My Side or His Side (5)
"Do Ha-min, speak properly. Don't just mumble under your breath."
"You're good at studying, so why do you always tremble like this? If the speaker lacks confidence, do you think anyone will buy what you're saying?"
"Right or wrong—give me a clear answer. You should be able to judge that much for yourself. You're not a kid anymore."
Those were the words I'd inevitably hear from teachers whenever announcements caught me off guard during school. In elementary school, there were plenty of kids still awkward with presentations, so they'd let it slide somehow. But after starting middle school, those words haunted me for a while.
Words are the surest way to convey your thoughts to others. Maybe that's why Ha-min wasn't great at talking to people. Except with his mom or the few friends he clicked with, any conversation felt tense.
Am I saying the right thing right now?
Did I maybe offend them?
He'd rethink it two or three times, questioning if he was right, wondering if he was wrong or misunderstanding something. Doubts crept into his own thoughts and the words spilling from his mouth.
Since he rarely trusted his own judgments, the words—as the medium—lost their power, and anxiety seeped into his voice. His passive nature and low self-esteem didn't help, but thanks to that, he struggled through middle school trying to fix his stiff speech during talks with others.
Now, at least he didn't freeze up completely during presentations, just bowing his head in silence. But the habit of hesitating a beat before speaking lingered when chatting with others.
"…You. What did you just say?"
But one thing had improved. No matter how many times he second-guessed, when Ha-min was convinced he was right and the other person was wrong, his voice never shook, and he didn't hesitate.
"I told her to apologize for calling that girl a 'slut.'"
Just like now.
…
An Seong-gyeong had stood up from the folding chair she'd been sitting on, though she had no idea when it happened. She was too overwhelmed just processing what was unfolding before her.
"Haha… This is ridiculous. That's why you wanted to talk alone? Behind Ban Do-young's and the others' backs?"
"Yeah, exactly."
"Why…? Did Ban Do-young tell you to make me apologize?"
Right, it's all to impress Do-young. An Seong-gyeong naturally interpreted Ha-min's actions that way. Right now, I'm just a fun toy to her, but if I convince the class president to apologize here, my stock with her goes up, right? Even if dating's a stretch, maybe she'll add me to her boyfriend shortlist.
In her eyes, Ha-min's behavior only made sense in that extreme light.
"Why not just say it boldly in front of everyone, like 'What gives you the right to talk to Ban Do-young like that?' Like Choi Sa-hyung or Yoo Hye-rang? That's the best way to score points with her. Or we could call her here right now."
"No need. It's not about scoring points."
"Then what…? What the hell is this about?"
"Because you were wrong."
"…Ha. Haha. Do Ha-min, you're hilarious. You stutter like a total loser in front of Ban Do-young and Lee Jeong-gyu… but you're all confident with me?"
"Then why do you freeze up and stutter around her? Just like me."
"I'm saying that stuff because I pity you, that's why!"
Choi Sa-hyung and Yoo Hye-rang—lifelong besties with Ban Do-young from the same elementary and middle schools. But An Seong-gyeong had gone to the same schools too. They'd been classmates a few times: 2nd grade elementary, 5th grade, 1st year middle school. Not total strangers.
'Hey, class prez. Heard the 3rd-year soccer captain confessed to Ban Do-young!'
'Oh… yeah.'
'You said he was super hot too. Guess the perfect couple's happening. You were in the same class as her at Bulsago Elementary, right?'
'Uh, y-yeah….'
'What was she like back then? As pretty as now?'
'Nah, we weren't that close.'
'But she borrowed your gym clothes last time, right? Doesn't that mean you're friends?'
'She just took mine 'cause the others were too small for her chest.'
'What? Are you bragging about your boobs now?'
'Anyway, we're not close.'
'Weird. I'd think you'd be tight if you were in her class…'
'….'
Not strangers, but not quite friends either—over ten years of that vague connection. Thin, flickering threads that never fully snapped.
'Class prez! Class prez! Ban Do-young dumped the soccer captain after three days!'
'Three days…? Why?'
'Dumping a hot senior like that. Oh yeah, he likes pure, modest girls.'
'Th-that must suck for her! If he wants modest, no way for someone like Ban Do-young. How many guys has she been with anyway?'
'Whoa… yeah, true. Class prez knows her stuff— you've known her forever, right? Knew she was boy-crazy!'
'Y-yeah. The guys she's dated…'
If they'd been total strangers, no weird misunderstandings. But in that environment, glimpses of Do-young's face and rumors were unavoidable. An Seong-gyeong filtered and twisted them selectively, unsure what was true or even what she was saying.
"How pathetic must you be for me to say this? You don't know what kind of slut Ban Do-young is!"
Poor Do Ha-min. With that face, obviously no girls ever—now getting this attention's driven him nuts.
"Snap out of it, please. This school's full of idiots who'd sell their souls if Ban Do-young smiled at them, you moron!"
You're not wrong. It's that slut Ban Do-young, toying with a lonely loser harboring delusions.
"Even that hot soccer captain got dumped after three days 'cause she got bored. I heard it all… How long do you think you'll last? Last week was already generous—by lunch today, she'll lose interest!"
I have to tell you. How pointless this is. Every little thing you do 'for' Ban Do-young? She doesn't give a damn. I have to show you.
"You think she'll thank you for this? Like, 'Rest my legs on you now, maybe next you'll get a feel of these?' Huh?"
"That's up to her. I never asked."
"She's just messing with you to isolate you from the guys."
"Why are you painting her so black? Everything you said earlier—you didn't see any of it yourself."
"…Do you need to see it to believe? Like writing wrong answers in a notebook so you don't mess up next test? It's obvious. She's toying with you. You couldn't even deny it."
"…So you ignored her leaving gym clothes on your desk and just walked out?"
At Ha-min's words, An Seong-gyeong's sharp glare wavered.
'….'
Right before heading to the field in her uniform, she remembered: on her desk sat neatly folded 1st-year blue gym clothes someone had borrowed and left.
[We borrowed the class prez's too!]
[Wear this if you couldn't get one (◕◕)b!]
Cute handwriting on the note atop the gym clothes, with adorable doodles. Do-young's script—bad at studying, killer at penmanship.
"She has to be a chaotic slut who ruins school life and chases guys who look down on her. That's your 'right answer.'"
"…."
"Being kind to someone like me—who shows interest but calls her a slut—has to be 'wrong' for you."
"…."
"Stuff I marked as wrong in my error notebook? Hard to repeat. But force a circle on a wrong answer, and you'll flub it again. That's you right now."
"S-so… facts are uncertain, right? Can you prove Ban Do-young's a slut or not?"
"…."
"Then is Bulsago Middle's 'goddess'—who dated multiple guys—a virgin?"
"She's a virgin."
-Thud!
The gym storage door An Seong-gyeong thought was locked rattled open.
"B-Ban Do-young…?"
"Okay, proof time. Do Ha-min, wait outside."
"Wh-what…?"
-Thud!
Do-young shoved the trapped Ha-min outside, leaving her alone with An Seong-gyeong in the storage room.