The Awkward Family Meeting Gallery, Part 1
Beyond the wide-open front gate, someone stumbled inside, silhouetted against the moonlight. A massive greatsword, wrapped tightly in bandages, was slung across his back. He wore clothes that were little more than rags, and held a bottle of liquor in one hand. I didn't even need to look closer to know who it was.
"...Father?"
"Is that you, Derek? It's been a while. *Hic!*"
"...He's your father?"
Reina, who had been ready to attack at any second, instantly withdrew her mana as if she had never raised it. She scurried over to support my father just as he was about to fall over.
"Father, are you alright?"
"Hmm? Who is this young lady... No, wait, who are all these young ladies?"
"It's a bit of a long story..."
"Even better!" He staggered over, dragged a chair toward himself, and sat down.
"Um..."
"Isn't it a good thing to see your father after so long?" Serena whispered, but I slowly shook my head.
"You only say that because you don't know him."
"Why?"
"When my father gets drunk..."
"Derek! A real man, by definition, is—!"
"...He starts lecturing as his drunken habit." He drank way more than usual. It looked like we were in deep trouble today.
* Drunken habits. The behaviors exhibited by a person under the influence of alcohol.
Some people, once the alcohol kicks in, recall depressing memories and start sobbing. Others strip off their clothes, complaining about the heat. Some escape the drinking party, insisting they absolutely must go home, while others refuse to leave under any circumstances.
And my father? He was on a whole different level. Once he got drunk, the lectures began. Infinitely, repeating the exact same words over and over, until he finally passed out from exhaustion.
"H-how long does he usually go on for?"
"I've never timed it, but at his worst, he goes until dawn the next day—"
"Derek! Are you listening?"
"Ah, yes."
"Indeed. Although I left you here because of your mother's wishes, if you truly want to grow into a proper man..."
"Uh, Father?"
"Hmm? What is it?"
"We haven't had dinner yet. Do you mind if we eat while we listen?"
"...Very well."
Phew.
"What do you guys want to eat?"
"Popcorn!"
"Toast!"
"The Quattro Cheese Double Bulgogi Deluxe Burger!"
"...Why do you guys only ever want to eat things you've already had?"
"Because they're delicious!"
It was only natural to pursue proven flavors, but still. "I'm starting to get sick of them."
"Then please recommend something, Derek!"
"Yeah!"
"I'm fine with anything."
For a split second, I flinched when she used my real name. But then I realized Reina had been sensible enough to call me by my name instead of "Head Mod," and I let out a silent sigh of relief. Yeah, it probably wasn't a good idea to let my father know I was the Head Mod.
"Hmm, what would be good..."
Something good for a group, plentiful, and ideally a soup dish to help sober up my drunk father. Wait. Speaking of "father," wasn't there a classic food associated with that?
"That song about a mother saying she hates Jajangmyeon comes to mind."
Since we had the gluttonous Liv with us, I ordered everything on the first page of the menu so we could try a bit of everything. I had plenty of points, after all.
Whoosh! In an instant, the table was overflowing with food.
"What is all this?"
"The black one is Jajangmyeon, the red one is Jjamppong, this is fried rice, and that over there is Tangsuyuk. And this is the sauce."
"Ja... jangmyeon? I feel like I've heard that..."
"Stop! It's just a noodle dish with black sauce!" I yelled, desperately trying to prevent Liv from regressing into her child-like state.
"You said this is the sauce, right?"
"Yeah. So, over there—"
"Hup!" Serena poured the Tangsuyuk sauce directly over the meat.
"What..."
So Serena was a "pourer." Did the Goddess whisper to her through the starlight, telling her to pour the sauce?
"Oh... was I not supposed to do that?"
"No, I'm a pourer too, so it's fine." I had planned to respect everyone's preferences by pouring sauce over half and leaving the other half dry for dipping, but oh well.
"Honestly, we can just eat it like this." The sauce was already poured, so there was no point crying over spilled milk. Besides, they say truly delicious Tangsuyuk is served either pre-poured or stir-fried anyway.
"I guess you guys can't use chopsticks." I handed out forks, scooped some tray Jajangmyeon onto my plate, and served my father a bowl of Jjamppong soup.
"What is this?"
"It's similar to a seafood stew. Give it a try."
"Did you make this?"
"No, I bought it."
"Huh. Fascinating." My father took a few big gulps.
"Ahhh~" He let out a satisfied sigh, sounding exactly like a middle-aged regular at a local tavern.
"This is excellent."
"The noodles are good too, so help yourself."
Fortunately, it seemed to suit his palate perfectly. Thanks to that, I was spared from any lectures during the meal. I reached my chopsticks toward the Ganjajang next, but—
Slap!
"?"
"Liv just finished that."
"Already?"
"Ish dere more?" I ordered the extra-large portion, though?
"...Let me know if it's not enough. I can always order more."
"Ah! The Tangsuyuk is all gone too."
"Are you kidding me?" How does food vanish the moment I turn my head?
"Eat slowly."
"Uuuu." I pinched Liv's cheeks to put a temporary brake on her vacuum-like eating and ordered more from the Point Shop. And then...
"Ah, this is truly delicious."
"Would you like some more?"
"No, that is enough. More importantly, to continue what I was saying earlier..."
"Ah..." I felt like I was going to lose my mind.
He had been on his way home for the first time in a long while. After hearing from his wife that their son had changed a lot and that the house looked different, he had been curious. Still, I should see his face once in a while. He hadn't been home in months, so it was about time he showed his face.
Ever since he had lost his temper out of frustration at seeing his son cowering and being bullied by his peers, just as he once had... Sigh... He had felt a pang of guilt every time he went to see his son.
That was why he had sipped strong liquor on his way back today. Because he was thoroughly drunk, and contrary to his resolution to finally confess his sincere apology today, he had ended up spouting the same old cliché lectures instead.
"A strong man, by definition, is capable of living comfortably anytime, anywhere. He must carry at least one rare artifact or legendary treasure sword, and be surrounded by beautiful women who love and respect him..."
However, after polishing off a bowl of Jjamppong, the effects of the White Viper Liquor—one of the three legendary spirits of the Demon Realm—began to fade. Having regained half his sobriety, the Head Mod's father looked around and trailed off.
"Why is the house..."
The crudely built cabin of mud walls and thick logs was nowhere to be seen. Instead, he was sitting in a clean, perfectly square, and even pleasantly cool unfamiliar space. The comfortable living environment and the feast on the table had already fulfilled his first requirement.
And...
"Say ahhh~"
"I told you, I can eat by myself."
"Really? Father~ Actually, Derek is the He—"
"Ah! Ah!!"
"Ah! Then I want to feed him too!"
"Me too!"
He was surrounded by beautiful women, receiving their love and respect.
Whoosh! Ultra-high purity magic stones that looked rare enough to be called legendary artifacts...
Clank! Clack! And the Black Iron Sword, one of the 5 Great Treasure Swords of the Demon Realm, was hovering and obeying his son like its master. The sight left him utterly speechless.
"My son."
"Yes?"
"No, I misspoke."
Saying so, the Head Mod's father grabbed the massive greatsword slung across his back and unraveled the bandages wrapped around it.
"Who the hell are you?"
"...Excuse me?"
"My son was never this impressive. Are you a Mimic? Or a zombie controlled by a necromancer after having your memories wiped?"
"What???"
A massive eye embedded right in the center of the crimson blade rolled around restlessly. Blackie, catching sight of it, tensed up completely and flew over to my side.
Clank! Clack! Clank!
"What's wrong with you now?"
"Why is the Black Iron Sword in your hands?"
"Is this thing really that valuable?"
"Of course it is! It's one of the 5 Great Treasure Swords of the Demon Realm! It wouldn't even budge unless it recognized someone worthy of being its master..."
"...You were that expensive?"
Clank! Clack!
"It says, 'Are you finally recognizing my true worth?'"
"Well, you never told me..." But wait, wasn't this guy included in the auction package? What kind of lunatic bids one of the 5 Great Treasure Swords of the Demon Realm in a chicken auction? Anyway, I'll deal with that crazy bastard later.
"I really am Derek, Father."
"Even that confident attitude doesn't suit my son. Did you suddenly achieve some grand enlightenment? Or did you awaken some immense power?"
"Well, something like that." I had recalled my past life's memories and become the Head Mod of the gallery, allowing me to manipulate all sorts of things.
"Father! I can guarantee it! Derek is definitely Derek! He's not being controlled by anyone, and he's not a Mimic in disguise!"
"Listen to me, young lady. My son was a loser who couldn't even talk to a girl. At least, he was when I saw him six months ago. How could a guy who spent his entire life shut inside his room change this much in just six months—"
"I was the one who hit on him, though?"
"...What?"
"Pardon my late introduction. I am the succubus, Reina Alieze."
"Alieze...? That's the same family name as Celine."
"...You know my mother?"
"Then, is this young lady the Queen's...?"
Only then did my father realize he had jumped the gun. He withdrew the mana he had been channeling into his sword and wrapped it back up in the bandages. Seeing this, Blackie calmed down and descended into my hand.
Clank!
"I told you, I don't know what you're saying when you just clank like that."
"It was a sigh of relief."
"For one of the 5 Great Swords, why is it so terrified of Father's sword—"
"Because this one is also one of the 5 Great Swords."
"...What?"
"The Blood Sword. The more blood you feed it, the stronger and larger it grows. I obtained it after dealing with a crazed ancient Vampire Lord."
My father, who had never uttered a single word about what he did outside or what his past was like, suddenly opened up.
"So it's no wonder that fellow is terrified. Black Iron is practically a novice that has never served a proper master." He readily revealed the secret of his sword.
"I showed you ladies an unsightly display. My apologies."
"No, it's fine."
"It's alright. It was a perfectly understandable misunderstanding."
"Haha, I see. I feel a mysterious energy from this young lady. And this one... I feel like I've seen her on a flyer?"
"She was the Saintess of the Goddess Church until recently. And this one was the Hero."
"Hahaha! A Hero and a Saintess? A Hero... a Saintess...? My son, a harem consisting of the Succubus Queen's daughter, a human Hero, and a Saintess? What on earth have you been doing? Your father isn't an incubus, you know?"
"Ahaha... well..."
But right then—
"Derek!"
"Yeah?"
"Get back—!" Reina suddenly pulled Liv and Serena behind her.
Thud! A massive shockwave rippled through the yard, and a dense, dark purple mana swept into the house.
It was mana overflowing with yin energy. It was the exact same succubus mana that Reina used.
"Father."
"Yeah?"
"Did you destroy the concealment barrier again today?"
"What of it? It disrupts the flow of mana and makes me feel terrible whenever I come home, so I got rid of it. Such things are only necessary for the utterly weak."
...But I am the utterly weak one here.
"I'm sorry, Derek! I'll handle this—"
"Reina!!! Are you in here?!"
The front door burst open. A voluptuous, mature succubus with long black hair and three blonde succubuses rushed inside.
"What on earth are you doing here? Have you lost your mind? If you were going to go out, you should have at least told your sisters!"
"Ah, M-Mom! Why are you doing this!"
"A girl who usually does nothing but browse the gallery in her room all day... what wind blew you all the way to this remote place so far from Luceren—"
"Mother, I searched her fixed nickname. She has a guy she likes, so she's been following him around and obsessing over him."
"Oh my, really? What got into this shy little thing? Is this the guy she likes? He looks so scrawny, I doubt he can even perform as a man—"
"*Ahem!!!*"
The succubus mother and daughters, who had burst in like a storm, finally snapped out of it at the sound of my father's cough. Cold sweat breaking out, they slowly turned their heads.
"F-Frontal? Sita Frontal? Is that really you?"
"It's been a while, Celine."
"Ah, ahahaha! This was your house? My, your son is so handsome and proper-looking! Hahaha, well, we found our daughter, so we'll be on our way—"
Thud! My father threw his greatsword toward the entrance, blocking their path, and stood up.
"Sit."
"...What?"
"I said sit. How many times do I have to repeat myself, Celine?"
"Ah, ah, ahahaha... Look, Frontal. We don't have time to be doing this—"
"!!!" Just by uttering those three letters, the Succubus Queen and her daughters froze in place as if turned to stone. Then, my father slowly turned around and passed the baton to me.
"Your father has set the stage for you."
"...What?"
"What are you doing? Your bride is going to run away at this rate."
"No, wait..." Where on earth did this go wrong? However, dragging this out wouldn't get us anywhere, so I brought Reina over.
"Celine, let's leave the kids' romance to them. Why don't we take a trip down memory lane and go over some old stories?"
"M-my, aren't you a mischievous one? That's not really something to boast about in front of my daughters—"
"Is that so? Then how about we start with the time you got beaten like a rabid dog that bit its master, establishing the pecking order?"
"H-hey!"
"M-Mother?"
"Such extreme roleplay?!"
Meanwhile, Serena, who had taken refuge far away with Liv...
"What are you doing, big sister?"
"This? It's called the gallery."
"Ah, the place the Head Mod manages?"
"Exactly. Do you want to try it too, Liv?"
"Yep." While teaching Liv how to create an account on the Demon Realm Gallery...
The wrath of the plague that had plagued the Demon Realm was forgotten. The flame wars between the Sausage Bread Faction and the Hamburger Faction were buried. In an era where no one cared about such stale topics and browsing the gallery had become a vulgar joke, a malicious Saintess was broadcasting the Head Mod's unintended family meeting live on the forum.