the morning, you'll grow horns on your butt, you know?"
"Hic, Doa, hey... Waaaaah!!"
As soon as Aisha saw me, she burst into tears like a waterfall.
She was crying so sorrowfully that I could hear her parents—especially her father—screaming in the distance, asking what was going on while they were preparing to open the shop.
Uh... did I do something wrong?
"Uh, first, calm down. Can you tell me why you're crying?"
"I, I didn't want to believe it either, but on Nutube, this... huweeeeng!!!"
I looked at the screen of the artifact I received from Aisha.
A trending video that had hit over 500,000 views in just a few hours.
The provocative title [Academy Student Who Bangs O-Year-Old O-Ding] bothered me, but I couldn't take my eyes off the video that was playing.
"It's me and Cheon Hae-won?"
It was me, alright.
It's a video that's problematic in many ways.
From me, acting like a piece of shit, flipping up my shirt and telling him to smell me after drinking just one sip, to Cheon Hae-won threatening a civilian who started filming after hearing my bombshell statement, telling them not to record.
In particular, malicious comments poured in for Cheon Hae-won, especially during the scene where he handed me the glass I was drinking from to make me down it in one shot, and the part where he poked my chest with his finger.
As I watched the video, the memories that had been cut off were slowly piecing themselves back together one by one.
[Hae-won, say chee~se! You look handsome when you smile!]
[If you have any pain or sadness, dump it all on me! I'll fill your empty heart with love!]
[My chest might grow someday too, so maybe we'll end up liking each other~]
"Uwaaaaack!! Argh! Argh! Aaaaaaaack!!"
Damage is being dealt to memories that shouldn't exist.
This is me?
I can excuse repeating what the orphanage director used to say, but the rest is just, just...
'I'm a natural-born female, aren't I...!'
It's a moment where I hate everything—the sweetly melted voice, and the mouth that called that jerk so familiarly.
The comments are also flooding in with negative public opinion in real-time, saying things like 'Report him immediately,' 'Why isn't he expelled,' and 'Is that even a hero?'
So that's why Chapssaltteok was going crazy, thinking I stole her man.
Me?
With Cheon Hae-won?
'Imagine something that makes sense!!'
I couldn't calm down because the image of me drunk kept popping up, but... I decided to clear up the misunderstanding first.
I brought some water in a basin from the shower room and wiped Aisha's face, soothing and coaxing her.
"Uh, it looks like the problem has gotten a bit big, but it's absolutely not what you're thinking."
"Then what about the two of you meeting in secret...? You said you were going for a walk, so why did you come back piggybacked by Hae-won..."
"We just happened to run into each other while he was smoking a Mana Herb. We had business to discuss, and Cheon Hae-won said it wasn't something to talk about on the street, so we just went to an acquaintance's shop."
"And then...?"
"I don't know either! But you saw it, right? There are no marks on my body!"
Aisha trembled her lips and just nodded.
Senzu Bean.
Thanks to eating the bean I got from Cheon Hae-won, the hangover and the handprints left on my body had vanished cleanly.
If she had been curious about what the two of us did, Aisha would have examined me while I was sleeping.
Given that she's the type of person who would slather me with nutritional supplements without asking while pretending to dry my hair, she would have had the initiative to do that if she were truly spiraling.
And the time.
The Nutube video runtime was about a few dozen minutes.
I asked Aisha, and she said I arrived home on his back about 10 minutes after the scene where Cheon Hae-won left.
The defense to prove my innocence was roughly complete.
"I went out for a night walk around 9 o'clock, right? If we had done anything else, wouldn't it have been later?"
"If you mean doing something else... that?"
"I told you we didn't!"
"In the video, you were talking about love and stuff, so I thought you were confessing..."
"That's just something my benefactor used to say often. The rest was just nonsense that came out because I was drunk."
"Hmm... so that was it. Sorry for misunderstanding..."
"It's fine now that you know..."
Aisha let out a sigh of relief, seemingly convinced.
To think I had to desperately explain myself because of something I didn't even do.
And all because she thought I was dating Cheon Hae-won, that piece of trash who tries to leave his mark on me every chance he gets?
'What's so great about a jerk who touches me violently and lewdly?'
I don't really know why my lower abdomen tingles every time I think about it, though...
Aisha used her healing ability to fix her swollen face.
"Thank goodness... I really thought Doa liked Hae-won..."
"I told you I didn't?! Why would I be crazy enough to like a thug like that... Ha, seriously, no."
"Really?"
"Really!"
Still, I have to say he was much kinder yesterday than the first time I saw him.
Unlike his words about not getting involved, he caught all the slimes that were running away to prevent secondary damage, and even when he got into a fight with a gang at night, he tried to resolve it with words at first.
It felt quite different from the personality and tendencies I set when I was customizing him.
But just because he seems a bit better, it doesn't mean I'd have a crush on a guy or harbor romantic feelings for him.
'Wait, come to think of it, Cheon Hae-won didn't really touch Aisha, did he?'
Unlike how he marks me and plays with me like a toy at every opportunity, Cheon Hae-won never once spat out insults or touched Aisha without hesitation.
He seemed to be holding back a lot when he found out Aisha came to the Academy, and he had even warned that futanari horse-head not to touch her beforehand.
I guess that's what childhood friends are.
'Kid... acting all cool saying there's no one left worth protecting, but Aisha is the exception, huh?'
I'd want to cherish a Chapssaltteok like this for the rest of my life too, though.
Maybe it's because I realized he treats her differently than he treats me, but a feeling I can't quite describe is tickling my chest.
I placed my hand on Aisha's cheek.
"You're the one who likes Cheon Hae-won, right?"
"Uh, uh?!... Yes."
At the same time her cheeks flushed red, she answered immediately without a moment's hesitation.
"I like him."
"That's enough. So, I have one thing I want to say? Do you want to hear it?"
I didn't even want to think about connecting them after being choked, but if Cheon Hae-won doesn't think badly of her either, that's a different story.
It's to my advantage if the two of them get together.
Protagonist rehabilitation.
Let's try again.
I declared confidently in front of the Chapssaltteok, who was flapping her twin tails.
"I'll help you date Cheon Hae-won."
"... Heh? Is that for real?"
"Honestly, even if I tell you to stop liking him, you don't have any intention of giving up, right? But it doesn't seem like Cheon Hae-won would listen to me or you. So, we have to make him listen."
"I'm grateful, but... why are you helping me?"
"Because the three of us—you, me, and him—are a team. It was fortunate it was just a slime yesterday, but if it had been another Magic Beast, it would have been a dangerous situation. Wouldn't it be easier to operate if we keep Cheon Hae-won on a leash? And what are friends for? We should help each other out in times like this."
I'd seen the video that even captured the sexual harassment, so if she still likes him, there must be a reason, or she's got a screw loose too.
I don't know what she sees in a guy like that...
Anyway. Even if I don't have real-world experience, I'm someone who has gathered data while saving the world through countless dating simulations with beautiful girls.
Playing the role of a matchmaker is nothing to me, someone who even possesses super-genius intelligence.
Aisha, whose energy surged now that the person she thought was her romantic rival had become her ally, burned with determination.
"Thank you, Doa! Let's definitely succeed!"
"Y-yeah... let's do our best."
Kkatok-!
The moment the Cheon Hae-won Pedo-Corruption Alliance was formed, Aisha's artifact rang.
I got a text from Arnes.
[Arnes- Aisha-yang, good morning. Could you tell Doa-yang to come to school quickly if you meet her? It would be even better if she wore her uniform.]
The school gate in the attached photo was full of people demanding that Cheon Hae-won be expelled.
Ah.
Nutube trending.
It had already climbed to 2nd place.
Looking at the related videos, it seems the matter has blown up quite a bit, with cyber wreckers reporting it as a video of the sexual harassment of a minor.
"My videos have never even been on the trending list..."
"Is that important right now?! Hurry up and get dressed!"
"But I don't have uniform pants, only a skirt, is that okay?"
"Ah, ugh... it can't be helped. Give it to me quickly."
"Ah, shit."
I can grit my teeth and endure the skirt, but don't expect me to wear this bitch's panties ever again.
Pedo-Corruption Alliance or whatever, I headed to the Academy to put out the fire first.
Kkatok-!
[All 1st-year students who receive this message are to gather in the auditorium on Friday night.]
[Communication is scheduled to establish discipline between seniors and juniors, and for future advancement as heroes.]
[Caution: Do not inform Academy teachers of this message.]
[Penalties will be imposed for violating precautions and for non-attendance.]
[Sender- Queen]
[This message will be deleted in 30 seconds.]
"I got another text?"
"Where do you have the time to look at that...! It's obviously Arnes nagging us to hurry up."
"Is that so... Ah, Doa, let's go together~~"