It Was Hard Keeping a Straight Face
Count Purcus Rosenberg was a major noble of the Eastern Region who also appeared in the original story. He had planned to strike it rich during the upcoming Eastern incident, only to nearly ruin the entire East in the process. For the East! For the Empire! And for my own wallet! I had to fleece this man for everything he was worth.
“Ohohohoho! You seem even more handsome than the rumors suggested, Sir Kyle.”
“You flatter me, Count Purcus. I feel too ashamed to even present my business card before a towering figure of the East such as yourself.”
“Towering figure? You flatter me, Sir Kyle. Ohohoho!”
He looked far closer to a water tank than any towering tree, but business had always been about selling lies. Apparently pleased with my answer, Count Purcus quivered his oily cheeks and laughed heartily. The mood between us stayed warm and friendly until it was time for the banquet.
“Our honored guest has arrived, so bring out the food at once.”
“Yes, Master.”
At the butler’s signal the doors opened. Servants filed in carrying enormous silver platters. The undisputed centerpiece was a whole roasted suckling pig. Its golden, crackling skin glistened with sweet fruit sauce, and a bright red apple—symbol of Eastern abundance—was wedged in its mouth.
The surrounding dishes were equally extravagant. Tender front-leg meat braised slowly in dark beer and herbs left bones jutting out invitingly. Paper-thin slices of pork belly, flash-seared over a magical brazier until they glistened with rendered fat, looked rich enough to clog arteries at a glance.
Even the thick blood sausage garnish, stuffed with spices, joined the parade. The table had become a bizarrely opulent festival of pork in every conceivable form.
Was it just my imagination, or were there simply too many pig dishes? In any case, once every platter had been set down, the room filled with the thick aroma of sizzling fat and roasted meat.
“This is the finest wild boar from the Eastern forests and organic pork raised solely on acorns. Please enjoy as much as you like, Sir Kyle.”
“It looks delicious with all that fat dripping off it. Thank you for the meal, Count Purcus.”
The Count attacked the suckling pig’s crispy skin with terrifying speed. A loud crunch released a burst of hot juices. He shoved a glistening piece into his mouth, chewing noisily while grease ran down his lips and chin.
I used my fork to pull apart some of the beer-braised leg meat and slipped it between my lips. The flavor was superb, yet my mind was already busy with other calculations.
In the original story, this old man’s greed was every bit as monstrous as his appetite.
Count Purcus was one of the wealthiest landowners in the empire’s breadbasket, the Eastern Region. Still unsatisfied, his overreaching had earned him a personal beating from the emperor himself. This lavish table and delicious pork had surely been bought with the blood and sweat of Eastern tenant farmers.
Still, wasting food would have been poor etiquette for a noble, so I ate with genuine relish. The Eastern pork really was excellent. I made a mental note to share some sausage and beer with Elina later.
After the meal, Count Purcus and I relocated. He guided me to his personal study.
“This is my study. Ohohoho.”
“It’s impressive. It looks even larger than my father’s.”
“I’ve always loved books. I’m actually considering expanding it again.”
The Count’s study appeared twice the size of my father’s. Strangely, although there were many volumes, every cover looked brand new. Either they were meticulously maintained or simply never read. My money was on the latter.
We sat down and continued our conversation over the Lorend Guild’s signature milk tea I had brought as a gift.
“Your reputation has reached even the East, Sir Kyle. They say you are the Lorend Guild’s reliable heir.”
“You flatter me, Count.”
“Not at all. Acquiring the Jev Guild, which held a century-long monopoly on Bluestone… Your business acumen was truly remarkable.”
“Hahaha, when you praise me so highly, Count, I hardly know where to look.”
Even while sipping his milk tea, the Count kept shooting me sharp, appraising glances. He looked exactly like a wild boar preparing to charge. Once he had drained his cup, he set it down with a decisive clack.
“So what brings a man like you all the way to the Eastern Region, Sir Kyle?”
Time to begin.
I delivered the main reason for my visit.
“The truth is… I’ve come to purchase flowers.”
“Flowers?”
The Count failed to hide his astonishment. He had clearly expected talk of some colossal venture, only to hear about mere flowers. Disappointment flooded his face.
“Yes. My mother loves flowers dearly. I thought I would practice filial piety and start a flower business at the same time.”
“Flowers… yes, they are lovely. Our own family holds several flower fields, so I understand how your mother feels.”
As expected of a noble—he lies as easily as he breathes. In the original story the man had loathed flower fields with a passion. Still, I was currently in the weaker position, so I played along.
I smiled. “That is why I would like to purchase your flower field, Count Purcus.”
“My flower field, you say?”
“Yes. I saw it on the way here. The flowers were breathtaking.”
I had stopped by the Count’s flower field on my way to the East to confirm its condition in person. A riot of colorful blooms had greeted me.
“Ohohohoho, the flowers in my field are indeed beautiful. However… that also means the price is rather high.”
So this is how he opens the negotiation.
“What price did you have in mind, Count?”
“Let me see… approximately eight billion zenons.”
Was this man insane? Five times the market value was beyond excessive. The Count had opened negotiations at five times the current rate.
“That is certainly a substantial sum.”
“Ohohohoho, it is a precious flower field of my family, after all.”
Precious, my foot. Knowing from the original story how desperately he had wanted to unload the field, his words sounded hilarious. Still, the important thing was that he was willing to sell.
I inclined my head and began to bargain. “Perhaps we could adjust the price slightly?”
“Adjust it? What figure do you consider fair, Sir Kyle?”
“Four billion zenons.”
Even four billion zenons was roughly double the market rate according to my research. The Count’s face twisted like a pig at the slaughterhouse.
“That price feels like an insult to my flower field.”
So that’s how he wants to play it. I deployed knowledge from the original story.
“During my investigation I learned one interesting detail… special measures have been taken with that land.”
“H-how could you possibly—?”
“The Lorend Guild supplies milk across the entire empire. There is nothing we do not know.”
Let me repeat: never underestimate the intelligence network of the milk ladies!
…In truth it was knowledge from the original story, so it had nothing to do with any milk aunties, but the Lorend Guild’s information network really was formidable. My words caused the Count’s expression to soften. He seemed to realize that further stubbornness might kill the deal entirely.
“Hmm… so you already knew. In that case, let us compromise. Six billion zenons?”
“Four and a half billion.”
“Five and a half billion.”
“Five point two billion.”
“Five billion. I cannot go lower than that, Sir Kyle.”
The Count now looked exactly like a wild boar preparing to charge. I sighed. This was probably as far as I could push him. Although I had haggled hard, buying at two-and-a-half times market value still made me adopt a suitably gloomy expression.
“Sigh… Very well. I will purchase it for five billion zenons.”
Count Purcus’s face lit up like the sun. Convinced he had won, he seized my hand, unable to conceal his delight.
“Uhohohoho! A very wise decision, Sir Kyle! I am overjoyed that my flower field has found such an excellent owner. Uhohohohoho!”
“…Yes. I will manage it with great care, Count.”
We drew up the land-sale contract at once. While I preferred to take my time, the Count was in a surprising hurry to finish and send me on my way. I arranged to deliver the deposit the following week, completed the paperwork, had it notarized, and finally left the mansion.
Once inside the departing carriage I spoke to the driver. “Bucky.”
“Yes, young master.”
“Before we return to our lodgings, stop at the place I mentioned.”
“Understood.”
Bucky turned toward the destination I had given him—Count Purcus’s flower field, now legally mine.
When we arrived, Elina and I stepped down from the carriage and surveyed the land. Roses, marigolds, lilacs, peonies, forget-me-nots, and especially tulips of every conceivable color bloomed in brilliant splendor.
“It really is a beautiful flower field.”
“It is…”
I glanced around. No one but Elina and Bucky was in sight. Good enough.
“Kiyaaahoooooo!!!!”
I finally unleashed the victory dance I had been suppressing the entire time! Maintaining a perfect poker face had been exhausting. I had worked so hard to look reluctant because I feared the Count would refuse to sell if I appeared too happy.
Bought at two-and-a-half times market value? I had become the owner of this entire field and its flowers for a mere 2.5 times the going rate!
As I performed the Heavenly Demon’s Moonlight Step dance among the blooms, Elina stared at me in open bewilderment.
“…Young master, did you drink in secret?”
“I did! I drank something called ‘jackpot’!”
“You mean this flower field?”
Her expression clearly asked whether the market price for flowers was really anything special. I could already picture the shocked look she would wear in the near future. I took her hand.
“Never mind that—dance with me. Don’t tell me you can’t dance, Elina?”
“…Young master, I am a perfect maid. Dancing is basic knowledge.”
Provoked, Elina stepped close and took position. She wrapped her arms firmly around my waist.
“Come, then. I will lead.”
Elina and I danced a joyful waltz among the flowers. Petals swirled around us in a dreamlike scene. If gold coins were raining from the sky, would it feel like this?
The flower field that Count Purcus had considered a nuisance would soon become a goose that laid golden eggs.
Tulips rain down.
Sharalalalalala~ ♫